Divorcing Santa Claus: A Survivor's Guide Through Divorce

By J. Jennings

Divorcing Santa Claus is a complete guide to navigating through a divorce. Divorce is devastating, but help is on the way! People have many questions regarding the process of divorce through the court system, as well as dealing with the emotional turmoil that divorce can bring. Divorce affects a person's life in all aspects; financially, physica

• Language: English
• Publisher: Denna Hunter
• Release date: Mar 19, 2020
• ISBN: 9781087872827

Book preview

DEDICATION

To my devoted elves who’ve gone through hell and back with me, I dedicate this to you. Only with your love, support, and understanding could our Claus family still be full of happiness. I love you more than words can say!

Divorcing Santa Claus:

A Survivor’s Guide Through Divorce

Copyright © 2020 by J. Jennings.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodies in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permissions requests, contact author at [e-mail]

2020- First Edition

978-1-08787-282-7 (e-book)

Cover art and design by AJ Winter

CONTENTS

DIVORCE SUCKS

COPE WITH HOPE

LEVELS OF DIVORCE

MANEUVERING THROUGH

ATTORNEYS

LETTING GO

SOUL SUCKERS

BEING THE BETTER PERSON

PERCEPTIONS

DATING

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

CHILDREN

ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT

RECAP

DIVORCE SUCKS

Divorce Sucks! That’s a fact. Okay, so I’m stating the obvious but with good reason. Nobody gets married with the hope that they will one day experience the joys of divorce. Or, at least sane people don’t. Most people get married hoping for that forever partner and family, and when that dream is crushed, it can be devastating in so many ways. No one is prepared for divorce, or at least sane people aren’t. Do you see a theme here? Sanity and divorce rarely go hand in hand.

Divorce is a life-altering trauma that, unfortunately, does not consist of balloons, parades, and cake. It is a difficult milestone, but one that you can and will make it through. Let me reiterate. You will make it through your divorce. Hopefully, this book will help you through the process, keeping all of your hair in tacked, your drinking to a minimum, and your sanity levels just above that of a sociopathic serial killer. This is the goal.

It is also a fact that there are levels of how bad divorce and the entire process will suck. Some divorces may be far more amicable than others. Some divorces may consist of rational people recognizing that the more they act maturely, the better the outcome will be. They can be reasonable and work out a good compromise in the end, while others may consist of soul-sucking, self-righteous, moral compass lacking individuals whose main goal through a divorce is to make each other’s lives a living hell. Either way, divorce sucks, and that is a fact!

How am I an expert on this subject, you may be wondering. Is she a psychologist? Is she a well-established divorce attorney with years of experience and research under her belt fighting for the client’s rights? Does she have a Ph.D. in human behavior? Well, the answer to all of the above is a resounding, NO. So, what qualifies me to write a book on the wonderments of divorce? I have been through 5 of them. Yes, you read correctly. 5 times. Five times. 5x. Cinco veces. Five Freaking Times! I don’t say this with pride. I am thoroughly embarrassed by this number. I am sure you can understand why.

Going through 5 divorces is not something I bring up in many conversations. I avoid that subject at all costs. Yes, I have even lied on my online dating profiles regarding this fact. I am not embarrassed because I feel I have earned this number — quite the contrary. I am ashamed because I have worked incredibly hard in my marriages, many times, to the detriment of my wellbeing. My divorces have all varied in their intensities. Some have been a relatively more straightforward process than the others, but none the less, they have all been heartbreaking. Despite my sincere desire for my marriages to work, they have not.

Some people see divorce as a failure, and some see divorce as a new beginning. However you are viewing your divorce or the possibility of divorce, it will be a new chapter, and you have far more control of this chapter than you may imagine. Believe me, I know.

Divorces are full of unknowns, and you will have to work hard and have faith in your decision making and your attorneys. But even though you are at the mercy of the courts, you have control over your actions, how you cope, and what you want your life to be from this moment on, even if it may not feel like it from time to time. This book is going to give you advice on how to buckle up, keep your hands and arms in at all times, and enjoy the ride!

I have heard many people say that there is no emotional handbook on how to get through a divorce. Well, here it is. I am going to tell you through my experiences. I am going to be bold and blunt at times. I want to be encouraging and help you cope to the best of your abilities. Divorce can be heartbreaking, confusing, and at times it can even be physically painful. I want to inspire you to allow yourself your feelings but push you to also get out of bed and deal with the world. Just keep in mind, you have not failed. Whatever your reasons for divorcing, it is a new beginning for amazing things to happen for you even though, right now, it may not seem like it. Trust me, if I can make it through five divorces and not be six feet under or the cause of my ex’s to be six feet under, you can make it through yours.

Before I start on the subject of divorce, I would like to make it very clear that I believe that every marriage deserves a chance. Marriage is such a fantastic gift we give ourselves, and yet we sometimes take it for granted and don’t commit to putting in all the effort we owe to it. I use a lot of analogies in my life, and this book will be no different.

Think of a marriage as a brand new, expensive car. When you first get it, you are excited. It is beautiful, sleek, shiny, and fast. It has all of the bells and whistles you have ever desired. You love driving your new car with the windows down, enjoying the attention it brings to you. You appreciate the car and treat it elegantly. But, after time, the newness wears off. It becomes an everyday item and nothing more than transportation. If you do not maintain services on your car, your car will begin to run poorly. If you only use cheap gas, allow the dirt to cake on, and let the oil turn thick and corrosive, your car will begin to show the signs of the wear and tear you are allowing to happen. If you are not getting regular oil changes, air filters, radiator flushes, tires rotated, your car will suffer. After a time, it will begin to have issues. If you do not fix those issues, that beautiful, smooth-running vehicle will become an eyesore with problems. You would not invest all of that money into an excellent, new car to let it become damaged and not drivable. That would be stupid, right?

Your marriage is no different. Obviously, it is more important than a new car. It consists of human collateral. It is precious, beautiful, and sleek and something you should always maintain to keep it as loving as the day you got married, or even better. If at all possible, stay married! Again, stay married! If you have fallen out of love, work to fall back into love with your partner. If you argue and continuously fight, step back, see where you can make changes to fix it. Never be opposed to counseling. There is no shame in letting a third party experienced in relationships help guide you and give you and your partner better tools to change your relationship.

Do not let your ego deny your chance at a fantastic marriage and possibly a new beginning with your spouse. Fight for your marriage with every fiber of your being, even if you are holding on by a thread. Take some time, regroup, and get your partner on board. Learn to love them in the ways that they need love, not in the ways you think they need love or in the ways that are most comfortable giving love. We all need love in different ways. Recognize how your partner receives love their way and give them that. You may provide love verbally or with gifts. They may need to accept love through quality time or touch. Read the book; The 5 Love Languages: The secret to love that lasts. Read; Men are from Mars; women are from Venus.

Learn from these types of books and work hard to make your marriage stronger. Humble yourself to be the best partner you can be for your spouse. Ego and arrogance and the need to be right are the enemies of marriage and incredibly selfish behaviors. Admit your wrongs, stop placing blame, and keep your marriage in tacked. We have this beautiful thing called the internet. Do some research. Find better forms of communication. Find a therapist. If you don’t like the first therapist, find another one. Do not let the ship sink if you can mend the holes.

I am a firm believer that marriage is always worth fighting for until the very end. Yes, love should be easy; relationships are complicated, do not confuse the two. Marriage is not going to be easy all the time. So if there is a chance for your marriage to recover and blossom, I suggest you put down this book and power through for your family’s sake. Find books that will help you, your spouse, and your marriage. Read them together. Follow their advice. Set goals and accomplish them. If you are still unsure if you can repair your marriage, then I suggest you keep reading. In doing so, you will have a better understanding of the battle you face, the heartache you will go through, the multiple nervous breakdowns you may have by the time your attorney receives your final orders.

COPE WITH HOPE

This book is intended to be the What to Expect When You’re Expecting for divorce. If you are reading this book, more than likely, you’re thinking about filing for divorce, have been recently served with divorce papers, going through a divorce, or know someone who is experiencing divorce. For whatever reason you are reading this book, I hope that in some way, this will be key to you getting through a divorce with the least amount of damage to you as possible.

I want to preface that I will refer to my ex’s as one singular individual. I will refer to this single individual as Santa Claus. I do this for two reasons. As I have explained, these are my experiences and my opinions. I do not want to focus on each ex individually. It would be too confusing. There are two sides to every story, and examples in this book are from my side of the story. I don’t write this book to identify or expose anyone. I write this book to give help through my experiences only. Plus, Santa Claus is such a jolly character and a difficult fellow to completely hate by my words. I will also refer to my kiddos as a whole by using the word children so that I am not singling out any specific child.

I want