Journey According to .Re.

By SNC

These words unspoken, but dwell so deep inside; these words express my feelings
But I find ways to hide Words that tell a story of an innocent teenage girl
Words that show her journey and outlook on the world,
Her mind is always racing and beating to a different drum
She reaches out for condolence
But no one has time to come.
The Journey According to Re is an intimate encounter with me. This book exposes my greatest weaknesses and my greatest strengths. This book charts my growth from the tender age of 15 until 26. Its through this book, that I hope my story reaches another soul who feels or has felt voiceless. May our lights shine as we journey through this dream that we call life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546256823

SNC

Im Serena N. Chapman, but I am often called Re. Im a 26 year old college graduate with a degree in psychology and a concentration in counseling. I began writing around the age of 11 but didnt date any of my work until I was 15. I started off writing short stories where I would be both the author and the illustrator, let me just say, thank God I wont be releasing any of that work! My childhood hailed in traumatic events but I found peace with a pencil and paper. I wrote poetry for my friends, family and even for strangers that I watched out of my bus window. When I am not writing and performing poetry I am writing fictional short stories, plays and novels. I feel the most understood when writing, I feel the most free. Welcome to the world according to Re!

Book preview

Journey

According

to .Re.

SNC

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2018 SNC. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/25/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5683-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5681-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-5682-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018909996

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Prologue

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1     A Family of Six…3/26/06

2     Moment in Time…6/1/06

2007

3     The Feeling of LOVE…1/2/07

4     It STOPS with me…3/10/07

5     Happy Birthday Mom…5/5/07

6     To Be Your Wife…5/11/07

7     MONSTER…5/30/07

8     You Don’t Deserve Me…6/6/07

9   These Words Unspoken…6/10/07

10   Even Though…6/30/07

11   Forever Yours…6/30/07

12   IF…7/1/07

13   I Think I Love You…7/17/07

14   Since I Met the Lord…7/15/07

15   Remorseful…8/14/07

16   In The Words of a Broken Heart…8/15/07

17   I Like Being Me…8/22/07

18   Storm…8/22/07

19   Dare To Be Different…10/7/07

20   Ahman Fralin…10/14/07

21   On Saint’s Day…10/25/07

22   Butterflies…10/27/07

23   Image…10/27/07

24   My Place…11/07

25   Nobody But God…11/30/07

26   For My Valentine…12/14/07

27   Being One…2007

2008

28   Time…2/6/08

29   Volcano…2/13/08

30   But I Decided Not To Cry…2/24/08

31   Fear…3/2/08

32   The Deepest Feeling Yet…3/18/08

33   Letting Go…4/2/08

34   They’ll See…4/15/08

35   Monster part 2….4/19/08

36   Love…5/08

37   I’m Hurt…5/6/08

38   Miracles…5/11/08

39   Alone At Last…3/3/08

40   Identity…7/20/08

41   Deeper Than the Skin…10/23/08

42   Stimulating Touches…10/27/08

43   Caramel Skin

44   Dear Love…12/2/08

45   Mothers…12/19/08

46   Dear Diary…12/22/08

47   Pain…12/28/08

2009

48   More than Conquerors…1/9/09

49   Race…4/3/09

50   When I Die…4/10/09

51   Stroke…4/15/09

52   Best Friend…5/7/09

53   Lucky…7/16/09

54   Warning…7/16/09

55   Love Is…7/21/09

56   Psycho…7/30/09

57   4+…10/16/09

58   The Concerns of ME…11/3/09

59   I Give…2009

2010

60   Secret Admirer…1/28/10

61   A True Leader…2/3/10

62   I Can’t Fly…9/17/10

63   My Troubles…12/4/10

64   Wanted…12/28/10

65   Who I am in Christ…2010

66   I Am Ready For Love…2010

67   Free Verse…2010

68    Freedom…2010

2011

69   I am Love…5/15/11

70   Not a Goodbye But, I’ll See you Later…9/10/11

71   1 Shot + Message = ME…10/1/11

72   Did You?…12/9/11

2012

73   Find Peace…4/12/12

74   To The Boy Who Had Me…2012

2013

75   Captivate…11/15/13

76   Notice Me…11/20/13

2014

77   Ugly…1/24/14

78   Imagery…3/5/14

79   My Haters Taught Me that…10/14/14

80   I Wanna’ be Free…8/25/14

81   Too Many Reasons…9/25/14

82   Hey You…10/18/15

83   Escape…11/6/14

2015

84   I Hope You Hear…1/23/15

85   BENT…2/3/15

86   You Bring Out the Art in Me…2/24/15

87   I’m The Shit…3/9/15

88   I Was There From the Start…3/26/15

89   Empty…4/29/15

90   She Has Been Freed…5/14/15

91   A Rise in Me…5/20/15

92   BETTER…10/8/15

93   Anybody…10/12/15

94   The Pride You held on too…10/25/15

95   Midnight Concubine…11/7/15

96   I Can’t Stay…11/6/15

97   To The Boy in the Corner…11/21/15

98   Like That…12/9/15

99   Down On Me…12/25/15

100   I Was Falling in Love With You…12/28/15

2016

101   Lost Yo Mind?…7/13/16

102   You’re No Good For Me…9/6/16

103   Why Can’t Nobody?…9/13/16

104   Black Bird…10/6/16

105   Keep Yo I’m Sorry…11/7/16

106   Let It Shine…2016

2017

107   How Can I Tell You I love you?…2/6/17

108   Between Me and You…4/10/17

109   Behind The Sunset With You…5/17/17

110   2.5…5/26/17

111   Radiate…6/1/17

112   Strange Fruit…6/21/17

113   White Elephant…6/23/17

114   Mighty Oak Tree…8/9/17

115   Love Flows…9/29/17

116   Give Up…2017

2018

117   Born This Way…3/8/18

118   How Do You Want It?…3/8/18

119   I Don’t Know What I’m doing For real…4/29/18

120   Shine in the Infinity…5/4/18

121   The One…5/26/18

PROLOGUE

To whom it may concern,

In this book I pray you get to experience me. Not the me you’ve heard about or who I present myself to be… but a true encounter with me and my life as I’ve experienced it thus far. If my story must be told, I prefer it be told in my own light according to me. It’s not that my light may cast shadows on others around me, but that my light may provide a glimpse of the end of the tunnel for those of you who can’t see. If I’m going to tell my truth, I have to tell it all.

For those of you who are reading this and feeling no hope inside, allow my testimony to remind you: God is LOVE, love is peaceful and everyday is just that, a day, and you can overcome it.

With love,

Serena Nicole Chapman

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

From the bottom of my heart I thank every person that I’ve encountered who pushed me to follow my dreams. I thank every person who reminded me of my purpose when I struggled to see it. I thank my former Pastor, Joseph Wright, who saw a gift in me and gave me a platform to perform, inspire and write for our church. I thank the late Ahman Fralin for being the true definition of hope and faith, his life still teaches me lessons. I want to thank Ann Bodnar and Alexis Lanza who coached me through some of the toughest times in my life. Mrs. Lanza you actually kept my secret and made sure I felt safe after revealing it; Thank you. I thank Nikki Acevedo for awarding me the best story teller in 9th grade! Because of you I believed my stories could be told! I want to thank my grandmother Beulah Allen Cofield who loved me unconditionally and her love never changed. I want to thank my dad, Greg Chapman, for not only being a good father, but a best friend who cheered me on and stayed in my corner. I want to thank my mom, Jackie, for being one of my biggest inspirations and for never giving up.

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INTRODUCTION

The hardest and freeing thing I could possibly do in my life is tell you this:

I was abused from the age of probably 3, until about 14 years old. I share this with you only to tell my truth, but it’s still painful for me. I came out about my abuse at 14.The sudden and drastic rejection taught me that opening my mouth had more consequences than keeping quiet. Opening my mouth showed me the value I had, and it wasn’t much. I wasn’t the only one being abused but I was the only one who came forward; so the abandonment taught me that no matter how much it seems like they love you, they’ll leave you. I learned not to trust my own words. I believed that I would forever be a used napkin that people would crumble up and throw away. I disgusted myself to be honest. I felt like there was something wrong with me that I myself couldn’t see but was obvious to everyone else. I learned how to transform into what I thought the people around me needed, it was exhausting. But, I couldn’t stop. I was so desperate to know that someone could love me beyond whatever was wrong with me. I felt guilty all the time for not being perfect. I think I got into survival mode and stayed there. Days blurred, weeks, months, years all blurred together and I didn’t remember parts of it. People would tell me stories about adventures we had together and I didn’t know what they were talking about. I tried to get help through counseling, church and venting to whoever had an ear, but prayer and writing were the only escapes that slowed me down for a minute. Sometimes people really do want to be there for you, but if they can’t even show up for themselves and be accountable, they can’t show up for you. They could actually do more harm