The Grief Journal:: A Pathway to Healing

By Shelby Doner

Grief following the death of a loved one can be one of the most difficult experiences a person may face in life. Loss can leave us shocked, heartbroken, hopeless, or completely paralyzed; it can affect us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Grief Journal seeks to support you through these challenging times. This yearlong journal provides inspirational quotes and guidance in controlling fear, worry, stress, anxiety, depression, and many other emotional responses to loss. Taking into account all the various ways grief can change our lives, the journal is divided into three parts: “Becoming Aware,” “Doing,” and “Being.” By nurturing your life and revealing how you feel, what you are grateful for, and whom you can serve, you can gain a better understanding of the reasons for your thoughts and emotions and the answers that can begin to ease your pain. Daily reflection helps you know that you are never alone and that you can survive this with hope and the power to heal.

This daily journal for those dealing with grief offers guided questions and inspirational quotes designed to aid the healing and recovery process after loss.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781973681786

Shelby Doner

Shelby Doner is a registered nurse, certified grief counselor, and fitness nutrition specialist. She is the founder of Balance Awakened, through which she serves those who have been impacted by loss and grief; her focus is on helping others optimize their lives through sustainable and realistic mind, body, and soul interventions. Along with her siblings, she is a co-founder of the nonprofit Operation FAT. She currently lives in Colorado where she volunteers in her local community as a high school volleyball and basketball coach.

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Copyright © 2020 Shelby Doner.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8177-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8178-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019920102

WestBow Press rev. date: 1/14/2020

CONTENTS

Preface

Part 1    Becoming Aware

Part 2    Doing

Part 3    Being

This journal belongs to

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In memory of

I

dedicate this journal to the people who helped me through my grief journey. I am eternally grateful to you all and pray your lives will be filled with healing, peace, joy, love, prosperity, good health, spirituality, and passion.

And grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen. It gives life a permanently provisional feeling. It doesn’t seem worth starting anything. I can’t settle down. I yawn, I fidget, I smoke too much. Up till [my grief] this I always had too little time. Now there is nothing but time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness.

—C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them.

—C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

PREFACE

When I was twenty-one years old, my father was killed in a terrible farming accident. It left me alone, afraid, and depressed. For years I felt suffocated in my grief, and I walked around like a broken doll. I had wonderful parents and community support growing up, but to be honest, no one really taught me how to handle loss and grief or what it would be like. We simply didn’t talk about things like that. When my dad died, grief hit me like a fast train.

I had never felt so many different emotions in such a short amount of time or experienced such pain. Panic attacks became a daily event for me, and who knew my heart could feel like a bullet had been shot through it? My thoughts were sporadic, and my physical health went down the drain. I couldn’t keep my focus, and no matter how much sleep I got, I was always tired. My body hurt, and my mind never shut off. I was a bundle of contradiction. I became so sensitive yet so insensitive to everything around me. I lost touch with many friends and became completely disconnected. I lost passion and love for life, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Life had become a living horror film. Every day was a fight.

I started to not only fear life but became afraid of myself. I lost my identity and didn’t know who I was anymore. I had convinced myself I was insane, and life didn’t want me here. I felt nothing, had no purpose, and found myself choosing between life and death.

There I was, holding a knife against my arm, ready to end it all for good. I was tired and had given up. In my mind, I had lost the fight and was ready to call it quits. But within that moment of deep, dark suffering—I saw a light. Something inside me shifted instantly, and thankfully I chose to not end my life. Instead, I accepted that I needed to face what I feared the most. I needed to work on me.

That day, I realized the outcome of our lives ultimately comes down to the choices we make. Life happens and continues to happen with or without us. Sometimes it gives us what we want, and at other times it leaves us completely paralyzed. We may not be able to control everything in life, but there is one thing we do have control over: we have control over ourselves. We get to choose how events in our lives make us feel, what they mean to us, and how we will respond when life unfolds in front of us. We are the feelers, thinkers, and doers of our lives, and no one can take that from us, not even life.

Experiencing that dark moment was one of the most critical times in my life. It led toward healing, and most important, it led to the creation of this journal. Put into words, it is the reason why I am standing here today. It is the open book of stepping stones I used on my own personal journey through grief. Nothing would give me more joy than to share it with you. As you continue on your journey after loss, it is my hope it guides you like it did me.

You will have the opportunity to be inspired every day by some of the most incredible, resilient, and supportive people. Inspirational quotes are shared purposely throughout this journal to give you the support you need to get through your day. These quotes remind me that we share this world together for a reason. And everyone may have a battle he or she is fighting that no one knows anything about. We should be slow to judge and should learn to not compare our lives to others. We should choose to be loving toward each other and reach out with a helping hand. No human being deserves to live a life of suffering and pain. I may have suffered, but in it, I found a higher purpose. It is my mission to serve and help others who are suffering.

Within these pages, you will be comforted and directed as you continue on your journey through grief. The questions that fill these pages are questions that I asked myself. They taught me how to be disciplined, and they gave me strength. They helped me discover my weaknesses and helped me develop a plan to find my redemption. It is my hope they will do the same for you. Each day you will have the chance to nurture yourself and choose to get better. This journal will assist you every step of the way, but I have to warn you—it will not be easy.

Loss is one of the hardest things anyone may face. Healing takes work—and a lot of it. If it were easy, everyone would do it. However, it is my promise that if you put your whole heart into it, the entire world can be yours. If you take the time to fill out these pages daily, answer all of the reflection questions, choose to want to get better each day, and take action toward getting and living the life you desire, I promise that your life will never be the same. You will get past your loss, find healing, discover purpose, and acquire a greater love and appreciation for life. Your dreams have the potential of becoming your reality.

Our life events and faces may be different, but we are more alike than different. You are never alone, and you are loved, my friend. You have my full support as you take your first step toward healing. You can do it! May this journal help you find the light in your darkness.

If you would like to connect with Shelby Doner, please go to www.balanceawakened.com or contact her at [e-mail].

Part One

BECOMING AWARE

The hardest part of losing someone isn’t saying goodbye. Rather, it’s learning how to live life without that person. An emptiness overwhelms our hearts, and a pain fills our bodies, but it is in our grief and our darkness where we find strength and light.

—Shelby Doner

Date:

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To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive—to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before.

—ROLLO MAY

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How do I feel today?

What am I grateful for today?

What did I discover in reading today’s quote?

Who can I serve or pray for today? What will I do? What did I do?

How did today go? What emotions did I feel? What thoughts filled my mind?

Date:

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People in grief need someone to walk with them without judging them.

—GAIL SHEEHY

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How do I feel today?

What am I grateful for today?

What did I discover in reading today’s quote?

Who can I serve or pray for today? What will I do? What did I do?

How did today go? What emotions did I feel? What thoughts filled my mind?

Date:

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But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage,