Bouncing Back from Difficult Times

By Mary Ann V. Mercer Psy.D.

"Bouncing Back from Difficult Times" teaches you about your patterns of thoughts, emotions and reactions that stop you from effectively handling life difficulties and problems. You will learn valuable characteristics of resilient and optimistic people – plus how they superbly handle life challenges and problems.

Difficult times and crises force us to look at our lives -- whether we like it or not – to face and deal with the consequences. Troubles in life can become unique opportunities to venture to a higher level of growth that goes well beyond the concept of happiness. Instead of chasing happiness like many people do -- this book shows you how to make amazing and lasting changes.

Why do some people bounce back and thrive while others do not and stay stuck? Mary Ann V. Mercer, Psy.D., answers this question and a lot more. She shows you strategies and techniques that really help you release anchors that hold you back and keep you down. You will learn how to break through adverse reactions and blocks, plus change your discouraging beliefs so you actually create the life you desire and transform your life by growing from your difficult times.

"Bouncing Back from Difficult Times" teaches you key lessons to dramatically
improve your life, including:
♦ Transform the quality of your life – thrive and flourish from your difficult times
♦ Discover how some people grow and thrive during difficult times – while others suffer
♦ Specific steps you can take to conquer difficulties – and overcome your challenges
♦ How to release 'Agony Anchors' that hold you back and keep you down
♦ Ways you can transform your discouraging beliefs into Hopeful & Encouraging Beliefs
♦ Learn the secret power of 'The Magic Question,' plus other Life Changing questions
♦ Pinpoint precisely what you really want & discover a new, inspiring meaning for your life
♦ Energetic vibrations – raise your vibrations & awareness so you vastly improve
the quality of your life

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 6, 2021
• ISBN: 9780983273967

Book preview

Chapter 1

Difficult Times in Your

Life & Reasons Why

They Are Tough

A. Life Events We Can & Can’t Control

The gem cannot be polished without friction,

nor man perfected without trials."

– Chinese Proverb

Life events and difficulties we face are

either expected or unexpected.

Unexpected events or traumas we can’t control are events such as accidents, job losses, death of loved ones, traumas, weather catastrophes, worlds crises and pandemics. These are viewed as events we can’t control or are happening outside of us—external reasons. Psychologists have researched this phenomenon and call it ‘External Locus of Control.’ These type events cause people to have difficulties coping, because they feel they can’t control what is happening. In unexpected life events that I just identified – this is true. However, beyond this type of situation—it is not always the case. Let’s explore these ways of looking at life.

What is a Locus of Control?

A locus of control can be internal or external. This is the manner in which an individual views their life circumstances. An ‘Internal Locus of Control’ means an individual perceives they are in control of what happens in their lives. They believe that their attitudes and behavior create what they have in their life.

An ‘External Locus of Control’ means that an individual attributes what happens to them to external or outside factors that they can’t control—nor do anything about. They believe their lives are mainly controlled by random events and actions of other people. As a result—they feel helpless and defeated.

As you probably guessed, an ‘Internal Locus of Control’ is tied to greater resilience and strength. These individuals feel in-control of their lives, and exhibit a Can-Do attitude. These are traits of resilient and optimistic people. You will learn the about these abilities, skills, and approaches to easily carry them out in your life.

B. Ways We Create Dark & Difficult Times

There are times and situations when difficult times arrive because of what the individual does in their lives. For example, being irresponsible, being stuck in blaming others, unresolved anger and constantly giving up or looking for the easy way out of situations. These unhappy and unproductive people avoid taking full responsibility for their lives, actions, thoughts, and feelings. They often resort to some irresponsible behaviors. They

want, demand, expect and manipulate others to take care of them

they spend much brainpower, energy and time searching for free giveaways

blame all sorts of people and situations for their predicaments

It is a bad habit that I call ‘irresponsible-it is.’ These types of individuals who fail in many arenas of life—often blame other people-- and sometimes themselves. They blame other people as the source their difficulties. These may include parents, teachers, siblings, neighbors, friends, enemies, colleagues, and anyone else they can think of blaming for any affront.

Another focus of blame they emanate is on themselves. Blaming yourself. You can chastise yourself for all sorts of possible faults. Perhaps you are too old, too young, too tall, too short, too skinny or large, uneducated, or manifest a million other defects. At some point, people who lead optimistic lives decided to cut loose from what I call, ‘Agony Anchors,’ and sail forward. At some point you need to stop ruminating about it and move on. However, it is often a task that appears difficult to accomplish without help or guidance. This book offers you what to do.

How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself.

– Publilius Syrus

Research on optimistic people - who have an Internal Locus of Control - find that they take responsibility for their lives and therefore are joyful or happy. However, it is found that pessimistic people—who have an External Locus of Control and blame others—experience depression, worry and tension, hopelessness, setbacks, and frustration. Experiencing these reactions can create a downward spiral of despair and emotional turmoil. It is like a snowball rolling downhill, picking up more snow and velocity until it finally smacks into a tree at the bottom of the hill. Such may be the fate of someone who does not lift himself or herself out of pessimism and into optimism.

Here are some signs you are not coping well with difficulties and life setbacks or problems. You may be feeling

waves of anger

waves of anxiety

tired from not sleeping well

upset stomach

body aches and tension in the body or headaches

fatigue

an increased need for eating and drinking alcohol

hopeless

This book will help you understand unproductive response patterns, blocks, habits and reasons why some people seem to cope and bounce back from difficulties better than others. You will learn their productive response pattern that will move you thru problems and difficulties instead of feeling stuck and depressed. Here is an introduction in which I now will discuss a couple of patterns that may keep you trapped.

C. Your Unproductive Response

Patterns That Keep You Trapped

Reactivity – Emotional Reactions

That Keep You Stuck

Reactivity is a word to describe an External Locus of Control individual’s response to problems. Emotional reactions to problems that keep you stuck include anger, self-pity, worry, and fears. When you hold on and staying stuck in these feelings, they further anchor you down, making it difficult to rise above your problems.

It is important to understand that difficulties you hold onto further deplete your mood and health. If not dealt with. they leave you feeling overwhelmed, anxious and depressed. It leaves you feelings aimless and uncertain what to do to move on. As a result, you will further struggle and suffer.

Self-defeating Thoughts &

Habits That Keep You Down

Self-defeating thoughts and habits include complaining, blaming, and dwelling on problems. These harmful thought patterns and habits make it difficult to cope during difficult times. We discussed how emotional reactions to problems keep you stuck, such as anger, self-pity, worry, fears and blaming others. When you hold on to these feelings, they further anchor you down, making it difficult to rise above your problems. They contribute to self-defeating thoughts, habits and behaviors that keep you from rising above and overcoming your problems.

Some people, on the other hand, believe that difficult times all serve a purpose for us if we take time to learn from them and the stories we develop about them. Troubled times, disappointments, even trauma and pain can help you learn and grow if you welcome them into your awareness and consciousness to learn from them. Difficult times themselves teach us lessons, guide us, and help us learn valuable life lessons that can only be taught to us at that time – or in that manner.

Moving Forward

In the following chapters of this book, you will learn in detail about thoughts and emotional reactions that keep you from effectively handling life difficulties and problems. You also will learn characteristics of how resilient and optimistic people handle life challenges and problems. This will help you learn strategies and techniques that encourage you to release patterns and anchors that hold you back and weigh you down. I will discuss in detail ways to break through reactions and blocks, as well as how to change your discouraging beliefs to create the life you desire—and transform your life by growing from your difficult times.

Chapter 2

Productive Response

Patterns That Move You Ahead

How You Can Overcome Difficult Times

Two Types of Individuals Who Overcome

& Grow thru Difficult Times

There are two types on individuals who overcome and grow through challenges and difficult times. They are (a) Resilient people and (b) Optimistic people

A. Patterns You Can Learn

from Resilient People

Resilient people know how to superbly handle problems and hard times. The trait of resilience means you are better able to cope with difficult times, challenges and unexpected events. This means you not only cope better - but you also find a way to resolve it. Resilient people seem to naturally draw on past experiences, and as a result. they learn how to overcome their current situations. They have survived adversities in the past and lean on the lessons they learned to overcome problems.

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, tragedy, and ongoing stress in various areas of their lives. According to the American Psychological Association, resilience involves rebounding from difficult experiences. Doing this also can result in profound personal growth for the individual. ‘While adverse events can be painful and difficult, they don’t have to determine the outcome of your entire life. They understand that there are many aspects of their life they can control and change.’ Becoming more resilient not only helps you get through difficult circumstances, but it also empowers you to grow and improve your life.

Importantly, resilience involves certain behaviors, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn and develop. They have some skills similar to optimistic people—which we will discuss in the next section—and you can also learn from them.

Key Traits & Ways You

Can Become More Resilient

+ Acceptance of the Situation

Resilient people tend to practice acceptance of a situation. They don’t deny there is a crisis. However, they accept the situation facing them instead of fighting it. They confidently appear to understand and accept their reactions to it. They face the uncertainty and feelings of uneasiness or worries. However, they do not get stuck there, and they understand the need to let go and move on.

+ Accept Need to Make Changes

Resilient people know they cannot always control all events or circumstances surrounding them. However, they know they can choose and control how they react. They will not deny the situation and their feelings, but they appear to know they need to move on and do something about it.

They focus on the aspects of the situation that are under their control which makes them more able to weather almost any storm. From there, they go into a problem-solving mode to figure out what are the options and steps they can take.

+ Adaptability & Flexibility

Along with acceptance and knowing they need to take some type of action, resilient people are adaptable and flexible. They bend and will not let difficult times break them. They are flexible to make a shift or change in the mist of challenges. They display skills of adaptability and not inflexibility.

In summary—what you can learn from resilient people is that they deal with their reactions and accept the situation challenging them. They acknowledge the need to change their position in a flexible and adaptive manner. This includes changing their expectations and plans for their lives.

Now, let’s move on to understand optimistic people where more specific research reveals what you can learn from them to bounce back from your difficult times and problems.

B. How Optimistic People Handle

Life Challenges and Problems

1. Reasons & Ways Optimistic People

Bounce Back from Difficulties: Strategies You

Can Learn to Use from Optimistic people

Why Be OPTIMISTIC?

First, reasons to become optimistic and how to become an optimistic person.

In brief, an