Sassy, Classy and Smart: the Path to Total Self Confidence

By Phyllis McNeal

I am writing this for every woman! As a woman, you should feel loved, special, and treasured. Many of us do not feel that way because we do not think of ourselves that way. We should shine our light on ourselves! Each of us is like a beautiful flower. When you look at a garden, it is beautiful because of the variety you see. You see the reds and the oranges, the yellows, and the pinks. Even those flowers of the same variety have a variation in themselves. Without the variety, it would lack interest and not be as beautiful to enjoy.
Women are like the flowers. We are tall, short, blond, brunette, and many, many varieties. We are meant to be treated with the same care that we would give the flowers that we enjoy.
I always treat myself to flowers, and my dining room table always graces a variety of blooms. I most certainly enjoy them, but I always give them the best of care. I make sure they have clean water and a beautiful vase to display their beauty. We need to give ourselves the same delicate care. It is about the enjoyment of you!
I would love for every woman to love herself enough and cherish her femininity. Enjoy you! Loving you is the beginning of others loving you. Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Sep 15, 2017
• ISBN: 9781532032844

Phyllis McNeal

Phyllis McNeal Personal Life Coach Originally from Brooklyn, New York, Phyllis holds a Masters degree in Education from Queens College, Certification in Administration/ Supervision from Pace University and is a Certified Coach with the National Association of Coaches and Trainers. She has extensive experience as a teacher, consultant, coach and leader. Before becoming a Personal Life Coach she conducted self- esteem workshops for women who were homeless or incarcerated, developed parent education workshops in the New York Public Schools and provided Training in Effective Communication for prospective Female Managers. As a Personal Life Coach, Phyllis provides women with the skills to gain confidence in their lives. This enables women to pursue their life purpose with clarity and develop a plan which will result the achievement of their goals whether it might be reaching higher levels in their careers, developing their own business, creating a healthier lifestyle, seeking a special relationship or authoring a book. Having an experienced coach to assist in developing guidelines, women can then begin to live their lives to the fullest. Phyllis credits her goal-oriented, hands-on approach to her wide and varied experiences including teaching and lecturing in Japan. I love coaching because it ties together all of my experiences and education into one complete program. She has a heart-centered approach to her coaching which enables her to be compassionate and understanding. In addition, Phyllis brings to her work an insightful, thoughtful, straightforward and genuine approach, and facilitates remarkable and lasting change in her clients.

Book preview

Sassy, Classy and Smart:

The Path to Total Self Confidence

Phyllis McNeal

45341.png

Sassy, Classy and Smart:

The Path to Total Self Confidence

Copyright © 2017 Phyllis McNeal.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-5320-3283-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-3284-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017913838

iUniverse rev. date: 04/21/2018

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

REVIEWS

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1    Worthiness or the Lack of It!

*   Worthiness or the Lack of It!

CHAPTER 2 Characteristics of Low Self-Esteem - PART 1

* Being in a Constant State of Anxiety

* Berating Yourself

* Being Indecisive

* Bullying or Displaying Aggressive Behavior

CHAPTER 3 Characteristics of Low Self-Esteem - PART 2

* Perfectionism

* People Pleasing

* Feeling Unworthy

CHAPTER 4 Issues With Men

* Dating or Marrying Men With Issues

* Father Issues

* Classic Signs He is Unwilling to Make a Commitment to You

* He Abuses Drugs or Alcohol

* He is a Mama’s Boy

* He Doesn’t Want to Meet Your Friends and Family

* He Has No Children or Has Not Raised His Children

* He Has No Future Goals

* He Will Focus on Your Weak Points and Make You Feel Bad About Them

* He Will Get Angry With You About Seemingly Unimportant Things

* He Cheats on You

CHAPTER 5 Relationship Issues

* His Opinion is the Only Opinion that Counts

* He Schedules Dates That Are at His Convenience Rather Than When You Want to Go Out or Are Available

* Sex is Wonderful so You Will Do Anything to Spend Time with Him

* He will Embarrass or Humiliate You

* He Wants You For Your Money

CHAPTER 6 Classic Signs Of Low Self Esteem

* Our Choice of Careers

* Having No Voice

* Poor Money Management

* Addictive Behavior

* Health Issues

CHAPTER 7 CHILDHOOD – Where it all begins

* Shutting down all emotional expression

* Set inconsistent rules

* Asking your child to solve your problems

* Debasing your child’s other parent

* Punishing independence and separation

* Living your life through your child.

* Getting in the middle of your child’s relationships

* Expecting your child to live your unfulfilled dreams.

CHAPTER 8 Solutions

* Use your intuition

* Practice Gratitude

* Write Your Thoughts in a Journal

* Use affirmations

* Personal and Spiritual Development

* Meditate

* Use Creative Visualization

* Find Supportive People

* Use EFT (The Emotional Freedom Technique)

CHAPTER 9 Love Yourself More

* Learn Positive Self-Talk

* Where Do I Begin?

* Learn to Breathe!

* Learn to Forgive yourself

* Learn to Take Care of Yourself

* Learn to Have Fun

* Learn to be Authentic

* Learn to Celebrate Who You Are

CHAPTER 10    A Happy Life Awaits You!

*   A Happy Life Awaits You!

Resource List

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank so many people who have been so supportive! First and foremost are my children:

My son, David, whose business mindedness always encourages me to go for it Mom;

My daughter, Laura, who has always been my rock through good times and challenges, whose wonderful artwork designed the cover for my book, and who gave me my genius grandson, Bakari.

My daughter Melissa whose insight has always given me the inspiration that I needed; her perceptions and insights are well beyond her years!

My daughter-in-law, Jasmine who has been loving and supportive and who has been a great mother to my adorable and talented grandchildren – Jeremiah, Zion, Samaria and Zoe.

My family has collectively been loving and encouraging. They have all listened to me and encouraged me to get through my many challenges.

My dear friend, Karen, who has always made me feel special and that I should share myself with the world.

My dear friend, Malika, has been loving, supportive and inspiring. The completion of her book inspired me to trudge on to completion.

My dear friend, Audrey, was kind enough to take the time to review my book and make comments.

My dear friend, Jacki, who was kind enough to review my book, make comments and encourage me to complete this project.

A very special and talented young woman, Jean, who did a magnificent job of editing my book. She was on target and knew what I needed. Without her superior job I don’t know how I would have been able to submit something of which I am extremely proud!

REVIEWS

Sassy, Classy, Smart: The Path to Total Self Confidence is a delightful, engaging and inspiring read. The authentic stories shared by Phyllis McNeal take the reader on a journey of self-awareness to realize her true essence and allow her light to shine. She offers supportive ways to learn from life’s gifts, be at peace, to love, honor, respect and value Self– while attracting joy and fulfillment in all areas of life. I highly recommend this book for everyone as a reminder of who you are and can be if Self-Love is your goal.

Audrey J. Taylor, Miracle-Minded Success Coach

Phyllis McNeal has written a self- help book that is insightful, helpful and extremely readable. Her life experiences have led her to create a recipe for all to follow as it is so relatable. Although it is written with the modern woman in mind, I dare say men can get plenty of information for themselves as husbands, sons but most importantly as father’s dealing with their own children. She has sprinkled her writing with quotes from James Joyce to Dr. Phil but even more importantly antidotes from her own tumultuous upbringing lending more believability to every word. As a very long time friend of hers I can say that her sharing of her own growth and enlightenment thru adversity is a gift to those who have experienced similar fates and can improve their lives as well.

Jacki Weiss, dear friend

INTRODUCTION

Living as we do in a culture that tends to focus on

beauty, success, perfection

– and has such a narrow definition of these –

we are challenged to look deeper,

often through our judgment and wounds in order to

discover the true sense of our worth.

I am writing this book for every woman! As a woman you should feel loved, special, and treasured. Some of us don’t feel this way because we don’t think of ourselves this way! We are tall, short, blonde, brunette and this world is beautiful because of the variety you see. Each of us is like a beautiful flower. When you look at a garden, it is beautiful because of the variety – reds, oranges, yellows, and pinks. There is even variety among those of the same type. In this book you will be able to identify what has prevented you from moving forward with your life because of low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.

A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose.

All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too.

I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness.- Miranda Kerr

I will share many of my own personal experiences and you will see that you are not the only one who has feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness. I will give you ways to understand how far-reaching your feelings of low self-esteem are and how they may affect many aspects of your life. I will help you to identify how these feelings became a part of your life and, finally, I will offer solutions that I have used to become the successful, confident woman I am today!

Through personal examples and experiences, I will walk you through my own challenges. Stories are my mainstay – I love to tell them! You will see yourself in some of the same situations that I have experienced. You will laugh and you will cry, but most of all, you will come away with a resolve to move forward with your life. This book will help you take a good, long, hard look at yourself and the things that have prevented you from having your dream life until now. Whether you are planning a career move, starting a business, finding that special relationship, living a healthier lifestyle, writing a book, finding your purpose or deciding what to do with your life now that your children have left the nest; I will offer you suggestions of what to do on a daily basis to make your life look the way you want it to look. Some suggestions are the very things that have enabled me to have the confidence to write this book!

Do you feel tired or stressed? Do you feel like you don’t have enough time for yourself anymore? Just Relax! Sometimes you just need to put aside time and remind yourself that it doesn’t have to be stress and worry all the time. Learn to take time to recharge. Like the flowers we enjoy, you need to give yourself the care you deserve as a woman.

Treat yourself to a beauty routine.

Enjoying some ‘ME’ time and pampering yourself

will keep you healthy and happy!

I always treat myself to flowers and my dining table regularly graces a variety of blooms. I admire their beauty and I always give them the best of care. I make sure they have clean water and a beautiful vase to display their beauty – because they are worth it! We need the same kind of care.

I would love for every woman to love herself and cherish her femininity. Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.

Worth can’t be given, nor can it be taken away. Your Worth is your Own.

Know your Worth and then Live it!

You won’t ever be able to enjoy life to the fullest if you do not enjoy yourself. If you don’t value yourself, how can you expect others to treasure you? How can you expect to get the most out of your life if you don’t get the most out of yourself? Always remember, the greatest opinion we have in our lives is the opinion we have of ourselves. How you see yourself is how you will see the world around you. If you constantly degrade yourself, you will never be able to understand the meaning of