How to Transform Any Relationship in 1 Day

By Linda van der Byl

I had been abandoned in an Orphanage at the age of 6. As soon as I realised this, the questions started. Why? Was I responsible for the break-up in the marriage? Had I done something and was now being punished? Did they not love or want me anymore? I then decided that I did not like God who I saw as a terrifying Toaster, who would burn me for any little infraction.
My escape was books and writing. Ten years later, I was now rejected by the Orphanage and sent out into the big frightening world to earn a living and find a home. I was not equipped to handle life outside the orphanage, and so took up my fight with God again. Men, I was taught were the enemy and I had to be careful of them, because they would rape me.
Not having any insight into relationships, I decided to make peace with God, and asked Him to teach me about being a real woman. That started me on my search, which led me to discover that the very men who we expected to be our Leaders in the home, knew nothing about this role. They had never been taught as well, and all their learning had taken place in the school yard, so it wasnt fair to expect them to know anything.
I started journalling, and this book is the outcome of years of thinking I have it right, messing up, and starting over. However, the relationship has lasted 43 years and I am still growing, not because I know it all, but because I choose to change.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Jan 9, 2015
• ISBN: 9781499092851

Linda van der Byl

The Book that inspired the fascinating ‘Relationships Seminar’ Linda has been married to Andre’ (a brilliant Motivational Speaker) for the past 41 years. They conduct ‘Relationship Seminars’ throughout the country. In this book, Linda proves by her personal experiences that the choices we make in life have a definite impact on the outcome of every relationship. Her practical examples produce positive results which can be achieved by choosing to change the environment in which we live. She urges the reader to make positive choices that will change lives and situation. Only you can do it. So choose wisely.

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 by Linda van der Byl.

ISBN:      Softcover      978-1-4990-9284-4

                eBook           978-1-4990-9285-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations are from The Message Bible, and KJV

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Synonyms from Collins Pocket Reference Thesaurus.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 1/07/2015

Xlibris

800-056-3182

www.Xlibrispublishing.co.uk

699099

Contents

How To Transform Any Relationship In 1 Day

Feedback from the Relationship Seminars

Foreword

Relationship Problems

The Grey Lady

The Commuter

The Debt Grip

Choices

Advice to you ladies

Advice to you Guys

Wife Problems

Playing With Fire

Yours, Mine and Ours

Children

Children’s Friends

Differences in Children

In-Laws

Dethrone the Reigning Queen

The Order of God

Leaders

Counselling Sessions

Sex Problems

Scratching in the Crap

Baby Blues

Menopause

Relationships

End Note – December 2014

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to ‘my ideal spouse’ Andre’ van der Byl

Everyday is a learning curve with you.

Your joy and humuor, which make up a great part of who you are, shows me a facet of my God that is awesome.

Thank you for the person you are ‘becoming’.

How To Transform Any Relationship In 1 Day

If God doesn’t build the house, the builders only build shacks. If God doesn’t guard the city, the night- watchman might as well nap. Psalm 127:1

Acknowledgements

Spike, my life-long encourager, and prayer-partner, I do believe that your prayers and constant edification were elevating steps up my ladder of growth. A close family friend, Pastor Clifton Carl Wagner: You believed (when I would have given up) in this book and the principles that I share.

Feedback from the Relationship Seminars

It was awesome and it mightily changed our lives. The subjects were powerful and practical. We had many pre-marital counseling sessions with others, but nobody taught us anything like we learned on the ‘Relationships Seminar’. Linda understands the male psyche so well that she answered all my questions without me asking one. We can’t wait for the book.

Lucky & Portia Malevu, Medical Doctors

The ‘Relationships Seminar’ deals with real life issues. Linda & Andre’ made us laugh, cry, and sometimes made me blush. Their interaction with the audience was brilliant. Truths were exposed that everyone can apply. I would recommend it to all people in a relationship."

Pastor Mark Jean Pierre, Agape Fellowship, Kinros

After years of battling relationship issues, having come from a strict Islamic background, I skeptically opened this book and after reading, decided to implement the principles shared. I realised that by not looking to change my spouse, but instead working on my issues, that it made such a difference in our relationship. I highly recommend it.

Sayed Ishmail Abdurahman. Personal friend and Bible Expositor

Coming from an Indian background where it was taboo to speak about sexual issues and relationships, the teachings in this book is mind-blowing. I can’t wait to meet someone special so that I can implement all that I have learned.

Angel Christopher, Widow and friend

This book is the product of many individual and group sessions in marriage counseling workshops. Linda handles the subject with the finesse and sensitivity it deserves.

Pastor Merrick Habile, Bible Expositor and friend

The content was amazing and such a revelation. It was not gender biased in terms of roles and preparation for marriage. This was not the first pre-marital counseling we attended, but it was the only one that covered aspects of married life. While we were listening, we were asking ourselves why doesn’t Linda write a book so that we have a reference should the need arise. Well, Glory to God she finally has.

Dr. Seni and Mrs. Msimang, Medical Doctor

Foreword

Writing the foreword to Linda’s book presents me with some very interesting husbandly duties. The first is my unsolicited endorsement of the content, as being a true reflection of the experiences we have shared over the past 34 years of marriage. It is also an endorsement of the sound principles she shares that have made our marriage such a long and pleasant one, so much so, that I can finally admit for once in my life, she’s right!

Alright, that’s the hard part over with, now I can get to the good stuff.

This book reflects a lifetime of trial and error, and holds the key to success in any relationship, marital or otherwise. That is, faith in God. Throughout our marriage we made lots of mistakes, and we give God the credit for rescuing us. This is not so much a book about how to maintain a perfect marriage, but rather an insight on how to enhance and enjoy a relationship that is not always so perfect. Linda writes frankly about imperfections and how to handle them.

If your marriage is imperfect, you are in good company. How to Transform Any Relationship in 1 Day is rich in wise counsel, and Linda is eminently qualified to share these insights with you. I should know, she’s had to live with me for more than thirty years!

Andre’

Relationship Problems

The Grey Lady

I had just completed a seminar on relationships and it was question and answer time. One of the ladies asked if she could talk to me after the seminar. Everything about this lady was grey, from her face to her posture. Her demeanour was screaming ; I am unloved. Her shoulders hung down, the sides of her mouth hung down, her head was down. Just about everything shouted defeat. I agreed and this is the story she related: My husband and I have not been talking or sleeping together for a year now, and he has taken up reading as a hobby. The silence is affecting the children and I have decided to end the relationship.

I then asked her if he was a good husband and provider. She said yes, and that he gave her all his salary at the end of the month. But he does not communicate. All he does is read books. I then advised her that as lonely as she was feeling, he was feeling worse, because he now thought that he was a failure and was therefore hiding behind books. The person that she fell in love with was still around, but had gone undercover because of her attitude (she had asked for help and two wrongs, never make a right). I then asked her if she was willing to change the situation that very night. She was shocked. Tonight? That’s one day? Nah! There is no way that it can change tonight So I advised her that when she had fed him, (always feed the lion before you confront him) and he was sitting reading, she should casually walk past, place a hand on his shoulder and gently say: I was thinking about you the whole day and realised that you are a good man. I really appreciate the fact that you take care of us. Then she was to walk away and not say another word to him, (because he would think: Uh oh! This is suspect behaviour after all this time.). Remember, they hadn’t been talking for about a year. The following day, after she had fed him, she was to find something else to admire about him. She agreed to try this. Well, by the second day, he was responding and he was so thrilled with her, that he held her and told her that he had