Little Me In Everyone: Little Me In Everyone, #1

By Eddyee Siingh

If you want to learn and grow in life, start exploring the world inside you and believe the omnipresent "Genius".

Every human is born with a "genius", a guardian spirit allocated at birth. Our whole life is inside our Mind, which is a prism refracting the light of everything around and within us. Caged in this mind is the 'Little Me' helping us, talking to us, questioning us, and nurturing us all along the way. Even when no one believes in us, the 'Little Me' does. It evolves in multiple realms, the only sustenance it gets is through introspection and reflection done in the state of awareness.

The eternal conversations we have, our struggles for justifications and morals, and our gut feelings are what shape the voice of our 'Little Me'. It grows inside the spiritual realm of energy and the soul as we also grow with each new experience in life. The Self, the Ego and the Pride evolve from and dissolve within a person's 'Little Me'.

Every time we indulge in self- doubt and self- pity, the 'Little Me' loses a little bit of its brilliance but eventually it thrives on the knowledge we acquire in life and assists us to transform it into wisdom. In pursuit of maintaining our outer self we get so engrossed that this little me gets abandoned in the wilderness of darkness created by us.

In this book you'll find the reflections of everyone's 'Inner Self' and 'Little Me', protected by Spirit Guide "Genius" thus guiding us to learn and rejoice every moment of being alive despite the perplexities of life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Eddyee Siingh
• Release date: May 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9789354275630

Book preview

Introduction To The Self

We all enter this world with the same naked truth – no hair, no teeth, no name, scared, and ignorant.

As we enter this world, life starts blossoming and we sum up life as the accumulation of all the choices we make and beliefs we have. Our beliefs can either be our best friend or our worst enemy; they can push us to achieve our goals or throw us in the abyss of unknown terrain far, far away.

Every decision – whether small or big – taken by us or on our behalf has impacted the trajectories of our life, so much so that we don’t feel affected till our self gets endangered.

Life is too short. One day you are born and before you know it, you’re sitting with a group of toddlers, struggling to experience life. The clown in front of you is trying to make you learn words and express basic emotions. As a toddler you spend hours understanding and delving to know what is around, as if everything you touch comes to life and starts talking. Such is our little self!

Soon we grow from the unknown to being called by our name. We start to exist. We develop self-respect and ego to conquer the world. In doing so, we somewhere side-line our shadow, our true self in fear of the unknown.

Programmers of our life – be it parents, teachers, or family – are all in a rush to feed in their set of information. All rituals right from day one – assigning name, labelling religion, defining caste – are scheduled to program us in a particular fashion. Everything is done by our programmers, without our consent. We are not asked whether we want to take birth in a cottage located in a slum or arrive in a palace of gold. All that is destined by God is based on our past karmas.

When we are sent to school, no one asks what we would love to understand or know. We are tied up with a big bag full of some colourful papers and crayons, struggling to draw a line. The response time to do almost anything is slow as we are integrating functions linked to our nervous system, but the pressure to eat right, speak right, stand right, is a continuous struggle till you learn. You have no clue what this sophistication is all about, why things are so complicated and repetitive. For the few born with a silver spoon in their mouths, life is all about sleeping, playing, and eating; the unsaid pain is felt by a few others who are not so blessed. Life goes on whether you are rich or poor; emotions and responses are largely the same, pain lived and felt can be different from the expressed and talked, yet the phenomena of life turns to be exponential in all aspects.

Our days used to be exploratory by and large. Little things fascinated us so much that sometimes staring at the fan for hours used to be our only occupation. Soon we start recognising objects and shapes that enabled us to express our voice. Our cognitive skills enhanced and reasoning became imperative for our little brain to understand and question what was alien in our territory.

From trying to balance ourself while falling and then crawl to take the first step was a dream come true for our parents, who flashed cameras to click our first step, as if we were walking on the moon and creating history. It was such a magical pursuit that it lured us to enter the dreamland of objects around us, as if we could steer through the terrain filled with obstacles. Little marvel finds used to make us so edgy at times that we were not ready to part ways with it, not even in return of something, as if no currency could exchange our marvel, our find, buried under our pillow. We used to guard our object, protect it from everyone.

Modelling things and learning to imitate was innate. We started observing things and conversations while building ourself in lands of characters and toons. Everyday our superhero changed into a new being full of powers, which we used to bless them with. Transforming the characters at a lightning speed used to put our parents in a state of flux; We were Rama a short while ago and then we had wings of bat, imagination at its best that used to be lucid many a times, so much so that we used to think that we would fly once we are big and get powers.

Speed of cars used to thrill us and we so wanted to steer the big machine but our hands were small. We could hardly reach the steering without sitting on our father’s lap. While he used to drive with us on his lap, we used to think we were in control. Well, we were in control of honking and we used to stare in the eyes of the co-passengers to prove our mettle, the roads on the sides used to travel along our windowpanes. We used to be in a rush to overtake every other speedy vehicle on the road. It always felt like we had entered a game. We started enjoying controlling. The power to make everyone work when we were in command felt exhilarating.

Our emotions also progressed and thoughts flourished until we learned that when you don’t get what you want you can always cry for relief.

Disagreements at various stages of life entangled our parents. For hours silence used to be the mantra – no noise, no movement; enveloped by deep grief, oblivious to our being. We struggled hard to understand the difference of opinions our parents had on keeping the dog. Our father was annoyed with our mother and he neither ate nor spoke to anyone that night. That was our first encounter with disagreements. Before this we never knew that difference of opinion could cause distress if not resolved, a cold war of thoughts and expression that filled the living room where music and toys used to be.

Fear used to engulf us every time we used to hear confrontation in the kitchen. Utensils clanged and ‘little us’ used to hide under the bed with hands tightly covering our ears to block every noise. Darkness became friends with us to take us in the lap of nonexistence, as if some deserted dream was about to end. We would wake up to the hope of new sunlight, finding our tie under the mattress exactly when the bus was honking at the gate, mom putting the water bottle in the bag, and kissing our forehead with a million blessings. This used to be our morning routine.

Fighting for our favourite spot in the bus, eating our roll, and telling stories used to make the world glow around us. Bags were placed on desks in class to secure a seat before we assembled in the ground. A few studious chaps used to come minutes early to the class just to sit in the front row. Our homework meanwhile used to take the final shape just before the period or while submitting the book. Last seats used to be the perfect spots for Geniuses. At times a blind spot used to help us take a power nap when classes became boring. We used to take off in our world of imagination, far, far away from the normality of life. A fly buzzing in our ear would help bring us back from the dreamland. We would then surface back to the subject in which no interest bound us and the teacher was still whisking words on the board, hoping the period would get over. We would be all geared up for the lunch break, sneakily peeping into the lunchbox to find what was there, murmuring and praying for our choice of food, and also planning to exchange with mates in case prayers were not met. There used to be a favourite spot next to the canteen where we used to sit and eat. Lunchtime was a busy time. Everyone had a list of tasks to accomplish – from eating food to playing with friends, taking rides, and finishing home work. Adjacent to our eating point, a long queue would struggle to reach the canteen window to buy food & drinks. We used to find these chaps really blessed and special, not because they were any better than us (We never used to get money to buy food from school canteen) but there were days when our piggy bank used to get coins sponsored by a visiting relative. Inevitably the bell would ring and all chaos seemed to settle down towards classes. It is not always about studies and goals to achieve, young minds blossoming to wisdom and courage also struggle with daunting thoughts of self-respect and fear. Kids bullying every noon used to be the saddest part of the day.

Journey back home used to be quiet with thoughts on how to avoid any confrontation with parents related to our assessment at school. We were grown enough to understand how our result would create a tsunami in the eyes and words of our parents. To avoid consequences, it was better to hide the result even for a few days. Optimistically, we used to try every possible way to overcome this problem. Finally, we could forge signatures and submit our result back, such were our heroic deeds.

Many parents look at their sons and try to imagine what they will look like at ten, twenty, forty or even in their sixties and beyond. Parents may imagine they might resemble their grandmother or their spouse’s father. But the life someone lives can have a profound effect on their appearance. In these days of instant gratification, many of us want to jump ahead in life and see how things are going to turn out. We used to be one of those sparkly wizards who wanted to know what was inside, how it functioned.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Curious to know everything, we were on a mission to re-invent things and try to repair almost everything even if it was not worn. It amused us and used to distract us from the chaotic noises of disagreements, which we, time and again, failed to understand and were helpless to stop.

From the moment you wake up to the moment you rest your head at night, everything is up to you – your emotions, your thoughts, your perception, and your reactions. Every moment is building you up bit by bit with experience. When you are young you feel frightened about what comes next, but you embrace the uncertainty of not knowing at that young age.

Vikas was too young to handle life with questions brimming in his head day and night. He was at a very challenging time in his life where deep rooted traumas were rising and associated feelings were being stirred up. The inner child ego tried to protect him from confronting painful emotions and experiences of the past. He used to create stories, fantasies, and dream-like expectations on how our life or present-day reality should look. His best friend was the diary with which he used to share all the secrets and awesome moments of his life.

His branches extended beyond the scope of what his eyes could see. As long as he allowed himself to feel and breathe through these wondrous and turbulent experiences with guilt and the conditions of past, he was not able to navigate life. When new meaning is anticipated, not letting other people see your pain or distress is completely normal for a young lad to experience, along with aloofness and the struggle to outlive. When we avoid or shun our pain, most of the time our pain compounds. We will never be ready to deal with our emotions and pain – at times it’s too overwhelming, not knowing how to settle, until a more appropriate time when courage stands beside you to dive deep into the complexities of divine life comes along.

Not honouring his emotions diminished his ability to empathise and relate with others. Inevitably unhealthy coping skills cropped up silently, diminishing his light, forging his character to a Weakling Prince archetype – characterised by very little personality, almost no enthusiasm for life. Fatal initiatives were the only answer to escape the harboured resentment within. The silent whining, complaining, and helplessness became evident in the process of dealing in all aspects of life. Shunning himself in the room, Vikas was not able to churn his beliefs towards life. He felt washed up, bored, not able to manifest his full potential, and not advance towards happiness and blessings in life.

His wonderment in life was buried somewhere. He was unable to kindle and rejuvenate the grace. He penned questions every minute – Why is the sky blue? Why do trees shed leaves? Why do people die? He wanted to know the how of things along with the what and the where" as if millions of stars glowed together to light the path ahead, and every night brightened to a sunny morning – this belief kept him going, his father used to tell.

Trust the timing, things happen for a reason. He was unable to understand the deep meaning and the imperfect design behind a perfect life.

Follow your heart, listen to your Inner Voice,

stop thinking what others think.

Genius

In ancient Rome it was believed that every human baby is born with a Genius and a guardian spirit allocated at birth. The birthdays were celebrated not so much to honour an individual but to honour a person’s Genius and the divine being that came into the world with them. On his thirteenth birthday this belief was shared with him by his grandmother and it entered his neural pathways with a lightning speed, leaving a hope of trail behind, a rush of excitement, and wisdom struck from some corner in his brain to believe and resolve the unanswered.

Manifestation of the belief bred in Vikas a sense of peace and courage to walk the unknown with his guardian spirit. Investing in the process of understanding and talking to the self while seeking help from the Genius led him to the path of self-discovery of many unknown truths of life that were hidden under the tomb stone, which led him to the origin of curiosity and adventurous impulses. He wanted to be an explorer and pioneer of the unknown truths and this urge caused him to wander the world around and inside him.

Curiosity to know what makes people tick or what makes himself tick made him introverted and reflective. He was able to see hidden connections between things and emotions he experienced. He wanted to achieve cognitive detachment from the people around him, which was way ahead of his age. His sense of wonder and curiosity was alive and stimulated his intellect.

Gifts on that birthday were eternal. All other materialistic wishes charmed him no more. The diminishing belief that superheroes exist came alive again. The guardian angel on his back is what he started visualising and believing in. Wherever he was, whatever he would be doing, he believed that there was an angel flying along with him and she was the Goddess of alchemy.

When we’re growing we exhibit something that our parents or adults have lost. For Vikas, everything was new and exciting and anything was possible since he had imbibed his new belief system and felt protected by his guardian angel. When he was younger, every summer vacation he used to take a short trip to his grandparents who lived in Mumbai. The plan included staying engrossed with his family for many days much before the actual trip. Travelling by train used to be a thrilling experience for him and his sister, adventurous and full of fun and gossip, playing board games and cracking jokes, eating every few minutes, always being astonished at how the time blinked and they are at the platform waiting for their uncle to come and receive them. Their uncle used to work with western railways, giving them access to many prohibited areas. Vikas’ curious nature always wanted to see what pulled this giant chain of rooms filled with thousands of passengers and so his uncle used to take him on that giant engine, looking into his eyes to make him understand the whole mechanism of trains, tracks, signals. Vikas used to think how two opposing trains passed on the same track, why there was no collision, and so on. Many such thoughts used to live with him, and that’s how his fascination for locomotive originated.

Winding the toy train, fixing the engines with other coaches, setting up a railway station with tracks by joining several pieces, it was all so engrossing to him. Many a times the train used to get stuck on an uneven track, some connecter joining the track used to faulter but dabbling and shifting several times made the track working again.

Love and passion for a few toys keep them alive in your heart with passing age. Even when you are old, playing with your childhood toys brings back and ignites old memories, the wondrous days of life when your little finds and toys used to be your whole world. One such evening Vikas was rearranging his cupboard since from many days things were being dumped and finding anything in that mess was next to impossible. He found an old magnet from the dump that got him hooked to an old box stuffed with small train engines, few broken tracks and several other pieces. A flashback took him years ago and enlightening thoughts flashed through his memory lane and snapped to life ahead. He realised that opportunities are in front of everybody every single day like a train station, there are trains that stop in front of people but the people have their eyes closed. Delusional thoughts get them stuck and the train passes away, they don’t have their eyes open to get onto that train. Opportunities are such, they pass too quickly.

Later that night lying on the bed Vikas was still playing with that old toy and trying to unravel the complexities of life while manifesting his dreams and desires. Some voice used to echo in his head, the firing of neurons influenced various conclusions and conflicting resolutions, as if his head was buried in a cocoon of distortions because making peace with reality and accepting the current situation would ache too much. In despair his eyes gazed at the ceiling, the fan’s blades were moving slow with a screeching, rhythmic noise, bringing him back to his belief of the Genius. The spirit guide was saying it’s time to break old patterns that are making him feel stuck, sad, depressed, or powerless. Sometimes it seems that any new idea is futile and the immense desire to change the reality makes you feel like you’ll reach a dead end no matter what.

The old pattern behind this was formed long ago and needs to be broken down for you to decide with a conscious mind and free will. Sit down and ask your little self when was the first time you experienced the pattern you feel stuck in and visions/images/situations will pop up in your mind on their own. Witness these in your mind as a third person, like an observer and extract wisdom from the experience on how you can set yourself free from what you absorbed in your subconscious mind at that time. Take conscious actions, choices, and intentions to break yourself free from the pattern. Let your past sufferings and pain be the fertile soil from which a stronger and wiser you will flower one day.

We learn from our mistakes, every mistake makes

us a bit more genius.

Growing Up Understanding

Relationships

The more he referred to his deeper feelings, the more he fell back into that place of quite knowing to see if what he was doing was what he had always wanted to do. Growing up with numerous belief systems in and around the family ties used to take a toll. Believing in things, generating faith, developing trust – for most of the time it was not experience or indulgence in doing a thing or ritual, the manuscript for that belief was written by our ancestors and following it had somehow manipulated its essence as per the circumstantial society and greed. Belief systems are deep rooted and transmuted over generations, thus bringing a lot of unstructured faith and fear of losing authenticity and self-proclaimed prophecies.

Questioning every belief and exploring to understand the logic built around them brought him to doubt why things are done in a particular way, even certain foods his mother use to cook had some unique and peculiar ways. If a fish has to be cleaned before cooking then why did she cut the head and tail? The answer came from his mother, I don’t know, your grandma used to do it like this. One day he encountered grandma when she was cooking fish and the same thing happened. She chopped the head and tail of the fish, and Vikas asked curiously why she was chopping the head and the tail. Grandma replied with a grin on her face, This is how my mother taught me. Even she has no logic behind her sacrificing the head and the tail. Every tradition and culture has made abiding rules benefiting few mandatory, making others blindly follow without question.

While gardening he planted a few seeds and kept on visiting daily to see if any bud had originated. In a few days the seedlings were shaping progressively to take the shape of plants and in a few years they will be trees. Observing the transforming nature of seed, if the seed unceasingly tries to save itself then new life is not possible. The seed goes through the remarkable struggle of losing what it believes is its fate, losing its security and honour and becoming vulnerable, in order to grow into a tree, abundant in flower and fruit. Without that change, that vulnerability and honesty to transformation, life does not grow.

The journey we plan will never be as we think, even if we have the destination in mind, as you never know the obstacles on the route. His belief in his guardian angel always showed him signs and deeper connections to things around. Since he had a brain in his head and feet in sneakers, he could steer himself in any direction he wanted.

Relationship with the self and others is solely need based, structured with fears and insecurities. Meanings are derived on the basis of urgency to fill the void at various levels of life. Belief in God is imbibed so that we do not cross the sacred boundaries of society, the rule book of the masculine God is always overpowering human lives.

It was important for him right now to think only of those things that his heart desired, not what he feared, as the thoughts are magnetic and have a frequency. Dabbling on the path of life, Vikas encountered numerous relations based on responsibilities, karma, need, adventure, security, and so on. Every relation was based on some mutual need benefiting either, trust and faith was the innate part but only injected on the basis of selfish requirement.

Evolution of the relation is inevitable in any given circumstance; people change, promises differ. Contrast of opinions and the way put forward describes a whole lot of emotions building in our head before coming into existence, blood thick bonds are also broken with the slightest of misjudgement in the heat of time.

His relation with self was developing into a bond of strength. Cutting ties with the artificial world and kindling with the little self inside gave his self a sense of pride and joy, he was no more aloof with daunting thoughts, self-love surfaced in the light of veracity.

Mounting in relations was entangling his self like a vine which needs support to climb. Some vines have no means to cling to a support on their own, such as climbing roses. Pinch off the top of the vines once they reach the top of the support to stop further upward growth, mirroring the same effect in human relations. If you are co-dependent, you are controlled by the fluxes in the relationship and are controlled by the moods of others. Balance was non-existent because when he was supposed to be developing a healthy sense of self, he was a child and too busy trying to manage the absolute horror of feeling abandoned. His brain was wired and programmed for distraction, fear, and survival.

All he learnt was people-pleasing co-dependency, a belief system trickling down form parents, friends, and relatives. Modelling the good boy character naturally attuned him to the needs of others and finding his sense of purpose in helping and rescuing, catering to the needs of others over his desires. Unfortunately, this dynamic attracted takers, abusers, and narcissists in his life, who were purely self-absorbed in their melodramas. Somewhere he was not tuned to understand and express how he felt, as he was responsible for what energy in the name of relationships he was allowing to enter his life, and if the dearth of self-accountability of others was draining him, it was imperative for him to dwell on this function to understand that other people in relationships need to own their vulnerabilities and fix themselves so he can have a reciprocal loving and caring relationship that is not need based or one sided.

Genius curated a thought to stop playing rescuer-victim co-dependent game and wake up before karma reaches critical mass.

Someone who understand your mind, can read your silence,

marks a different level of Intimacy.

Spirituality And Sex

Lets not get confused with spirituality and sex. Sex is a basal desire of all humans and animals, as it gives joy similar to eating food after being hungry. Spirituality is beyond all basal needs. When a person attains self-realization, he/she attains the light of the spirit (hence called spirituality) which is complete joy and bliss, beyond any other human perceivable joy and emotion. All basal desires are non-satiable.

The bond between Sex and Spirituality is the greatest kept secret. Sexual energy is what makes the flowers bloom, the birds sing and is fundamental to our existence. Without understanding the significance of sex in our lives, we can never be spiritual. However the sexuality that connects to our spirituality is not about lustful selfish sex but must be experienced only by selfless and mindful sex. It transcends at the physical level and operates at the energy level of both partners. During such a union there is a positive energy exchange that rejuvenates the soul. We were all born as a result of a sexual orgasm and so we cannot deny the fundamental role it must play in our lives. Only our acceptance and approach to sexual energy needs to renovate.

Sex is the metaphorical return to the Source, while orgasm is the metaphorical experience of entering Nirvana. Pregnancy (the Quickening) is the metaphorical Awakening from Nirvana. Gestational evolution from a single cell to having gills and a tail is metaphoric for the recollection of ones past lives.

Many occasions in Vikas’ life evoked the need to reach God, submitting his self to the non-judgmental power of the universe. His parents were God fearing so mostly all pujas and rituals used to be in the light of fear and surrender. Gods block all blessings and curses will prevail, this belief system was engraved in the mind of all family members. He used to think that spirituality and religion are the same thing so he brought his beliefs and prejudices about religion to discussions about spirituality many a times but no one wanted to acknowledge the modern spiritual practices. Though all religions emphasise spiritualism as being part of faith, but can Vikas be spiritual without being religious or a member of an organised religion?

Desire for food and sex are integral part of body. Most humans eat not because body demands it but mind. Same is true for sex. Desires are mind games and not having desire does not mean that body does not desire food. We have to look at sex from energy point of view. From puberty onwards females lean towards left and males right. Sex is the pull which is generated due to imbalances in the energy system. Once you are firmly balanced sex looses its grip. More balance implies lesser demand of body. Since mind is nearly absent, its craving too drops. But potency does not.

Once our Kundalini is awakened sex becomes inner. Intensity of inner orgasm increases day by day and at one point surpasses outer orgasm. From that point onwards sex looses its grip completely. Enlightened people can have sex but do not demand sex. As a small boy Vikas used to crave for toys and now as a grownup he still can play with toys but finds it childish to ask for toys.

In India, enlightened people like Ram, Shiv and Krishna were married and even had children. India has a culture of elevating enlightened people to God but that does not exclude them from having sex. There is a process with Spiritual Awakening where many changes do occur. Sometimes being married can be more of a problem than a help, if the partner is not spiritually inclined or is not aware of the processes and changes that take place, and if sexual desire does disappear in the one who is awakening, this can be challenging for the marriage. It is not a case that sexual relationships can’t continue after a Spiritual Awakening, sometimes they can and do, but there is a change in that sexual desires or any other desires do not have the same kind of energy or craving invested in them. Once Spiritual Awakening has completed itself in what is generally known as Enlightenment (if it does as in case of our Gods) sexual desire is usually not operating at all and other desires are just experienced as a preference. For example if there was a choice of a delicious meal or a plate of dry bread, the preference for a delicious meal and the enjoyment would still be chosen.

Vikas recognised that his role in life has a greater value than what he does every day. It can relieve him from dependence on material things and help him to understand his life's greater purpose. For him, spirituality could also be used