Watching My Mind Date Online

By Tamika Harmon

Watching My Mind Date Online offers valuable lessons about becoming honest with ourselves and others. Tamika bravely exposes her vulnerability as she guides us through her two-year journey of conscious online dating. By learning to release fear-based beliefs, we allow our true desires to emerge.

The insights in this book expand our ability to love and be loved, and are applicable to all aspects of life. Through self-investigation we create a deep, clear pool of awareness. By learning to trust our process, we dive in.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Dec 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504331876

Tamika Harmon

Tamika Harmon has been intrigued with “the best kind of love” since she was a young girl. A lifetime of careful observation and self-exploration has shed a beautiful light on the art of finding love. This must-read is fascinating, funny and revealing.

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Copyright © 2015 Tamika Harmon.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3186-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-3187-6 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 12/22/2015

TABLE OF CONTENTS

MY FIRST INSPIRATION

MY MAIDEN VOYAGE

THE SECOND TRY

MY CONFESSION

Who Is Us

WORDS ARE SACRED

HE IS SURE I AM THE ONE

WHO SAYS SO

HE WILL SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET

LOVE AND COMFORT

THE BIG QUESTION

AN OPPORTUNITY

THE HUB

Enter Here

PREDICTABILITY VS RESPONSIBILITY

MY LIFE-PARTNER

DON'T TOUCH MY NO-THING

Closer Now

DEFINE BEING

Known by a Moment

PRECIOUS WORDS

ROXIE SINGS COUNTRY

AN OPEN INVITATION

AND ... I WANT TO BE ADORED

AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP

JUST THE FACTS ... PLEASE

INTERNET DATING FOR 11 YEARS ?

I LOVE CREATING BEAUTY

GITTY-UP

WILLING TO GIVE ME EVERYTHING

Cradled

THE SPARK

DREAM OR NIGHTMARE

A DATE OR ANOTHER DREAM ?

THE THIRD DATE'S A CHARM

I am Castle

WHY HIM ... NOW ?

PASSAGEWAYS & THRESHOLDS

I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN ...

THE UNFAMILIAR DARK

DR. KINKY

Inhabit Me

WHAT IS LOVE ?

THE DATE

MORE ON THAT NOW

DOWNSTREAM

Ollie Ollie Oxen

BACK ON THE HORSE

EXCLUSIVE RELATIONS

I Do ?

BLACK MAGIC

FOUR QUESTIONS

MY PAST COMMITMENTS

THE ANSWERS

THREE DAYS

MY HEART KNOWS

INSPIRED AND IN LOVE

A YEAR HAS PASSED

MOMENTUM

ALL THIS JAZZ

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

As the awarenesses within this book ripple outward, this project continues to feel like a celebration of appreciation.

Thank you, thank you, thank you ... Alona, Mindy, Jack, Shannon, Taylor, Bonnie, Bob, Steve and all of my dates.

I am grateful for all of you

and for your contribution to ...

Watching My Mind

Date Online

IMG097Version2.jpg

I'm watching a fluffy, flouncy wedding party parade by and trying to see into my future.

MY FIRST INSPIRATION

My curiosity about love relationships began as a very young child. I was intrigued by how happy couples seemed to create a reservoir of love. It appeared to come, not only from the individuals, but from their union. I could see the overflowing created in the magic place where the happy couple overlapped.

It didn't seem to matter what the couples had or did not have, or what was going on around them. As to be expected, life's ups and downs made the individuals smile or frown. But the place of overlap where love was renewed, within a happy partnership, felt constant and comforting.

Conversely, I felt acutely uncomfortable in the proximity of unhappy couples. The emptiness between them seemed as if it was sucking up the life-giving lushness of love. As a little girl, that sad feeling of drought would leave me holding my breath, and sometimes still does.

From an early age I was inspired to live and learn what I believed to be the best kind of love. I was not sure what the day-to-day workings of that kind of love looked like, but I had witnessed bits and pieces. Although I could not articulate it, I believed this idea of love to be a messy unfolding contained in an ordered rhythm. Like nature, wild, yet peaceful.

I was fascinated by the continual changes I had seen in nature. I contemplated the notion of impermanence. Over and over again, I was strangely excited to know the tide would come in and wash away my sand castles.

I didn't have the typical fantasies of the perfect wedding and the fairytale happily-ever-after life. Divorce was a common theme and the rhythm of change flowing through relationships has never surprised me. Long before I knew the words to express it, I knew I was destined to practice love. I vowed to experiment and even wrestle with love. The prospect of engaging in such an endeavor perplexed and intrigued me then, as it does now. I was particularly fascinated with the love between husband and wife, and girlfriend and boyfriend.

About age nine, I started to see how big the idea of love was. I made a deal with Whomever is really in charge. I promised I would learn about love. I did that by very intently watching the interactions between all the couples I could get my eyes on. I was determined to keep on learning, until I understood. Then, I would keep on practicing until I did it so much that I didn't even know I was doing it. I knew how that worked by learning to ride my bike.

My curiosity and observation deepened as other childhood aspirations bloomed. I was inspired to be a massage therapist. This came about when I would sit in the center of the circle of my mom's group therapy friends and rub their feet. I believed that relaxing touch was the most straightforward way to help this difficult world. I sat quietly and loved watching my patients become more calm and comfortable. These sessions also provided an amazing opportunity to listen and learn about the intricacies of relationship.

At that time, I knew I was destined to create beauty. I observed that beauty, like love, radiated outward in all directions and created happiness. I practiced creating beauty every chance I got. I decorated my room, created gifts and cards, made my own clothes and planted flowers. Also, like love, there were infinite opportunities to practice, experiment and even wrestle with beauty. I have been dedicated to the process all the while.

Early on, I was inspired to be a mom ... someday. I knew it was hard work. I believed then, and still believe, that being a parent is divine work.

I was married young. I am grateful for the many years I spent co-creating a family bond. I have raised an amazing son and daughter who continually open me to lessons of love and beauty.

I am blessed by a fulfilling profession as a therapist. I am selling my works of art, and I am enjoying the life of an artist. My career, homemaking, motherhood and artistry have all come naturally.

Opening my heart to life, also, flows naturally. Much of the time, I experience an all-encompassing compassion toward humanity. I sense the exchange of a deep heartfelt love and gratitude within nature. I feel a strong love-bond with friends and family.

And, yet, love, as it pertains to a marriage-type relationship, has eluded me.

Now, I am coming back to the first, truly inspired desire that I can remember. My desire is to be fully engaged in a long-term, well-rounded love relationship. I feel it is time for my life-partner and me to meet.

But, how?

Online dating?

No, not that!

No ... not that?

Is there any chance it may be that?

Online dating?

After the passage of much time ...

Yes, online dating.

MY MAIDEN VOYAGE

On my first try, I was surprised by the feeling of desperation permeating the mid-life dating scene. Some were searching for a fling. Many were wanting to rush into a life-long commitment. Some seemed to be reaching for fulfillment through another. I am not looking for a relationship based on need. I am interested in creating a life-long love with a man who already feels complete. My challenge has been finding a man with whom to continually practice well-rounded love.

Initially this book was about my quest for that partner. My dating and writing adventure has since expanded. It continues to expand as I feel a growing desire to open myself and become a loving, well-rounded partner for my future man.

During this process of online dating, I have had many opportunities to watch my mind. The italics in this book indicate my mind talking to itself. When I hear myself ask, What is really going on here?, I realize I