Fried, Frenzied, Frazzled!: Maximize Success Minimize Stress

By Linda Blakeley Ph.D.

You are more than your dress size! I have personally found out that self esteem and self love are an inside job. I did not have a road map for my journey of recovery from an eating disorder. I share with you, the reader, my roller coaster ride. Through trial and error, I found my way. As a woman recovering from an eating disorder, trauma or addiction, you too are likely to need a roadmap for your journey.

FRIED, FRENZIED, FRAZZLED! will make you stand up and pay attention. When you learn the Four Principles for Success you will have a roadmap to help you maximize success and minimize stress in your life.

Filled with stories of women survivors of trauma, eating disorders and addictions, Dr. Blakeley shows you how countless other women have discovered their pathway to success by following her Four Principles for Success. The book is filled with Strategies for Success that will help you reinforce your strengths while you learn to minimize stress. If you would like to share your story, you can send it to [e-mail] or go to my website Drlindablakeley.com.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781984527110

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 by Linda Blakeley, Ph.D.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2018911142

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-7960-5463-7

                Softcover        978-1-9845-2712-7

                eBook              978-1-9845-2711-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author has made every effort to insure the information in this book is correct at the time of publishing. The author does not assume and hereby disclaims any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions that result from negligence, accident or other cause.

The events and stories in this book are fictional. They do not represent any individual living or dead. Names are fictitious in order to protect the privacy of individuals due to any similarities that may exist.

Rev. date: 10/17/2019

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DEDICATION

To Women Everywhere

To be or not to be, that is the question.

To be all you can be, that is the answer.

To be defined by another is a travesty of justice.

To be designed by yourself

is the joy

that the opportunity brings

when you listen to your heart and soul

yearning for completion.

Be positive!

Be yourself!

Be free!

Linda Blakeley

AUTHOR%20PHOTO.jpeg

LINDA BLAKELEY, Ph.D.

THANK YOU!

Thank you for buying my book. I would like to give you a gift of THE FOUR PRINCIPLES OF SUCCESS absolutely 100% FREE.

I hope I inspire you to be all of who you can be from the inside out. If you would like to share a story of how THE FOUR PRINCIPLES have affected your life, please go to my website.

TO DOWNLOAD GO TO:

www.drlindablakeley.com/gift

CONTENTS

Preface: Are You Fried, Frenzied, Frazzled?

Introduction    My Roller Coaster Ride

PART I    MAXIMIZE SUCCESS

Chapter 1    The Power Of Success

Chapter 2    The Power Of Resilience

PART II    THE SUCCESS PRINCIPLES

Chapter 3    Success Principle One

I Love Myself From The Inside Out.

Chapter 4    Success Principle Two

Power Of Purpose

Chapter 5    Success Principle Three

Each Of Us Is Special In Our Very Own Way.

Chapter 6    Success Principle Four

"There Is Plenty To Go Around.

Love Is The Only Sound."

PART III    MINIMIZE STRESS

Chapter 7    The Three Rules

Chapter 8    Healing Post-Traumatic Stress

Chapter 9    Stress Management

Chapter 10    The Stress Cycle

Chapter 11    Your Stress Response

Chapter 12    Attachments

Chapter 13    The Marshmallow Test

Chapter 14    Avoiding A Stress Reaction

Chapter 15    The Stress Syndrome

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

References

PREFACE

Are you fried, frenzied, frazzled?

Y ou are more than your dress size . Are you so intent on wearing a certain dress size that you are missing out on having a satisfying and successful life? For many of you surviving an eating disorder, trauma or addiction, you are preoccupied with what you look like rather than who you are from the inside out.

You may sabotage your success when you look in the mirror. Your focus on what you look like can override deeper issues that have to be addressed. For many others, success or failure can hinge on a turn of events: a car accident, failure to pass an entrance exam, dating, relationships, career uncertainty, pregnancy, and any number of other factors. Then there are global issues such as recessions, world conflict, jobs being outsourced and companies closing their doors. These are only a few of the possibilities that can derail us. Each of us has our own unique story to tell.

While many of your peers are already on their way living successful lives, those of us in recovery have to retrace our steps. At the same time, we have to develop a new path, one that will support our healing so we can grow into the successful women we are meant to be. This is no easy task. However, it is possible to walk the road of recovery and become all of who you are meant to be. It takes patience, perseverance and compassion for yourself.

As a psychologist, one of the first things I learned was that awareness and understanding were catalysts for growth. As a woman in recovery, I have struggled more often than not, overcome by old issues that I thought I put to bed years ago. When I have shared stories from my personal journey, my clients have told me over and over again that sharing aspects of my life has given them courage to pursue their own journey.

To honor my clients, I am going to share my story in the hopes that it can help someone else gain the strength necessary to heal from trauma, an eating disorder or addiction. It has been my privilege over the last twenty five years to have worked with thousands of women. I have included the essence of some of their stories. Those in the book are all fictional. They are not actual stories of any of my clients either alive or dead.

Since I have lived with stress most of my life, it is easy to ignore it. The word stress is often used without realizing the ramifications it has on our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual lives. One of the best ways to minimize stress is by having a secure sense of self, positive self esteem and by becoming aware of the stressors, our feelings and possible solutions. It may take time to learn to access our feelings, to trust our decision making and find a direction that works for us.

When in a difficult situation, it is usually better to move slowly rather than running as fast as we can to achieve resolution. Fast and furious may not win the race. Developing success strategies is an important contributor to maintaining balance and success.

When we cannot identify the stressors, it may indicate that the circumstances causing us distress happened years ago. Often these feelings stem from childhood issues that were left unresolved. Their root may be in an unresolved trauma, whether from sexual or emotional abuse, from parental divorce or from the loss of significant figures in our lives.

As I reviewed my clinical work with clients, a vast majority of them were unwilling to resign themselves to a life of despair. They were motivated to struggle in order to gain balance in their lives. During the course of our work together, in individual psychotherapy sessions, I observed patterns. The patterns appeared to be similar in a majority of the cases.

I categorized what I observed into 5 phases. I called the phases the 5-Phases of Recovery. In order to see how my clients related to the categories I developed, I brought a chart into my office. During the course of our sessions, clients would often refer to the chart, emphasizing where they were in the recovery cycle.

As they started to understand the significance of their underlying issues, their true selves began to break through and emerge. They gave their truthful desires a voice. In time, not only did they develop a voice, they were also motivated to take action so they could live full and satisfying lives.

The following phases are anecdotal. I did not conduct a clearly defined study. I think it is beneficial that the reader develop awareness of what was observed over the course of approximately three years. Whether or not you are a woman in recovery, the phases can shed light on the process that takes place for others who struggle with healing and growth.

The 5-Phases of Recovery: A Synopsis

Phase 1: The Black Pit of Despair

The Black Pit of Despair often struck home for those women who initially entered therapy to heal from trauma or an eating disorder. When a client sought treatment, they were usually seen twice and sometimes even three times a week. Over the course of many months, as we addressed the symptoms, the active symptoms of the disorder subsided significantly. As clients were able to build on their own experiences, sessions were reduced. My clients were told that they could contact me at any time in between sessions as needed. The contact was intended as a way to avoid relapse and to aid them to build their internal foundation. I wanted the clients to know they had ongoing support.

During Phase 1: When clients were in the Black Pit of Despair some of the symptoms included: bingeing, purging, depression, isolation, and anxiety. The clients I was seeing at the time were often bingeing and purging multiple times a day. It was not uncommon to hear that they ate large quantities of food, traveled to drive through restaurants in the middle of the night, and bought food, knowing that it was the basis for the purging that would follow. Frequently, they admitted they felt the onset of a binge before they ever took the first bite. Many of them preceded their eating behavior with large amounts of alcohol. They said that they couldn’t stop the behavior. They expressed self loathing as they acknowledged that they felt completely at the mercy of the binge/purge cycle.

They rarely had ways of managing stress. They tended to be unaware of their feelings, had poor communication skills and saw no way out of their dilemma. When asked what they liked about themselves, more often than not, they cried and said they were worthless. They had little understanding about the roots of their struggles. Finally, they had little ability to reflect about the issues, their relationships and their problems without blaming themselves for everything. It was difficult for them to hear that they had a disorder, and that it was not their fault.

Phase 2: The Danger Zone

In the next phase of recovery, in Phase 2, the Danger Zone, the symptoms started to abate. They began to acknowledge that they were suffering from a disorder and that they were not to blame, nor were they worthless.

A significant amount of time was focused on building their self esteem. Building a positive sense of self helped them develop a foundation and ultimately, a strong core self that is essential for embracing life’s many challenges.

Some were taking medication for anxiety or depression after they were advised to see a psychiatrist. They were more apt to think about bingeing, purging or restricting without actually acting it out.

They could often identity the behavior and avert it by using compensatory behaviors such as writing in a journal and engaging in activities. They were helped to find compensatory behaviors so they could avert their acting out behavior. They were told they could contact me in between sessions when they had a desire to engage in their destructive behavior. They learned to accept that they had a disorder and that recovery was the answer not self blame.

During Phase 2, the Danger Zone, sometimes they were able to identify the situations that were triggering their desire to binge/purge. During this phase, it was essential to spend time addressing issues related to their family of origin. The traumas