UnExpected Pivots

By Kimberly K French

Life is a series of twists and turns, each presenting us with the opportunity to transform and evolve. Kimberly empowers you through her stories and experience to embrace change as a catalyst for growth. With the warmth of a mentor and the wisdom of a friend, she guides you on a journey to not only survive but thrive in a rapidly changing world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kimberly K French
• Release date: Sep 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9798218282851

Book preview

Introduction

I was an unexpected pivot for my parents. I was conceived despite my father having two failed vasectomies and my mom having only one ovary. Surprise, here comes baby number five! I always wondered if my dad had the mailman investigated after Mom delivered the news that she was pregnant again.

Make no mistake, I look just like my dad; I have his eyes, and we share the same pointy, elf-like right ear. When my sister Sue (child number four, conceived after the first failed vasectomy) would tease me about not being planned, my mother would quickly remind her that they only planned for three children. Thanks, Mom, for having my back! Sue and I must have really wanted to be born into this family!

To my parents’ credit, they made the necessary pivots to make room for me and welcomed me into the world. Mom had to go back to work as a school bus driver, and Dad took on extra jobs to supplement his high school teacher’s salary. It wasn’t their plan, but they did it, and they somehow made it all work—putting a roof over our heads and food on the table each night.

Life is punctuated by a never-ending series of unexpected pivots. Some are welcome, and others are not. Unexpected pivots are often the result of unexpected events that force us to respond—to pivot—taking us down new, unexpected paths in life.

The stories in this book cover unexpected events and the subsequent pivots—external and internal (i.e., changes in attitude)—that were required to navigate them successfully. For simplicity’s sake, in this book, I use the term unexpected pivot to refer to both unexpected events and the ensuing pivots.

My life has been a series of unexpected events that have resulted in major pivots. The first was my father’s death on the morning of my oldest brother’s wedding. I was seven years old. It was an event that shook my family to its core.

Delivering my baby girl prematurely, at 25 weeks gestation, and spending five months with her in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) was an event of similar magnitude; it was life altering.

Other major pivots have included:

Suddenly realizing that I’m on a path that isn’t working.

Receiving unexpected opportunities that changed the trajectory of my life or career.

Being awakened in the middle of the night with the news that a loved one has died.

There’s nothing unusual about any of these unexpected pivots; many people have similar stories to share. I’ve developed strategies for successfully navigating pivots, and I’m sharing my stories here to inspire others to never give up hope.

The world at large has gone through a series of unexpected pivots over the last few years. We’ve experienced a global pandemic, staggering inflation, political uncertainty. There’s a war raging in Eastern Europe with far-reaching consequences, and world economies and political systems are on the edge.

Even the earth itself goes through unexpected pivots—changing climates and shifting tectonic plates causing everything from extreme fires and flooding to record-breaking hurricanes and devastating earthquakes.

Unexpected pivots often cause people to reflect on their life choices. Uncertainty pushes people to focus on what’s truly important to them. For instance, during the pandemic, some marriages fell apart; others drew together. Far-flung families moved to be closer to one another.

People quit their jobs to find better ones. Workers pivoted through the Great Resignation and Quiet Quitting; now, many of those who resigned are part of the Great Regret. A study by Paychex¹ found that 80% of those who resigned during the Great Resignation regret their choice. The pains and shifts resulting from so much change at once will likely be felt for years to come, until people settle into new routines that, once again, feel safe and normal.

Mass changes, made in groups—in events like the Great Resignation—highlight the fact that we often make choices based on what those around us are doing. This phenomenon is commonly known as the bandwagon effect,² and it predates social media influencers by centuries. People observe what those around them are doing—friends, neighbors, or family—to find guidance for their own decisions. If the crowd is doing it, it must be safe (or so we think). We’re constantly influenced by others without even realizing it. Someone is unhappy at work and sees a neighbor quitting his job to follow his bliss. So, they pause and wonder, Should I do the same? I want to be happy too! The more people do something, the more confident we feel that we should do the same.

The Great Regret—the 80% that lament their decision to quit during the Great Resignation—confirms that we shouldn’t let others’ actions have more influence over our personal choices than our own internal guidance. When you trust your inner guidance and stay centered and out of fear, you can move away from the crowd and avoid great regrets.

It takes effort to find your own path. No one else can do it for you. I believe that’s why so many of us opt for the easier path—following the crowd. But ask yourself this: Do you want an easy path with a higher risk of having regrets or a fulfilling path with fewer regrets?

If you want to lower your risk of having regrets, this book is for you. Our true power lives in our responses to the twists and turns in life’s journey.

Why I Wrote This Book

Simply put, I wrote this book because my inner guidance told me to. I have a deep sense that I was born for a reason, and I am laser focused on fulfilling my purpose. For years, my inner guidance has been prompting me to write a book based on my life’s lessons. The prompts have gotten louder year by year, and the time is now.

My purpose in this book is to share stories that illustrate how to move forward with confidence as the pace of change in the world accelerates. The simple strategies I provide require only a little faith and trust in yourself. You can’t make a mistake when you’re trusting your inner guidance. Even things that initially appear to be mistakes often turn out to be blessings in disguise.

Life is speeding up and shows no signs of slowing down. You may feel that if life piles on any more change, you’ll burst. We have to make a conscious choice to slow down enough to listen to the still, small voice inside us; otherwise, we risk going crazy amid all the noise.

Many people feel lost and are looking for guidance in navigating this rapidly changing world. The best coach I ever hired did only one thing for me—she taught me how to follow guidance from my soul and a higher power. All my life, I’ve intuitively known I should follow this inner direction, but for a long time, I was too afraid to do it. When I finally started listening and acting on my inner guidance, I asked purposeful questions about my decisions, big and small. This inner guidance has led me into amazing experiences beyond what I ever thought was possible.

The stories in this book—from myself and others—are intended to inspire you to develop trust in your inner guidance and stay centered in the face of the pivots in your life, expected or unexpected.

Change is inevitable. Your power lies in how you choose to navigate change.

Whether you’re a leader who wants to become more centered so you can help your team focus on delivering better outcomes, a parent who wants to stop worrying about your kids, or simply a human who wants to feel calmer in a chaotic world, I hope you find inspiration in the stories that follow.

The S.T.A.B.L.E. Framework

It’s hard to keep up with the challenges and opportunities that come with the rapid changes we see in both personal and professional life. In this book, I present a variety of ways—including self-reflection, mindfulness practices, and coping strategies—for you to gain the skills and confidence to pass through unexpected pivots with resilience, creativity, and compassion.

In the book, I use the word God to refer to my higher power. In my personal life, I also use the words Spirit, Source, and Universe to describe the creator of all life that flows throughout the universe. I invite you to use whatever term you find most comfortable to refer to the God of your own understanding.

When you face the unexpected, you need to find stable footing. You need to build a solid foundation to be prepared to weather a storm. Over the years, I’ve recognized a pattern in how I manage chaos, and I built it into a system I call S.T.A.B.L.E. The acronym helps me remember what to do during an unexpected pivot. (It was incredibly useful during the writing of this book when I broke a rib while on vacation!)

The S.T.A.B.L.E. framework is as follows:

S—Stay centered. If you want to build focus and clarity for making effective decisions in changing times, you need centeredness as your cornerstone. It is often just a breath away.

T—Trust your inner guidance. Developing self-awareness and learning to listen to your intuition is essential to developing trust in your inner guidance system. You already have what it takes to weather any storm—within you.

A—Accept life as it is. Acceptance is a key to removing roadblocks and moving gracefully through the twists and turns of life. When you remove the obstacles that hold you back, achieving your goals becomes easier.

B—Believe anything is possible. Your beliefs shape your outcomes. Develop a growth mindset so you can embrace unexpected pivots as opportunities for growth.

L—Live in gratitude. When everything is in flux, it’s often difficult to be grateful. Practicing gratitude during unexpected pivots is worth the effort.

E—Empower yourself. Give yourself permission to live life on your own terms. Your power relies a hundred percent on your responses to events in your life.

The S.T.A.B.L.E. framework provides the topics of the book’s chapters, which are divided as follows:

Lessons from My Journey: A story and lessons learned on my personal journey, illustrating one of the S.T.A.B.L.E. pillars.

Deep Dive into Common Challenges: A deeper dive into common challenges we all face.

Create Your Tool Kit: An introduction to tools you can use on your own journey. Create your own tool kit to help you thrive when you encounter unexpected pivots.

Feel free to skip around, or read chronologically. Either way, I hope you find the strategies useful!

Chapter 1:

Stay Centered

The nearer a [wo]man comes to a calm mind, the closer [s]he is to strength.

—Marcus Aurelius¹

Stay centered. If you want to build focus and clarity for making effective decisions in changing times, you need centeredness as your cornerstone. It is often just a breath away.

Lessons from My Journey

Eat, Sleep, Grow

Even when you’re on top of the world and things are going great, life can throw you a curveball when you least expect it. That’s what happened to me—I was 25 weeks pregnant and suddenly found myself in a life-and-death situation.

I practice staying centered because I do not enjoy living in extremes. I’ve experienced highs (euphoria) and lows (depression), and—quite frankly—both are exhausting. It takes a lot of energy to swing back and forth between extremes. For the sake of my health and balance, I prefer to take a path that runs down the middle. During major unexpected pivots—like the premature birth of my daughter—the practice of staying centered has served me well.

This is the story of my daughter’s birth at 25 weeks gestation, weighing only one pound.

At the time, I was working at American Express (Amex). I had built a great career there,