I Once Was Lost

By Theron J. Houston

Have you ever felt so down that you feel like God has turned away from you? In this pensive anthology, Theron J. Houston shares reflections of a life journey filled with inner and external struggles that led him astray. I Once Was Lost captures his battle in spiritual warfare. It is a frank reflection of an imperfect life filled with wrong turns, trauma, and bad decisions. Yet there remains a hope that things will get better once you surrender yourself to God. The author held on to his hopes, dreams, memories and faith in God. He once was lost but now is found

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 20, 2009
• ISBN: 9781462814183

Theron J. Houston

Theron J. Houston was born and raised in Marianna, Arkansas. He graduated from Lee Senior High School in 1988. After high school, he served in the United States Army for four years and the Arkansas Army National Guard for over four years. In 1996, he graduated from East Arkansas Community College in Forrest City, Arkansas, with a degree in criminal justice. He has worked in the field of corrections, on the state and federal levels, for over twenty years. In 2010, he was named a living legend in his hometown by the Lee County Revitalization Initiative. In addition to being an author and reentry affairs coordinator, Theron is an inspirational speaker. He currently resides in Forrest City, Arkansas, with his wife and son.

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Copyright © 2009 by Theron J. Houston.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

Cover Art by Ciji Samantha Thurman

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Contents

Acknowledgements

The Day I Died

Twenty-two Years for Twenty-two Minutes

At War with My Reflection

You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide:

When I Chose to Run

Getting Closer Gave Me Closure

Hold Up, Wait a Minute:

A Heavenly Bailout

The Supplier That Meets My Demands

Offshore Killing

All Was Not Lost in the Fire

Too Big to Fall

One

Section 8

I Got a Divorce

Splitsville

Former Glory: What Have You Done for Him Lately?

Triple Threat

March 6: Happy Birthday

October 7

The Good Ones

Switch or Fight

Welcome to Hell: The Final Hoorah

I Deeply Regret to Inform You

From Plates to Buckets:

The Hidden Agenda

Keep It Pimpin’

Tech-holla-gy

HDL

I Ant Believe This!

Sitting Ducks

Jailbird

Whino, the Rhino

The Bulls and the Bears

Beware of the Snakes in the Grass

Clay Pigeons

Vectors, Victims, and Victors

Spiritual Liquidation

A Soul in the Clearance Section

An Internal Affair

Very Superstitious

Who Is That Following Me?

It’s Inconceivable

Uncommon

There’s a Whole Lot of Hatin’ Going On: The Gladihaters

It Is Not Yours

Open Continuously

Bio-

There

The Other Side . . .

Now

All Alone

Marching Orders

Forward . . . March!

Ready . . . Exercise!

Sound Off!

Standing Your Post

Flat-footed

Tailblazer

Hypocritic Oath

The Nominees for Best Actor/Actress Are . . .

Things You Don’t Have to Worry About When It Comes to the Death of Your Dreams

The Seven Wonders of an Unbeliever’s World

Some Things Have to Happen

Painted With the Blood

Staying on Your Ps and Qs

Extra Os

The Ex-files

The Number One Draft Pick

The Franchise Player

Oatmeal Pie

Chicken Wings

Sinnamon Role

Dough Nut

Spare Ribs

Fish and Bread

Leftovers

The Mess Is Yet to Come:

Weeping with the Enemy

Private Parts

You Led Me On

Phonycation

Creepin’ and Slippin’

Your Secret Is Out

TGIF: The Master-de-bait

Foil Play: You Still Ain’t Figured It Out?

Ex_edition

My Turn

I See Dead People

The Potion That Stops Your Motion

Finish the Race

Staging Your Comeback

I’ve Come Too Far

Keep Moving

Erased

Demonic Munitions

A Sinful Reliance

He Will Deliver

Obit-u-worry

I Call Him . . .

Just Ask Your Father

The Two-year-old Mind-set

I Find It Hard . . .

The Vaccine or the Sucker

E-vo

God Scared the Hell Out of Me!

He Believes in You

The Only One

Between the Lines

Acknowledgements

First of all, I thank God for always being my refuge in times of trouble and for being my true source of strength when I felt like giving up. I thank Him for his son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

I dedicate this book to my wife and son. I love both of you very much. I thank God every day I have both of you in my life.

The Day I Died

I know for some of you some of the things you will read in this book will not make sense because you have not experienced it. Even if it doesn’t, I pray that you never go through some of the things I have been through.

For a very long time in my life, I was bitter and carried around a lot of grief, guilt, and pain. I was ashamed of the life I was living and trying my best to conceal it from the world. I managed to fool some of the people some of the time. Trying to fool God was unsuccessful for me.

I was so down at one point; I thought God had turned his face away from me. I thought His hands had let me go. I ventured into living a life of the world and became Satan’s poster child. The day I decided to do that, it was the day a part of me started dying. It was a day I died.

There have been many other days I felt as though I had died. I was very close to my grandmother that raised me. I think about her and some of the things she told me every day. There is not a day that goes by I do not think of her. My grandmother left this life over twenty years ago, but it seems like just the other day. I don’t deal with death that well because it is hard for me to let go of the ones I love. The day my grandmother left me was one of the days I died.

This is one subject I don’t usually talk about, but I don’t mind disclosing it now. I will tell you about the woman that gave life to me. My birth mother gave me to my grandparents when I was only two months old. I spent the first eight years of my life believing my grandmother was the woman that gave birth to me. One day, my grandmother sat me down and told me about my mother. She asked me, How could I be your mother when your father is my son? Then she went on to tell me where my mother lived. My mother lived less than a mile from where I was raised. In fact, it was down the street. My grandmother gave me permission to go on my bicycle down to my mother’s house. Once I got there, I saw some small children in the yard playing. I didn’t know it at the time, but those were my brothers and sisters. I can remember my mother coming out on the porch and looking at my face. I am sure she knew who I was because I look a lot like my father. I don’t remember the conversation, but I can remember her being happy. I was happy having a mother and some more brothers and sisters.

From that point on, I have always had a relationship with my mother. My mother is one of the smartest women I have ever known. My grandfather once told me he believes I got my smarts from my mother. My father was pretty smart himself. Also, my mother has a lot of wisdom, and I take in all of her conversations. There are some things about my mother I am not too fond, and I am the same way at times. Even though she is a determined woman, at times she can be stubborn and subdued. Sometimes she allows her pride to get in her way. Like mother, like son. I can be stubborn; I am subdued some times and allowed my pride to get in my way. I can think of some times when I have given a public speech, and I will leave the event as quickly as I can. Even though some people may come up and tell me they enjoyed what I said, I feel isolated and empty. I try to find a place so I can be alone and just think. I don’t get a high on being noticed or being around a lot of people. I try my best to stay out of the limelight and stay out of the way.

Most of my life, Satan wanted me to believe my mother rejected me because she gave me to my grandparents. I don’t know what went on with my father and mother’s relationship to cause them not to remain together. I will never find out the truth because no one wants to be the villain. Despite all that, I will always love my mother. I have never hated her. I am glad she did what she did because it was a blessing for me and my brother that was raised with me. It was the best decision for her to make at the time. She could have easily given me to someone else or placed me inside of a Dumpster. Thank God she didn’t do that. Now I know during that time, God was looking out for me. Still, sometimes I feel the day my mother gave me to my grandparents was a day I died.

I know I have made some terrible mistakes and decisions. I am far from perfect, even though some people think I live an ideal life. I have my struggles like everyone else. Some of my struggles were about to kill me. I was living in a prison. Speaking of prison, people in prison have a lot of time to do nothing but think. Being in any form of prison will make you think, but it may not make you change. A lot of people are in some form of prison and will never change. Some people in a real prison or correctional setting sometimes check in from the general prison population. Being wrapped up in a prison of spiritual warfare can get you checked out of the general population, so I decided to change. I got tired of going in and out of prison and decided I wanted to become a new creature. I wanted God to give me a new identity, even change my name. I spent a lot of years chasing the winds of life and could never catch them. Pride and I had to depart, and I invited God into my life. Some people think I have reached my peak, but I have only just begun. Allow me to share something with you I told someone else. They told me I was pretty good with the pen. I think I do all right. I told them with every keystroke I make, I intend to save a soul. The day I decided to hand over my life to God was the day I died. Get me, myself, and I out of the way, and give your life to God.

Twenty-two Years for Twenty-two Minutes

What I am about to tell you I have thought about for a long time. I left the confines of the church for some very stupid reasons and was on the run from God for twenty-two years. Basically, I was homeless for twenty-two years.

At the time I thought I was doing some of the right things, but it took some horrific events to happen in my life to realize my life was spiraling down to a bottomless pit. I used to pray and ask God all the time when was I going to get released from hell. Really, I truly was going through and living in hell.

This morning, it finally dawned on me that I went through twenty-two years of hell so someone else can be delivered in twenty-two minutes. God allowed me to live through all that so I can help someone else going through some of the same things. How can I give a testimony if I have not been through anything? How can I be a witness if I have not witnessed anything? Prayer is a powerful weapon, and it has helped people since the beginning of time. Prayer is better than OnStar because it gives you an instant crash response. God is going to respond to your needs when you pray. If it wasn’t for prayer, I could have not endured twenty-two years of misery and hopelessness. Prayer was the thing that gave me hope and victory.

I know you may wonder sometimes how you can go through something for a long time and other people may endure some things for a day or two. God knows what you can handle, and He wants you to give a testimony to others to glorify His name. In order to be able to give a testimony, you have to go through some tests.

Some people think of me as a bookworm because I read all the time. I happen to think I am pretty sharp when it comes to certain things. Life itself is the most difficult test I have ever encountered, but God has allowed me to conquer it with flying colors. For twenty-two years, Satan caused me to feel rejected. For twenty-two years, many of my family and so-called friends neglected me. I went through twenty-two years of what I thought was hell because God selected and accepted me. If you ever get the chance to meet me, if you ever get the chance to sit down and talk to me, if you ever get the chance to listen and take in what I have to tell you, if you ever get the chance to read something I wrote, my twenty-two years of going through hell and being engulfed in sin can save you a whole lot of heartache and pain in twenty-two minutes. All I need is twenty-two minutes. All God needs is you and your time.

At War with My Reflection

For a time not very long ago, I had beaten myself up a lot about some of my past mistakes. I know everyone makes mistakes, but some I made almost cost me my livelihood—they almost cost me my life.

Despite all the drama and the trauma of my past, I made it out of those situations a better person and became more aware of my spirituality. You see, there is something within me that is greater than the flesh that is within your vision. It took the drama and the trauma for me to figure it out. At one time, every time I looked in a mirror, I was at war with my reflection. I did not like what I saw because I was fully aware of some of the wrongs I had done. Many days and nights, I asked God for forgiveness. Once I realized God had forgiven me long before I could forgive myself, I started to live again.

My friend, not only was I at war with my reflection, but I was also at war with the spiritual greatness within me.

You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide:

When I Chose to Run

For those of you that know me, did you know at one time I used to run track? For real, I really did. I ran for a little over twenty years. I have never been the athletic type, but I thought I could run pretty well. When I first went into the United States Army in 1989, I could run a six-minute mile. I didn’t know how good I could run until I outperformed majority of the guys in my platoon on the track.

Just the other day I was thinking, I could have tried out for the Olympics in Los Angeles, Seoul, Barcelona, Atlanta, Sydney, Athens, and perhaps Beijing and probably would have made the team. Truthfully, I could run a six-minute mile, but I was running fast for another reason. I was running from God. I felt like a track star and a draft dodger at the same time. I was running and dodging because I did not want to serve Him. I just wanted to be a normal and good person. Man, I could have tried out for the Los Angeles Dodgers too—all that dodging I was doing. In a way, it was like being a draft dodger, but I could not afford to run or hide in another country. I did not dodge serving my country, but I was trying to dodge serving my God.

In fact, during that time, I was just like some of you. I would not read the Holy Bible on purpose because I believed God could not convict me for something I did not know or was not aware. I was intentionally trying to be ignorant. Also, I tried to do the wrong things and some bad things so God would not choose me. God knew my plans before I started pursuing them. During that whole time, I never thought I couldn’t outrun the arms of God.

That reminds of me of an inmate in prison. Say for instance, an inmate gets caught in the wrong and tries to run away from a correctional officer. Where are they going to run? They can’t run through the gates or the fences. There is not anywhere to run and hide because they are going to get caught. Eventually, the inmate has to show up and give themselves up.

God is the same way. You can do all the running you want, but you are going to get caught. In fact, He can reach and grab you when he gets ready. Sometimes, He will let you run until you get tired of running. Where are you going to run? Where are you going to hide? You can try wearing fatigues, wearing camouflage, and hiding in the dark. You will not be successful. God can see you wherever you go. Every move you make, He is right there.

God has given all of