Not All of the Nuts Are in the Can

By Mark Shannon Gibson

Have you heard the phrase not all of the nuts are in the can well here is a story that falls in that category? For starters you have one man going through a divorce in which things are not going right for him. He eventually gets hooked up with a different lawyer that well isnt what you would call your typical lawyer. Then you have his bosses one is a suck up and the other one lets just say he is not the brightest tool in the shed. Then you have his co- workers that lets just say they really do fit into this category. In the end it makes you wonder which ones should be in the can and which ones is safe enough to be left out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 4, 2013
• ISBN: 9781493100460

Mark Shannon Gibson

I have lived in a small town in the heart of the Shenandoah Virginia all my life. Most of my life I have worked in various types of jobs during the course of my life. I grew up in a big family with three brothers and one sister. I graduated from Spotswood High School in 1987 and took less than a semester of community College. I was married and have to wonderful daughters.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

The Nut Begins

I know you have heard the old saying that not all the nuts are in the can if you have then you try to figure out why not. The problem is the more you try to figure it out the more it seems you belong there too. Now this brings up a question that is asked when you try to figure this out is who is sane and who is not. I know you have worked with some people through your years and thought that they hit every limb on the crazy tree as they came down. Then this makes you wonder what is too crazy and what is not crazy enough. Take Ideas for example it seems the crazier they are the better they are taken hold of. Then the person who came up with it becomes successful. You know some people that have come up with some of these crazy ideas and they are crazier than a nut. Is it because the idea was crazy are that they are crazy that makes it successful. You have had some pretty crazy ideas down through the years but they were not successful for you. After you told some people your idea they just look at you like how did you make it here today and wonder if you are going to show up one day with your underwear on the outside of your pants. This makes you wonder what makes it too crazy to be out of the normal and crazy enough to be in the normal. Is the reason that they become successful are that their ideas are accepted was it just luck. Is it that they have what some would call the luck of the Irish on their side, does that mean that one or both of their parents is one of these magical Leprechauns. If that was the case then you would have wished they would have adopted you when you were young to get some of that luck on you, or at least have some of that to rub off on you. Then again it might be both of them something called crazy luck, whichever it is you wish you had it to be successful and get your ideas across. Now getting the answers to the things up above is the million dollar questions of life. Trying to figure all this out is like trying to figure out why women ask the men in their lives these two very controversial questions. They are does this outfit make me look fat and the second one is does this outfit look good on me. Any guy knows that no matter how you answer that it will always be the wrong one, especially if the outfit does or doesn’t make them look one way or another. It really doesn’t matter how you answer that one it just seems that you will always be in the dog house. Then why do they ask it the only reason I can come up with is they already know the answer they just don’t like the conformation in any form. Trust me they do know if you are not telling the truth because they already know the answer themselves, but I guess that they just want someone to tell them something different than what they already know.

Let me get back to what I was talking about here sometimes you sit back and think of some dreams that you had and wonder what would have happened If you could have made them come true. The thing is you couldn’t make yours come true but crazy Joe down the street had no problems with his coming true. Yes it would have been nice to do this and have the accomplishment of saying and showing that you made a dream of yours come true. Then again how would it have looked with a grown man dressed up like the Lone Ranger riding on a horse out in the west along with one of his buddies playing Tonto looking for bad guys? How about a grown woman dressed up like Strawberry Shortcake trying to live in a house that is made out of things that you eat as a dessert? Then crazy Joe wouldn’t be the only one that they would be calling crazy. They probably would lock you up in the loony bin for making these dreams coming true. Then again maybe it is a good thing that you didn’t bring some of your dreams alive and you let them die out. Because you did you know where you belong and that is defiantly on the outside, then this makes you start thinking who belongs on the inside and who belongs on the outside.

Now let’s take a look at someone who might get a vote from people that possible could be left on the outside. Just like a lot of people he just didn’t have the luck are craziness about him to make what he wanted to come true, now that isn’t saying that at times people didn’t think that he might be a little crazy. So here is Randy he is a Campus Maintenance Organizer for an up and coming community for people of the higher middle class and up. In other words he is what most places call a Groundskeeper; you know he mows the grass pulls the weeds and makes the campus on the outside look pretty. This place called it that because it sounded more professional tell me that isn’t nuts. Now Randy he doesn’t really mind his job and some of the people that live there in the community. The one thing that really makes it worth going to work for him every day is the people that he works with: he thinks of them like family like one big degenerate family but family. Now Randy grew up in a family that was in the middle of the social classes’ not rich not poor but yet still not in the middle. Now like a lot of people he didn’t have what you would say a lot of choices or opportunities in his life. So he did what anybody in his social class did that could not manage to go to school he found a job and worked.

Now his alarm clock is going off at 5:30 in the morning and just like so many people he tries to ignore it. Then after figuring that it won’t go away he turns the alarm off and makes himself sit up on the side of the bed. He sits there a couple of seconds I guess so he could get those dreadful morning cobwebs out of his head and to try to give himself a morning prep talk to try to get started. As soon as the prep talk kicks in he gets himself up and heads towards the Kitchen to make his morning kick start and that was his coffee. Then after he gets the coffee started he makes his way to his room grabs his uniform and goes into the bathroom to get ready for work. He soon emerges and heads directly to the coffee so he could pour himself a cup. He gets his favorite cup from the cabinet pours it as full as he can fixes it the way he likes it then makes his way into the living room to watch some morning news before he goes to work. He grabs the remote finds his chair sits down turns on the TV to catch up with what was going on in the world. He hadn’t much more sat down to watch the news and enjoy his coffee before he heard like a loud thud. He sat there wondering what had just happened and then it just came to him. It must have been his roommate in his bedroom apparently one of two things must have happened to him. One he must have tried to get out of bed and somehow got caught up in the sheets and feel on the floor. Two he got out of bed tried to get across the floor and fell on his face. He just sat there just waiting for him to pop out of his room to find out which one it was.

It wasn’t too long after he heard the noise that he saw his roommate come stumbling out of his room rubbing his head. Now his roommates name is Tommy and he was someone you could call a party animal and that is what happened to him last night. Other than that he wasn’t a bad person to be around he also wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed at times. Tommy stands there rubbing his head a couple of seconds then wonders his way to the couch and sits down. Randy calmly looks over at him and asks him did you hurt your head. Tommy still rubbing his head shook his head yes and gave the symbol signs for just a little bit. As he was sitting there he looked over at his fish tank and noticed that something was wrong with it. He sat there trying to figure out what was wrong with it, after a while he just couldn’t take it any longer so he got up and headed over there to it. Randy knew that this was going to be good and just sat there waiting for him to ask the question, then for him to give him the answer to his question. He got to the fish tank stood there looking down in it and then figured out what had happened to it. He couldn’t understand how someone could do this to him and the fish in there. He turned his head towards Randy and asked him Who yacked in my fish tank. Randy calmly took another swig of coffee then as calm as could be said you did. Tommy turned back around and stood there with his eyes closed wondering how he could do such a thing. Those fish was just like his kids to him then after a moment of guilt and shame he made his way back to the couch to sit down. Randy the whole time was laughing on the inside about it because it was him and nobody else that did that. If it had been anybody else he would have been ready to fight them now he has to sit there and blame himself for it.

So when did I do that he asked Randy. Randy took another swig of his coffee and told him Sometime last night when you went to bed. All I know is that you were getting up and then you said something about that you had to talk to Ralph. You made it about halfway across the floor and you said weren’t going to make it so you headed straight for the tank and just started talking to Ralph. Tommy sat there after hearing this with his head in his hands. Randy sat there finished his coffee then decided to get up and get him another cup. Before he got up he asked Tommy if he wanted a cup and he shook his head yes. so Randy got up and went into the Kitchen to pour some coffee for him and Tommy. Randy fixed his the way he liked his then asked Tommy how did he want his and he told him then fixed and headed back. He handed Tommy his then he headed back to his chair to watch some more news. Then Randy asked him did any of your fish make the ordeal. Tommy just shrugged his shoulders then answered him back There is still quite a few of them still swimming around in there but I don’t know how long they will make it until I clean it out.

They both sat there drinking there their coffee Randy enjoying the news and Tommy thinking about his fish tank and cleaning it. As Tommy sat there drinking his coffee noticed a piece of paper on the table and it looked like it had a phone number on it. He reached over and grabbed it and started to look at them but he did not recognize the number on it. He then yelled over at Randy to get his attention then held up the paper with the numbers on it. Randy looked at them and then wondered if he should tell him the truth are tell him a little white lie about them. You see Tommy sometimes has a little trouble remembering everything that goes on when he has been parting. He can remember bits and pieces but the whole thing is sometimes a little task for him. That’s a phone number he said to Tommy and he answered him back with I know it’s a phone number but whose. That was it for Randy now he was going to try and pull one over on him. If you could have seen in Randy’s head it would have looked like the Industrial revolution going on in there. You don’t remember what went on last night?’ he asked Tommy. Tommy sat there with a straight face and said I remember that Eddy and sling came over last night. Yeah they came over with beer and a pizza and let me tell you they were three sheets in the wind when they came over her last night. As soon as they got here they wanted to do some more parting Randy told him. Well those are my boys and if that is what they want that is what usually happens he replied back to him. Yeah your right about that cause after your boys guzzled down that case of beer that they brought with them I think Eddie went to the Liquor store and picked up some more beer. He also stopped and got a pizza before he came back Randy told him. Tommy sat there with this big grin on his face because he remembered finishing the case and making refreshment run. I don’t know what kept you guys from yakking all over the floor from eating that pizza and guzzling that beer? If that had been me I would have left a present on the floor" Randy told him.

Tommy just shrugged his shoulders and told him I guess that we are used to it and it doesn’t affect us as much but you will have to admit that after they showed up it wasn’t a dull moment with them two. I believe those two could start a party at a funeral and be able to get everybody to join in Randy said about them. I do believe you are right about that I believe they could walk in to the saddest funeral and convince them to crank up some music get some liquid refreshments and it would be on. They would probably have everybody there forget that they were at a funeral he commented back to him. Hey what did you think about the women that they had to show up here? he asked Randy. I really didn’t mind it when they showed up it was just when all the others showed up that things got crazy in here last night Randy commented. Well you know once the word gets out that there is a party people show up. That means some of the crazies come out from hiding to join in he commented back to him. You can say that again because once they all showed up they cranked up the music and started dancing here on the living Room floor. Now I can’t dance at all because I was born with two left feet but there was one guy who should have stood over in the corner some were. He looked like someone had put something like a live squirrel down his pants and it looked like to me that the women was too scared to get around him. I think half of them quit dancing because of him and that made me mad. I was about to go out on the floor and drag him off from there so they could get back out there Randy stated. That had to be snake he told Randy and Randy asked him who the hell is snake. That’s Eddies brother if you need anything go to him and he can get it for you are find out how you can get it, but just don’t ask him how he got it or were you can get it. The man is slick, he is so slick that the cops can’t catch him that is how slick he is and that is how he got his name of snake Tommy told him. Randy looked over at him and just stared at him like you got to be kidding. Well for someone with the name snake and to be so slick he can’t dance. I mean a snake can wiggle bend but that man danced like there was something dropped down in his pants and it was biting him" Randy told him.

After he told him that, Randy got up and headed into the kitchen to get him another cup of coffee. As he was standing there he was wondering what all he could remember from last night. So he began to start thinking of a way to find out and then put it into action to see how far he could run with it. He took a quick glance at Tommy sitting there watching the news and then he would take a look over at the fish tank. He knew that it was bothering him about his fish tank. So when do you think that you will get to clean it he asked him. I’ll get to it today because I am off from work he told Randy.

Tommy worked for a Landscaping company that was running a little low on work for this week. It was a good thing that it happened this week instead of next week because he found out that next week they were going to be doing some big project. Randy asked him if he wanted another cup of coffee but he told him no so Randy headed back to his seat. As soon as he sat down he looked over at him and asked him do you remember what all you drank last night? He just sat there trying to remember all the things that he had. Then he spoke up Well the best I can remember is I know I drank some beer then they went and got more beer along with some liquor and that is about it I think. Randy just staring at him real hard for a second like how could he not remember drinking this. Do you remember when your friend Jimmy and his clan came over?’ he asked him and Tommy shook his head no to him on that. When they came over they brought all kinds of stuff over to drink. Let me tell you, you drank everything that they mixed for you. Then they found a whole bottle of cough medicine and told you that it had alcohol. You grabbed it and drank it down like it was a pina coloda Randy told him. Well at least I won’t have to worry about catching a cold or getting a bad cough he told Randy. Yeah you won’t have to worry about seeing a doctor either all you have to do is wait until what you drank kicks in he replied back to him. Then he asked him asked him Do you remember when Beth and her friend Sara showed up? No not really? He asked him. They showed up about the time that you thought that you were John Travolta out on the Living Room floor. Let me tell you if it had a set of knockers on it you were out there trying to dance with it he told him. Tommy just sat there laughing a little bit then said Hey when the beat hits your feet you have to get up and exhibit the beat and as for the ladies when Casanova is feeling the love he tries to show it. You were defiantly trying to do that he replied back to him. Tommy really liked Beth and has been trying to find a way to ask her out and this might have been the time. Well you was having too much fun dancing with those other women and plus they both showed up with two guys he told him. So which one do think is hotter Tommy asked him. Let me explain it to you like this. Either one of those two could walk by a dead man lying in his coffin and that man would sit up and take a look he told Tommy. Randy took a sip of his coffee then asked but do you know what the funny thing was about them last night. Tommy shrugged his shoulders and answered him back No what. They didn’t act too much like boyfriend and girlfriend and I mean both of them He explained to him. Why is that Tommy asked him. Well I don’t know they just didn’t act too much like a couple on a date it was more like friends are something he explained. Well maybe they were halfway scared of them. They were probably scared that they couldn’t handle them if they got to wound up" Tommy told Randy.

I don’t know about that I just think it was something else Randy told him. Randy took a couple of more sips of his coffee and Tommy just sat there starring at the TV. I bet you don’t remember getting out on the floor and dancing with them do you? Randy asked him. Tommy’s eyes got real big and he looked right over at Randy and said No I don’t remember dancing with Beth and Sara last night and that must be Beth’s number on that paper. Tommy sat there with this grin on his face like a proud peacock. What are you talking about Beth and Sara you were out there with their dates John and Bobby. That’s John’s number Beth’s date He told him. Tommy spilled what coffee he had left in his cup all over him and the couch. He started to wipe himself down then quickly looked over at Randy and said Man you’re kidding me right man. Randy starring right back at him said No man I’m not kidding you. Tommy standing there starred down at the floor a little bit then looked back at him and asked Why didn’t someone stop me from doing that. Randy looked at him with his eyes wide open and told him I was scared to I was afraid that if I went out there to stop you, you would have tried to dirty dance with me. I think everybody else was in shock of what they were seeing. I mean some of them moves you were doing with them was right down embarrassing. You were doing more moves on them than you were with the women. Tommy put his hands on his head and walked over to the bar and put his elbows on the bar with his head still in his hands he stood there running what had happened through his head. Randy sat there grinning from ear to ear because none of this happened last night it was all made up. He sat there trying to drink his coffee trying so hard not to spill it or spit it all over the place. Tommy quickly turned around and stood there dumb founded then asked what did Beth have say about this. She was in shock like the rest of us Randy told him. Tommy just stood there like the wind had been let out of his sail it was like he was a little kid and someone told him there was no Santa. Man what am I going to do about this? he asked Randy. Randy threw his arms back and told him "I don’t know what you are going to do about