EMPATHY IN EVERY DIRECTION

A few years ago, lovers of the written word woke to an exciting headline: Studies show readers of literary fiction are more empathetic than other people! The lifelong reader in me cheered. But the memoirist in me thought: Wait! What about nonfiction? Empathy lies at the heart of what we do. The headline got me thinking: How can we foster empathy even more deliberately in our work?

Let’s start here: Empathy is complex. It’s not pity, not kindness, not mercy, not even necessarily compassion but a deep understanding, and in the best memoirs, I’ve come to realize, it moves in many different directions. There’s empathy that you, the narrator, show for other characters, even distasteful ones, and vice versa, empathy others show for you, the character, even when you are behaving badly. Finally, there’s empathy you, the author, show for your younger self, and crucially, for your readers.

Before we dive in, let’s define some basic terms.

You, the character, is the person dramatized on the page, often in the past, acting in-scene, interacting with others.

You, the narrator, is the voice telling the story, reflecting on the page, making sense of what’s going on and directing the reader’s attention.

You, the author, is off-stage entirely, making choices about what to include, what not to include, and how ultimately to craft all these memories into art.

I. Empathy you show for other characters

There’s nothing more moving, disarming, challenging, and arguably obligatory in memoir than showing empathy