Our Cracked Pieces

By M.E. Clayton

What do you get when your cracked pieces are still cracking?

A problem with trust that’s a bit extreme.

Rowan
Rowan Lewis was cracked, and she knew this. She also knew it was all her fault. Though her parents were successful, happy, and supportive, and she had a brother who absolutely adored her, she was prone to mistakes just like everybody else. Only, this time, the consequences had been something that she could never have imagined. They still haunted her eleven years later.

With a secret that would make her a victim if it ever came to light, Rowan does her best to look to the future and ignore her past, though it’s an impossible goal. She should know because she’s been trying for years. However, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t go out or have a life, because she does. So, when Lorcan Cavanaugh enters her life, she thinks she has him handled, but she couldn’t be more wrong.

Lorcan
Lorcan Cavanaugh was damaged, and he knew this. He also knew that he would always be. Though he came from a good family and had a sister that he absolutely adored, his temper wasn’t anything to mess with and people usually found that out the hard way. Though he had his own demons to contend with, he still did his best to manage the darkness that haunted him every day.

With a secret that’s not his own, Lorcan still feels like it is. He’s been living with the guilt of it for as long as he can remember, though he knows none of it is his fault. There was also the fact that his past also included being screwed over by a girlfriend while he’d been young enough for it to make a serious impression. So, when Rowan Lewis enters his life, he’s surprised at what she makes him feel.

When life throws you a curveball...
Eleven years later, Rowan thinks she’s doing a pretty good job of handling her past baggage, but then she meets Lorcan Cavanaugh, and she quickly realizes her past controls her more than she’s been admitting. Faced with the sad facts, she has no choice but to conquer her demons, once and for all.

Eleven years later, Lorcan is satisfied with the way things are going and isn’t looking for any complications, but then he meets Rowan Lewis, and he quickly realizes that there’s more to life than living in the past. Faced with an irresistible challenge, he stops at nothing to win.

With their pasts hanging over their heads, can Rowan get past her issues long enough to see that Lorcan is the real deal? Better yet, can Lorcan control his temper long enough to understand what is really going on with Rowan and why?

NOTE: This book contains adult language, adult situations, explicit sexual encounters, and sexual abuse. If sensitive to any of the aforementioned issues, please do not purchase.

• Language: English
• Publisher: M.E. Clayton
• Release date: Mar 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005783891

M.E. Clayton

M.E. Clayton works fulltime and writes as a hobby only. She is also an avid reader and Pinterest addict. When she's not working, reading, writing, or on Pinterest, she is spending time with her family and friends, or her dog, Boy, or her cat, Seatbelt. She lives in California with her husband and enjoys doing nothing but reading. Seriously. She does nothing but read. However, that's how she likes it.

Book preview

Just a couple of things before I let you go and get your read on. While I am doing my best to work with better editing and proofreading software, all my books are solo, independent works. I write my books, proofread my books, edit my books, create the covers, etc. I have one beta who gives me feedback on my stories, but other than that, all my books are independent projects.

That being said, I apologize, in advance, for the typos, grammar inconsistencies, or any other mistakes I may make. Since writing is strictly a hobby for me, I haven’t looked into commitments in regard to publishers, editors, etc. My hope is that my stories are enjoyable enough that a few mistakes, here and there, can be overlooked. However, if you’re a stickler for grammar, my books are probably not for you.

Also, I am an avid reader-I mean an AVID reader. I love to read above any other hobby. However, the only downside to my reading obsession is when I fall in love with a series, but I have to wait for the additional books to come out. And because I feel that disappointment down to my soul, when I started publishing my works, I vowed to publish all books in my series all at once. No waiting here…LOL. Now, the exception to that will be if enough readers request additional stories based off the standalone, such as in Facing the Enemy. At that point, if I decide to move forward with a requested series, I will make sure all additional books are available all at once. As much as this is a hobby for me, I am writing these books for all of you, as well as myself.

Thank you, for everything!

Contact Me

I really appreciate you reading my book and I would love to hear from you! Now, unfortunately, because I do have a full-time job, and a family I love spending time with, at this time, I’m afraid it would be very hard for me to maintain a multitude of social media sites. However, for the sites I do participate in, here are my social media coordinates:

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Dedication

For my husband-

My Gage, Lorcan, Grayson,

Dash,

Archer,

Ramsey Jr.,

and Cassius

all rolled into one.

I love you.

Playlist

Light Me Up Again – Ingrid Michaelson

vic·tim

/ˈviktəm/

noun

a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.

sur·vi·vor

/sərˈvīvər/

noun

a person who copes well with difficulties in their life.

Survivors are born.

Victims are made.

Prologue

The shame is like it always is. Crippling.

The revulsion is like it always is. Overwhelming.

The regret is like it always is. Painful.

The sensation is like it always is. Horrifying.

And the nightmare of it all is like it always is. Unyielding.

But what was there to do about it now? I’d made my choices, and though wrong, did I really deserve this? Did I really deserve this as my penance? Was this really the appropriate restitution?

I didn’t think so.

But what did I know? How did someone weigh one person’s opinion over another person’s? Whose opinion matter most? Who decided, in their infinite wisdom, whose word meant more than the other? How was a person’s value determined when we were all so different from each other?

A guy could grope a woman on the bus and after a slap and a ‘fuck you’, she might just go about her day as if nothing had happened. She might even turn it into a ridiculous story she tells her friends or coworkers over drinks.

But take the same scenario, only the woman in this story isn’t as feisty as our first heroine, and after she’s groped, she’s so sickened that a stranger had his hands on her that she runs off the bus, feeling disgusted and violated, and it is days before she can finally wash away all the disgrace.

Who decides the severity of the man’s actions? The woman? The law? Society?

If a husband is guilting his wife into giving him a blowjob when she doesn’t really want to, is that coercion? And if she does it to keep the peace or not get slapped around, is it really sexual assault if she still made the decision to do it?

And what do you do when the perpetrator doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong?

What then?

Snapping me out of my thoughts, the fingers stretching me open were bringing on another burning sensation because this didn’t feel good. My body wasn’t enjoying any of this.

It never did.

But he never noticed or simply didn’t care. As long as this ended how he wanted it to, it didn’t matter what I was feeling. If my feelings mattered, this wouldn’t be happening in the first place. And he was actually convinced that as long as it wasn’t intercourse there was nothing wrong with what he was doing to me. I was eighteen already, so it was all good.

No harm, no foul.

Only it was harmful. Even if only to me, it was still harmful.

However, in a moment of panic, I had made a decision that was my own. I hadn’t been able to see past my fear and alarm to realize there’d been other choices besides the one I had made.

Another finger joined the two that were already paining me, and I knew we’d be moving on to the finale soon. The fingers penetrating my body, the dirty words panted in my ear, none of it was for me. They were his work up, his way of getting ready. It was his way of warning me of what was coming next.

Two months.

Two months, and graduation will give me a freedom I so desperately needed. A freedom that was probably an illusion, but I didn’t care.

I didn’t care as long as I never had to see him again.

Part

I

Chapter 1

Rowan~

Can you believe it? Only two more months, then we’re going to be on our way to college, Mandy cheered. We’ll be adults, calling our own shots.

The very idea of being able to finally control my own life sent unexpected tingles down my back. I was already eighteen, but still living at home, still attending high school, and still being at the mercy of adults made me feel like I was still sixteen.

They say age was a state of mind, and right now, I felt like I was forty. I wasn’t like Mandy, Carly, or Tammy. I wasn’t carefree or flighty. Even though Mandy, Carly and Tammy were my closest friends, I’d left clothes, shoes, boys, and social media obsessions behind a while back.

Six weeks, to be exact.

And in those six weeks, I’ve grown so much. More than I wish I would ever have had to.

I can’t wait to get to Michigan, Carly chimed in. She’d gotten into the University of Michigan and she was super excited about it. While I’m going to miss you hookers terribly, I can’t wait to meet new people. Carly was the social butterfly of our little foursome.

I can’t wait to drown myself in all those college guys, Tammy said, fanning herself dramatically. No more boys, ladies. We’ll finally be in the company of men. I tried my best not to cringe at that. I can’t wait.

Well, since I’m following Darnell to Ohio State, college guys aren’t a factor for me, Mandy said. Not that they ever were. Mandy and Darnell have been dating since the eighth grade and they were crazy for each other. I wasn’t a big believer in the whole high-school-sweethearts thing, but if anyone could make it through the pitfalls of adulthood, it was Mandy and Darnell.

Tammy rolled her eyes. Well, not all of us can have a boyfriend who worships the ground we walk on.

Green looks wicked on you, Tam, Carly teased.

Tammy laughed. Hell yeah, I’m jealous, she replied. And don’t act like you aren’t, either.

Carly grinned. Have been since sophomore year when Darnell carried her out of Hendrix Gray’s party in that fireman hold after one of their fights.

Mandy laughed at that. One of the best nights of my life, she said, winking at all of us.

Tammy nudged my knee with hers. What about you, Row? We were all sitting at our usual lunch bench with me and Tammy on one side and Carly and Mandy on the other. Aren’t you excited? You’re going to freakin’ Georgetown.

My strength was numbers. I’ve always been good with them and I liked how there was no room for error with math. I liked the order of it, and I wanted to go into accounting. I liked the idea of being an auditor and fishing out things that didn’t make sense. While I had no desire to go into police work, I liked the detective vibe of auditing.

My older brother, Grayson, was a sophomore at Boston College where he was attending to get his teaching degree. Grayson wanted to teach high school and coach football, and I had no doubt he’d accomplish both. Grayson was driven and determined, and pretty awesome, really.

"I am excited, I answered. It’s just…well, I’m going to miss you guys. That wasn’t a lie. Our foursome has been a foursome since the seventh grade, and I was going to miss these girls terribly. I guess it’s hard to be excited about something that’s going to be sad, also." I wasn’t completely lying, so I knew I sounded believable.

Mandy reached over and plucked a fry off my lunch plate. That explains your depressing mood lately, she said. I was about to stage an intervention to find out what the hell has crawled up your ass these past few weeks.

Guilt and paranoia slithered down my back. I’d been doing my best to hide my dark moods, but I guess I haven’t been doing a very good job. I haven’t been that bad, I denied.

Tammy snorted. Rowan, you’ve been in your own little world these past few weeks that you missed Joseph Redman asking you out last week after the spirit rally.

I almost laughed at that. Even if we weren’t going to graduate in a couple of months, there’s no way I could bring myself to start dating someone right now.

The thought made my skin crawl.

Can you blame me? I asked, trying to play it off. This is a big deal, guys. We’re heading off to different parts of the country. We’re…yeah, I’m excited but a part of me is feeling super intimidated, too.

Carly’s brows jumped high. You? Intimidated? Since when?

I’ve always been a confident girl. My parents, Stanley and Lillian Lewis, had raised me and my brother to stand up for ourselves and to always fight the good fight. My father was a lawyer, and my mother was a middle school teacher. They were a good team and I liked to think that me and my brother were one, as well.

And it wasn’t that I was no longer confident, but the foundation of who I was had been shaken and I didn’t know how to fix it.

Okay, maybe not intimidated, I amended. But…I don’t know. So much is changing.

But that’s the whole point, Tammy said. And with social media taking over the world, it’s not like we’re going to lose touch with each other. There’s no way we’re going to drift apart.

I agree, Mandy added. We might not be together, but we’ll still be there for each other.

You guys are right, I agreed. And while I couldn’t tell them the truth of these past few weeks, I couldn’t let them go on thinking that I was upset or preoccupied because of them. I guess I was just letting myself become overwhelmed.

Well, relax, chick, Jillian said. Besides, you have a hot brother who is in his second year of college. Grayson can walk you through anything you need to know.

I eyed her. That pep talk could have been done without mentioning the words ‘hot’ and ‘brother’ in the same sentence.

Tammy laughed. You need to get over that denial, Row, she cackled. Your brother is hot as sin.

Always has been, Mandy added.

This time, I threw a fry at her. Hey! You’re in love, remember?

I’m not blind, she snorted.

When they all started laughing, a part of me wanted to blurt out my truth. It was on the tip of my tongue to confess the mess I’ve made of things. I wanted to unburden myself, but then that wasn’t fair, was it? Glancing around at my closest friends in the world who were excited to start their new lives, how selfish would it be to dump what I’ve done in their laps?

This was my problem, not theirs. Not my parents. Not my brothers.

But mine.

I just hoped I could keep it together for two more months.

Chapter 2

Lorcan~

Spring break started this weekend and as far as I was concerned, it couldn’t come fast enough. Mr. Hostettler was coming down hard on me lately-for no reason, might I add-and it was starting to bring out my temper.

One I worked very hard to control.

I was set to go to West Texas A&M and getting expelled for kicking a teacher’s ass was not the best thing for me at this point. Or ever, really. And I had no doubt I could kick Mr. Hostettler’s ass. The guy might only be in his mid-twenties and considered in shape, but I’ve always been a fighter and I had the temper to go with it. A temper I’ve done