The Greatest Gift to My Children: A Father's Lessons for Life and Success

By Kelvin Wong

All parents share a common hope that their children will have a lifetime of happiness and success. Unfortunately, we only have our kids for a brief moment. We can only hope our gifts to our children will be sufficient for their well-being even when we can't be with them anymore. The truth is, the greatest gift you can give to your children isn't money or possessions. It's wisdom. This book was born out of the author's desire to leave a tangible account of his experience—taught by the school of hard knocks—to guide his sons to live with greater purpose and significance. It contains timeless and valuable lessons applicable to everyone, young and old alike. Indeed, wisdom is the greatest gift for your children's success, and yours too!

 

In this book, you'll learn how to:

- Discover your life purpose and live your passion

- Dream big and believe in yourself

- Visualize your success and turn your dream into reality

- Overcome fears, uncertainties and self-doubts

- Improve your financial health

- Stop chasing money and have it chasing you instead

- Live a truly happy, successful and fulfilled life

... and much more!

 

This book is for those seeking happiness and success for their children and themselves.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kelvin Wong
• Release date: Sep 7, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201701109

Kelvin Wong

Kelvin Wong is a millionaire landlord and investor. He held senior management positions in multinational corporations before leaving corporate life in 2007 to manage his own investments. He has achieved financial freedom and retired at 39, owning a multimillion-dollar property portfolio in Singapore, Australia and Malaysia. A Dean’s List graduate, Kelvin holds a Bachelor of Business in Marketing and Management Science from Edith Cowan University in Australia. He writes about building wealth, investing and achieving financial freedom in his free time. Visit his website at www.KelvinWong.com for more information.

Book preview

1

WHAT’S YOUR WORTH?

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Know who you are. Know what you want. Know what you deserve. And don’t settle for less.

Tony Gaskins

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A teacher started off his class by holding up a $100 note. In the classroom of ten students, he asked, Who would like to have this $100 note?

Without any hesitations, all the students raised their hands.

I’m going to give this $100 note to one of you. But first, let me do this. The teacher went on to crush the note up with his hand. Then he asked, Who still wants this crumpled note?

Once again, all hands were up in the air.

Let’s see, the teacher replied, What if I do this? He spat on the $100 note, threw it on the floor, and started to grind it with his shoe. He then picked up the crumpled and dirty $100 note, and asked the class: Anyone would like to have it now?

Still, all ten students raised their hands.

Well, we have learned a very valuable lesson here. You see, no matter what I did to this $100 note, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It is still worth a hundred dollars!

As you go through life and its experiences, you are dropped, crumpled, spat upon, and ground into the dirt by the decisions you make, and the consequences that come your way.

There will be moments you feel as though you are worthless. The truth is, you are like the $100 note. Crush it and step on it, and the note retains its value. Even cutting the $100 note into half will not affect its value because after you stick the two halves back, the note is still worth a hundred dollars. The only way to destroy the note’s value is to burn it to ashes. The same goes for you. Never let any circumstances tear you down. Your self-worth remains the same no matter what obstacles you face, so long as you stand up and continue your life’s journey. You are definitely worth much, much more than the $100 note. In fact, you are priceless!

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THE MEANING OF SELF-WORTH

Self-worth is something many people struggle with. It is difficult to understand why self-worth is so important if you don’t understand what it really is. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defined self-worth as a sense of one’s own value as a human being. It is also defined as a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect. In other words, self-worth enables you to feel good about yourself without any external influence. Hence, you should place value on yourself because of who you are, not because of what you have or have not accomplished. But the thing is, it’s easier said than done. Because in reality, people commonly use other yardsticks— looks, work, achievements, and other factors—to determine their self-worth.

The self-worth theory states that self-worth is determined mostly by our self-evaluated abilities and our performance at one or more activities that we deem valuable. While there are many ways people measure a person’s worthiness in life, it is important to consider whether some of these measures are truly healthy, or otherwise.

There are five common factors that people use to measure and compare their own self-worth and that of others:

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1. Appearance

Some people determine self-worth by how much attention they can attract with their appearance. In the world today, billions of advertising dollars are spent on various media to constantly send out the message telling everyone that you are only as good as you look. Undeniably, many companies are capitalizing on people’s inadequacies and insecurities—aging, obesity, underweight, hair loss, single eyelids, flat nose, crooked teeth, rough and bumpy skin—to promote products that will supposedly help consumers look their best so they could feel good about themselves.

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m certainly not against good looks. To be sure, a good-looking person with a great physique could serve as an added advantage, especially in certain industries such as modeling or showbiz. However, a beautiful face or the perfect beach body wouldn’t last forever. And nothing can stop us from growing old whether we like it or not. Therefore, an individual’s self-worth should never be depended on physical appearance. Otherwise, it can become detrimental to a person’s self-esteem as aging occurs.

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2. Net worth

There are also people who measure self-worth by the size of their bank accounts. But here’s the thing, humans aren’t bank notes. Neither are they products with price tags attached. Only things have monetary value accorded to them. God created humans in His own image (Genesis 1:27), and the same God who made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them (Psalm 146:6), looked at all of us and thought the world needed one of us too. Isn’t that cool? This truth alone makes all human beings precious, invaluable and incalculable. So, why would you want to put a price tag on yourself?

In all likelihood, those who measure their self-worth by their net worth, or by their income or material possessions, may never feel valuable enough. Worst still, if people choose to live beyond their means just to make themselves feel more valuable and acceptable to society, they may end up being broke and miserable instead. A person’s outlook or possessions won’t reflect his or her true value. Thus, it is pointless to keep up with the Joneses just to appear good and well. Why? For the simple fact that most of the Mr. and Mrs. Jones out there are flat broke! Digging deeper into debt to upkeep an expensive lifestyle will surely backfire in due time.

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3. Who you know

There is a common saying: It’s not what you know, but who you know that counts. In today’s society, there are many people who depend on who they know to determine their self-worth. They tend to judge their own value, as well as the value of others, by who are the important and influential people in their social circle. The more VIPs (very important persons) they know, the more they assign value to themselves.

I’m sure among the social events that you have attended in the past, you would have likely encountered people who enjoy name-dropping famous people, believing that by doing so would gain them admiration from others. These people feel good about themselves by associating with other famous individuals. But herein lies a big problem. Depending on other people to make you feel good about your self-worth is akin to chasing after the wind, because you can never control how others choose to think of you. Besides, you will never be able to receive enough praise and positive reinforcement from people to make you genuinely feel good about yourself.

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4. What you do

Have you ever wondered why people like to introduce themselves by saying what they do? A person meeting another for the very first time will probably ask, or be asked, What do you do for a living? And then comes the response... I’m an investment banker or I’m a psychologist or I teach Economics at the university or whatever that person does. That’s the way people like to present themselves. We all do something, don’t we? Think about the last time you mingled around at a social event. You introduced yourself, Hi, I’m so and so, nice to meet you! The other person replied, I’m so and so, pleased to meet you too! And the next question? You will likely be asking or be asked: What do you do for a living? Very true, isn’t it?

A career gives a person a sense of self-worth. Even a job title can reinforce people’s assurance that they are somebody who command respect. As most people desire to contribute to society in some admirable ways, their occupations can become something they hold dear. This is especially so when they are concerned about how others see them. People often judge others by what they do. Try asking your friends whether a businessman or a janitor is considered more valuable to the world and you will likely get an obvious answer—that a businessman is more valuable. Politicians, scientists or lawyers are valued and treasured more by society than professions such as cleaners, construction workers, or drivers. That’s just how our society perceive people. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. Everyone counts, whether the person contributes to the community in little or big ways.

Most people see things through the lens of their own perception. Their worth is relative to what they do. Basing your self-worth on your job title is not only inappropriate, it is a big risk too. Doing so is like building a house on sand. Without a strong and solid foundation, the house can be easily destroyed by extreme weather conditions. Unexpected events do happen. An economic downturn, unforeseen health issue, or any crisis that befalls you can derail your life or may even put an end to your career. So, you may face a major identity crisis should you tie your identity and self-worth to what you do. You need to refrain from measuring your worth by your job title. Otherwise, you will never feel good about yourself if you are out of job or when you retire one day.

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5. What you achieve

At some point in our life journey, we’re going to encounter people who enjoy boasting about their achievements like business successes, promotions to higher management levels, marathon wins, or even examination scores. You probably had already met someone who never stops bragging. These are people who yearn to be recognized and respected for their accomplishments. In reality, many of us tend to use one’s achievement as a yardstick to determine the person’s worth. We can’t deny that it is normal human behavior to feel proud about one’s triumphs. But then, you must never base your self-worth entirely on your success. That’s because you will need constant accomplishments to feel good about yourself. What’s worst is, you may develop a tendency to avoid doing things that have the slightest possibility of failure just to improve your probability of success. And when that happens, will you allow yourself to be creative and innovative? Will you take risks and boldly venture to places where no one has gone before? Will you ever reach your fullest potential? Chances are high that you won’t.

Those who have a healthy level of self-worth don’t rely on praises or recognitions for their accomplishments. Think about this: When the birds are singing at dawn in the forest and nobody is around to hear, does it mean there’s no melody? Of course not! Your internal awareness of your achievements should be more than sufficient for you to feel adequate and satisfied, even without external praises. On the other extreme, there are those who simply cannot stop blaming themselves for the mistakes they made. To many, making a mistake seems like the end of the world. It really isn’t. It only means that you need to fix the mistake and start over. The wonderful thing about mistakes is that everyone makes them!

Making mistakes are part and parcel of life and can’t be avoided. If you have made a mistake, there will always be another chance for you. Therefore, stop blaming and beating yourself continuously for your mistakes or you will struggle to move forward in life. Rather, you must view making mistakes as a learning experience. Take steps to ensure that you won’t repeat those mistakes again. The important thing is learning a lesson from your mistake and trying to do better next time around.

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WINNER AND LOSER

In 1958, a man from New York known as Robert Lane had a son. Robert named his baby son Winner, as he believed such name would give his child a boost in life. How can his son lose with a name like Winner Lane?

Three years later, the Lanes, who already had several children, had another son (their eighth and last child). Robert decided to call him Loser because on the spur of the moment, he asked his daughter what to name the baby and she said, Well, we already have a Winner in the family, why don’t we have a Loser? So, the Lane family now has a Winner and a Loser. But if Winner Lane can hardly be expected to fail, how can Loser Lane possibly succeed? Furthermore, numerous studies have shown that a person’s name affects the chances of success.

Years passed by and the boys grew up. One child went on to become a detective while the other went to jail. Make a guess... Who is the policeman and who is the thief?

Loser Lane went on scholarship to an elite prep school, graduated from Lafayette College in Pennsylvania, and joined the NYPD (New York Police Department). However, Winner Lane went the other extreme. He has been arrested almost three dozen times for burglary, car break-ins, domestic violence, trespassing, and other mayhem. Winner’s only noteworthy achievement is the length of his criminal record!

Robert Lane probably had the right idea that naming is destiny, just that he has gotten the Lane brothers mixed up! Winner Lane ended up being a loser in life—a petty criminal living in a homeless shelter in upstate New York—trying to get his life on track. On the other hand, Loser Lane has been a success in life by being a detective in the South Bronx. Loser felt good about himself in spite of having a name with negative connotation; and he went on living his life in a positive manner. Although Loser never hide his name, the people around him were uncomfortable using it. His friends called him Lou instead.

Central to this story, there’s a very important lesson you must learn—how you see and feel about yourself matter the most. Even if you start out life as a loser, the ultimate destiny is yours to create. Never give up on yourself no matter what.

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DO YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF?

Joe is a wealthy businessman but seems unable to enjoy his business success. When Joe isn’t solving a business problem, he is concerned about what others will think of him and what he can do to get their approvals.

Sally has as many great ideas as Joe. Entrepreneurship is also in her blood. However, with Sally being a lifelong procrastinator, she is nowhere near as successful. Sally doesn’t enjoy what she is doing. She remains stuck in the same company because she thinks no doors of opportunities have ever opened for her.

Then there is Megan who is frustrated at being overlooked for promotion again. A quiet and competent employee, Megan has been with the company for more than ten years. But she thinks she isn’t as good compared to her fellow colleagues.

Finally, there is Bob who enjoys talking about his wonderful ideas and his dream of starting a business. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the courage to leave his well-paying and stable job. Bob keeps complaining that he doesn’t like his job but does nothing to improve his situation.

These are just some stories I have come across. What’s common in Joe, Sally, Megan and Bob is that they all have a low sense of self-esteem. Looks like nobody can escape having a negative sense of oneself, doesn’t it? The world is somewhat suffering from an epidemic of low self-esteem. Even those who are known to everyone as being full of themselves are mostly people with low self-esteem, trying to convince themselves as well as others of a worth they may not be experiencing.

Low self-esteem is the result of one’s negative beliefs such as I’m not good enough, I’m not capable or I’m not worthy. Having low self-esteem stems from unresolved past experiences and emotions. Don’t underestimate the consequences of having low self-esteem because it interferes with a person’s ability to lead a healthy and fulfilling life. A low self-worth is often the cause of physical, emotional, relational, and financial hardships in one’s life. It may also lead to dangerous behaviors, a nagging sense of failure, a willingness to tolerate abusive treatment, and even severe depression.

Is there anything that you don’t like about yourself? Be brutally honest with yourself as you think deeply and answer the question. Whether it is something big or the slightest habit that you don’t like about yourself, know that you can do something about it. You don’t have to be who you are today because your life isn’t scripted. To feel truly good about yourself, you need to love the person you actually are, both inside and out. You need to start with identifying the thoughts, behaviors, and emotions that could be preventing you from feeling good about yourself. It takes a lot of effort and some adjustments to learn to accept yourself, and to address any unhappiness you may have in your life. After that, you can work on creating a lifestyle that makes you feel valuable, loved, and fulfilled.

What must you do to feel good about yourself?

Follow three simple steps and you will be on your way...

You must first stop dwelling in negative thoughts about yourself;

then start building up your self-worth;

and finally, begin learning to love yourself more each passing day.

Negative thoughts, self-worth and self-love are three factors that will significantly affect how you feel about yourself. They are vital and mustn’t be ignored. When you feel good about yourself, nothing negative can touch you. If you have high self-esteem, you won’t need to convince others of your worth. Neither will you need anyone’s approval to experience being good.

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THE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

If you cut your finger, the treatment is pretty simple—wash off the blood with clean water, apply some antibacterial cream, and put on a bandage. A few days later, the wound heals and you are good to go. But treating your thought process isn’t as straightforward, especially if the thoughts are negative. How you start your day often sets the tone for it. A pessimistic or negative start makes it difficult to turn things around. On the other hand, an optimistic and positive start makes it much easier for you to keep going till the end of the day.

There are times when negative thoughts can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You probably have encountered moments in your life when you don’t like who you are. Such instances are common in the lives of many. However, if you continue to entertain such thoughts, those moments you spend hating yourself can turn into hours, and may eventually lead you to spend time hating yourself every day without you realizing. Keep feeding yourself with negative thoughts and you will constantly feel incomplete with a sense of emptiness. It is difficult to love yourself if all you have is negative thoughts about who you are, and what you have done. And if you can’t accept love from yourself, you are going to find it hard to love others or receive love from others.

There may also be times that you are overly concerned about what people think of you. It is easy to fall into negative thoughts when you care too much about what others think, or say, about you when you do (or don’t do) something. Getting stuck in your head with thoughts like that will drag you further away from what you want, and from reality. Worst still, it drains all your energy and you may end up trapping yourself in an analysis paralysis situation as a result. In reality, other people really don’t care that much about what you say or do. Why? Because they don’t have the time and energy to think about you! Most people already have their hands and minds full—their jobs, family, interests, problems, worries, and even fears like what others may think of them. When you get negative, you tend to forget the positive things in life that you have repeatedly taken for granted. Constantly remind yourself that you have a roof over your head to protect you from bad weathers; that you can afford to put food on the table without going through hunger; and that you have clean water to drink, clothes to keep you warm, wonderful family and friends around you. Always be grateful for all the things provided for you to enjoy.

Negativity that builds up within you can become toxic and prevents you from living the life you truly desire. If you are consistently having negative thoughts about yourself or the situation you are in, making mental shifts and embracing positive thinking can help. When you shift the way you think, you are consciously stopping an established thought pattern to focus on something else. Stop sabotaging yourself and start having more positive thoughts about yourself. Little thoughts such as I can surely achieve it or I’m more than good enough can make a big difference. It gets easier as you put positivity into practice. Think positive to make things positive, even if things are negative. For instance, you come across a bad person and experience difficulty finding something positive. Think positive nonetheless. You see, no matter how bad a person really is, he’s not useless. Because any bad person can still be a good example for others NOT to follow!

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SELF-WORTH VERSUS NET WORTH

During my teenage years, I thought the way to happiness and success was to grow my net worth to such a level that I can change the world. I couldn’t be more wrong! In fact, the best way forward is to change the way you perceive yourself. This is well within your control and the choice is entirely yours to make. Whereas changing the world is such a massive project that it would surely involve external factors and obstacles beyond your control. It takes time and small steps for anyone to change the world.

I had many hopes and wishes in my early twenties. I used to tell myself: If I could earn more money and become rich, I shall quit my job, live in a bungalow with a beautiful swimming pool, and do the things that I truly enjoy without having to worry about money. But then, these wishes of mine have inadvertently become rules with a big implication—that I can be happy and successful only if those conditions are met. This should never be the case. If your goals aren’t completely met, does it mean