Searching for Me: A Conversation with You

By Vivianna Kirby

Vivianna kirby

If we are truly honest, there has been a point in time in our lives where we wondered, "What am I supposed to be doing?" Whether it is trying to navigate others' expectations of ourselves, seeking clarity on religious norms, or reflecting on past storms, we have all been there. Searching for Me takes you on a journey of pain, self-discovery, and self-love and is an incredible tale of perseverance against all odds and obstacles. Moreover, it is a perfect host of reminders that anything is possible with God's guidance, mercy, and unconditional love. Your past tribulations do not define you or make you who you are; they only reference how far you've come on this passage called life. Take hold of the life God has so graciously given and watch His purpose for your life unfold before your very eyes.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9781638852070

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Searching for Me

A Conversation with You

Vivianna Kirby

ISBN 978-1-63885-206-3 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63885-207-0 (Digital)

Copyright © 2021 Vivianna Kirby

All rights reserved

First Edition

Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books, Inc.

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction: Stop Living for Others

Stop Living for Others

Seven

A Father's Love

The 2011–2012 Season

Hidden Secrets

An Unwanted Life

FDR: Fear, Doubt, and Rejection

The Beginning of Me

About the Author

I dedicate this book to the loving memory of my grandmother. She planted the seed that I can do whatever I put my mind to as long as God is first in my life. And to my best friend, my mother, who was and will always be my biggest cheerleader. I hope that you are in heaven, continuing to cheer me on.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)

Acknowledgments

Iam grateful and honored that I have had the opportunity to share a glimpse of my life with you. It has been a roller coaster, but I would not have it any other way. I never thought I could write a book, so I am beyond thankful and proud of this content. I hope that you are encouraged or inspired by my story and that you will find a way to share yours with the world as well. I look forward to bringing you back into my life for part two! God bless.

To my sister Ebony, I thank you for pushing me and for your constant reminders that I needed to finish this book. Thank you for your support, encouragement, and belief in me when I did not believe in myself. To my love, Akira, I could not ask for a better human being to do life with, nor could I ask for a better support system. Thank you for allowing me to share a piece of me with the world.

To my family, Chris, Rachel, Brandon, Emily, Greg, Courtney, Aunt J, and Aunt Irene, I also thank you for making me feel like I can take whatever the world sends my way. I love all of you, and I would not be where I am without all of you. I pray that my words make a difference in someone's life.

And remember, you are not the image of others' perceptions of you. Be bold. Be courageous and never give up on you.

Introduction: Stop Living for Others

Stop Living for Others

Ihave always felt a void in my life. Still looking and needing to please other people, I completely lost myself. I thought that void was me not having my father in my life. But after years and finally trying to reconcile our nonexistent relationship, I quickly realized that that was not the missing piece of the puzzle. Nor was it the fact that I did not have the traditional, conventional family. Those closest to me, those who loved me, are deceased. However, God has blessed me with a handful of amazing people who are my family despite not being blood. You cannot tell me that they are not my family. They have supported me throughout the death of my closest blood relatives, breakups, loss of jobs, homelessness, sickness, and countless other sticky situations. They also continue to encourage me on this journey to new heights, hopes, and dreams. But that is still not the void I thought was filled.

I have come to realize that the void I feel in my life is me. It is my lack of truly knowing who I am without others' expectations of me leading the way of my many decisions. Throughout my life, I have always had to be the strongest, be the leader, and be dependable. No matter the circumstances, I had to be the one. You know what I mean. Don't cry, you have to be strong, You can't do that, you're a Christian, Get over it, it'll get better, and my favorite, You know, Black people don't do that. All my life, I have been told how I should act and react. I have been told to forgive immediately despite the pain, to show no emotions, and to keep it moving. I recall a time when I was with a relative and her friends at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas,