The Quiet Thinker: Lessons of Love, Spirituality and Self-Acceptance from the Mind of an 'Introvert'

By Valarie Elena Stephens

Are you a quiet thinker? Have you gone through life being misunderstood by many? Has your path in life ever led you to a crossroads where you’ve questioned your very existence? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this is the book for you! Valarie Stephens, a self-proclaimed introvert, takes us on a journey inside her mind,

• Language: English
• Publisher: Valarie Stephens
• Release date: Apr 17, 2017
• ISBN: 9780692851203

Valarie Elena Stephens

Although Valarie Stephens is a self-proclaimed introvert (INFP), she lives her life as a free-spirited creative soul. She doesn't allow stereotypes and labels to define her. She breaks stereotypes and labels and has no glass ceiling. She loves to create and considers herself to be a renaissance woman of the creative arts. She has a Bachelor Degree in Liberal Arts with a focus in Communication and is also an actress, painter, videographer and writer. Valarie is proud to be an introvert and is passionate about sharing her personal experiences helping others to understand the quiet mind. She would like to start a positive dialogue on how different personalities can all coexist. She has dedicated her life to helping others. Valarie has always wanted to write a book and all of her life experiences have granted her the opportunity to do so. She is immensely excited about writing and the opportunity to share her story. She doesn't feel that having one label should limit a person from doing other things. Why not do it all?

Book preview

DEDICATION

In memory of Foraker Byrd Jr. A man who leaves behind a lasting legacy of strength, character, dignity and wisdom to those who knew and loved him most. We love you, Daddy.

Contents

Preface

Author’s Note I Want You To Know…

THE INTROVERT EXPERIENCE

Chapter 1 Welcome To My Life

Chapter 2 Defining Introvert

Chapter 3 Misconceptions

Chapter 4 Perception - The Box Theory

Chapter 5 Introvert Travels –The Dream

Chapter 6 Introvert Travels –The Journey

Chapter 7 The Here and Now

Chapter 8 Introverts and the Workplace

SPIRITUALITY

Chapter 9 What is Spirituality?

Chapter 10 God’s Love - Living in His Spiritual Light

Chapter 11 Self-Love/Self-Acceptance and Our Black Community

Chapter 12 Closure and Forgiveness

Conclusion

Afterword

What Does Your Personality Say About You?

About the Author

Bibliography

Preface

Ihad a life changing experience at the beginning of the year in 2016. It started when my work day had ended. It had been a long day, and I was ready to get home, make dinner and spend time with my kids. I drove home from work on a route I’ve traveled a million times before. It had been sleeting the night prior with a light layer of snow following. I wasn’t worried though. I was driving my SUV, which gave me plenty of security. After all, my tires were practically new and my four wheel drive was all I needed.

The road conditions had been slick that morning, and I fully expected for the highways to be clear by the time I got off work that evening. In actuality, it had been sleeting on and off all day. Although the salt trucks initially cleared the roads, the sleet continued to come down, creating an icy, slushy mess for motorists to maneuver through.

As cautious as I tried to be driving under those conditions, what happened next would fully grab my attention. As I drove home on I-635 that evening, my vehicle drove over a patch of snow. I thought nothing of it. I had driven over snow plenty of times before, and that’s what SUVs are equipped to handle. Something was different this time though. There must have been a layer of black ice beneath the snow because I felt my vehicle slip ever so slightly, and that’s all it took.

There wasn’t enough time for me to react to the event but enough time to feel a panic come over me. I wasn’t ready. My car was in the left hand lane of traffic when my vehicle spun into the left side divider wall. Before I knew it, my car was spinning out of control in rush hour traffic.

Hitting the wall created a bounce effect that made my vehicle spin out to the opposite side of the freeway, hitting the right wall. I desperately tried to gain control over the vehicle but there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop the spinning. At this point, I was preparing myself for impact. I knew other cars would hit me or that I would hit them.

There was no time to think, but in that chaotic moment I prayed to God. I wasn’t ready to go yet. There were so many things in my life I had yet to accomplish. My life flashed before my eyes. But it wasn’t over. My car bounced off the right wall of the freeway and spun back to the left hand side of traffic where I crashed against the left divider wall once again.

While my car was spinning, again, I literally waited for impact from other vehicles. I thought to myself, This is it.

Well, the it never happened. I was alive. I lived to tell my story. Miraculously, I hit no other cars, and no one hit me. I lived.

This experience forced me to look at life from a different perspective. It was my wake up call. I don’t recall how I’d gotten to this point, but life had become one big monotonous cycle I couldn’t seem to break free of. I reevaluated everything from my relationships to career.

That’s when someone close to me suggested I write a book about my life and the lessons I’ve learned. It was a point of confirmation for me. Writing a book is something I’ve always wanted to do, but never had time to bring to fruition.

It’s been a gratifying feeling to complete this book, like a student completing a late assignment or turning in that final term paper before graduation. I hope that my message is well received and helps others seeking truth and knowledge.

Author’s Note

I Want You To Know…

We are all unique creations of God as we each have a story to tell. I wanted to share my own story in hopes that it would reach others or connect with those who have gone through or are going through similar situations. I guess you can say I’m on a mission to spread a message of love, acceptance, spirituality and forgiveness from an introvert’s perspective.

The Quiet Thinker is my life story that provides a glimpse inside the mind of an introvert. I write about my sheltered upbringing, how I deal with personal issues like anxiety and the many lessons I’ve learned throughout my journey. Certain things were painful to write about and hurt to relive. Altogether, the lessons I’ve learned have helped shape me into the person I am today as well as my outlook on life. I share these messages with all the love, respect and hope for us as a society.

The writing process in itself has been cathartic for me. As I began to write about many of my past experiences, those memories flooded back like it was yesterday. I learned that I locked several things away and never thought about them again. It was quite an overwhelming process because as those memories and emotions flooded back I was forced to think about them, even the things I tried to run away from. It was like turning back the clock, and I was that little girl again forced to face the situation head on. And realized that I never confronted a number of the obstacles in my life; I simply put them away. Our past will continue to resurface and be reflected in our present if we never deal with the matters and make peace with them.

And now that I’ve faced these memories I locked away so long ago, I have been able to fully release them and be at peace. Writing has provided me the closure I’ve subconsciously been searching for, and I am forever grateful for that.

My message to everyone is to stand tall in the power you exude by facing life head on. Running away and deflecting from problems never solves anything. It only covers the problem or pushes it to the back of your mind. Healing the human spirit is vital for our world right now. There seems to be an imbalance of negative versus positive energy vibration we’re putting into the universe. The negative outweighs the positive at this time.

We must not give in to destructive energy but let our inner light shine bright. Let us be who we truly are as individuals and not who others want or expect us to be. We must change the paradigm of the world we live in. We only have one world and one voice. Let’s use our voices to make a difference. It all starts with the individual. One of our main focuses in life should be geared towards becoming the best version of ourselves we can be and giving that energy to the universe.

I challenge you to think about our collective attitudes, perceptions and views we often place on other people and analyze this book with an open mind, re-thinking the way we as a society view and treat others. This is my life as an introvert and my gift to you.

Love…

A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.

-Joan Walsh Anglund, A Cup of Sun: A Book of Poems

THE INTROVERT EXPERIENCE

Chapter 1

Welcome To My Life

Out of respect for the individuals mentioned in this book, most of the names have been changed to protect their privacy.

The year was 1980. I was four years old with poofy pigtails and not a care in the world. Sesame Street was my staple and playing with my toys my passion. I was not old enough to go to grade school with my big brothers but certainly old enough to start preschool, which excited me.

My mom went with me the first full day of preschool and stayed the entire time. It was actually half a day, but to the mind of a preschooler it equaled the same thing. I stayed tightly glued to my mom the whole time as we participated in activities with the other children, had snack time and then nap time. Although a little scared, I felt great comfort in having my mother there with me. I thought every day would be like this.

I was even happier when we got back home and I was able to retreat into my comfortable space I loved so much. There wasn’t a particular room or area in my house that I preferred but simply the idea of home as my space away from the world. The next day would be different though. My mom wouldn’t be there with me like she had been today.

The next morning we waited on our front porch for the school bus to arrive. As it pulled in front of our house, my mom walked with me hand in hand to the side of the bus, but she stopped just short of walking up the steps with me. A sad feeling poured over me as I knew I had to go it alone. She said goodbye as my preschool teacher greeted me from the open bus doors. I climbed the steps and was guided down the aisle to my seat. I glanced at the other children in passing and took the next empty seat near the window. Peering out from my window seat, I watched as my mom stood in the front yard and waited for the bus to drive away.

It felt like I sat there for eternity. Anxiety set in as I nervously picked at the cracked vinyl from the ugly green seats, where yellow foam stuffing had already begun to peek through the cracks. The side doors finally closed and I could feel the gears shift as the bus began to pull away from the curb. I focused on my mom, watching her as she got further and further away until I could no longer see her. There was no turning back now.

The happiness I felt the day before was replaced with fear on that long bus ride to school. It all felt foreign and new to me. Nervousness and worry poured over me as the bus pulled into the school parking lot and we were guided inside. I was terrified. All of those kids. I didn’t say a word.

The teacher unsuccessfully tried to get me to communicate, but it only caused me to retreat further into myself than usual. I stayed quiet through all the activities and snack time. I felt like a mute. I wanted to talk. The thoughts in my mind may have been there, but my mouth was not ready to form the words to speak. Transitioning from a quiet home environment to a public social one was difficult for my mind to adapt to at that time.

Being silent made it hard to form relationships as the kids were mean to me. I remember the teacher assigning a student