Differently Beautiful: She Needed to Survive

By Dr. Lawanda Mobbs

Have you ever felt like your life didn’t matter? Like you don’t belong anywhere
especially to others expectations of you. Constantly thinking about why you were
born in such an indifferent world. Wanting badly to be popular, a winner,
successful or make your mark in this life. Trying so hard to force things in your<

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Aug 7, 2018
• ISBN: 9781640881006

Book preview

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DIFFERENTLY

beautiful

She needed to survive

by

Dr. Lawanda Mobbs

Trilogy Christian Publishers

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of

Trinity Broadcasting Network

2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, CA 92780

Copyright © 2018 by Dr. Lawanda Mobbs

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) taken from The Holy Bible, King James Version. Cambridge Edition: 1769.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.

For information, address

Trilogy Christian Publishing, Rights Department

2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, Ca 92780.

Trilogy Christian Publishing/TBN and colophon are trademarks of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Trilogy Christian Publishing. Manufactured in the United States of America

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-64088-099-3

ISBN 978-1-64088-100-6 (ebook)

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to my beautiful mother, who went home to be with the Lord in November 2017, and my daughter, who went home to be with the Lord in December 2008. Besides encouraging me to be okay with being different, Momma reminded me that being my true self would bring out my true purpose in life. For many years, I battled with my true identity as a woman. I endured many hardships and failures during my life’s journey. I knew I was different in my own special way--YOUnique in my own identity--and that one day, when I tapped into my God-given purpose, I would manifest to my higher self. I did it, Momma. I wrote my first of many short novels in sixteen days while facing an overflow of adversities. I stayed focused and determined, anointing my fingertips with God’s power. Nothing is impossible with God. Thank you, Momma, for now I know that I am DIFFERENTLY BEAUTIFUL.

CONTENTS

Preface

Part I: When You See Her in the Mirror

Turn on the Lights

Confidence Over Doubt

Everyone Won’t Get You

Don’t Be Afraid To Go Against The Odds

Different - The New Norm

Own Your Flaws and Shortcomings

Part 2: What the Removal of the Mask Reveals

I AM HER

Self-Love

Love the Skin You’re In

Manifest Into Your Higher Self

Poem: Differently Beautiful In Her Own Way

PREFACE

My name is Tanya, and one of the most powerful phrases I have ever heard is YOU ARE DIFFERENT. I am unlike the rest… beautiful in my own YOUnique way. I can recall what I would see in myself when I looked in the mirror. I saw the blemishes, the crooked teeth, the scar above my lip, the dark scars on my body, the white streak of gray hair at the front of my head, the bags under my eyes, and the lifeless right eye drooping lower than the left eye. I could even see what was behind the droopy eyes, which revealed years of tears and pain. If I saw myself this way, I was confident that others saw me the same way: different. I loved staring out of the window, watching the birds sing and fly in the sky. I loved going into my own world, where no chaos was allowed, but only the serenity of peaceful thoughts was welcomed. I wanted to make broken look beautiful to the human eye, because I knew the pain of brokenness. But I first had to start with myself, understanding that it’s okay to be different and beautiful. I would see beautiful women on television and when I went shopping at the mall, but I never felt the beauty within myself. Those women walked with pride and confidence. The confidence and energy they displayed was phenomenal. I can recall mimicking their elegance and the way they carried themselves. Unfortunately, that didn’t work for me – trying to be someone else. I wasn’t unique enough in my own skin to even resemble the skin of another woman. But I was YOUnique enough to be different in my own way. They wore their hair a certain way. They wore tons of makeup. Their shoes had red at the bottom, and since I was not a fashion person I was clueless of their elegant attire. My journey to being differently beautiful came from years of not knowing who I truly was created to be inside. I didn’t know that every person had a YOUnique purpose for why they were alive. And that to find the specific purpose, the person had to know who they truly were inside first. I didn’t want to look deep inside myself to gain the answer. I knew deep inside of me there was too much darkness. Instead, I would run from anything that resembled looking deeper at myself. I knew I was different. I didn’t fit in. I tried so hard to be this beautiful butterfly. But unfortunately, each time I tried, failure struck or setbacks increased. Uneasy about life, uneasy about my childhood, uneasy about my looks, uneasy about my speech and uneasy about why I was so different -- I struggled each day with my true identity. My nightly prayers to God had changed from Help me, Lord, to live a better life, to Lord, help me to know who I am and who you have called me to be in this life. Many of the plans I would set didn’t succeed. I always had to do things differently. Go a different way. Say a different word. Nothing came easily for me. I always had to fight hard for what I wanted in life. The fight became a struggle against daily adversities. My mom wasn’t this great community mom who would attend school functions or be a deaconess in the church. She was an addict. For many years, she battled the demon of alcohol. This was so embarrassing, especially when the system put me with extended family and everyone thought all of us were siblings; that aunt and uncle were mom and dad. It got to the point where I stopped explaining everything and just allowed the change to become my identity--a false identity of who I truly was. Growing up in a small town, it was hard to run from the truth. I was so different. I would smile each day to cover up the pain inside. I tried a lot of things to not be different. I tried to join many school clubs, join the booster team, join pageants--all in an effort to not be different. I wanted to fit in so badly, but all I was doing by trying to fit in was becoming more and more different each day. As an adult, I wanted the beautiful white house with kids and a great husband; I wanted to live the American dream. Well, that didn’t work. I endured several failed marriages, the death of a child, and so much more hardship. Everything I tried to do to not be different made me more and more different. Moving away to another state days after graduating high school didn’t help, seeking a better life and better opportunities – that just made me even more different. For many years, I was a woman trying to find her way in life. But no matter what I did or how I did it, I would fail, endure the harder route, or not fit in. I needed to know it was okay to be different and beautiful in God’s eyes.

I needed a reality check over every area of my life. I had great expectations for myself. I really wanted to be loved by a wonderful man; I had dreams, and so much more I wanted out of life and to accomplish. But unfortunately, I had to learn that I was YOUnique in my own way. I had to learn that it was okay to be different. I had to learn that God saw directly through me wanting to be different, and to let Him show me that it was okay to be ME. I had to learn that it wasn’t about my mother or father, where I was born, or the course of my life journey that truly mattered, but it was about me accepting the fact that I was – Differently Beautiful.

PART ONE

WHEN YOU SEE HER IN THE MIRROR

True beauty comes from within, not from what is in the mirror.

You are beautiful for you are fearfully and wonderfully made…

~ Psalm 139:14

TURN ON THE LIGHTS

I stretched out my arms as I lifted up from the bed; the sun was shining through the blinds and I heard the birds singing. The birds’ song of praise brought me life. I loved to hear the birds letting each other know they were okay. I dreaded the trip to the bathroom. Like the night before, when I quickly turned off the lights so I would not see the images in the mirror.

I was thinking to myself, As if God opening my eyes wasn’t enough…Now I had to see the person He created through the dark images of failure, defeat and regret. Why is there always so much darkness around me? How can I be a light if I’m constantly being surrounded by darkness? I whispered to myself. My mom had told me one day, as we were watching a movie on Lifetime Television, that the brighter the light was in someone, the more darkness they would endure in life. Hmmm, I had thought to myself. Now was she talking about me, or describing the character in the movie we were watching? I didn’t read too much into her statement. So I let it go. As I continued to self-reflect before morning prayer, I knew that I didn’t like to look at myself because all I saw