You Were Born to Shine: Finding Confidence Internally, Externally, Eternally

By Meryl Harstein

After dealing with abuse, divorce, cancer, a daughters addiction, and a special needs grandchild, author Meryl Hartstein has discovered how to live a life of positivity. By learning to be confident internally, externally, and eternally, your life will be based on knowing your self-worth and never accepting anything less than you deserve!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Apr 24, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504330275

Meryl Harstein

Meryl Hartstein is a strategic life and confidence coach, writer, guest speaker, and founder of Bounce Back Women, a nonprofit foundation. Meryl’s extensive knowledge and expertise in the field of coaching and writing has inspired many to reach success in their careers and personal lives. Meryl has overcome more adversity in her life than most people ever will in a lifetime. Her formula for a fulfilled life starts with passion and compassion, followed by gratitude and knowing self-worth. She has worked as an actress, spokesperson, and writer. As an educator, she has traveled throughout America inspiring women and teaching them to feel confident and beautiful within themselves. She is presently working on her next book Bounce Back Women. This is a compilation of stories given to Meryl based on six questions which she had asked them. Many famous, strong women, will share their intimate stories of survival and inspiration.

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Copyright © 2015 Meryl Hartstein.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3026-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3027-5 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 04/24/2015

Contents

Introduction

Family

Siblings and Only Children

Educators

The Self-Acceptance Process

Finding our Sparkle

Evaluating

Reinventing

Courage

Raising Children

Loss

Time to Make Changes

Our Body Language

Shape

Style

Relationships

Planning

Your Confidence Path

Accepting Abundance

Visualizing

Forgiveness

Honesty

Conscious Living

Practice, Practice, Practice

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Lindsey, Lauren and Mia for being my inspiration in everything I do. Their love and strength are my sunshine and my happiness.

Introduction

This book was written to encourage and inspire you to be confident and to love yourself.

Do not underestimate the importance of confidence. You need it to be successful, happy and fulfilled. For some, it means having a great career and a lot of money. For others, it means raising children and living happily ever after. Whatever the meaning, if you don’t have confidence and self-love, you will not be able to love anyone else.

It all starts with you.

I have been through tough times, having experienced abuse, divorce, cancer, a drug-addicted child and a grandchild with special needs. I lacked confidence and positive self-esteem. But I have always been resilient, and in recent years, I began a journey of self-discovery to find out what had gotten me through these times, so that I could let go of my past and learn to live a full, happy life in the present.

Yours is also a journey of self-exploration, to find out why you are or are not confident. Knowing the answers will pave the way for you to improve how you feel, think and look, and to incorporate these positive feelings into your life and relationships. I am proof it can be done.

Our self-worth is the core to our being. Without it, we cannot stand strong.

Adversity does not discriminate. It doesn’t care about the color of our skin color, our religion, our sexual preference, our education or our net worth. It will strike us at any time, mercilessly and without compassion.~MBH

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Family

Family

As a child, my love for everyone was apparent. I would tell everyone my name, my age, and all about my cocker spaniel, Freckles. The more people I could tell, the happier I would be. I was carefree and confident. As the years went on, layers of self-doubt crept in and changed this happy, carefree kid into someone who was fearful, insecure and miserable.

My biggest fantasy was that one day someone would tell me that I was adopted, because I didn’t feel related to my parents. We were different in every way. My identity didn’t start to form until I was much older.

Parents are role models for their children, and perhaps their most valuable role is to help their children experience attachment from the earliest moments of life. Missing this opportunity to achieve attachments has a lifelong effect in being able to relate properly to others.

Everyone needs praise and appreciation. There is no better way for parents to nurture their children’s self-esteem than to praise them and have them know how much they are loved and appreciated, in spite of mistakes that they have made. Positive reinforcement is a far better form of teaching than pointing out mistakes.

Sometimes lack of self-confidence is a learned behavior. Children need to view their parents as confident people because they are our earliest influencers. If raised with parents who feel less than worthy, children, born with a clean slate, imitate their behavior and develop similar insecurities.

Not realizing my parents had many insecurities, I modeled many of my own after theirs, unaware that I had a choice.

Children, over time, develop and build their own personalities, one layer at a time. They develop their self-images through their perception of these layers. As they develop, they continue to add on layers of self-doubt and low self-esteem if they are unequipped to view themselves as important. It is extremely important to find their own identity as they grow, so that they can have a clear understanding of who they are.

Parents raising children or being an influence on children need to be aware that these adaptations take place on a daily basis.

It’s not only children who grow. Their role models do too. As much as we watch to see what children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. This is a heavy responsibility, but if you are aware of your influences on these children, you will see what a difference having this awareness makes.

The households that children emerge from should be ones which nurture the needs of children. It should be a place of open communication and freedom of expression. This environment truly shapes them for the rest of their lives.

Imagine a household that has no rules or boundaries. This leads to raising children who grow up thinking that they are not worthy of having order in their homes. They grow up feeling terribly insecure. Children need structure in their lives to feel secure. It’s scary for a child to be raised without rules or schedules. These are the households where kids grow up to have feelings of self-doubt and confusion.

Confidence comes from being raised in a loving, organized household with boundaries. When we recall our childhood, we likely remember our happiest memories that center on holidays and family vacations. That’s because these are scheduled occasions, with a beginning, middle, and an end.

Having something scheduled to look forward to give children a feeling of hope and excitement, and a feeling of comfort in knowing that there is some structure and reward at the end of the event.

All of these experiences contribute to their layers of self-esteem.

Once you understand where and why these layers exist, you will begin to find it easier to shed them or build them more positively, finding the confidence that lies within us.

Our parental relationship can be one of the most important and rewarding relationships of our lives. First and most important, children must feel accepted unconditionally. It shouldn’t matter how smart they are or how pretty they are, or how popular they are. Each wants to feel loved and accepted, no matter what. It’s crucial for parents not to judge children or compare them to others. Children are sensitive to the words and actions of their parents. Facial expressions are powerful. A parent’s smile usually conveys the child did something right. A