End Game

By Veronika Zyss

Lauren has reached that ambiguous certain age in life when meeting suitable men has become incredibly difficult. Over a bottle of wine, her friends suggest she try online dating, but Lauren is reluctant. How much of her personal life does she want online, and if she does meet someone of interest, how does she know hes not an opportunistor worse, a serial killer?

After some debate, Lauren joins the Internet dating wave. She sets out to find Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now, although she doubts her desirability. She hasnt felt young or sexy in years, so even if she finds a guy who is interested, what then? Will they date? Will they have sex? There are many more questions than answers in this modern age of cell phones and social media.

Her dating shenanigans take her from temples to the backstreet massage parlors of Kathmandu, to Bali and Singapore, as she travels in search of an ever-elusive husband. Both hilarious and poignant, Laurens journey reboots her love life and her sexual prowess, but is she really ready to meet The One? For every lonely person who cant see past the tears, falling apart is a choicebut so is starting again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Sep 13, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543747751

Veronika Zyss

Veronika Zyss began her writing career just before her fifty-eighth birthday, prompted by a family tragedy. She spends her time between Toronto and Singapore and has one son who is a physician in Los Angeles. She looks forward to writing more stories about grief, loss, and moving on.

Book preview

Copyright © 2018 by Veronika Zyss.

ISBN:              Hardcover                978-1-5437-4776-8

       Softcover                   978-1-5437-4774-4

                        eBook                        978-1-5437-4775-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

Contents

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Epilogue

Also by the Same Author

Coming Soon

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To Robert, my fantasy,

love,

Lauren

For every lonely person who could not see past their tears.

You can handle life’s difficult situations with dignity, or fall apart.

The choice is yours; it’s all a state of mind.

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Over a bottle of wine, perhaps too much wine, my long time friends once again suggest online dating. They know the only way to get me to agree to this is by making sure I’m less inhibited. Using wine to camouflage their goal, as they have seen my downward spiral over the last six months, they unilaterally decide to intervene with their own creative version of an ‘intervention’.

When presented with the idea of online dating, I think, It’s not that I haven’t thought of this myself; or even that it has not been suggested before (while I was in a more sober state), but here we all are, a little too inebriated and ready to build an online profile! Not one of my greatest thinking moments. But to be fair to myself, I am being manipulated.

First, choose a site for professionals. A site for age appropriate possible partners. They tell me they have already done all the research in preparation for this, informing me there are several types of sites, Ashley Madison for extra marital rendezvous; Tinder for mindless one night stands, as the kids would say, hook-ups; E-harmony for serious relationships, Our Time for the over fifty age group, Elite Singles for professionals, along with a whole host of others. Oh, where to begin?

Do I even want to do this? Let alone, am I ready to date? The thought of dating is scary, daunting, and if being completely honest with myself, possibly even a little bit thrilling. So many thoughts run through my mind all at once, in conjunction with the bottomless glass of wine I am being served. I tell myself, Dismiss your fears, any trepidation you may have and dive in, reminding myself that some random man won’t be dropping on my head, while I am sitting at home alone watching mindless TV. Finding a man to spend time with should be my first goal. I think, In the interim, why not adopt a pet to keep me company while watching TV and looking for a partner?

I must learn to be proactive. I must learn to take charge, and not whimp out. If I don’t, who will for me? After all this is the rest of my life. Set a goal. My goal is to find a partner for a happily ever after. The hardest thing to do is to just jump in and do it. At least then, maybe, I won’t be all alone. Step One: the hardest, JUST DO IT!

Deep breath.

OK. Start answering the questions from the site my friends pulled up.

What name would you like on your profile? I think I’m not ready to give out my real name. What if someone I know reads my profile, sees my name, and knows what I am doing? How embarrassing would that be for me? I stop myself. If they are looking at profiles, why should I be the one who is embarrassed? Are they not doing the same thing as I? What is the big deal about going online? I’m not the first or, even the only person on the planet who is lonely and looking, am I?

Answer: There shouldn’t be any embarrassment or stigma; however, I’m still stigmatized by the sheer thought of it. I guess this is my problem, not theirs? But still, how do I proceed?

Just start answering the damn questions, stupid, an inner voice screams out at me!

What name would you like on your profile? I think Lauren Hanson. No. I’m not ready, not brave enough to be me yet. As I’m really not ready to use my real name, even with my current questionable and judgment state of mind, I think, How would I describe myself to someone? Use something to describe myself other than my name, or an alias. As I am entering another chapter of my life, why not use Chapter Two? My husband died just over three years ago and as can’t go backwards in time, why then, not go forward to the next chapter of my new life? After all, I reason, I have no choice but to enter the next chapter, Chapter Two.

Name: Chapter Two, it is then.

My friends quickly type in the answers to the next questions, age, height, weight, and so on, proceeding to fill in all relevant as well as non-relevant information, before I have a change of mind.

Next page, What are you looking for in a man? Describe.

OK. Now let me think. I reach for their keyboard and type breathing. Ellen and Michael look at me, shake their heads saying, Get serious, breathing?

Breathing would be nice. I reply.

You need another drink, and a really good psychiatrist. Get real. If you could build a perfect man, who would he be? Use your imagination. No limitations here. Close your eyes and fantasize the perfect man for you. This coming from best friends who happen to be family law and arbitration lawyers, Bickerson & Bickerson LLB. I shake my head and think, Where was your imagination when you opened your practice?

Having the last sip of my Cabernet Sauvignon, I refill my glass thinking, Hmmm, the perfect man. What would he be like? Who would he be? In my minds’ eye, I try to envision my Mr. Right.

He would be about six feet tall, athletic, with long lean muscles, be intelligent, have hair, a beard, be close to retirement, or retired from an upper executive position, have diverse interests, a photographic memory, be incredibly erudite, be both emotionally as well as financially secure. In other words, the perfect Renaissance Man. WAIT! Get this man out of my head. I just described my late husband. Build a new perfect man; I must learn to let go of what was taken from me.

I have another sip of wine and excuse myself to their washroom. I close the door, look into the mirror and sob. Get a hold of yourself, I beg my reflection. What is past is past. Today is today. Today is the rest of my life. I repeat this mantra in my head until my tears subside. I wash my face and go back to my friends and their keyboard. Sobriety suddenly overtakes me. This time I really try.

Placing my fingers on their keyboard, I once again begin typing … really making a conscientious effort.

First question:

A few words that describe Chapter Two:

I am emotionally secure, stable and physically fit. In addition, I have had an interesting life which has shaped the woman I am today.

Good. I am satisfied with that answer. I begin thinking back to what the perfect man would be like if I could build him. This isn’t Lego, I have to remind myself.

He would still be tall, athletic, intelligent, decisive, a real man, a man’s man so to speak. He would be retired from an incredible career, or close to it. He would have diverse interests, and plenty of them. He would be one of the most emotionally as well as financially secure people I know. He would be completely and passionately in love with me.

Yes! That’s my perfect man! Now get real, I tell myself. This person isn’t sitting on a shelf, waiting for me.

Next question:

Where Chapter Two feels most at home:

I am equally comfortable in a ball gown or jeans.

What Chapter Two does not like:

Smokers, drinkers, moodiness, depression, controlling, irritable, not secure emotionally or financially. I need a strong assertive man who is kind and thoughtful. I want a partner for life; a Mr. Right. Mr. Right-Now’s needn’t respond.

Chapter Two is really passionate about:

Making the most of everyday; living a fulfilled life.

Friends would describe Chapter Two as:

Ambitious, physically fit, outgoing, intelligent.

What Chapter Two looks for in a relationship:

Most important is emotional security.

If Chapter Two had one wish, she would wish for:

At this stage in my life, I would wish for the perfect partner. He would be a widower, retired upper executive or physician, in good health, in search of a stable quiet life for the second chapter.

Not exactly the answer I agonized over when thinking of what the perfect man would be like, however, a more realistic answer.

Chapter Two is most grateful for these things in her life:

1. My stage in life.

2. The success of my son and his philanthropic works.

3. My health, happiness and achievements.

Chapter Two enjoys these activities the most:

Photography, painting, reading, being active and traveling. Last year I went to mainland China; this year I am going to India and Nepal, along with base camp at Mt. Everest. That should be it for a while (I think). Time to settle into a happy relationship with Mr. Right.

Wow! That was exhausting!

Next a plethora of questions to answer about what I am looking for in a partner, followed by posting pictures of myself. At this point I feel far too vulnerable for strangers to see my pictures on the internet. I’ll save my profile for now, maybe get back to it, sooner or later, when I am ready to face the brave new world of online dating. After all, I reason, this is just a rough draft, an off the cuff slightly inebriated draft. It needs polishing and fine tuning before being presented to the hordes of lonely desperate men. I’m not ready to be online. Perhaps when I sober up, looking at this with a self-possessed mind I can review, edit or delete it. This made for an interesting Saturday night out. It also made me really think about where I want to go with my life. Do I have the power to choose the direction my life will take, or, the courage to be proactive?

Through the fog of a major headache, I hear the phone ringing. I must have really tied one on last night. It just won’t stop ringing, ring after ring, it just keeps ringing. I don’t ever remember feeling this lousy. How much did I have to drink? My standard is two glasses of red wine, max. I remember pouring more than that. I remember seeing Michael pour as well. Who counted? As I roll over to reach for the phone, a wave of nausea hits me and the room spins out of control. The phone continues ringing. My brain hurts so badly it feels like it is bruised on the inside. I don’t ever want to feel this way again, I tell myself, just as I roll over and heave.

After a few hours, a hot shower, a carafe of strong coffee, a handful of Tylenol, I am ready to answer the phone. I press the message button on my landline. Ellen and Michael have called a dozen times, with Call us back, as soon as you can. I think, Has something happened to their children, grandchildren, to them? With great excitement, they tell me to look at the site. What site, I wonder? Before I can ask, they simultaneously blurt out, The dating site. Go take a look. Here’s your login information.

With trepidation, I cautiously proceed, not believing what I am reading. I open Chapter Two’s online profile. Thirty replies. This was not supposed to be ‘online’ online. This was supposed to be a draft, a possibility, a maybe, not it’s online for real and now.

I’m viewing my answers. Answers I remember typing in, sarcastic and pitiful as they are. There are pictures as well, three pictures of me smiling from the computer screen. First one, Disney eight months ago, second one, Myrtle Beach last month, third one, my last birthday party where I am blowing out the candles.

I pour myself another coffee, get comfortable and start reading the first message from my dating site inbox. This is unreal. I had no idea there were so many lonely men looking for a partner, not a fling or a one night stand. Is this really for real, I begin to wonder? How can it be? All these profiles look like very accomplished real people with real careers. As I read their profiles, I am in disbelief of what I see before me!

First bachelor: Alexander, 62, a retired executive, looking for marriage, divorced, no children.

Second bachelor: Jonah, 68, a retired Supreme Court Judge, never married, no children.

Third bachelor: David, 65, retired publisher and editor, divorced, six children, five grandchildren. Sounds like a Mormon, or an Orthodox Jew or a practicing Catholic, or someone who has not heard of birth control?

Fourth bachelor: Liam, 58, pediatric surgeon, divorced, one grown son in university.

Fifth bachelor: Irving, 70, retired lawyer and CEO, 11 children, widower, 28 grandchildren, looking for matrimony. This one has to be a Mormon; who else would be so prolific?

Sixth bachelor: Wesley, 60, retired businessman, divorced, one married daughter.

Seventh bachelor: Noah, 69, physician … a blur of bachelors … Jacob 57, William 49, Joshua 58, Ethan 62, John 69, David (again) 70, Ben 73, Oliver 62, Dylan 65, Henry 62, Adrian 63 …

While reading, I realize, I can’t do this. This is too much. It’s not me. I’m so overwhelmed, so totally lost, so completely out of my depth. I close the message inbox and stare at the blank computer screen. What do I do? I haven’t had a date in decades. I’m REALLY totally out of my depth with this, I can’t do it. I remain frozen just staring at the blank screen, telling myself this is not real. It can’t be. It’s not possible.

After some time and after regaining some composure, I call my friends back explaining, I can’t do this. I can’t proceed. This isn’t me. I don’t know how to date. I don’t know how to do this. It’s far too overwhelming …

As they are family and arbitration lawyers, they tell me they will handle everything. My only job will be to go on the actual date. Surely, they say, I can do that, can’t I? They inform me they will handle everything except for the actual meeting. All I have to do is meet the men. They keep assuring me this is the right thing for me to do, the thing I really, really need to do.

Remember, you don’t want to become one of those strange shut-ins we hear about after their deaths, the strange old women who collect cats and not bother to live their lives, they insistently push.

They are correct. I can’t argue with either their good intentions, or, the fact that it’s really time for me to live again, before I become some strange old woman locked in a dirty house full of cats and bad TV. I wait a week before talking with them again. In this time I do not log onto the site. I’m beginning to think they decided the whole online dating idea was a bad idea, as they have not called trying to convince me to pick out profiles of men I may be interested in meeting. They too must have put online dating to rest.

I feel both relief as well as sadness thinking, What if…

Another two days pass before I get a call from Liam 58. He is very pleasant, has a beautiful sounding voice as he explains my friends emailed him several days ago, and have since communicated by phone. He said he very reluctantly agreed to call me, at their insistence, as he felt this was a highly awkward situation at best. Before I knew it, we were on the phone for over three hours.

While talking I went into his profile as well as my inbox from the site.

His first message to me, when he read my profile last week:

I think it is difficult to truly find a perfect partner … but if you have the raw materials with some broad basic similarities, you can grow into one if both are in the same mind space and ready for this.

My profile information:

If I had one wish, I would wish for, at this stage in my life, I would wish for the perfect partner. He would be a widower, retired upper executive or physician, in good health, in search of a stable quiet life for the second chapter.

His reply: