Moments In Our Mirror: A Man's Blind Struggle

By T.D. Harvey

Many men silently suffer with mental health issues. T.D. Harvey gives a real life account of the many moments that helped to shape his life. Mental health issues are a real problem that plague the black community. T.D Harvey touches on the challenges associated with the educational struggles, fatherhood, and the lack of financial literacy in the bl

• Language: English
• Publisher: Travis D. Harvey
• Release date: Oct 2, 2020
• ISBN: 9780578766881

Book preview

Preface

I am truly honored that you have taken the time to see what my life looks like in the mirror. Many of us go through life stumbling moment to moment, accepting life as it comes. We ask ourselves questions that we dare not share with anyone else. We have thoughts, and sometimes, we even take actions that we later find ourselves ashamed of. Most of our worst moments go unnoticed. We share many of our worst moments only with our creator. Many of us are able to move on in life dragging the pain or shame of the moment with us. Before we know it, this shame becomes a silent memory that we struggle to forget, time after time. Those are the secrets that we wish we did not know about ourselves. On the contrary, other moments are constructed and played out on a public stage. We make decisions that have consequences, and those consequences often end up being displayed to the world. Those are the mistakes that become public information. Perhaps there is only one other person that knows about your act, or perhaps it has become a news-worthy conversation amongst a number of people. We all go through life with some level of uncertainty. This book is about how we move through that uncertainty. It goes into detail about walking through life in the dark. I give my perspective on how life looks in the dark and in the light. I take you on a journey that starts in my heart and travels through my lens, resulting in the image that I see in the mirror today. I share details of that journey from early in my childhood, to uncertain days in courtrooms, and all the way up until now. I was stuck going through life with only moments. Many of us go through life without purpose. We constantly ask ourselves: why me? We constantly feel intimidated by the uncertainty of life. We work to fit in, while at the same time, we fight to stand out. This book lets you know that you are not alone. You are not alone with your fears or your pain. This book will instill in you the confidence you need to navigate through the unknown. After reading this book, my hope is that you no longer go through life with just moments, but that you turn those moments into memories.

One

Introduction

The thing that I have feared most in life is dying alone. Not dying alone in a physical sense, but an emotional sense. I fear dying alone spiritually, heading toward my death bed without ever truly feeling that someone else gets me. Dying alone in a physical sense doesn’t scare me, but the thought of never having someone who understands me brings up fear like no other. The more I think about it, it’s not just how I want to die, it’s how I want to live. The New International Version of the Bible says in Genesis 2:18, It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. The New Living translation says, Just right for him. While the English Standard Version says, Fit for him. Regardless as to how it’s been written, I interpret that to mean finding someone that understands him, someone that gets him. Both men and women experience this move through life with many challenges along the way. Men are sensitive toward their state or condition when they lack the vision required to see them. For someone to properly see you, you must first see yourself. A man’s vision is, ultimately, his innate desire to be understood. If you can understand me, this means that you can see me. For you to see me, I must first see myself. Once I see myself, you will see a reflection of me through my vision. Miriam-Webster defines a mirror as a polished or smooth surface that forms images by reflection. That is not you in the mirror, but a mere reflection of you in the mirror. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Since the world can only see a reflection of you, the way you believe you to look is how others will see you. With the human eye, the retina receives the image that the cornea focuses on through the eye’s internal lens and transforms this image into electrical impulses that are carried by the optic nerve to the brain. Even the human eye with 20/20 vision can only see an image, not the actual person (the soul). Thus, for me to not live alone, I must first be able to see myself. The first, most important step to being seen is to know who I am. I must know who my creator is. I must understand my purpose and see my vision clearly. Many of us, especially black people in America, have never taken a look into the mirror. We haven’t taken a look at what was before. Therefore, we cannot identify with what is on the other side of the glass today. Many of our European counterparts refuse to take a look into the mirror with fear that they will see their reflection versus the images that have been placed before us all. Let’s pull out the glass cleaner, stand up straight, turn on the lights, remove our shades, and take a look into the mirror. Let’s find out, together, what we can see.

Two

Who, Me?

I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves. — Harriet Tubman

Who are we? I suppose the more pressing question is: who am I? How many of us know the answer to that question? How many of us can handle the truth to that question? Most of us would have to answer that question in layers. There is no single answer to that question. In fact, it is as complicated a question that someone can be asked. Often, I feel like such a simple person until I look at myself in the mirror. Once I grab a glimpse of my reflection, I see so many things. When I give myself an honest assessment of who I am, there is so much to be proud of. Yet, at the same time, there is so much to be ashamed of. There are many good deeds that I can hold my head high and proudly admire, knowing that I am directly responsible for them. On the other hand, there are moments in my life that I must shamefully accept responsibility for. Knowing who we are is essential to becoming who we are destined to be. Our future selves are depending on our present selves to get it right. Our current conditions in life do not determine the outcome of our future, but our current mindset does. Ultimately, we are who we believe ourselves to be. If we see nothing, we will become nothing. If we believe our cup to be full, there will be no need for a refill. First, we must see that we are flawed. We must be able to have a real conversation at our dinner tables, at our churches, and in our social club meetings. We must be able to address the problems that hold our country back in silence. We must understand that we are far more similar to each other than we realize. (We must understand that we have far more in common with one another than different.) There are racial problems that exist both in plain sight and in private. We have family members and friends that, on one hand, are loving and caring people toward us, but are full of hate towards so many others. We know people that are in positions of power and help out so many but abuse their use of power with so many people as well. What is it about us that allows us to look away from wrong? Why is it so easy for people to close their eyes to the wrong? Why is it so hard to expect someone to do better? I want better. I want to be a better version of myself. I want to fight for what’s right. I want to help in areas that I am capable of helping. I want to sit down and listen to people that look different. I want to be able to understand someone’s concerns that believe differently than