Luna Una

By Joolz

If I can put in words how I didn’t think I didn’t feel but you cleared my void and took me somewhere I didn’t know I could and I felt beautiful and I felt but never will again, and I forgot myself and my mind stopped anxiety didn’t exist, thoughts evaporated into mist, into your oblivion, into your circle of safety and I forgot who I was or who I had to be and I allowed you in. And that was not sex, it was just being with you, a lady who made me feel like a woman. Words fail me.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Feb 23, 2021
• ISBN: 9781728399225

Joolz

Our life experiences don't define us, but build the foundation for who we need to be happy. I was lucky to have found the most incredible life philosophy of Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism (www.sgi-uk) and only at 47 feel like my life has possibility. We chant nam myoho renge kyo to fight against our human fundamental darkness of greed, anger and foolishness. I would like to be well run a Buddhist community centre and a animal rescue centre. Health wealth and happiness.

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© 2021 Joolz. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored

in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means

without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  02/23/2021

ISBN: 978-1-7283-9921-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-9922-5 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web

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since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do

not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the

publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

PART I

Luna Una

She made you she can’t be that bad

Warning

Self

Alligator Humphrey

Through

Action Plan

My U Tube Comedy Page: Jz Lz Comedy

Grumpty

So I

You’re a fool

Professor of Creative Writing

White Feather

Anger

Performing Arts

Gratitude

I want you fired

Pigs

I am a pig

Self help isn’t helping

Results

Umm… I’m okay

Personal care. 10 past one

Being Single

Receptionist to planet earth

All that is is not always

Okay, characters

Storyline…

Desparate

Comedy!?

Dear Me

Menu A

Menu B

Once upon a time

Story

My Business Plan XYZ

BUSINESS PLAN

T SHIRT TYCOON

FARM SANCTUARY BUSINESS

A to Z of Comedy

Accident and emergency comedy

UPDATE#

Symptoms

SOLUTIONS

I HAVE RUN OUT OF PILLS

Story

I’m Home

Christmas Comedy

SUPPORT GROUP

WHAT YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

THE THERAPIST

QUEEN’S SPEECH

HELLO AND A WARM WELCOME TO THURSDAY

Grim Reaper

Your attitude to the problem is the winning factor

Story time misery

What?

23 August

Eagle Eyes

Ocean Moon clouds do as you’re told

Mafalda

Oxford

Lady Antoinelle

Destiny legacy

Taplow Court Rainbow Gay Lesbian Bi Trans weekend paid £90: I didn’t go

Divine

Aluminium Alzehiemerz

She wont mind

What’s missing?

Taplow Court, Maidenhead

County my blessings

Me

True North

Butter no my rage in two

Evolution

Yes

Mating Tortoise

3 things every day

What means something to you?

I like to hear laughter

Erotica

Jaimey

Anger

Ultimate aims (here we go again)

Now is the turning point for the future: outrun my ruin

Marginalized Carrots

Like Me

It’s nice to see you smile for joy

My book 2 TREE

Haunted

For you

Come back Julie

Fun

My best self

Thank God

Clear Blue Sky

Do not write another do list

Do you think a tribe would adopt me?

Animal safe zone

Tree

Comedy care home

What’s wrong with me?

Story Time

Gravestone last words, or not!

Car Registrations

Dating logos (email addresses to get lucky, licky not!)

What do you like?

Remember

Nothing lasts

5p £500

Meat and 2 veg

Bad Luck

Movie ~Title: Itch

Surrender

Gratitude

My carer

The birds are declining

What’s her problem? The real problem?!

What’s your dearest dream?

I don’t think I’m coping with being me

Replaces

Eu-[hism

Roses

Comedy Sketches

Count your blessings

Ween

COMEDY TUESDAY 39 OCTOBER 2019 white horse

Talk Too Much About Your Ex

Don’t Play Games

Don’t Be Rude

My honest relationship advice: please do not take any notice!

The Benectictine Monk

Slaughter

Comedy

Malignant Tumours

Oh my God I’m a Demon

Beginning to feel

Frustrated

For Me

Bury my wounded shoulder

Fantasy

COMEDY TO CALL OR NOT TO CALL THAT IS THE QUESTION@!!!

Tiy cab bve gaoot

No

Vampire seasoning one

Rhyming Vampire Season 2

Dead Oak Tree Mystery

Vampire Season 3 rations

Vampire V

Vd

My9

Good Night Chinnor Reads

Story a

Where Am I?

Zitcom

Tightrope Charlie

Songs

PART II

Story Book for Children

Fear

Commando

Self pit anonymous

Journal through my prism of a month off sick with work stress

0970

Oh

Comedy Rom Com

ME

Google contact lesbians

Dear Me

MY BOOK OF FAIRY TALES AND DARK FOREST FOLKLORE

MY FIRST CHARLIE IS BEING CREMATED TODAY .. STAR

Im still finding a story im proud of it’s just not popping out

IMAGINATION by Julie Amanda Longley

Norock

Headington

Old bag

Test mctest

Cats

What have I done on my 3 months off sick

What’s not to love.docx

Chimney

Comedy Sketches

Count your blessings

COMEDY SKETCH DATING!

Don’t Play Games

My honest relationship advice: please do not take any notice!

A to Z of Comedy

Accident and emergency comedy

Honey Hell Spells

Comedy Neighbours

Neighbours

Bold

Be noisey

Neighbourhood watch

Rough draft

Life love: LOVE STORY FICTION ONLY

Amore di vita: LOVE STORY FICTION SOLO

Julie

Novello

Story

Story

Trolls Armpits and Grannies Fannies

What do you like

What I like is what I love what I love is actually

White horse comedy night

Boss and me

Peccadilo

BOOK LAUNCH

Pain

Flavio

Story

102mph

Mother theresa just had a good start in life

Alice in Winderland

Tara

Does anyone else just love sitting in grave yards?

Comedy on my I phone

Became colder and colder not soul re outside, she had been given a w

For me

Story line

Own it Logo It Your Problems

Comedy shorts

8 march 2020 it is International Womens’ Day today. This day many many moons ago, I met Celia

25 february 2020

Too much

Serious action plan

Naff off

Swim in Sea

Comedy Calling

Fantasy

Song

Frustrated asfcku

For me

Crow

Comedy

Oh gosh not another story!

I feel free

Meat and 2 veg

To do list

£600,000.00

BARK

Mint in the Sunshine with my new friend

Womens Platform

Part 2 ocd

Comedy Comes

Mums Everywhere

So who turned out the light?

Apple ?

Am I the first to notice there seems more bad news lately?

Dating with Corona v

To life

True

No

Grateful for

Dating Corona

CV

CV9

Magnitude

2020 best and worst of people

Sick in the head

Human 2 sides

Chapter 1 No.z1

I dunno either

TRY ROMANCE

Nature Reserve

Agggghhh

Efil tsurt

Man

Comedy my turn to try

What would you call your poem?

WHAT ?

LOVE

Dear story

Dear You

Romance

Swim?

Holy Toledo it is hard to be receiving so much endorphins

Oxford

Burn Scars Tree

Lesbian erotica

If u too timof u sint s writee

QUALITY KINGDOM

My safe zone for farm animals Earth

Story

SPACE CRASH

XYZ

READERS BLOCK

LITTLE BIRD

Wedding bells

Flowers

WAHEY

REPITILIAN ODDESSY FOR CELIA

Secret weapons

Tan my dog

Oooh hasn’t she ‘put on’

FIRST LOVE

T STORY SINCE COVID

Women Are Evil

TABLE FOR TWO

MOOVIE STAR INTERVIEW

CHILDRESN STORY PG

CHANGE THE SUBJECT

..?.GOT TO THINK: WAS IT ME.?

COMEDY

APRIL 2020 CORONA CRISIS

Comedy

MUSIC

AND STILL WE EAT MEAT

STAR

Write to stlvia plath

Joshua

Plot sinister

Tobias

Comedy for carers

Fun

SAMARITANAS

ONION SONG NO MORE HUMANS

Beauty and the ice

The day of the black moth

PART I

Luna Una

I met you one day and you never went away, though I didn’t stay. We prayed for World Peace, or that was the aim, but the only time I’ve thought this I just thought or felt about this. I was of course trying to focus, and listen and wish I did all this with true intention. What I didn’t do was say, what I didn’t do is risk. I now write a story to buy my Mrs a wedding frock while my imagination goes on a vacation and part of me wishes I was living and beginning and daring and caring or was that word your craving? The lunar eclipse in your right eye, the blue black sky of your Indian hair, the problems with your mum, your bubbly air.

My headache still constant and not many words came from me in there, but smiles and chemistry from me, yes, for sure. Full stop. I also know my pathology at the moment is less than low self esteem and comparing my life to others I feel worse. You a Doctor said it’s human nature, we all feel like this, I know also this is true but I don’t see that in you and I don’t forget you in my ear, well I do because the football is on on the radio keeping me off side.

As my heart is ready to go steady with my blonde I didn’t allow myself to flirt but it’s okay to meet two heart beats stronger for meeting you and wishes the best and that smile lives on. Dark side of the sun and the life you have not yet begun. Here is my story inspired by you, only frustrated that I didn’t see it through, but contain myself for the wake of my life, to improve my self confidence self love for my hopefully one significant other. Who for me private note, I must believe I am worthy of your attention before my self disrespect crucifies myself in alienation, isolation, and sabotaging scenario, go slow.. yes.. I am happy for this. I kind of like myself today, but that is on my own in my home, in the quiet, in the day, in the soft light of the grey day. Attractiveness I feel not, lover of women, yes that I am confident but long time ago.

She made you she can’t be that bad

My story about Id, Ego and Fredu. Why me? Why not! Do you fancy a coffee?

Why did I go? I didn’t trust myself to stay. What might have happened J, had a good time, have fun, met a new friend? Dangerous stuff hey. Also remember who has set her heart on you. Keeping true.

I just had a big nap! Sunday, after chicken, afternoon snooze.

Warning

Id, Ego and Fredu.

Realising if someone likes me I assume they must be mad. Id, Ego and Fredu. If someone respects me I hate them for it. If someone loves me I don’t trash them but I also don’t hear them. Feeling ill every day, feeling tired all the way, feeling ugly and unloveable every day. Wanting financial security to break free and feel okay. Understanding not much but ‘happy hiding’ in my insecurity in my sick note in my death in my room I am happy.

On my bike I feel free, in the bath I relax, I saw your breasts and I ate you all at once. You smiled a lot and I drank you in knowing I would leave and that you would be gone from me forever didn’t free me didn’t fire me and didn’t loose you ever again.

So knowing I have met the one I like, it was unusual to feel attraction and I being a writer can only read too much into this because the door opened to my side and you walked in to my surprise. You did have a funny smile and a sadness that you dared to share and I absorbed you and in my literary press I race you to the world and soothe the aching in every soul to companion you to the bee hive and through the garden maze of insanity and rest in your repeating cheating on me that you are beauty you are free the ocean thawed and the shark slept and I said in my head, come for a swim, come back to mine, come hold me back, take me to the beginning of your day and I’m too tired to imagine anything romantic, but take away my headache, hug me to your chest and tell me the analysis. Bring me round from the death I die, from the never ending day that I brought you sunshine. From my heartbeat that has turned to concrete from the pavement that heals from the ghost from the vampire from the monster from the romance from the understanding and the love I see in you and from the rhythm of your prayer I was content I was you.

I maybe wrong I think you liked me too, this maybe why I am a writer, my imagination is on wild fire. No. I think evolution knows a mutual ‘grip’ even if not physical it’s a chemical it’s a ‘blip’. It’s a connectivity that made me know I would run away again, but here I lay howling dead again.

This story is one poem to my future wedding day, the blonde I like, I walked away, I know I didn’t have a difficult choice but a natural reaction to attraction. I happily wrote book 3 for you and my headache is where are you? That’s not my headache, you just want to see me too! My headache really is, I feel so ugly and you are like wow, wow, wow, sort of Nxet, sort of wow, sort of wow and I am just trying to be my best. I would meet you while I’m unemployed feeling the self esteem drowning me I can’t expect you to save me. The woman at the Buddhist meeting was a psychiatric doctor so of course I was bowled over, I worry for my dynamics if I feel a failure if I feel ugly if I feel helped by others if I can’t help myself who will I like if I can’t like myself is that a relationship with failure?

My inner work, my inner child, my inner critique, my inner anger my inner monster my inner creator. I love myself I am enough I release the blocks and I like myself I attract success I am okay. Tell yourself that enough. Apparently you believe it, but if I said right now my OCD intrusive thoughts is hating everyone for being better, for being successful, for having life balance, life achievements and life ambition. My depression is my latest realisation, it turns out I’m not mentally ill, I am having a natural reaction to having no fulfillment out of life. It used to be pacified with drugs alcohol arguments and random sex. I’m in pain. I don’t moan and I don’t complain, but I’m never going to get better if I don’t process this as I’ve only just realized. The chanting the swimming the sertraline, the tozos the people who care can’t make it alright if I just sit here all day thinking I’m not alright. People care for me and I also see I seem to really care if someone is suffering inside. My heart goes out, not so much if your irritatingly happy and perfect. So what? So how do I achieve financial security feeling I am attractive and achieving ambitions? Nam myoho renge kyo. College course, art therapy and gardening. Stay financially in rented accommodation? Part time carer, oh yeah, it doesn’t have to be full time and I can study at Bookes. Learn guitar, martial arts is a good idea and teach Buddhism more, you are not sharing this great practice of faith, study and life is a mirror.

My Buddhahood will shine in every aspect of my life, work, family, kosen rufu, love and environment. I will create a life I like and support my beautiful lady who for the very first time this week put three kisses, if she wants my life she is all mine. Seaside.

Self

Environment. Spirit. Me: mood low confidence low expectations more hope I can improve myself personality disorder: feeling worthless perpetuating negative cycles pushing away. Not able to say no. Attempting to rescue others but I’m dying inside. Less than zero energy. Collapsing.

I want to help myself. I am a self made millionaire and it shows the world how good you are x be proud I can’t help having a broken head x

Words are speaking less to me and more. To a social life.

Alligator Humphrey

Humphrey stole all the scrabble pieces and made a new set of teeth at midnight he stayed up late fixing them in his new chiwawawawawa. Golf buggy ready and post gin with Bertie and a string of caddies friends in electric buggys too. All elite alarmed and powered for the offy.

Earth spirit. Share my love of world nature animals plants. People connect with their own soul.

Through

Though fairy tales are far and few the door opened and I fell in two. The castle unhinged my mind and I ran away I let go in my mind I was walking the Arabian dessert under the stars barefoot. The Bedouin tent full of camels music and Arabian good rhymes was full and bursting with a very good time.

I wasn’t shy I wasn’t inadequate I wasn’t kind I was sure of one thing and that was my clock. Tick tock tick tock we are going off track. Yawn yawn.

The guy walks to the bar and asks for the cocktail Bar teaser Z. The sprightly elf said no we are closed. And this is all in your head.

Action Plan

1. Jog

2. Design 5 t-shirts

3. Chant nam myoho renge kyo to enjoy transforming my life

4. Do something courageous phone Miss M.J.

5. Do something to empty my mind.

My U Tube Comedy Page: Jz Lz Comedy

Hi Jewel. U okay? No I’m sad lonely and upset? Why? Friends treat you bad. Why would that hurt you. True.

Grumpty

Once there was a Grump King he had so much gooseberry pie he couldn’t lift the rolling pin. Diary of a Love Addict. Case load heavy. Odd to find my latest diagnosis as I have out of choice been single about four years now. I am blessed or cursed to still get many offers with a damaged outlook and 47 years old in May 2019.

I don’t think I’m in ego and nowadays I don’t mind saying no. Sometimes tedious but I try not to let it show. Young lesbian I lived with we cuddled that was it. I see myself sometimes as like a safe shelf you can sit on and I wont steal. Anyways that is for me and my grim reaper only tailing me around trying to be true in a dark dishonest land.

Not perfect and in the old days I disown myself I was impulsive wreckless and damaged yes. Who isn’t? I digress.

So my self esteem has unstuck me my awareness of self love and co dependency warnings. So I kind of give give give the love I curve and it doesn’t come back so resentment burns a whole in my psyche. Friends lovers comrades they make me feel worthy because I am on empty. I shouldn’t have done this help. Self this late. It quite upset me realising I may not be optimum for a healthy relationship life partner which is .. o have you decided to wait for !

Ansewr: So my self esteem has unstuck me my awareness of self love and co dependency warnings. So I kind of give give give the love I curve.:rwesnA

So I

Pompei but she doesn’t stay she goes forever and I always stray.

You’re a fool

Once twice three times a lady and I love you.

Professor of Creative Writing

How do I feel about me? Ugly weird freak bomb soft kind confused mad beautiful fast.

White Feather

This is important Joolz your words have dried up like the flowers chiselled to desert in the central heating. These words have no truth without you. Take me back.

Anger

Once upon a time there was a rabbit named Burrow. He had so many worries his head had a furrow. The answer to that said Mrs Jack we chop if off and you have a permanent nap. I’m not liking the thought of that said Burrow and skipped his afternoon nap.

The news at one chimed and drew them all to their homes for lunch a sit down and a nice cup of tea. The sun was hot the garden was pretty and the scent of honeysuckle was relaxing.

Burrow liked his little den he had lovely rugs with soft eiderdown all fluffy and warm snug and he missed her smile as she came in the door and decided to find her again. Softie who used to live at number 34.

Softie was light brown with yes, a tufty tail white and cute. They were sweethearts for a while and that was all good no big drama just the time came and she went to live with her Aunty Flow and didn’t tell him her tummy was getting bigger and had a big litter 7-9 hoppers totters and tooth. Fairy delight.

He hopped three fields down and saw the white tail by the hedge made his special bunny noise and she blinked but didn’t raise her head.

She was in a world of her own chewing grass and unaware of her of the time standing still the grave under there. The bunny hill heaven the weather was nice.

Thousand star in my headache squeezing splat. The stage crumbles and tempest is born in literature I ache for solace and comfort this is true. What burns the soul bells my death knell and weariness folly leaves me hollow but a scene of jolly that the air was scent with her in awe the audience the Shakespeare play my soul refreshed and my friend did too. Find companion find herself and first Shakespeare play she aligned herself that this is new this is true. Yes I like Shakespeare too.

Tip toeing my words so my self consciousness not fall off the apple cart. I translate for my mirth for the future English class, my self worth. I explain to a stranger I translate my psalm. Just realising very few understand me and my charm. The complexity of human frailty. What I mean? I try to write free not to an expected audience just you and me. Well me and just me but hoping something of interest will pop to thee to the book for to my weary own awe.

One day these words will cloud my mind. Today is all we have. What? We seem to lack being blind to what we have is another’s dream another’s nightmare. I have precarious happiness but I do. Clouded by illusion. Derived from greed and and religion I mean foolishness.

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I went to an interview I nearly didn’t and day 2 tomorrow I am tired but I like the job

Aliens versus Aladdin’s cave where shall I take my mind today? I’ve been editing book 3 haven’t wrote a short story in ages and seems like they have dried up from my exhausted head.

What would I say cerebral free? What breath would bring you here for me to peel my ears and see again. What if I could hear the thoughts in your ordinary soul. Let’s stick to fiction and imagine what I want to hear.

It is more than a dream come true you like me and I like you. The magic of meeting you. You are funny you are cute you are kind you are quick. You are strong and I want that bear hug back. My hugs for you I want more than two hundred. I want you. What does that mean?

How can I project your personality. How about we don’t pressure each other with relationship rules. Let’s have fun and if relationship. We can begin.

What would I say if I dared think or feel? If I built un-self-consciousness fear free stifling self conscious. Just beam me that smile reach your body to line let go and soothe me let me arrange you I’m greedy for more.

You don’t have to touch just smile in your heaven. Sunshine your laugh and let me be intent on helping but anxiety making.

Fold me in the wrappers of loves history you walked into my life where others have ploughed me down. You stayed I Cried you stuck around stuck your ground and still smiling when I look around.

In my God’s grace a gentle soldier has entered my life a companion strong gentle ordinary and very attractive womanly warm nice like a fairy queen. Hurt yet. Hate no. She hasn’t been tainted she still on golden glow. Oh.

Performing Arts

If sadness beats my drum a sonnet for you I didn’t humm. A humming bird came my way a district nurse. I fainted I didn’t stay. I didn’t ring true I beat you blue the sea the ocean the life had ship wrecked you.

Another cheery line I write a ghost story to splinter my heartache that I’ve blown it before you blow me down the line. I’m fine. My eyes are lined with sorrow with regret with the I think she liked me… Yet. I can’t tell I can only read my lines and only just my eyes fog with the glimmer of blonde hope that again goes up in smoke.

Do you want me to give up?

Car crashed and into me my ghost chained itself around the bear stick of my fast gear and throttled itself revved itself around my right ear. Left here. Right here. Bye dear.

The last gear on the race track is fast hammer head turn pin rolling pin fast don’t spin. I’m zooming around the scaletrix of my mind it’s not running in a circle it’s lost in my mind of ocean of tears I can’t choose split peas.

Just say want fun you forgot my birthday number one. Who said tear welling up I miss you in my bed. Two stone lighter she didn’t say. Two stone heavier. I didn’t think. I did but she still looked great and I was happy for her having a few donuts to add to her hamstring of Tom Crushes reckoning on their motorbikes.

The reply I would like: yes come round I can’t wait to see you and suck em blossom. You’ve earned it you gorgeous cretin come in come in.

Where love is shall I abide in my hiding in my entrails of sorrow and serpents winding round my long dead head and centipedes are fountains of rust for tears pouring out of my eyes are now sawdust the drill has spliced my domain the scent of wood engraves my heart your socks I domain your oblivion and your courage to set me free to your tune and adore my fret no more no more.

Gratitude

God I liked your washing detergent I wanted you more and more. The more I fought the more you remained still the more insecure I got I took another pill then my heterosexuality took a dive you caved. You footloose you pushed me too far. I broke the rope I let you slip as another woman kissed my hip. She took me to the fringe of my horizon and I cleared my attic and was in a spell wrapped up in tofu omelette and Odysseus running a mile to heaven me in her.

I was in pain I rescued her. My ex I think I live for gloom to set me aside from thyself and take no thee but from the hedge of your rhyme and back to ghosts I’m safe there.

Ghosts spirit do dwell in the crustaceans of after tide after hours after tides after Jurassic sauce and tyranassarus Rex licks his last wishbone and ignores Flo’s text and says Hi honey I’m homosapien. Relief there. Ghost.

I haunt myself coz it’s company in self made hell. If a rook I be the phantom shadow of myself: I’m the literary.. shell.. the dust chokes me and you collide with her story of an island loneliness is lesbianism.

Pompei but she doesn’t stay she goes forever and I always stray.

Ghost says boo owl says twitoowoo I say two times a lady and I love you.

Once twice three times a lady and I love you.

I want you fired

The last gear on the race track is fast hammer head turn pin rolling pin fast don’t spin. I’m zooming around the scaletrix of my mind it’s not running in a circle it’s lost in my mind of ocean of tears I can’t choose split peas.

Pigs

Car crashed and into me my ghost chained itself around the gear stick of my fast gear and throttled itself revved itself around my right ear. Left here. Right here. Bye dear.

I am a pig

Also since something nice may happen to happen to us two. The self destructive love addict is already eyeing up some self sabotage. Not flirting staying true. Just a healer wants to remedy my void and that does hit me in the chin with what if. And is that me sabotaging the most beautiful woman ever to pin her sunshine on me?

Self help isn’t helping

So I buy presents yes that’s true. I do the housework yes too true. I aim for ill people who I can fix yes. Anything but look at my own pile of decaying bricks.

With month three of self awareness. It’s painful. Self analysis. I have realised I haven’t got depression I am just unhappy with my life. It’s just OCD is my inner child who hates everyone who she feels are better or doing what they like. I’ve got to let her know she is cool she is alright.

Earth spirit. Share my love of world nature animals plants. People connect with their own soul.

Results

I own my home. I am free of debt free. I am successful author. My t shirt business is fun. Employ women from prison! My buddhist temple has been built with sheep in fields nearby and a lake where you can swim and relax. My faith story will inspire others in future and I am a strong Buddha who can easily SHARE the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin.

Seaside woman only spaces venues lesbians. Elderly dementia art. Music. Feeling good. Going steady with my lady. My job my work my career my district is going great! My practice is really working.

Art animals woman dementia Buddhism community book success comedy spots. Woman time chat show. Financial freedom. My own home car reliable cash flow income love shopping love giving love buying Carol dinner love sending flowers love giving love buying presents love helping.

Umm… I’m okay

Then we didn’t fall apart but I let go of my seams was confused insecure and time bomb to blow. Basically wanted to see M again.

Job wise having settling in crisis at new job. Shaved my hair off looked weird.

Frankenstein frank and frankly my dear. Alien remedy race to our rescue sci fi rescue remedy. Immortality in the compostible yoghurt pot. In time for tea the teenage purple alien with pink polka dots sat down and wined on about the ipad time limit and mum put out her cyber cigarette and walked to the key ring holder and the space pod opened and off she zoomed. She left for the milky way and drove drove drove away. The husband looked up from his paper sci fi times.

And smiled I didn’t think she had it in her. She is the woman for me but she stayed dutiful to his son and rang for a takeaway bun. I’m going to stop rhyming I like my rhymes when I think sensitive poetical.

Chinnor legends. Tour barrow of Chilterns this way. The fox tickled giant’s nose for fun, the giant sneezed and woke at five past one. He was married to a buxom ex Viking she was happy there was no worries no arguing no anything.

Once awake he hugged his wife and listened to her breathe because that meant more to him than anything. She woke cuddled him back then up she jumped to cook him breakfast. Mushrooms on toast. After breakfast he walked down to the shop bought the groceries and had a chat.

I think comedy is the way rather than literature on my anger. However coz it’s bubbled up I have to deal with the stress of being myself in a new job. The stream bubbles on and all the stress had gone the fish swam fast and the duck flew past. The bridge groaned again with the human fledglings skin dipping. Plunging free no cares no worries sunshine sparkles fun friends holding hands. Warm breeze sandwiches and factory smoke far away. Mum is it trotters tonight? Turkish delight. No back to spaceship aliens and woe. What if we all looked the same???! Would that make life easier? No prejudice no assumptions? No probably not.

Erotica by j the storm blew a Gail the coast waves shook the shingles and the barnacles clinged on for dear life. The night sky filled the belonging loneliness and relax said wolf in her head. This story is not free. Who said dreams don’t come true. Who said I love you. I say don’t dream it’s dangerous. Anger management says be a pessimist it never let’s you down. I’m worn out with my own perpetual fret. Anyway back to fiction I think I’m safe in that.

Story about ghosts. It chills my spine the graveyard the ivy the haunted eyes of stoned carved souls the statues of angels guiding the dead back to bed after a night out on the town the coffin snug the crying mug the crying nag the loved ones left.

Take my mind of abbatoirs lavatoirs and think more like tavatar.

What do I find strange is the future of time not just etched in a smiley wrinkly face but what do I become not knowing the future from day to day. Let alone when I am old crazy and grey. Will I be freaky will I be fun will I get to 63? Back to sci fi lesbian night. We have to wait and see. Che sara sara. Whatever will be will be the future is not ours to see che samsara sara.

Is. I’ve spent days and nights worrying that long shifts will make me ill mentally. What is happening is I am making myself ill with worry xx insomnia migraines ocd anxiety worry. Get to work I am happy.

I want you dead. Is that my erotic thought having the spray white waves of the rock like tumour in my head spiking submission. Crashing waves dancing in my imagination I haven’t been awake since Bournemouth b and b strangle me.

Shoot me on the head that should get my migraine.. don’t.. I miss what that lady did to my soul. She didn’t do much she didn’t need to she filled me whole. She could send me to my inner circle where no angels realm but devils table. Claw feet and chained spheres spinning on the axis of light of love the parody of pints bombs and panic attacks bbqs. Massage. Sex. Back to my headache. Describe it. Does that help? No.

10.25

Personal care. 10 past one

Fountain of youth wash me clean purify my senses and keep me mean. My prince vermin through the Tweetabix of time took the bell and rang time. 10.35

The day came. The day I didn’t care. The day I said to myself had come. The day I said I would stop doing care if I really didn’t care. The wrinkly bum went by and I didn’t want her to fall but I couldn’t do anything but hope she didn’t so I didn’t get a call saying you let her fall. I just was tired that is all. Tired out tired out of you all.

This I feel is slightly repressed because I don’t want to let rip and I don’t want to deny what a joy it is when you see those moments you have helped bring joy to someone’s face and feel good to have improved someone’s day and helped that is all very true and I’m loosing weight too.

Gone are the days A can make us all cake gone are the days A can sigh in the shower gone are the days A waits for the last train at midnight hour. Gone are the days inspection comes and she has her clipboard of power. But she spits back with her decaying bruised arms. She curses the hot smooth mash and holds me still and calms my soul in all her gentleness that she hasn’t ever known this isn’t madness it isn’t care it isn’t genteel it isn’t fair.

Also for every carers’ genetica. The old infirm don’t just get wrinkly they seem to oddly get spoilt ungrateful and beyond needy. The buzzer the latest weaponry the screams unnecessary. Don’t touch me we all on other side of room. I don’t want to feel bad feeling used up empty and giving less than my capacity. The dog when I got home wanted reassurance. I needed a break. I walked her this morning I gave her the bone and cuddles when I got home. I’m less than empty I’m tired