Something Has Gone Wrong: Reflections from My Heart

By Fatma Yardimsever Hakalmaz

Something has gone wrong
Reflections from The heart

The world we are living in is changing, but unfortunately it is not a happy change.

I am a Turkish Muslim women, living in Europe. In this work you will find reflections and expressions from my heart, about every day subjects that made me think, cry and laugh.

I believe that life is all about a constant War against our bad inner desires, the Jihad against the Nafs.
As long as we do not sit down for a moment and ask ourselves where, how and why has it gone wrong, then the hate, fighting, wars will never end. To change the world, we have to start first with changing the I. Nobody can change the I, except the I itself.

Long live the snake as long as it does not bite me
Beni sokmayan yilan bin yasasin is an expression, that I want to use for people, who are indifferent about pains and sufferings of others, as long as it does not concern them.

Acting like the three monkeys against injustice, will not bring any benefit to any of us, because a snake is a snake, It will poison without particularizing.

Fatma Yardimsever-Hakalmaz

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Dec 22, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504990370

Fatma Yardimsever Hakalmaz

Who is Fatma? Fatma Yardimsever Hakalmaz was born in Karaman, Turkey. From the age of five, she has lived in Belgium. She is married and has two boys. She received her secondary education in a Catholic school in Antwerp. After she read a course in Law in the University of Antwerp for three years. While she was studying there, she worked with lawyers as a Sworn Translator of the Court. As a student, she helped in setting up and coordinating diverse associations like the European Association of Turkish Academics, the Association of Turkish and Belgian students, the Turkish Union in Antwerp and the Anatolian Theatre group in Antwerp. She has coordinated many multi-cultural and multi-religious projects, for this she worked with the City of Antwerp, Province of Antwerp, Unesco, de Acht, Proleron bis , High school in Brussels. Some of the projects were: “ De buren vieren feest” ( 1996), Mano Mundo Festival( 1997), Benefit concert for Turkey(1999), portival 2002, Vasten tradities in Antwerpen ( 1999-2000), Droom van een eigen zaak 2012, Allochtoon ondernemen 2013. After marriage, she played with her husband for four years in Anatolian Theatre Group. She featured in the plays “Töre 2002”, “Kanli Nigar 2003” and “Gilgamesh” 2004. Since 2004 she has been running a fashion house “The Wo-men Art Gallery”. She has her own designs under this label. With this fashion house, she participated in many Beauty contests, like The Miss African contest in Belgium, Miss Nigeria Belgium, Miss Maghreb and Miss alma. In most of these fashion shows she styled and costumed the mannequins and she was also among the jury.

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2016 Fatma Yardimsever Hakalmaz. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 12/21/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-9035-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-9036-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-9037-0 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Photo: Frederik Hamelynck

Bookcover: Orhan Duman

Contents

Acknowledgement

Who is Fatma?

Man’s world

My first speech

Just a breeze

Mission impossible

White Raven

Oscour / Help

A small city

Carpet on the wall

Grandmother’s stories

Anamur/ Anamas

The Basket

Story about Hizir (God’s visitor)

Story of a rich man

Saving money

Yörük kizi / Nomad girl

Knowledge in Islam

A woman without a man

Mess of man’s hand

A man without a back

Zwart Zusters (Black Sisters)

Child’s Pride

A stranger

Living in between two worlds

This respect is for you

I need to heal myself

The fruits of the tree

A wet tree

White schools and black schools

Not an alarming situation…

Janet Just a name

Knowledge is power

Lonely years

Pizza with salami

I really hoped that my mama was wrong in her worries

Big Bosses and slaves

An Ottoman Sultan

Stone of sadaka (Sadaka tasi)

Captured in memories

Young adults

Real toys

A heavy stone

A thinking woman

Suppression

Lazy ladies

Rebel

Freedom

Something was missing

A woman’s prayer

Dress with flowers

A voice of silence

Captain of the ship

A new doorstep brush/ broom

Letter of a drunken man

A Papa’s last request

The power of a kiss

Sweet memories

Papa, can I also fall in love?

Ladies first

I am not Inek heee!

Ranting off

Sir, I want to make it good

A Child’s World

I made him also Muslim

Fresh clothes

Just A letter

I will wait for you to go…

Somebody is knocking on the door

As exciting as the army…

Being a man

Scholars of peace

Surrender to the will of God or Allah

Leave me alone with God

The Imam

First being

Just a miracle

You were there…

A house for God

Lessons of life

Unwise pronouncements

Dark brown hair and dark brown eyes

Heathen / kafir

No place to hide

A heart of stone

Black pages in history

A spoon out of milk/ Sütten çikmis ak kassik

But, what about the thief…

Dare we to…

Human in chain

Putting oil on fire

Just a set up play

A baby pot

Ghettos

Teardrops

A living angel

A balloon

A shinny star

He must have seen an angel

A white bedspread

Nobody knows how the day will end, so…

Grey hair

Game is over

Dedication

I dedicate this book to everybody who will read

my book without prejudice.

Maybe who knows, one day we dare to say

Hello Shalom, Selamun aleykum,

to a stranger….

Acknowledgement

First of all, thank you "Allah" "God for everything".

My special thanks to my children Mehmed and Fatih. Thank you for your time, patience and deep support. I appreciate your whispering while I was working, so as not to disturb me. I am very proud of you both. You are very special to me.

Also my thanks to my family far and near. I am very happy that you are all part of my life. Thank you very much for your never ending supports. You are all, my big bag in good and bad days.

To my big sister Ayşe Abla. You are very special to me. I am very proud and lucky that you are my sister. I thank you from my heart. Brother in law Ahmet, thank you very much for always being there for me when ever I need your support, thank you for being my big brother.

A special thanks to my mama, Selime. Most of the expressions that I used in this work were expressions that you taught us. You guided us in life, not with "just talks" but also with your lifestyle. You live your life, like you taught us to live.

To my dearest brother, Chris Dahi, who believed in me, who took his time to listen to me and who said, Start writing. I appreciate your support very much. You are very special and dear to me. God bless you and your family.

And to my dear husband, Mustafa. Thank you, as my husband and above for being my best friend. You are my harbour; with you I feel my self-safe. Weather I look good or not, you always saw the moonlight in my face. You are a great husband and above a great father. I am very lucky; with you I can be me.

Life is like a movie. This is the scenario that Allah gave me to play in life. I want to thank everybody who played in this movie, who was part of my life. I love happy endings. I will do my best to have a "happy ending".

Love as always,

Fatma Yardimsever- Hakalmaz

Who is Fatma?

Fatma was born in 1970 in the city of Karaman, Turkey. From the age of five, she has lived in Belgium. She is married and is the mother of two boys.

She finished her secondary education in a Catholic school in Antwerp. In this school, she studied Mathematics, Economy and Modern languages. After finishing the Lyceum, she read a course in Law in the University of Antwerp for three years. While she was studying there, she worked with lawyers as a Sworn Translator of the Court.

As a student, she played an active role in setting up and coordinating several Associations which include EATA (European Association of Turkish Academics/ Antwerp), VTBS (Association of Turkish and Belgian students) and the UTV (Turkish Union in Antwerp).

In a period spanning twenty-four years, she coordinated many multi-cultural and multi- religious projects. She worked with the City of Antwerp, Province of Antwerp, de Enesco, de Acht, Proleron bis and many others. Some of the projects were: De buren vieren feest, Mano Mundo Festival, Haven festival, Vasten Tradities in Antwerpen, Droom van een eigen zaak (Debate / film), Allochtoon ondernemen (witnesses of foreign entrepreneurs), media sessies, Benefit concert for Turkey…

After marriage, she played with her husband for four years in ATG (Anatolian Theatre Group). She featured in the plays Töre, Kanli Nigar and Gilgamesh. The theatre Gilgamesh was supported by the City of Antwerp. Gilgamesh was exhibited in theatres of Belgium and the Holland.

Since 2004 Fatma has been running a fashion house, "The Wo-men Art Gallery". She has her own Designs under this label. With this fashion house, she participated in many Fashion Shows and Beauty Contests like: The Miss Africa beauty contest in Antwerp, the Miss Nigeria contest in Brussels, Miss Maghreb in Horta, Hilton and Zuiderkroon and Miss Alma in garage Beerens. In most of these fashion shows she styled and costumed the mannequins and she was among the jury.

Man’s world

While it is very difficult to enter men’s world, I entered the Turkish Associations, where only men were present and sadly still are. I tried hard to make myself heard by being really there.

After two years of participation in the UTV (Unie van Turkse verenigingen), I was chosen as the vice president of the UTV. Of course as you can imagine, this was not the standing norm. I had to work hard to prove myself and I had to make myself accepted.

Women are also a part of the society. What is the real aim of the Associations anyway? Working for peoples benefit or for our own benefit? If it is for the benefit of the people, then how come that the women are still in the background.

The servants here are always going with glory, but what about the contributions of the chef and the cooks in the kitchen?

The brains of the activities mostly come from the women. The women work hard to make these activities succeed, but it is still sad to see that it is always the men who parade in the glory of what is established?

Our office was in the mosque, in Antwerpen Zuid (Antwerp South). We arranged our meetings every Saturday and Sunday evenings after work, so everybody could be present. The governing board comprised of volunteers.

When we had our meeting, I purposely kept the door of the office wide open, so that everybody could see that I was there to work. I think the men knew this and they never closed the doors that I left open.

In Turkey, the women can enter the mosque anytime they want, because the entrance is apart and above it is difficult to keep a data in your head of so many people.

The women who live in Antwerp cannot enter our mosque in Antwerp south any time they want. It is not forbidden, but they will hesitate to enter.

The cafeteria of the mosque was just in front of the big entrance door. This old cafeteria was like a typical Turkish café; a café only for men.

Women enter the mosque in Antwerp mostly during the Ramadan, so as to do their Teravih prayer. This is a prayer all the Muslim do together in the mosque after iftar, after breaking the fast. The women have a hall apart to do their prayers.

Every time I entered the big door, all the heads of the men sitting in the cafeteria of the mosque (cami lokeli) turned to look at me from top to toe with questioning eyes: What is she doing here all the time? Like the mosque was their father’s property (Babalarinin mali gibi).

I passed with a straight head, looking forward, without paying attention at the questioning looks.

Slowly, over the years the men in the mosque became used to my presence. Time reached when people started coming to ask me for advice or help like: "My daughter or sister, can you look at this bill or letter?,"

My first speech

When I was a child. People who could speak very well impressed me. Every time, when we had visitors in our house, I tried not to miss the beginning of their conversation.

I was amazed at the subjects the women always found to talk about. They had always so many things to tell. Amazing. Wow! These women are very smart. I always said to myself.

I usually thought. "When does mama start talking? How did they start such deep conversation? What did they say at first?,

Every time, I waited for the time the old women would come to converse in our home and every time there came something in between. Somehow, I always missed the beginning of their conversation. It was very exasperating.

Without giving up, I started again waiting for a next time… Our weekends were always occupied. Sometimes we went to our neighbours or neighbours came to our house.

The first time that I was asked to give a speech was to a group of young boys in the mosque. When I was about twenty-two years old.

While I was giving the speech, at the very end in the corner of the hall, there was a man sitting. He was about forty years. He was acting like he was reading a journal, while I was giving the speech.

This was very disturbing, but I was prepared for this.

Such things were bound to happen. Every opportunity was a chance to convince, a time to prove that I as a woman had something to say too. Somehow in my heart I knew I was not only speaking for only myself but for other women.

This man with the newspaper was acting like he was not listening. It is like, what has a girl to say anyway, more then the men? What happened to the roots of the men (adamlarin köküne giranmi girdi de….), that the preaching was left in the hands of women?

When therefore I was asked to give this speech, I jumped at this proposal. This was something that I always wanted to do. I was not good at giving speeches, but I wanted to work on it.

This was for me an opportunity to work on myself. I was a shy girl. This shy girl caused me much embarrassment. I knew what to say, but how to say it and how to perform was quite an issue.

Many times in front of the mirror, I stand to do my speech. Everything goes on well, except that I could not use my legs and my arms. These were frozen stiff.