Paul’S World: Trying to Fit in with Disabilities

By Sheila Buska and Paul Buska

What is normal? How do we, as humans of every kind, fit in? What is it were fitting into? Pauls World takes us into the mind and heart of Paul, who was born with cerebral palsy into a family of normal siblings. Pauls unique personality exhibits manybut not allcharacteristics of what, until recently, had been referred to as Aspergers syndrome. Paul loves people and having fun, but his lack of cuing into normal social skills has made fitting in a challenge. He meets that challenge with his outgoing personality, enthusiasm, and humorwinning friends everywhere he goes. Pauls story of love, frustrations, and conversations with God as his counselor, as told interchangeably by Paul and his mom, is inspiring people from all walks of life to handle their own life difficulties with optimism and humor.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503599536

Sheila Buska

Sheila Buska, author of TIME OUTS for GROWN-UPS: 5 Minute Smile-Breaks, has taken a detour from fifteen years of writing weekly humor columns to introduce us to her disabled son and his unique approach to life. Sheila and Paul live together in El Cajon, California, with her daughter, Christy, and Christy’s dog, Rocco. Her two other sons, Bryan and Craig, live nearby with their families. While raising her four children with her husband, Rol, Sheila earned a BS in accounting from San Diego State University. She worked as a controller for twenty-five years before retiring and did freelance writing on the side. Her feature articles in the San Diego Union-Tribune, American Profile Magazine, and other publications are upbeat stories about interesting people and events. Sheila’s optimistic, can-do approach to life serves her well in supporting her son Paul. For Sheila, the sign in her bedroom sums it all up: “Happiness is a way of life.”

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 by Sheila Buska.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2015913432

ISBN:       Hardcover       978-1-5035-9955-0

              Softcover       978-1-5035-9954-3

              eBook       978-1-5035-9953-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 08/21/2015

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CONTENTS

Chapter One

It’s Time You Met Paul

Chapter Two

Paul Says Hi

Chapter Three

Frustration Hits

Chapter Four

Going Backward

Chapter Five

Noticing the Details

Chapter Six

I’m Paul!

Chapter Seven

Not So Easy to Walk

Chapter Eight

No Magic Solutions

Chapter Nine

Look How Straight I Am

Chapter Ten

Life with CP Can Be Fun

Chapter Eleven

Eye Adventures

Chapter Twelve

Rough Patches

Chapter Thirteen

Finding Answers

Chapter Fourteen

Paul’s Mom

Chapter Fifteen

The Family

Chapter Sixteen

. . . And Friends

Chapter Seventeen

Trying to Fit In

Chapter Eighteen

Paul Talk

Chapter Nineteen

I’m Enthusiastic

Chapter Twenty

Paul speaks: It Helps to Talk

Chapter Twenty-One

Paul speaks: Nobody’s Perfect

Chapter Twenty-Two

Quick Wit

Chapter Twenty-Three

Could It Be Asperger’s?

Chapter Twenty-Four

Friends of Paul: Lola

Chapter Twenty-Five

News Flash!

Chapter Twenty-Six

From the Hospital

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Friends of Paul: Judy

Chapter Twenty-Eight

From the Rehab Center

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Found a Walker

Chapter Thirty

Coming Home

Chapter Thirty-One

Fun Stuff I Like to Do

Chapter Thirty-Two

The Journey Continues

Chapter Thirty-Three

Paul speaks: Control

Chapter Thirty-Four

Paul speaks: Why Do I Have Speech Therapy?

Chapter Thirty-Five

Slow Down

Chapter Thirty-Six

Wheelin’ Around

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Sense of Awe

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Recovery Update

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Paul speaks: Talk to Me

Chapter Forty

Fitting In Is Good If…

Chapter Forty-One

Summing It Up

DEDICATION

For Paul, with thanks for letting me share his story, and for his brothers, Bryan and Craig, and his sister, Christy, for being the best brothers and sister a guy could have. Finally, for his dad, who shared our joys, challenges, and disappointments until he passed on a few years ago.

PREFACE

It’s my hope that getting to know Paul will warm your heart—and bring a few smiles—because Paul’s a happy guy and would want you to share his joy as well as his disappointments.

Paul’s World began as a series published in The East County Herald after a writer friend of mine told me I had no more excuses for not telling Paul’s story. You can write, obviously, having been published many times, she said. You have a platform—your weekly column. And you have a story to tell that can help others. So why are you waiting? The next day, with Paul’s permission, I changed the focus of my column from light humor to Paul’s story. Reader response was overwhelming, and by the end of the series, readers were asking for Paul’s story in book form. So here it is. Paul, who collaborated with me in the telling of his story, hopes his story will help you in your interactions with disabled people and that you will love your life as much as he loves his.

CHAPTER ONE

It’s Time You Met Paul

. . . if you haven’t already met him down at Starbucks leaning on the counter, enthusiastically talking with the barista about last week’s KISS concert, or asking about the barista’s mom’s current health.

Paul’s the guy with the walker and his own Starbucks or Disney cup, depending on which one he brought today. He’s just ordered an iced decaf mocha latte and oatmeal—with three brown sugars and milk, please.

A few minutes later, as he’s taking his large handheld magnifying glass and a thick book about cerebral palsy out of his walker’s carry bag, the timer on the warming oven goes off. Your buzzer’s buzzing! Paul calls out from his table.

Thank you, Paul, one of the baristas calls back. What would we do without you?

You could have met him at the mall or at Denny’s or Mimi’s, or at a rock concert—if Rush or KISS was in town. If you’ve seen him, you’ve met him. He probably asked you if you have any kids—after checking out your finger for a wedding ring—or told you you’re doing a good job if you’re waiting tables or providing a service. Before you part company, he will have asked you what your name is, and if you see him again a year later, he’ll remember your name and everything you told him about yourself.

Paul was born forty-nine years ago into the Rol Buska family, which consisted of one husband, one wife, and three kids: two boys and a girl. Soon after Paul came out into the world, the doctor handed me a phone so I could tell Rol the news. Another big boy! I said. The doctor chuckled and said quietly, Well, a boy—not so big… Paul was five pounds, thirteen ounces; his brothers were upward of eight pounds.

Surprisingly, the doctor then requested oxygen. This had been a normal pregnancy and delivery, so it was curious why they connected Paul to oxygen; but it was only for a short time, and then everything proceeded as it had with the other three children. So, once more, I skipped out of the hospital as quickly as they would allow—two days later. The doctor had assured me the oxygen was just a precaution to give Paul a little extra air since he was rather small. He said not to worry.

Cute little thing! Black hair covered his tiny head. He had the requisite ten fingers and ten toes and a cute little nose. He stretched and yawned, and when he opened his eyes, they were big and dark and sparkly. He lifted his head and looked around earlier than I remembered the others doing, but sometimes, his head would drop back down faster than it would if he’d had complete control of it. And sometimes, when you were holding him, he would arch his back away from you in a stiff position. Other than that, all was good. Except he did, I believe, have nightmares occasionally. He would wake up stiff and screaming, and we couldn’t seem to stop the screaming. We asked the doctor. He said we needed to wake Paul completely at these times and suggested that giving him a bath would do the trick. He was right; it did.

So Paul was Paul: bright, alert, engaged in our world, and cute as a button. Oh, did I say that before? And his brothers, Bryan and Craig, four and three years old, respectively, along with his sister, Christy, who was only two, loved him as their dad, Rol, and I did. But then, at eighteen months, why wasn’t he crawling yet? The doctor said he’d catch up, but Rol and I agreed if he wasn’t walking by the time he was two, we would take him to a specialist to get some answers.

Meeting Paul is going to take a while, but I promise you—it will be worth it.

CHAPTER TWO

Paul Says Hi

Did you get the pool just for me? Paul asks today, with an awed, happy grin, as he walks freely back and forth in the pool before he goes back to swimming the butterfly, the breaststroke, and diving underwater to do circles. The swimming is frequently interrupted by long conversational spells, Paul resting his arms on the coping. If you know Paul, you know he loves to talk.

So what if he repeats himself a lot? It’s mostly stuff to make you feel the love or to make you laugh. And yes, there are frustrating times, and a little anger shoves itself out now and then; but ask him for a smile and you’ll get it, instantaneously.

When Paul’s