You Are Old: If You Need Print This Big

By Ekman Douglas

YOU ARE OLD is a mixture of humor, philosophy and reminiscing as Ekman Douglas takes you on a journey that travels from your youth to your present age, no matter how old you are.

YOU ARE OLD is not heavy reading and you can make return visits to it time and time again. Ekman says smiling, “This is a book suited for the particular room my father called the library”. Some critics may declare “That’s where it belongs”. He also says, “If you don’t smile while reading YOU ARE OLD, check your pulse.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jun 17, 2020
• ISBN: 9781728364667

Ekman Douglas

Ekman Douglas, former ad man, voice over talent, talk show host, comedian and contributing writer for Saturday Night Live decided to attempt to answer the age old question: When are you old? He spent more than 50 years in the business world and entertainment industry that included writing for comedians the likes of George Carlin. He was an advertising agency owner for more than 25 year and served as Ad Agency Creative Director for Dodge in the early 80’s during the Lee lacocca rebirth of the Chrylser Corporation.

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2020 Ekman Douglas. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 06/16/2020

ISBN: 978-1-7283-6464-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-6466-7 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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INTRODUCTION

Growing old is the inevitable surprise. Inevitable, however it seems to sneak up on all of us. The majority of our lives we know it is in the future, if we are lucky, but we tell ourselves it is in the distant future. We want to believe it is going to be different for us when it does finally arrive. For the majority of us it is a correct assumption.

My Grandmother was an old woman at 50. My Grandfather seemed to always be ancient, like a reappearing character actor in movies. However, now women in their fifties and sixties dress like women in their thirties and many look ever better. Most men will tell you that they are not vain, however the success of hair growing products, transplants and hair dye all tend to contradict that. Certainly the advent of the little blue pill and the like has also allowed men to attempt to hold onto their youth. It is a never ending struggle. Gyms and health clubs are now flourishing around the country and there are as many men and women there who are in the Autumn of their years as there are of those in the Spring of their years. However, try as we may, like a pre-owned vehicle, the odometer does not lie. We may look good, feel good, act young and our outward appearance tends to confuse others of our actual age, but we are what we are. Surprisingly, it is our experiences and our knowledge that will eventually give us away. We have just seen and lived so much.

This little book is filled with reminders and simply states, YOU ARE OLD if you were around then. It encourages you to laugh at yourself and challenges your memory with a mixture of humor, and philosophy, as I take you on this journey with me as you reminisce and celebrate your very special life. We need to be reminded of this from time to time and congratulate ourselves on a job well done. Much like life, YOU ARE OLD is meant to be fun, so enjoy.

YOU ARE OLD

If having a threesome means always having a paramedic present.

If your wife lays out your clothes each day for you to wear.

If you are a Christian and you start to read the Bible lately looking for loopholes.

If the term regular now takes on a whole new meaning.

If safe sex means you have your Life Alert with you.

If getting lucky now means you won at Bingo.

If you view a recent wedding video, and you realize you should retire from fast dancing.

If you apply for life insurance and the agent says, Are you kidding?

If you have shoes older than your doctor.

If the only reason to stay in bed is to sleep.

If you start to think you have nothing in common with anyone.

If you remember when all cab drivers were American and spoke English, AND actually knew where they were going.

If you remember when the people who pumped your gas wore bow ties. In fact, if you remember when people actually pumped your gas for you.

If the rose bud tattoo on your breast you got years ago is now a long stemmed rose.

If the list of what you can eat is shorter than the list of what you can’t.

If you turn down an invitation for a romantic evening because it is past your bedtime.

If you have ever fallen asleep while chewing.

If you remember when the Berlin Wall went up, and when it came down.

If you remember Butch Haircuts.

If you remember when girls put angora around their boyfriends’ class rings.

If you hid in the trunk of a car to get in free to a drive-in movie.

If the only people who now see you nude are medical workers and that is barely OK.

If you never pass up a rest stop on the highway.

If you know the meaning of Haul Your Ashes.

If you remember the first time you had sex, but cannot remember the last time.

If you ever took Speed to stay up and study for an exam, or to drive through the night.

If you get satisfaction smelling the foods you can