Just Breathe: Leading Myself One Breath at a Time

By Renita D. Alexander

Everyone is a leader, even if you’re just leading yourself ... the most difficult leadership job! Just Breathe is a compilation of my thoughts, observations, experiences, and even questions, sprinkled with truth from others about leading yourself.

At the end of each entry, I invite you to meditate on the main takeaways, using controlled breathing to inhale what is to remain and exhale what needs to be released.

My hope and prayer is that these words will prompt your reflection on the topics shared and encourage you to think intentionally, so that you gain the momentum to move forward in your life and your leadership.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 20, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796070125

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 by Renita D. Alexander.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

All Scripture quotations are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Website

Rev. date: 03/11/2022

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Table of Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1 Be Present

Chapter 2 Live Love

Chapter 3 Dream Boldly

Chapter 4 Ignite Passion

Chapter 5 Pursue Purpose

Chapter 6 Understand Fear

Chapter 7 Develop Yourself

Chapter 8 Define Values

Chapter 9 Hone Leadership

Chapter 10 Represent

Chapter 11 Get Wisdom

Chapter 12 Build Resilience

Chapter 13 Own Authenticity

Chapter 14 Restore Awareness

Chapter 15 Preserve Peace

Chapter 16 Expand Your Vision

Chapter 17 Access Creativity

Chapter 18 Be Laser Focused

Chapter 19 Recognize Reality

Chapter 20 Invest in Talent

Chapter 21 Mandate Intentionality

Chapter 22 Activate Power

Chapter 23 Cultivate Inclusiveness

Chapter 24 Grow Wise

Chapter 25 Show Gratitude

Chapter 26 Speak Truth

Chapter 27 Practice Presence

Chapter 28 Offer Grace

Chapter 29 Find Faith

Chapter 30 Embrace Commitment

Chapter 31 Believe in Abundance

Chapter 32 Face Fear

Chapter 33 Grow or Die

Chapter 34 Insist on Integrity

Chapter 35 Take Responsibility

Chapter 36 Celebrate Humanity

Chapter 37 Mind Your Health

Chapter 38 Choose Courage

Chapter 39 Be Whole

Chapter 40 Chase Consciousness

Chapter 41 Seek Joy

Chapter 42 Keep Dreaming

Chapter 43 Manage Energy

Chapter 44 Serve Others

Chapter 45 Gain Clarity

Chapter 46 Transform Yourself

Chapter 47 Forgive Easily

Chapter 48 Create Culture

Chapter 49 Establish Relationships

Chapter 50 Exude Excellence

Chapter 51 Hold On to Hope

Chapter 52 Claim Freedom

After thoughts…

Notes

To Yvonne Pacheco

Thanks for the great idea

PREFACE

O UR MAGNIFICENTLY COMPLEX bodies function without our conscious input. Unless injured or somehow compromised, the interdependent systems of our bodies and our major and minor organs all do what they are created to do with no prompting from us. We can, however, consciously use our breath to affect us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. According to Dr. Andrew Weil, breathing is the one function you can perform consciously as well as unconsciously. Conscious or controlled breathing can, for example, slow down our heart rate, help us center our minds on the present moment, and prepare us to embrace what we are experiencing.

I was introduced to the benefits of conscious breathing through meditation. Whether I was using mindfulness (paying attention) or a mantra (repeating a word) or just focusing on controlling my breath, I noticed the immediate benefits. I started intentionally choosing words and phrases to evoke the thoughts and feelings I wanted to have while controlling my breath after being exposed to the concept during a guided meditation. The intentionality of combining conscious breathing with conscious thoughts seemed a natural progression. I found inhaling words that represented what I wanted and exhaling what I didn’t want actually helped me focus my intention for the meditation.

I started using this conscious combo to help my coaching clients get ready for a session or to focus on a specific issue. For example, I saw how encouraging a client to consciously inhale peace and exhale anxiety, while controlling his breath created a sense of calm if he felt rushed.

I started sharing the words on social media, and the idea for Just Breathe was born.

Just Breathe is organized by topics to help you lead yourself in a flow that made sense to me, but you can also use the alphabetized index to find the topic you may want to focus on. There are close to fifty themes spread over fifty-two sections, which are divided into intentionally short segments. Think of Just Breathe as a year’s worth of reflections one week and one weekday at a time.

Just Breathe can be used in a number of ways:

as a part of a devotional whenever you do that during your day or week

as a meditation to help you center yourself as you start or end your day

as a way to think about what you are thinking about

as a catalyst for growth and change.

One of my favorite conscious breathing techniques is box or square breathing. You can do this lying down or sitting up. To start, breathe normally for a few breaths and notice if you’re engaging your lungs and abdomen. If your stomach is not rising that means your abdomen is not engaged so, take deeper breaths that allow it to rise. Once you are consistently engaging both your lungs and abdomen, you should feel your body start to relax.

Before you start, exhale. Start the pattern by inhaling through your nose to the count of 4. Hold your breath for 4 counts. Purse your lips and exhale through your mouth to the count of 4, really pressing the air out of your lungs and abdomen. Hold for 4 before you start the pattern again with a 4-count inhale.

One of the requirements of longevity is to share what you know. However you use Just Breathe, I pray you feel that intent.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I AM GRATEFUL for all my friends who encouraged me, all those who have inspired me with their own books and everyone who held me accountable to finishing this process. I am so grateful that my family allowed our intersecting stories to be included here. I am especially grateful for my daughter and travel partner, Renise Alexander. Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability and transparency in this process. I am inspired by your resilience and proud to be your mom.

INTRODUCTION

T HE SUBTITLE OF every self-help book should probably be How I Helped Myself since the self is where the help starts and because no one can have all the answers for anyone else. But I believe the purpose of going through anything is to tell others how we got through. In Just Breathe , I share the challenges I faced in leading myself as well as the lessons I learned that allowed me to lead others.

I didn’t start out to be political but many of the entries are my original blog posts written in reaction to the United States’ 2016 election cycle and the aftermath. If some entries seem pointedly political, then they accurately reflect my perception of an increasingly dystopian reality, my efforts to urge others to awareness and action, and my intention to stay grounded and rooted amid the challenges and chaos.

As I was organizing Just Breathe for publication, I saw a tweet from acclaimed spiritual life coach, and one of my favorite authors, Iyanla Vanzant, that used inhale, exhale in a way that is similar to how I use those words in the book. I immediately started to panic and created an entire story around why I would not be able to use the phrase; now that the host and executive producer of the Oprah Winfrey Network’s Iyanla: Fix My Life had said it, everyone would think I had taken the idea and the words from her.

I was doing the exact thing I encourage my clients to avoid--making stuff up.

I was able to recognize what I was doing, show myself some compassion for panicking and celebrate the audacious idea that Iyanla Vanzant would know about my book, all while taking some slow, controlled breaths.

I reminded myself that using the breath to create a sense of calm is as common as breathing—and yet it might still be new to the readers of this book—and that Just Breathe is my God-given gift to act on regardless of what others might be doing.

I pray that something I’ve shared resonates with you.

1

Be Present

L ET’S START AT the only place and time we can—here and now.

Right Now

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift from God, that’s why they call it the present. (Babatunde Olatunji)

This right here, right now moment is all we really have, so be in it. Right now is when action happens, so if you’re worrying about what already happened, you won’t see what’s happening now. Right here is where connection is created; if you’re not here, you might miss your cue. If you must focus on some past experience, make sure it’s filling you up, not draining you; lifting you up, not bringing you down; and getting you pumped up for what you’re doing or about to do in the here and now.

Rehearsing for the future and rehashing the past keeps us from receiving the present. (Jeanne Stevens)

What do you do to stay in the present?

Inhale now, exhale frustration.

Inhale now, exhale worry.

Inhale now, exhale anxiety.

Just breathe.

Present Moment

I am a planner. I believe the way to make a vision a reality is to discover the route that makes the most sense, create a plan, and start executing. But sometimes I can get so caught up in adhering to my plan for the experience that I miss the experience! Or I fixate on the one thing that wasn’t perfect, distorting the entirety of the experience.

Here’s the thing I discovered; there is no such thing as a problem-proof plan. These days, I’m trying to keep the planning simple with enough flexibility to absorb any issues so I can enjoy the journey.

The Master said, Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.

(Luke 10:41–42 MSG)

Inhale being, exhale doing.

Inhale presence, exhale planning.

Inhale now, exhale next.

Just breathe.

What Is

Back-to-back surgeries for my knee and shoulder and the extended recovery period required, as I was trying to finish this book, gave me quiet time to reflect on my health, a greater awareness about what makes me me, and ample opportunities to show myself some compassion. But mostly, it forced me to stay aware and accepting of what I was experiencing.

A few weeks after the second surgery, however, I found myself in full-blown resistance to my then reality as if resistance would change my experience.

As I discovered after some pointed questions from my physical therapist, I was misidentifying some of the physical discomfort as pain instead of tightness, pain instead of soreness, pain instead of stiffness. And because our bodies don’t always know the difference, my thoughts were causing pain.

I was resisting and revising instead of just accepting and acknowledging my health situation. Resisting and revising were not making me feel better. Acceptance and acknowledgment did.

Inhale acknowledgment, exhale denial.

Inhale acceptance, exhale rejection.

Inhale alignment, exhale resistance.

Just breathe.

When the Coach Needs a Coach

Staying in the present moment is a topic I write about and speak about a lot, probably because it’s a topic I struggle to be about. And yet gratitude and awareness and action and joy can only happen in the present moment. So I’m grateful for people in my life like my friend and fellow coach, April, who is always aware enough to hear and consistently obedient to the God voice urging her to remind me to be here and in the now.

God deals out joy in the present, the now. (Ecclesiastes 5:19b MSG)

Inhale now, exhale future.

Inhale joy, exhale worry.

Inhale awareness, exhale anxiety.