Let’S Communicate with Love

By Pamela S. Obermeyer LCSW

My experience with helping folks resolve problems in the field of counseling for more than twenty years has been joyful and satisfying. During this time, I have found the issues surrounding communication as being the most problematic, by far. It is not surprising that people needing help with communication has been the most requested issue in my Christian counseling practice. In this book we explore what effective and ineffective communication looks like with people who matter the most to us including our children, spouses, parents, online friends, and coworkers. Improve your spirituality and relationship with God by learning how to know Jesus and effectively communicate with him. Discover how you can change the bad communication habits and how to improve your relationships with those important to you using effective communication with love!

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 27, 2017
• ISBN: 9781973606215

Pamela S. Obermeyer LCSW

Author Pamela Obermeyer has been a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Christian counselor for over 15 years. She graduated from Arizona State University with a Masters degree in Social Work specializing in children, youth and families. She has been in private practice since 2007. Editor Todd Obermeyer is Pamelas son and provided special contribution. He also has a Masters degree in social work specializing in providing psychotherapy to children, youth and families. Pamela and her husband have been married for 47 years and resides in the state of Arizona near her children and six grandchildren.

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Copyright © 2017 Pamela S. Obermeyer, LCSW.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-0622-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-0621-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017915684

WestBow Press rev. date: 11/16/2017

CONTENTS

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 Listening and Methods of Communication

Chapter 2 Communication with Children and Adolescents

Chapter 3 Communicating as a Couple

Chapter 4 Communicating with People who have Difficulty Communicating

Chapter 5 Communication and the Media

Chapter 6 Communicating Within the Family of Origin and the Family of God

Chapter 7 Communicating with God and Knowing Jesus

Epilogue

References

Dedication

To my parents Donald and Virginia Gregory. My mother was full of grace. She taught me to love Jesus and that he loved me. My father taught me to love the English language, to speak, and write it properly.

To my three sisters Becky, Janie, and Peggy. They are my greatest supporters and prayer warriors.

To those who God placed in my arms to raise up to adulthood:

Jennifer Elizabeth

Krista Ann

Todd Vincent

Baylee Elizabeth

To my husband Bert, my best friend, my hero, and the love of my life.

Acknowledgements

I want to especially thank my Central Christian Church small group for their prayers and support throughout the writing of this book.

A special thank you to Trista Sobeck for her input and guidance at the beginning of this project.

And a very special thank you to my son Todd for his fortitude in seeing this project through to the end.

Introduction

My experience helping folks resolve problems in the field of counseling for more than 20 years has been so joyful and satisfying. During this time, I have found the issues surrounding communication as being the most problematic, by far.

The fact is, most non-organic problems involve issues in communication include the lack of communication and/or miscommunication.

Communication must be a mutual agreement and understanding of ideas exchanged for communication to take place. Some confuse communication with conversation.

The use of the English language and the way it is communicated in today’s America seem to have become devalued as slang; made up words not found in the dictionary. New words are often added to our vocabulary just as my generation had our own language.

Excellent language and communication skills are critical for all to learn because, miscommunication is at the root of all relational problems. It is not surprising that a need for help with communication has been the most requested issue in my Christian counseling practice.

God, being the creator of relationships, is the one I turn to for help in all that I do. He gives me the wisdom, guidance, and knowledge, while I work through the Holy Spirit.

My hope is that this book will give you the help you need with communication in your relationships. I want to share some tools and techniques I have taught my clients to develop, or strengthen, healthier relationships with those they love. Most importantly I want to share that Jesus is God, God is love, he loves you and he communicates this love through the Holy Bible.

I have been blessed with the ability to become a therapist, a Christian Counselor, and write this book, only by God’s grace.

Chapter 1

Listening and Methods of Communication

Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser.

Let those with understanding receive guidance.

—Proverbs 1:5 NLT

The ability to communicate has become complicated for some people due to their lack of participation in the process. The process of communicating requires a mutual understanding during the exchange of information between one or more people. Active listening while communicating means participating with your whole self. If communication is an understanding of information, listening becomes the heartbeat of communication.

Listening is an art. A good listener must use their whole being to be fully engaged in the conversation to understand the information received from people involved in the conversation. What I mean by being involved in the conversation with your whole self is becoming part of the conversation. An example of this can be to lean in with your legs unfolded and arms uncrossed, showing that you are open to what is being discussed while maintaining eye contact.

It is amazing how people can communicate with their bodies. Most don’t realize how much information is being conveyed through body language at all times. We can tell quite a lot about what a person is communicating just by observing their body language. Pay attention to who is speaking by listening with your body and your mind.

When a speaker’s eyes remain strong and steady, he or she appears confident and sure of their self but when their eyes dart around as if they are looking for something or if they appear insecure and insincere, people are often left questioning their truthfulness or honesty.

There are many roadblocks that interfere with healthy and effective communication needed for creating and maintaining healthy relationships. It is important to become aware of these to correct old habits and unhealthy tendencies that have created so much conflict in past communication with others.

Roadblocks and Solutions for Listening

Background Noise

A noisy and a chaotic environment will interfere with effective listening. Whenever possible make sure to eliminate any background noise whenever an important conversation is being held. For example, turn off the television to hold a conversation and if there are noisy children playing, wait until they are in bed to talk.

Emotions

Effective listening is difficult when participants are experiencing high or intense emotions. It is not a good time to resolve problems or attempt to listen to each other’s opinions when these emotions are being displayed. Wait, or table the issue, until all participants have cooled down to resolve issues. Listening and making healthy decisions together, regarding sensitive or critical issues, only takes place if all parties are feeling emotionally healthy to make an informed decision. It is the responsibility of all involved in the conversation to identify if all are emotionally ready to listen to each other.

Rehearsing

This roadblock occurs when