With My Face to the Wind: Ptsd, Faith, and Lessons in Healing (Revised 2021)

By Linda Anne King

Like cancer untreated, PTSD can kill—if not the body— the mind and soul. Linda King has portrayed, in real-time, what it is like to live with full-blown post-traumatic stress disorder. With My Face to the Wind is not only for those who have PTSD, or those who support friends and family with PTSD, but it is also for professionals who want a window into the mind and heart of someone struggling to overcome PTSD. With this 2021 revision, Linda hopes that readers who have lived with the symptoms of this disorder (which often goes undiagnosed) will learn coping skills, along with hope and faith to continue on their journey. 

Linda King’s “With My Face to the Wind” is an inspiring read like no other. Her story is one of the tragedies and triumphs, with tears and laughter guiding the way. Mrs. King knows how to tell her tales and pushes her readers to better themselves—by accepting themselves. I suggest this book to anyone—PTSD suffers, mis-understood teenagers, and those who are perfectly fine. This book will lead you to your best self.

-Anna Katherine Beerman

While sharing some of her personal tragedies, Linda King weaves just enough verifiable psychological content (without causing brain freeze) to know that she's done her homework. Her wit and humor shine through just in the nick of time. . .

-Rhonda B. Holmes, Author, The WORD Diet

What you have written is too powerful to be read in one or two settings. As a registered nurse I’ve been accustomed to reading professional abstracts and journals quickly and incorporating new learning into my nursing practice. It was the unanticipated emotional impact that caused me to read it in small “doses” spread over a couple of months. . . . and your format of introducing that information throughout the book as it coincided with stages in your own emotional journey, will make it much easier for individuals affected by PTSD to understand and apply it to their own circumstances.

-Elen Wright, R.N

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Feb 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781462068760

Linda Anne King

Linda Anne King has always been on the creative edge of life. She has taught elementary school music, written and directed plays and extensive choir programs, conducted safety training classes, has been a small business owner, held leadership positions in church, has been a sales associate for a large retail company, and is an accomplished artist. She lives in a log home in beautiful NW Arkansas with her husband, and she cherishes the time she spends with her children and grandchildren.

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 Linda Anne King.¹

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4620-6875-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4620-6877-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4620-6876-0 (e)

iUniverse rev. date:  07/19/2021

Contents

Acknowledgments

Thoughts from readers

Foreword

Introduction

Prologue

A Second Chance

Chapter One

Thrown in the Closet

Chapter Two

Spiritual, Mental and Physical Alignment

Chapter Three

PTSD: Explanations of traumatic stress and types of PTSD events

Chapter Four

Family History—the Early Years

Chapter Five

Anger Management: Hidden files on your Emotional hard drive

Chapter Six

Reality and Psychosomatic Responses

Chapter Seven

Family History: The Teen Years

Chapter Eight

Stop, look, and listen—Leap of Faith

Chapter Nine

At the edge of our abilities is where faith begins

Epilogue

Parked again…

Bibliography

Acknowledgments

As I revise this book in 2021, I can still say that without my family, immediate and extended, this book would never have been written. I am grateful to my husband Richard, who stood by me through my healing, and patiently endured my irregular hours, as writing took me late into the night. Thank you, my sweet daughters, Amy, and Melanie, for being an inspiration to me. I am grateful for your husbands, who are blessings in our lives as well as yours. And, by the way, thank you for our beautiful grandchildren! Thanks to my son Andrew for your editorial insights and encouragement. Frank and Marion, thank you for being not only a big brother and sister to Richard and me, but especially for accepting me with all the baggage. Love goes out to Richard’s brother Robert and wife Sharon, of course my brothers, Jim and John, and my sister Trish. I am so proud of my grown-up nieces and nephews; you have given me great joy. I am grateful for our family on both sides of the genealogical tree.

I am especially thankful for my Uncle Donald and Aunt Gloria and my cousins Jennifer, Laura, and Matt. You gave me a reason for living when I was lost to the world. I lived because I could not imagine hurting you or my dear grandparents.

There are so many friends who have encouraged me and taught me things throughout the years. I want to name you all; young and old, you have given me the ultimate support as I have made the decision to go through this process. I shall never forget the months that you carried me, as God sent you, one after another into my life. You carefully held me in the arms of love and friendship, as I descended like a wounded bird to the depths of my memories. I will be eternally grateful.

Then, to my friends from high school, you never knew how much you helped me by just being my friend. You were my other life, my safe place. I want to especially thank Carolyn Guba, Karen Melching Brown, and their families for their love, advice, and support. Your friendship is precious.

Thanks to those who have proofread the half chapters, the unfinished paragraphs, endured the dumb mistakes, and for suggesting changes and development. How can I thank Lyla, Nancy, Amy, Sharon, Stan, Scharrelle, Kathi, Lee, Anna, Stephanie, Melissa, and Jacob? You have been angels sent from God to help me in more ways than proofreading and editing. And, Mark Casey, what can I say? You put the pieces back together!

I am grateful for those that have allowed me to use lyrics, quotes, and information that will help me reach others. Your generosity has been humbling.

The beautiful artwork on the cover can be attributed to an amazing sketch by Laura Grace formatted by the talents of W. Roger Walker. Everyone commented on my bio photo, which was expertly taken by Kathi George.

And last, but not least, this book is dedicated to the first responders, doctors, nurses, health-care workers, dedicated teachers, and brave men and women of our armed forces who have sacrificed in countless ways, so that we can remain safe and free.

Linda Anne King, revised edition 2021

Thoughts from readers

I have known Linda since high school, reconnecting at reunions and particularly this last one. How could the popular calendar girl face such trials? But Linda’s skilled, revealing style as an author opened my eyes to see not only her journey, but that we all face life struggles. PTSD is real and more prevalent than you might think. This excellent book takes the reader through some rather shocking events in Linda’s life and links her specific experiences to the lives we all have. You will find yourself in some of these pages, and you will better understand some of your friends and relatives. Linda uses faith as a foundation for renewal. As you read this, you will be entertained, you will learn, and you will find solutions.

Stanley M. Belyeu, Ph.D., P.E.

In helping Linda through the editing process, I found great healing for my own PTSD. I had never been able to dig deeply enough to find the peace I now have. The inspiration and serenity you feel as you read page after page is something I sought after but never found. Other books never had the power to take me to the deepest part of the heart, where healing begins . . . the place where God lives. With My Face to the Wind reaches that place. Healing happens.

Amy L.

I love your book. I felt I was reading a page of my own history! I say, God bless you and keep you! you are in an inspiration and a consolation to me. Good writing and good healing are in your book. Take care and much love.

Shannon L. Means

What you have written is too powerful to be read in one or two settings. As a registered nurse I’ve been accustomed to reading professional abstracts and journals quickly and incorporating new learning into my nursing practice. It was the unanticipated emotional impact that caused me to read it in small doses spread over a couple of months. . . . and your format of introducing that information throughout the book as it coincided with stages in your own emotional journey, will make it much easier for individuals affected by PTSD to understand and apply it to their own circumstances.

Elen Wright, R.N.

We were good little actresses. No one knew what we went through outside of the halls of our high school. Our smiles, our laughs, our participation activities hid it all forty years later, God put us together again. One of us was writing a book about her life, her PTSD, and her path to healing. She asks the other two read it, to edit and make suggestions. That’s when we found we had more in common than the high school we attended.

Thank you for asking me to be the first few to read your words. I have found healing through this book. It has been a long journey for you. I am so happy that you will have the chance to help other PTSD sufferers.

God bless, Glenyce

Linda King’s With My Face to the Wind is an inspiring read like no other. Her story is one of the tragedies and triumphs, with tears and laughter guiding the way. Mrs. King knows how to tell her tales and pushes her readers to better themselves—by accepting themselves. I suggest this book to anyone—PTSD suffers, misunderstood teenagers, and those who are perfectly fine. This book will lead you to your best self.

Anna Katherine Beerman

I admire your courage for laying your soul wide open for all to view. You give events and related emotions with absolutely no sugar-coated adornment. A reader can readily identify with that type of honesty. . . . God, it hurts to open your inner sanctum to the world. Your very openness forces the reader to see that that is the only roadway to healing.

. . . . Your clarity, depth of knowledge, light humor, and intense personal testimony will bring your message home with a dramatic impact.

Gail Dean Davis Sr.

Linda’s book really helped me in dealing with my loved ones. We sometimes forget that these types of traumatic and abusive things still happen, every day, to those around us. When my daughter, was twelve, she had to deal with her father calling her to tell her he was once again attempting suicide. It was an effort to get her to drop everything and run to him, since I had left and filed for divorce. The lingering effects of those days still crop up, but the insights I gained from this book have helped me to help her.

Scharrelle Easley

I have never doubted the validity of your book. So many of God’s children are lost and need a road map out of depression. You understand, and God knew that you would be able to feel it while you wrote it. You are not a doctor that is intellectualizing; you have been there and inspired to reach out to people, talking on their level, giving them a light, and a way out.

Lou Anne Greaber

Linda King’s book was one of the greatest books that I have read. Growing up in Eastern Europe, I experienced many of the things that Linda experienced, and it made me realize that there is someone else out there that had problems while growing up, and that I am not all alone in this world. When you read her book, it helps you discover your inner self, and it teaches you ways of dealing with anxiety and depression. I needed someone to relate to, and her book was very inspirational and motivating.

Tamera Stanimirovic

Everyone has stress levels; it’s how we deal with it that matters. It seems like you have found a great outlet and or coping mechanism. STAY STRONG!

Glenn Paul, Atty. Paul and Elkind law firm

Don’t change a thing! You poured your heart and soul into this book, and I can feel it. This is what God has planned all along. It’s exactly right! . . . Your steps at the end of the book are exactly what the person living in hell needs to KNOW to survive and heal. Oh, how hard that last step has been but now you are walking it—forgiveness.

Nancy Lancaster

I hate all that you experienced during those times. But in retrospect it is obvious that God had his hand on you even when his silence was so deafening. I am so proud at how you had the faith and courage to fight the demons, back then and now, until they are finally powerless against you.

Carol Guba

Foreword

PTSD is looked on by the majority of caregivers and individuals as a stigma and not as a disease to be treated. They treat the symptoms of PTSD and not the cause. Everyone has stress in his or her life every day as it is healthy and part of life. What is not healthy is when an individual lets PTSD run their life to the point they have no life.

Every living creature has some form of PTSD in his or her life. With sentient beings it reflects past events either good or bad. Linda King’s book With My face In the Wind is a must read for everyone. It puts you in the mind of those who suffer from PTSD regardless of the cause. You will not be the same person after you read her magnificent book as every person can identify with the events laid down by Linda King. With My Face to the Wind is a masterpiece of human reflections of the hidden inner world of PTSD and treatments and will be recognized as one of the greatest books on PTSD of the 21st century.

L. Lee Parmeter, Author, retired USAF

War Stories and Little White Lies

Winds of the Bitterroots

13 Horses

MSgt Parmeter’s many military awards and decorations include the Vietnamese Medal of Honor, Meritorious Service Medal, and the Air Force Commendation Medal with four oak leave clusters and The Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry with Palm. He is also a member of The Sons of the American Revolution. Lee is very active in community affairs helping disabled veterans establish themselves in the civilian community and assisting them in VA disability procedures.

Introduction

Writing the participants side of the PTSD mind game was quite an emotional challenge. About 15 years ago when I entered therapy to face my traumas; I never imagined that I would be incapacitated by mental detours or flashbacks. When fears and anxieties that accompanied the issues were brought to the surface, I was once again encompassed by the reality of those issues. I was fearless—until my mind was no longer under my direction or control. Insomnia took hold of my life. I fought through sleepless nights by researching numerous books and articles available on post-traumatic stress disorder—PTSD. Writing anchored me in the process of healing, as it does for many. (However, I am not sure I like the fact that my alter ego is a keyboard and a stack of 8½ x 11 sheets of paper!) I determined that if I could understand the symptoms that accompanied the disorder and assimilate the psychology of it all, then with the help of God, I could unlock the mysteries of a complicated puzzle and reassemble my sanity.

What was previously called shell shock from World War I and World War II, now, after multitudes of studies of the Vietnam era veterans, had a new name, post-traumatic stress disorder—PTSD, and its own page in every medical reference book and psychological website. I realized, after taking my own surveys, that PTSD suffered by women and children was often overlooked, primarily because: they never told anyone about the trauma. Some had been children who had suffered at the hands of adults; others were adults, victims of a horrendous crime or an abusive marriage. Unlike a natural disaster, these traumatic events were not seen by large sympathetic audiences. Consequently, the victims lacked a built-in circle of support, and for the most part, they suffered alone. Many were thankful to find out that I was recording my journey out of PTSD, so that maybe I could help them steer through their own.

Nearly all of us will live through trauma, accidents, natural disasters, and difficult illnesses. While most of us will not develop PTSD, those that do develop PTSD from these incidents, can have similar symptoms with the same intensity, no matter what the trauma. I talked with numerous people that had lived through assaults, home invasions, fires, tornadoes, and harrowing hurricanes like Katrina. I had emotional discussions with people that had been involved in horrible car accidents, where even some of the occupants of the vehicles had died. I had multiple conversations with war veterans—men and women who live with their memories all the time. Studies now show that first responders, law enforcement officers, and medical personnel, who see more than their share of traumas, are developing PTSD too.²

In 2020 and through much of 2021, we have been in the grips of a world-wide event—a pandemic that has morphed into its own unique description, with symptoms that have spread across the globe—COVID-19. No one is exempt from the possibility of exposure. Though there are multiple tests for the virus, there is still some uncertainty of whether or not you are carrying the disease, which can be asymptomatic and still contagious. Throughout the world, more people have been exposed than previously thought. Researchers, doctors, and health-care workers are working non-stop to find cures and treatments that can handle the disease variants, while some are still tirelessly taking care of the sick. The vaccines are now available with emergency approval, but there still are questions on longevity of protection and some worry about various side effects. Along with the deaths, grief, illness, hospitalizations, and extended recoveries, the emotional impact of this event is much more disruptive.

This last year kids have not been able to attend school, play with their friends, and grow up normally. Many of their virtual classes are lacking the interaction with teachers to really understand their subjects. They are calling it the Lost Year.³ Let’s pray that schools will be open by the time this is published. Families were quarantined for months at a time. They struggled to keep sane while together, carefully shopping for essentials—which may or may not be on the shelves. Since the inception of the pandemic, thousands of businesses closed, jobs have been lost or furloughed, and the global economy has tanked, leaving people in despair.

The more fortunate are working from home as well as becoming full-time teachers to their kids between Zoom meetings and writing online reports. That being said, ZOOM and Facetime have become a way to unite families and people everywhere. That was science fiction 50 years ago! God bless the tech wizards that developed this kind of communication that now keeps us together! These technologies do not however replace the human touch. It will get better, but it is going to take a long time to recover both financially and emotionally. We can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel! Finally! And it is so good to see your faces again!

Many have suffered from episodes of PTSD even more pronounced than mine. Some carry scars that are not just mental but also physical and very visible. Some suffer not only in silence but also very much in public. I must recognize that what would be traumatic for one person’s psyche would not cause the same emotional damage in another’s. Even if the traumas are similar, every circumstance is different, and everyone has their own emotional limits.

This reminds me: I have written this book with a perspective a little different than usual. To begin with, I noticed that there were very few books focused on PTSD that also had a spiritual take of the subject. Some do not agree that the two should be mixed together as a recipe for healing. I believe that traumatic incidences cannot be put to rest without a healing of the soul. Early on I realized that I could not repair the damage by myself; it was too deeply implanted within my psyche and my soul. I needed divine intervention.

You have noticed that I do not have any letters strategically placed after my name, so I don’t claim to have any formal education from medical school or a masters or doctorate in psychology. Contrary to other books on the shelves, I am not a medical professional using case studies as the basis for my manuscript, I am just like you: a wife, a mother, a teacher, a businesswoman, an artist, a sales rep, but—I am an expert in living with PTSD and I have learned to live with its devastating effects.

Researching the medical aspects of PTSD and how it affected people from all walks of life was fascinating to me; it helped to study the subject from all angles. Researching was a pattern I developed as a kid. When bad things happened, I read everything about the subject to try to understand it. I hope you find the combination of my personal story, my research, and a little humor to be unique as well as informative.

It is not my intent to bash or condemn certain people. It is to point out that people, including family members, can influence each other for bad or good. . . for years. So I don’t draw unwanted attention to my family, I have changed names, details, and places. I want my readers to realize that this book was written to help others heal from similar traumas not to avenge any past wrongs. As I go forward with this revision it is so important to me that my readers and family know that. I would gladly take out more of the story, but the impact of the constant barrage of experiences, negativity, and fear of what would happen next was the recipe that created the PTSD in the first place.

In overcoming the debilitating effects of traumas in our lives, even those that we might have