No Longer A Secret

By Melissa D Chavis

“No Longer A Secret”  is a raw and unfiltered testimony of my ongoing experience with childhood sexual abuse, battle with suicide, and my fight to feel loved at a young age. In this story, I pour out my heart, untold secrets, and feelings. The experiences described in this book is far from that of your traditional upbrin

• Language: English
• Publisher: Untold Secrets
• Release date: May 18, 2019
• ISBN: 9780578478982

Book preview

Table of Contents

Introduction

Acknowledgments

The Beginning……………………….………1

Dying to Live…………………………….… 18

Why Me …………………………………… 29

Who Do I Trust ….....……………………... 59

All I Ever Wanted Was You ……………….77

Words of Encouragement…………………..99

To My Sister………………………………..100

To My Brother………………………………101

Notes

Introduction

No Longer A Secret is not about my parents. It’s not about what they did or didn’t do. Nor is it towards anything or anyone I speak about in my life. I love both my parents regardless of the situation and I have forgiven them both. This is a healing process for me and an opportunity to help someone that may have or is currently going through something similar. This is to let them know that there is a bright side after your dark days. This is a ray of hope for those who feel that there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel. No Longer A Secret is here to tell them that there is no tunnel, although it may feel like one. They can do things to your physical body but don’t allow it to take over your mind. You don’t have to let your past or your experience define the person that you are to become. You allow a situation to show you a lesson and take that experience with you as a learning moment. Even though it is difficult and at the moment you are going through those things, you think that it’s the end of everything. It doesn’t have to be. It can be the beginning of something else for you. Take back your life, take back your power, and don’t be afraid to tell someone. Ending your life is the easy way out. Staying in the game and facing your hard times will give not only you but someone else the strength to go on and fight. Never give up and remember that you are not alone in any situation. Although it may seem that way.. Be blessed, be strong, and be the fighter that is deep inside of you.

Dedication

I dedicate this book to the survivors of childhood sexual abuse, rape victims, and those who battle with suicide. You are brave, you are courageous, you are strong, and you are beautiful. Never, ever is it your fault.

Acknowledgement

First and foremost, I would like to thank the Most High for giving me the dream and vision to tell my truth. I want to thank my late grandmother, Dorothy Freeman for always being there for me. Throughout everything, you have always been my biggest cheerleader, the best support system, and the reason I am who I am today. I miss you terribly, and there isn’t a day that I don’t think of you. I hope to continue to make you proud. My daughter Taylor Lee for creating the title of the book and assisting with the overall production of this book. I like to thank Renee Burgess for your direction and advise. Samerica Doles for giving me the push I needed to complete this project. Also, I thank all my friends, family, and supporters whose names I may not have mentioned.

Thank You

The Beginning

In the beginning I was created

And in the end I will die

What I do in between time

Will it be real or one big lie

The choices I make or the things that are forced

Will I survive my turmoil

Will I fight until the dusk

No one knows when they are born

What troubles they will face

It will be up to you

To determine your end and final fate

The cards that you are dealt

May not be the best hand

But what you choose to make out of them

Will reveal how strong you’re able to stand

In the beginning, decisions are made for you

But as you get older, your life is up to you

Never blame yourself for the hand that you have

Only determine the final story from middle to end.

Life for me growing up wasn’t the greatest. When most children were carefree and had no reason to worry, I struggled with the question, Do I want to live today? Being a product of a rape relationship, I also wondered why I didn’t feel the same level of love from my parents that I saw my other siblings receive. I thought maybe they were ashamed of me and how I was brought into this world. Initially, I had no clue as to what went on with my parents; I mean what young child would? All I knew was that I didn’t feel loved and I often questioned the purpose of my existence.

I was born on March 12, 1981 in a hospital located in sunny Jacksonville, Florida. I am my parents’ second child and at the time I was conceived, my mother and father were still married. However, happily married wouldn’t be the term to describe their marriage at the time I was born. When I got older, my mom always told me how happy she was with my father during the early stages of their dating. She would share stories about how she would see him at the local skating rink called Skate City, which is actually where they met. This was a popular hangout spot in the earlier days. Everyone who lived in the area would be there. It was located in the center of both my grandparent’s home so neither one of them had to travel far to go skating. I have to admit; my parents made a beautiful couple. Both my parents are short, my mom about 5’0 feet and my father around 5’2 with a real napoleon complex. For him to be as short as he was, he had the attitude and anger of a man who stood at 6’5. My mom is a light caramel tone and her father would often refer to her as red gal. She also has a set of beautiful