Journey Through Life's War of the Heart

By Brittaney Stewart

Written on my heart is my history
That innocence did not last when I had my first real heartbreak
The last, I vowed, as I discovered older boys and flirting, but that didnt help
Time changed, and life was more complicated, but love was always everywhere
It has been a story of sweet childs love, crushes and beating hearts,
Those confusing in betweens, first loves, and that one epic love that was almost it
My hearts been left with cracks and surface nicks but all the love, what really matters, is held safe inside

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 27, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499058932

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 by Brittaney Stewart.

Library of Congress Control Number:          2014913990

ISBN:                   Hardcover                          978-1-4990-5894-9

Softcover                             978-1-4990-5895-6

eBook                                  978-1-4990-5893-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 09/26/2014

Xlibris LLC

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Contents

Reflections

God’s Angels

Little Angel

Fate

Love Is

Pride

Romantic

Moon

Trust

Fear

Pain

Run

Sinister

Distance

Light

Strength

I remember

Adventure Home

New York City Playground

My World/ My New York

Dreamer

Dark Dream

Who I Am

Blame

My Last Stand

Grey Walls

Cocoon

Epiphany

Mindwipe

Future

Let you know

Maturity

Journeys

I Love College

Homesick

Before the Silent Storm

What is there to say?

Florence Amore

Lessons in Hope

Is It You

Nightmares

Moonlit Child

Harlequin

Difference

Shine

Explosion

Orange Fog

Ah, Tension

World’s View

Understand

Emotation

Growing Pains

Love Drug

Damaged

Sorrows to Burn

Snowflakes Melt

Aqua Vita

Confused

Leaving, Coming Home

Heart of Gold

A Troublemaking Soul

Photos and Time

Mom

Broken Goodbye

Daddy’s Girl

Comfort Junkie

Nature Song

Summer

Beauty

Nature Queen

Secret Flora

Sun Goddess

Summer Days

Flowers

Feelings

I Miss

Time’s Innocence

Autumn Leaves

Black Bird

The Blue Day of Night

Night Blue Day

Night

Night Butterfly

My Island

Sea Song

Heart Secrets

Love

The Reason I Believe

Red Rose

Valentine

Love’s Innocence

My Love I Don’t Talk About

High School Romance/ Two Worlds

Life’s Secrets

White Wolf

Liar

Faces

Juliet

Lost

Daze

Love Struck

Secret Treasure

Touching Heaven

Turn My World Upside Down

Lover’s Secret

Night Angel

Why Did It End

Night’s Angel

Hateful Truth

Angel Sonnet

Mysterious Angel

I Would Die Without You

Dream Weaver

Muse

I wish/Real

Dream of me

Masquerade/ Perfect love

The Meadow

Midnight Meadow

Flirting with Love

Closing Chapter

Unexpected

Glass House

Broken Song

Happy Ending

Broken Pieces

True Love’s Loss

Darien

Denial

Those Things We Can’t Prove

Letting Go

Tribute to the One I Loved

My Dearest Friend

Fallen

Exceptional

Love Song

Pretty

Crush

Hunger

Tarot Queen

Holding out for a Hero

Not a List

Reflections

God’s Angels

Unfurling wings and beauty’s dazzled stun

Pure beauty and light’s originator

The source of strongest good

These beautiful blessed creatures

To soar with them and have wings

For a moment to just be

To be in touch with heaven and God

Brilliant twinkles of light that make you remember you’re alive

To breathe that lasting breath

Rainbow light and dazing bright shimmers on the coldest days

Angels stark beauty bring you to tears

To hold the burden and the sorrow for our kind

To fight back those skirting shadows

Those that wreak havoc and distractions that make us cry to know

To have something real to fight for

For what is greater than angels and God

Little Angel

Bright blushing beauty

Close your eyes and make a wish

Shy and gentle, loving with all your heart

You sit back and watch blind to how others see you

You are told you are thought of this way and are ever humble

You blush, you stumble, you’re ever clumsy

Could you be any cuter

You are an adorable little blonde to some

You want to heal the world

Your purity of heart touches others

Self-doubt holds you back

You don’t believe you really have a heart of gold

You just try as you may to be as good as humanly possible

Childhood happiness and light do not touch your saddened knowing eyes

The world is so cruel at times

How can you play its game without getting dirty

Yet you do try and succeed with the name you hold dear

At the end of the day all you can be is you

Fate

What does it mean to you

Fate is such a fun and scary concept

Skeptics scoff at the term

While unnoticed, it controls their every move

Think not that I look down on them

I hold both sides of the ideal close to heart

I know all too well, as much as I fight it, that fate does matter

Who you love, the people you meet,

Everyone who touches your heart, changing you by loving you

Nothing is without the help of fate

Love Is

Love, what is love

But an art form

An intertwining of heart, soul, and mind

A focus on another

A deep lesson in happiness and sadness alike

Heartbreak and the greatest high

Love is but an extension of life

Messy and unclear but will never depart

For if it may, all is lost

What would life be without love?

The greatest messenger of mercy and happiness

A redeemer on an imperfect soul

Love is eternal; never far

Even when lost to sight it is never truly lost from life

Pride

Everyone has it

For some it helps and for others it hurts as much as it helps

Fiery tempers and a biting tongue

An indignation and cleverness, sharp and hot as it burns

A flaw so large it makes Elizabeth Bennet look right

A hot temper and pride go hand in hand like a mini twister

A colossal catastrophe just waiting to happen

When pride grabs you all logic evaporates

You say things you know you may regret later

In the moment it seems as if anger has a voice of its own

Pride is such a grand thing

It stands the test of time and centuries

It can cut you at the knees as well as aid you in making a point

I know both equally as pride is an asset and weakness alike

Pride fueled by temper creates destruction

Whether it be self or others is up to you

For there is no overzealous pride that doesn’t lead to prejudice

Romantic

A romantic I proclaim not I

I scream for the world turning away my face

It is now that I easily convince others of this falsehood

I do not despise love

It is actually quite the contrary

I love Love so much my heart bursts with it

Acting as a gentle cupid secretly for the ones I love

It is a dear gift I don’t let others in on

I pretend to hate Valentine’s Day

Some things I do go beyond romantic to utterly sappy

This is a hundred percent true

I do not dream of red confetti, sugarplums, or bright pink hearts

I dream in beauty and reality alike

I hide behind teasing ways, secretly loving love

Just not for myself, for there I hide most assuredly

I am an appreciator of love, afraid to love

No one person is promised forever

That fall from cloud nine has come one too many times for me

I am a romantic by heart

I am a lover of love one too many times in love afraid to ever go back

Moon

The Moon

The moon illuminates the sky

A pure opalescent beacon of hope

The night reminds us of what we have

It carries memories we treasure

The cool air whips around you

It whispers secrets unspoken

Life unknown, and fear around us, in courage and hope

Light guides us on our way

It kisses the earth, scaring away evil

The moon leaves guides to save us

Lunar love engulfs us

It’s night time magic until another day

The Moon

Trust

Why is it so hard to trust or another trust us?

Must we all treat everything like a covert mafia?

Maybe now I understand a principle of behavior

Loyalty is so hard to come by

Hard to give it, and impossible not to doubt it

Why do we live in a world like this? Full of evil and betrayal

Why do people move on blindly about their way?

We aren’t primitive or cruel by nature, or at least we aren’t supposed to be

We shouldn’t be cruel to each other

Not everything is cutthroat or catty

Must we cut away everything until we have nothing?

Nothing to believe in, nothing to rely on

Not everything is a fairytale to all that is pure and good

It’s what we make of it and a majority make this near impossible

No one kills fairytales, but people that are cruel and selfish

Stop the cycle and spin anew. Weave truth with gold threads, just and true

Don’t let them win. Find something to believe in

Why is it so hard to trust?

Fear

The house on my street gives people a scare

One night I’m sure I saw a shadow sitting in a chair

My mom won’t listen, she thinks I’ve been taunted

To check it out is all that I wanted

A old man lived in this house who hadn’t been seen in a year

He once shot and killed his wife’s pet deer

One day, long ago, his wife he confronted

His wife, he killed, with a knife, as if he were hunted

People believe he died in this house here

Though there is no evidence, people still cheer

On the day her body was found, the smell daunted

The police arrived to find the house haunted

No other bodies were found, only garbage, clothing, and an old chair

Now, I’m a grown woman who’s conquered her fear

No more nightmares or smells reside surmounted

The mystery of this house still leaves many astounded

If not my own will that stirs feelings of fear

Let those apparitions rise forth, and let me hear

If there is a ghost in my house, I am not daunted

I would rather believe, to play tricks with my mind was what I really wanted

It is not my own thoughts that fill me with fear

Somehow, my mind is not my own, I’m slipping into despair

I’m now an old woman who lives a life no other human wanted

By doing what I desired, I got what I deserved, and am in prison with the haunted

Pain

I fall holding a hole dead center like a shot gun blast to my chest

I blink in stunned panic feeling as if my very soul is slipping through it

I press my hand to a hole that cannot be seen as if I could stop it

I feel flesh warm and intact under trembling fingers

I shake as pain manifests a wound unseen like internal bleeding

There is no pain like emotional pain

I’ve had my share of life’s different pains

I would break a bone a hundred times over to the pain of a broken heart just once

Anyone who says otherwise hasn’t felt it rip through your chest like acid;

Leaving nothing in its wake but a person deadened and recovering inside

My chest throbs, pain gaining its own pulse

As it saws a hole with the shattered remains of my heart

An agony so clear and true it takes my breath away

It leaves me empty but not yet numb

No mercy fills this cold mercenary of torture called pain

It hurts on a level even my brain can barely handle as it screams back at me

It hurts so bad yet is dull as it strips me bare it nearly drives me mad

I am reduced to a crying heap. So cold by the onslaught of memories

Dark memories rise from a part of me so abominable it leaves me frozen

I shiver crying so hard I taste the bitter tears in the back of my throat

Anyone who fears a broken bone more than a broken heart hasn’t yet had one

They