Common Questions Children Ask About Puberty: Insights from a nationally recognized health education expert

By Lori A Reichel

2018 B.R.A.G. MEDALLION HONOREE 2018 WISHING SHELF AWARD FINALIST  

Imagine you are a nine-year-old child. You are growing hair in new places, feel weird, and notice your friends are beginning to smell. You have lots of questions about these occurrences and wish to have a trusted resource that can provide simple and h

• Language: English
• Publisher: Super Health Crusader
• Release date: May 7, 2018
• ISBN: 9781732032903

Lori A Reichel

Lori A. Reichel is a fun and innovative health educator with over 25 years teaching experience. A recipient of national and NY Health Education awards, her mission is to strengthen the wellness skills of children and to help adults raise healthy children. Lori's current projects include the Puberty Prof Podcast and the TALK Puberty app.

Book preview

COMMON

QUESTIONS

CHILDREN

ASK ABOUT

PUBERTY

COMMON

QUESTIONS

CHILDREN

ASK ABOUT

PUBERTY

Insights from a nationally

recognized health education expert

LORI A. REICHEL, PhD

COMMON QUESTIONS CHILDREN ASK ABOUT PUBERTY

Copyright © 2015, 2018 by Lori A. Reichel, PhD

Puberty Chit Chat Cards Copyright © 2016 by Lori Ann Reichel

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author or publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review.

ISBN: 978-1-7320329-1-0 (Paperback Edition)

ISBN: 978-1-7320329-0-3 (eBook Edition)

Originally published as Prepping Parents for Puberty Talks: A Compilation of Over 500 Questions Children Ask with Child-Friendly Answers, now revised and updated.

Cover Design by Predrag Capo of CsapoDesign.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

Note: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. This book is intended only as an information guide for those wishing to know more about health issues. In no way is this book intended to replace, countermand, or conflict with the advice given to you by your own medical professionals. The ultimate decision concerning care should be made with a medical professional.

Visit www.lorireichel.com for more information on the author.

For all children who are about to go through,

Are going through,

Or have gone through,

The changes of puberty.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Ten Useful Tips for Having Puberty Talks

Basic How to Skills Children Need to Learn

General Puberty Questions

The Basics

What’s that Smell? (Body Odor)

Hairy Situations (Hair Growth)

One Zit, Two Zits, Three Zits, Pop? No! (Acne)

From Happy to Sad in Three Seconds (Feelings about and during Puberty)

Other Curious Questions

Questions about Girls

Growth Spurts

Budding into Breasts

Hairy Concerns for Girls

What’s What in the Female Reproductive System?

Ovaries, Eggs, and Ovulation, Oh My!

What is Discharge?

Your Monthly Visitor (Periods)

Ready, Set, Go! Being Prepared for Your Period in Different Situations

Long or Short? Maxi or Mini? With or Without Wings? So Many Choices with Pads

You Put It Where? And Other Questions about Tampons

Other Menstrual Products

Other Curious Questions about Girls

Questions about Boys

Growth Spurts

Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, Laaaaaaaaaa! (Voice Changes)

Hairy Concerns for Boys

What’s What in the Male Reproductive System?

How’s it Hanging? Down and to the Left (Testicles and the Scrotum)

The Penis- The Long and Short of It

Is There Something in Your Pocket or Are You Just Going Through Puberty? (Erections)

Sailors and Their Little Swimmers (Semen and Sperm)

Did I Just Wet My Bed? and Other Questions about Ejaculations

Other Curious Questions about Boys

Questions about Pregnancy & Babies

How a Baby is Made

Experiences of Pregnant Females

Pregnancy and Youth

How a Baby is Born

Babies

Twins and Triplets

There are Many Types of Families

Other Curious Questions about Pregnancy

Other Questions Commonly Asked During Puberty Talks

Basic Questions about Sexual Activities

Legalitites Pertaining to Sexual Behaviors including Unwanted Behaviors

Decision Making and Peer Pressure

Terminology for Sexual Identity

Birth Control

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Seriousness about Sex

Common Questions from Parents

Conclusion

Resources

About the Author

Index

Puberty Chit Chat Cards

Acknowledgments

Many people have helped to make the second edition of this book possible. One person in particular is my best friend and life partner, Randy Dale Fischer. Randy, you believed in me and supported me on this journey, while also providing advice on how to strengthen a variety of items. Thank you… I love you!

Also, I thank all of the students I have met throughout my teaching years. Each of you reminded me what it was like to be a child again, as well as how important it is to have correct information plus a trusted puberty expert in your life.

In addition, I thank those who helped with the first and/or second edition including both of my parents, Theresa and Robert Reichel, as well as Loretta Bizzarro, Joanne DeLucia, Maria Giovacco Giordano, Debbie Doucet, Mom Emily and Guy Ghan, Chuck Gunther, Susan Heart, Stephanie Janssen, Jessica Kennedy, Susan Kennedy, Kevin Meyers, Elyssa Orenzow, Eric Pinon, Debby Reichel, Robert Reichel Jr., Robert Reichel III, Joan Ripley, Diane Rokuskie, Debi Saffran, Sandi Vanderpool, Sandra Vinney, and John Wiebke.

Introduction

Hello!

Welcome to Common Questions Children Ask About Puberty.

I have written this book, originally published as Prepping Parents for Puberty Talks, to help people of all ages learn and/or remember the basics of going through puberty. For years, people have confided in me that talking about puberty causes a variety of uncomfortable feelings. Yet having puberty discussions creates more comfort and positive opportunities to connect with children while helping them to better understand the journey their bodies and minds are about to take.

Therefore, the goal of this book is simple: to help readers better understand the basic changes occurring during puberty and to have more comfort in talking about the topic. To do this, I have provided over five hundred questions children have asked me about puberty. By reading the questions and provided answers, you will better understand simple and honest ways to engage in conversations with others.

Overall sections within this book include: general puberty questions; questions about girls; questions about boys; pregnancy and baby questions; and other relatable questions. I have also included a section on the common questions I have received from parents over the years, as well as suggestions for having effective puberty talks.

In addition, this revised book includes the Puberty Chit Chat Cards. These discussion cards help children and adults talk about puberty in a fun, interactive manner.

By spending the time to engage in honest puberty discussions, children and adults will not only survive the puberty years yet thrive in their relationships. Remember, we all go through puberty. Even if your experience includes sad or anxious memories, think how much better a child’s puberty experience will be because you spoke to him/her and shared some of your experiences and lessons. So, enjoy the opportunities to communicate and good luck!

I wish you the very best,

Lori A. Reichel

Note: The term parent is used throughout this book to refer to adult caregivers of children, including biological parents, non-biological parents, other family members, and other guardians. Other trusted adults are also referred to and include teachers, counselors, doctors, and other puberty experts who can help teach children.

Ten Useful Tips for Having Puberty Talks

1. Talk at different times with children. If you think you only have to talk with a child about this topic one time, compare this number to the thousands, if not millions, of sexual images he/she is exposed to by the time he/she is eighteen years old. One discussion after a presentation at school is not enough. Instead, consider having talks about human sexuality with a child throughout his/her life.

2. Use a variety of settings for talks. For example, talks can occur while taking the dog for a walk together or as you are waiting for a movie to start. Many parents also suggest having talks during car rides.

3. Recognize the differences between children. Some children approach their parents with questions while others require their parents or other adults to approach them. Some children seem ready to learn information at a younger age while their siblings seem unaware of certain topics or situations. Overall, every child is different and adults need to find the best approach for each child.

4. Have fun during puberty talks. By having positive conversations with an occasional giggle, healthy body chemicals are released that help to de-stress people. And sometimes a child will be put at ease by hearing about a parent’s or other adult’s funny puberty experience and how he/she coped. Just make sure you are not laughing at the child or the changes he/she is experiencing during puberty. To create a fun, interactive setting, use the "Puberty Chit Chat Cards" found in the back of this book.

5. Use proper body terminology for reproductive system parts. Using appropriate medical terms teaches children positive communication skills while supporting comfort with their bodies. Some people tease and say certain terms yet using slang terms may support the idea there is something wrong with these body parts.

6. Be aware that children may ask personal questions. If a child asks you a personal question, explain to him/her certain information may be personal. Doing this demonstrates the value of privacy in which certain personal information is sometimes not shared with others.

7. Think ahead about how you will answer certain personal questions. Sharing certain personal experiences, like the first time you started noticing new body hair growth when you were younger, may allow a child to feel more at ease to talk with you. For example, when I tell children about my first experience of shaving my armpits with my father’s shaving cream (I smelled like men’s cologne all day in school), they are usually put at ease knowing I understand what they are going through. Yet you may need time to figure out what to say when suddenly asked a personal question. If this occurs, tell the child you do not feel comfortable at that moment discussing what he/she asked, while explaining that we all need time to mull certain questions over. Some might disagree with this, yet I would rather have a role model tell a child, I need to think about your question before I answer you, because this models positive decision-making skills. If you choose to answer personal questions, explain your expectations to the child of keeping information private.

8. Be open-minded and cautious of the Well, when I was a kid, I never thought about sex or I would never have done that, etc. Saying comments like these may stop further communication with children. Yet you can state, I would hope you make the best decisions for yourself, and I feel you are not ready yet. Also, explain your values to children. By doing this, they are more likely to respect you because they do not feel threatened to follow them.

9. Do not criticize or tease children about what they ask. Teasing can be hurtful. Do not betray their confidence in you. I know too many children whose parents repeated to others what their child asked in front of him/her. These children will not go back to these adults to ask additional questions.

10. Use reliable resources. There are a variety of reliable books and websites available for children and adults, some of which are listed in the Resources section of this book. Many include age-appropriate pictures that can be utilized during puberty conversations. For example, a basic body outline can be printed from a resource for a child to draw pubertal changes he/she expects to occur. Allowing a child to do this is a non-threatening way for the child to share what he/she is already aware of and allows you to add additional body changes. Another example of using resources is to find age-appropriate diagrams of the male and female reproductive systems to allow a child to visualize body parts and their functions.

Basic How to Skills Children Need to Learn

The following skills should be taught to children to allow for an easier transition into adolescence.

For all children, how to:

•properly wash their facial skin, hands, and overall bodies,

•use deodorant/antiperspirant, if allowed,

•shave properly,

•cope in a healthy manner when experiencing uncomfortable feelings,

•use assertiveness skills, including how to say no,

•communicate effectively with friends, peers, parents, and others,

•show respect for others, including those different from themselves, and

•follow safety