The Longing

By Benny Joe Diaz

I wrote you, my family, and it comes to the end of my ramblings. Sure, I will continue to write. I thank you for taking your time; I hope it interested you. The Longing was just my journal.
I didnt know Satan put a hit on me and God get it on me to share with the world. My honor as a common man is to stay on track and write appropriately.
I have been praised and offended others on the subject. The reason Im shy about what I have shared is I was feeling like I sounded like a broken record, but my Indian name is Broken Pencil. I have, when I was younger, written inappropriately and hope and pray they stay lost and burned. Im very ashamed of my potty mouth as I feel words on paper are greater than words spoken.
I am shy as I look in the mirror with my poets honor. My dream as I look, to be a master not to be a deaf, blind and mute. We all are, as I am, in a prison needing to be a god of war to realize the longing of myself. Love is everywhere even on the shelf. I love you, and everyone loves everybody else.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 8, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499059502

Benny Joe Diaz

Benny Joe Diaz, a.k.a. Broken Pencil, is a human writer with compassion for the world. Born in 1963 in Texas and at the age of two moved to Missouri. Since the age of twelve he was living in Kansas. In his late teens, he started a partner roofing business and started learning all types of construction. Worked for a glass plant started in 1989 and had ten years’ service. Still doing construction, he learned to work with kids with special needs. In 1989, he started writing poetry and joined a poetry workshop in 2000. He appeared in Best Poems and Poets in 2005 and 2006. He was just writing in his journal and having a hard time coping with life and putting it all down, putting it in God’s hands, and not letting God do all the work for he was also a fighter. He says he is shy, but people see him as outgoing.

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 by Benny Joe Diaz.

ISBN:   Softcover   978-1-4990-5951-9

            eBook         978-1-4990-5950-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 08/04/2014

Xlibris LLC

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

653588

CONTENTS

The Longing

The Mirror

Poets’ Honor

My Dream

Me

As I Look

Masters

Blind

Deaf

Mute

It Still Might Be Too Late

We All Are

A Prison Fable

God Of War

The Longing

The Hug Under God

Sws

Broken Pencil Feels

Are You Ready

Tears Are Not Forever

Confusion

Satan, You’re Under Human Arrest

Living On Borrowed Time

It Does Matter, Time

War

Have Soul

Sell It To Jesus

If

Goodness Spell

Suffering Exaggerated

What Can I Say?

Imagine

Don’t Be Hating

As I Pick Up My Pen

I’m The Writer

The Poet

Poetry Shuffle

Bingo

The Rapper

Day Was Sunny

A God’s Thug

Broken Pencil Is For Real

Commercial

Forgive Me

Facebook

Playing

Godology

Poetry Insight

The Reason For A Spanking

Since I’m Back

Life

Rain

The Day After Tomorrow

Future America

Game Of Life

In The End

Pray

Under God

What’s Up, G

Mason Judge And A Dollar Bill

Family Tree

Never Ending

Self-Inflicted

Chastisement

Life Is Not That Hard

Broken

Sand

Anxiety

The October

Midlife Crises

Dearly Departed

Think Man Part Ii

Our Johanna Fuegate

Our Matt Noblet

The End Of The Road

A Pond Time

Valiant

Hi

Unwritten

Want

Up

Can’t Knock Me Down

As Write-Up King

To Cross Over

Betty Jean Diaz

My Mother Will Keep Me Safe

Next Episode

Relentless

Whisper

Destiny

Destiny To Die

Fire And Ice

Unfinished Business

God’s National Geographic

Grain Of Sand

Sequel Next Episode

Triggers

I Feel

Discipline

Tick

Aunt Stella

War Sucks

Pay Day

Me, Myself, And I

Blood, Sweat, And Tears Spurge

She That Must Be Obeyed

In The Dark

Love Song Then Some

Order Specialist

Love Is A Superpower

Trusting Love

Jo Ann Diaz

You

Beauty

Addiction

6/9/13

Ha Ha

Dear Mom,

Dear Dad,

I’m Shy Really

De

I’m Benny Joe

I’m Broken Pencil

Mug

Picket Line

I Am To Blame

Blues

God The Creator

Lyrical Einstein

Human Stand Up

Rip

Zombie

Zombie Part Ii

Something

Tug

Go To Heaven

I’m Superman

Very

Four-Wheel Drive

Every Day I’m Hustling

As I Get Older

Remix

God’s Wall

God Gave Me Homework

Mine

Paco

Hell’s Kitchen

Glow

Pride

Heaven’s Most Wanted Kings Of The World The Jungle

Writing

Satan, You’re Under Human Arrest

Straight Up Part Ii

The World

There Will Be The Day Part Ii

Dreams

This Life Before Eternity

Pool Players Honor

Opinion

Game Over!

Invitation

My Holy Spirit Is Crazy

History

Think Man

Think Man Part Ii

Your Left, Your Left, Your Left, Right

Reach The Sun

We All Are

Even Say Please

More Than One?

I’m Equal

Chosen Ones

Lyrics

I Survived Anticivilization

Millionaire

Savable

You Know

Who Is Your Judge?

So Be It

Can I Get An Amen

Chosen Ones

Heart’s Tears

Queen Of Our Jungle

Who Got Who?

Planet Earth

A Blaze Upon A Time

I’m Serious

THE LONGING

My very first letter to my dear family—I speak of life pressures, creative views, and the crashing blow that almost did you in. The child’s wisdom that I need to let sink in. Not as a wise man but as a child I wrote The Longing. God and his helpers have helped me in my journey so I don’t fall. All right, children of the world, how to go back, to be innocent for heaven—go that extra mile. To get in heaven, the innocence of a child.

Life pressures you to separate the boy from the man, the girl from the woman when you need that boy or girl to be happy. That creative view sees you through the crashing blow that almost did you in. Born to smile, for we are the princes or princesses in the universe, same as you. Wondering what God would do so I can fill their shoes. My muscles raw, my shield at its peak. Main muscle, my brain, keeping me from going insane. The boy back into the man or girl back into the woman, not taking pressure for an answer. Generosity is not a given but earned. Feels like magic, it is because you know the secret.

From a thunder voice of the many that left their words. When in the universe it’s hugs and kisses? Time to stop the history clock from going around. Always think to the fundamentals of everything you are about to do. It makes it obvious—is this the universe of hugs and kisses? How is generosity earned? How long will it take you to figure that out?

It will take the control—that is what is within your soul. Look in the mirror—that is the control to only speak of. Balance the scale; be on the level. To have compassion, you also have to earn it.

You have to love to love others; you have to have a good heart to stop the history clock from turning. You have already been given a gift; it is up to you to use it. Iron grip on reality, change the future; don’t live in a history cycle. You then can see the true projection, nothing, I mean there is nothing to die for. When one chooses to die, that is their projection, what they truly needed or wanted. When one says love is not for me, that is their projection. There will always be that black and white. Still, that is nothing to die for, but you will. When I say die, it is not like the die we would think; there are lots of ways to die.

That may not seem fair; love is always fair. A bad choice is deceptive. A wrong choice is a mistake; the right choice is love. Think of all these projections, as we all hold the power of choice as well as love. It’s like the comparison, why have a boat when it can’t float on water? Why do you need a boat when you can walk on water? What is inside me is also inside of you. What is projection? The answer is, it is you. Now you know the mind reader’s secret.

Remember being a child—you knew things; still you were unsure of them. You sought for answers, you had good and bad times, you were innocent, and you integrated yourself with your surroundings. Most of all, you wanted love and needed to have fun. As you depended, and some did not have that luxury; therefore, they needed the secret to life more than ever. To not be in the middle of life and fall into the bad projection. Not the survival of the fittest but to cradle the weak with pure love and honesty with an iron grip, creating for yourself and others.

As I ask this question, I would like you to be totally honest with yourself. Is money a need or a want? As a worker needs tools to get the job done, we can see deeper in others’ projection of money and if it’s a need to them or a want. By now you can see the history clock still turning. We are at war now; what does that tell you? That we will be at war again. Now who is lying? You have the power to stop the history clock. We all have the gift; we all know the secret. To be honest here, was it us or the government that controls and causes all this war business?

The government’s business should be creating. Are our elderly safe and taken care of? Is our children’s education a money problem? Can you see the projection yet? Who wants true freedom? Who knows what true freedom is? I can tell you this freedom is not working for a four-year to eight-year term then always having a paycheck for the rest of your life when the rest of us just sit back and do nothing about the government’s controlling projection. How could a person create the highest value where everyone’s needs are taken care of? How could one know the ones that need help? I guess the projection is clear because we are by no means that evolved.

A criminal goes to jail—that is all; a person goes to war—that is all. When it’s all over and the time is spent, the criminal and the vet are treated the same. The criminal or the vet could earn a Nobel Prize, but we still only see with our eyes. There will be the hungry and the homeless. There will be the greedy and the daydreamers, and there will be many. True, you will always have the very few Nobel Prize winners. Our history is the fact holder to this fact; as the history clock turns, so does the world. How could one snowball you to switching truths, being the second hand on the history clock?

THE MIRROR

The mirror tells, projects, you know, colors and shades, a creative view, this search for pure security. Behaving good, bright like a star, be sure of searching security. Passing away the shade of gray, metaphor way our survival, security. The shade of gray is in the middle; it is mental.

A search for pure security. Please tell me, why a red rose for love? My eyes, sun rise, in search for pure security. Black and white surround the gray. The battles inside of your head in need of pure security. As we rise out of the ghetto as creators, that’s who we are. Might have lived in but were not part of the ghetto. We protected ourselves from the anticivilization and the government.

With my baby steps, my parents drilled in my mind and heart love and honesty to create values. They knew what I was going to have to go through. It might seem cruel my sentence to grow in the ghetto of the anticivilization and cheating government. As I moved out of my mother’s house, she reminded me to stay in my baby steps and be a man. Always for me to remember, I will always be her little baby. In my journey that made me think about raising a baby, here now is my metaphor: in our God, his creation, his journey, he is raising us, his baby.

Still, not all my babies were raised by me. I could be a freak of nature because I can’t reach the knife in my back. I could only imagine how our mentor feels about some of the writings that I and we have read. My son was raised by his mother. It was not until he was almost grown that I was finally able to win custody. I’m strict and firm, and my wife asked why was I so mean. Then she said never mind; she saw all the love in my eyes.

Here is your disclaimer—no more invisible but invincible. You have to think about us, not your love gaining rust. Could you understand you cannot touch this? Truly to stimulate others into bliss. No more what you think; it’s what you know. It’s the universe and the civilization’s show. So what you go through, do you have a plan to make it true? You have the right to be treated like a king or queen by your projection. So what is your projection? Others can lay their hands or their minds on you. What do you surround yourself with?

Poets’ Honor

Poets in the house,

a tribute to those

that make words flow,

interesting imaginations glow.

For us readers,

your poet artistry show.

What we share

is the world’s glare,

our life’s eccentric flare,

also a tear and a stare.

You don’t know what will happen.

Creative words that just appear.

Thanks for the inspiration,

thoughts, and ideas shared.

Poems to show,

heart beats of being scared.

Get a bold feeling,

the scars start healing.

Wouldn’t know without you.

God bless

Three cheers for you!

For what you’ve been through,

a rawhide to chew.

Honor to one’s self,

pens stay off the shelf!

My Dream

Humble, major nerves as