A Piece of My Mind

By Edward M

As my life carries on through my thirties, I still sit and ponder the true meaning of life.
Does anyone fully understand?
Is life a statement, question, or exclamation?
Does life contain the answers?
Will life give the simple mind clarity?

As confused and twisted as my mind is, I will still maintain the assumption that time will work everything out. Shit, dont get me started on time.

This life seems to desensitize and misinterpret pretty much everything it doesnt want to comprehend or take the time to understand. With this in mind, I would sure like to emphasize the fact that life is undoubtedly meant to be lived!

Happy, joyful, regretful, enhanced, exciting, intermittentthese are all words that tend to describe and interpret life.

Now, understand that what you are about to read and put your mind through is my minds interpretation of this so-called life. Well, at least of the last year or so. You will experience the ups and downs in my emotions. Just know that there is no fairy tale ahead of you in this morbid piece of modern-day literature.

Proceed with caution, but enjoy!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 4, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543440805

Edward M

About the Author To describe myself is no easy task. As a youngster, I was extremely shy without much recognition of the life being molded into what I would one day call my own. Growing into my teen and adolescent years, I became very diligent on the insanely thin line I chose to walk. Among the drugs, violence, and girls, I had little time for normalcy. After the strong arm of the law released its grip, I found myself graduating high school at the ripe young age of twenty-five, becoming a father, and maturing into a man—a moral man with a proud path!

Book preview

Chapter 1

Now that I have a moment to reflect on the unanswerable question I asked myself roughly six months ago, I realize why it can’t be answered. How can anyone understand my happiness?

Wait, wait, let me back up. The unanswerable question I’m referring to is, what is happiness?

OK, now that we’re back on track, allow me to elaborate. Everyone has their own opinion and vision of happiness. It is the experiences, people, and places that they envision their future to be filled with. That is everyone’s own happiness. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, the question is not unanswerable. This question can only be answered by one person. Everyone has their own answer for this particular question.

Well, shit, then I guess a better question is, what happens when your happiness is gone?

Ha! Well, my friends, I refer to one of the greatest journalists with some of the best quotes of this, and the last, century. I refer to the one and only, the late and great, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. He and I are finding ourselves with a very similar answer to this question, and he said it better than I will ever be able to:

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, WOW, what a ride! (Dr. Hunter S. Thompson)

For some reason, my life finds me in some very rare and extraordinary positions and situations, and I have taken full advantage and enjoyed every single one of them. I am extremely curious to find out what this imperfect experiment we call life has in store for me now.

Fuckin’ life! I don’t know whether to emphasize that with exclamation points or question marks. This word confuses the hell out of me. What is this life? I have evidence of it. I have memories, scars, tattoos, people, places, things, but most of all, questions!

The further in life I get, the further I lose grip on its concept. I used to think I knew why I’m here, but the older and more knowledgeable I become, I find myself more and more confused. Does anyone else have this problem? Probably not. I talk to and see people younger than me, my age, and older than me all the time who seem to apparently have an asphyxiating grasp on their so-called lives.

So my question to you is, Am I alone? If I had a mind that could settle down and relax, I’m sure this question would be meaningless, but I don’t. My mind is constantly analyzing and evaluating, deciphering and concluding, questioning and contemplating. I find myself thirsting over concepts that I will most likely never fully understand.

I mean, shit, if we knew the meaning of life, our lives would be very mundane. It is the sheer fact of not knowing that keeps us so intrigued by this life and this petri dish we call Earth. Honestly, think about it, if you were born and the doctor were able to lay your entire being in front of you on a fuckin’ chart, how would you live from the moment of birth on? Enthusiastically? Triumphantly? Well, of course, you would if you drew the right numbers and were given a life of royalty, fame, power, or any piece of shit on the Forbes 500 list. What about the other 99 percent of us? What if you were born and this chart said you were going to serve in the military, come home from battle with a mental/psychological illness, become homeless, and eventually die of a drug overdose somewhere in a fuckin’ gutter? Then how would you go through life?

Anyway, I’m getting offtrack. See, I’m telling you, my mind is way too inquisitive. So to sum up a quick conclusion to what I’m thinking about—my life has had many poignant moments, memorable moments, and forgettable moments just the same. I have left pieces of myself in every step I’ve taken. My self-being seems to be dwindling. I feel as though I don’t have many pieces left to leave behind.

As I go back and forth from beer to whiskey, I realize that I will never understand life. You know what though, fuck it!

Over the last few years, I have embraced the fact that I will never know the answers to certain questions. Knowing this, and coming to terms with it, is