Grieving: Inviting God into My Pain

By J. Catherine Sherman

Grieving invites the reader to understand the universality of grief, its various expressions, and the depth of emotion experienced within it. In grieving the loss of loved ones, jobs, reputations, and numerous other things, we may begin to doubt the faith that has upheld us throughout our trials. In doubting, though, we open ourselves to further growth by inviting God to share our pain and sorrow and to help us in renewing ourselves in Him.

In the first part of this guide, called The Retreat, author J. Catherine Sherman offers a deeper understanding of the painful emotions that develop as part of grief, the facets of the journey through the grieving process, and the acceptance that our anger at God may be more typical than we realize. The second part, called The Journey, presents an examination of the process of grieving, moving through anger, doubt, trust, and eventual surrender to the situation as it stands. Depicted in vivid imagery, these passages transport readers to a place of meditative exploration of grief.

Through thoughtful reflections and resolutions, we are able to take steps into understanding the struggle while moving beyond the initial anger with God or doubt of His love for us and our loved ones.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Dec 9, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462067633

J. Catherine Sherman

J. CATHERINE SHERMAN is a life coach, consultant, and public speaker. She presents workshops on grief, communication, and goal setting skills. Her work focuses on supporting individual and relational goal-setting. As a mentor for mental health workers, she currently resides with her sisters and canine friends on the east coast.

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Copyright © 2011 by J. Catherine Sherman, PhD.

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ISBN: 978-1-4620-6762-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4620-6764-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4620-6763-3 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

iUniverse rev. date: 11/18/2011

Contents

Preface

Introduction

Part I

Fighting the Inevitable

The Process of Grieving

Stages of Grieving and Our Relationships

The Power of Grieving

An Improbable Mission

From Retreat to Pilgrimage

Part II

A Moment in Time

Destruction

My Retreat

Choices

Sanctuary

Currents

Coming Home

Surrender

Conclusion—We Continue

References

About the Author

With great affection and gratitude to John,

who taught us how to grieve.

Preface

Everyone, at one time or another, will travel down the road of grieving where we must look beyond the now into the future that calls us to continue onward. When we suffer a loss, a death, or a farewell, we are forced to look beyond the present. Leaving the familiar behind us compels us to change our perspective, adjust our expectations, and accept the impossible.

This book is for anyone who has experienced a loss and is grieving or has grieved in the past. It is for all of us who must travel that road in the future and for those who will find comfort knowing that others have traveled on that same road. Diagnosed with an illness or accepting the inevitable poverty we have striven to avoid, we may be shaken from our routine life; we may begin to travel on a path we never expected or desired, but a path that calls us to complete a journey. In fact, it binds us to the commitment of remembering good and bad times and leads us finally to the process of grieving.

Most of us would choose to ignore the call, the pathway, the journey that seems necessary. But our choice does not allow us to overlook the process of grieving or to remain unaffected by losses, changes, or death. For everyone, the journey can be shattering as well as comforting. It can heal wounds never known and create opportunities for tremendous growth. For all of us, coping with the grieving process and benefiting from the experience is a challenge.

This book examines two dimensions of grieving—retreating and journeying. The retreat is reflected in the ability to remain within, shaken, perhaps fearful, anxious and yet unruffled by the demands of others, nurturing self while preparing for the future. In battle, retreat does not signify defeat but rather a time of waiting, preparation and unification for future encounters. Just like a battle our retreat, our time away, our weeks, months, years of remaining within, protecting ourselves from misunderstanding and expectations strengthens us for the journey, the rest of our life. Shored up by the nurturing and compassion we have experienced and the faith we may have rediscovered, we move onward to finish our path, in the second dimension, the journey. It is not, however, a simple excursion.

This book has emerged from this understanding and the challenge of grieving as it forces us to rely and at times, to question the very God Who is watching our struggle. Our experiences may differ but admitting that our faith is questioned and that we may doubt God’s presence in our darkness binds us even more on this pathway. Through sharing experiences and insights, we are better able to understand our individual, unique encounters with the world and the God we believe we know so well. Knowing that grief is a process that takes time and energy helps us to recognize that there is no limit to our grieving just as there are no limits to the growth and positive development of our traveling through this process. More importantly, we may realize that grief is not just a challenge but a gift.

Grieving surrounds the loss. The reason for the loss is unique and individual—the fact that there is a loss is universal. Grieving is a necessary part of coming to terms with the changes we must accept. It can be seen in the new relationships we establish, in the changes we make in our day-to-day living, or in the agonizing abandonment we feel in surrender to the Lord. Thus, the details may be slightly different—a death, a disaster, a dream unfulfilled—but the universal journey binds us. We struggle to understand our behavior—why we question God’s presence and His wisdom. We perceive His absence as we trod that path together, united yet separated by time and space.

When our expectations have crumbled, when our future is redefined, we think that our faith will sustain us—but it is this very expectation that is challenged in many ways. Our many Sundays in church, our quiet prayer time, our concept of the God Who rescues us from harm may be shaken. It may stun us to realize that we have prayed the prayers, sang the songs, and looked the part, but we have not been able to understand the mystery of our suffering in the presence of our God. For some,