Chandler's Honesty

By Chastity White Rose

This book is the story of a Unicorn that appeared to me in my dreams and talked with me about my emotional problems from past trauma and helped me overcome many things. The unicorn also seemed to have knowledge about things I do not and explained things I have never heard from a human source. I had to hear it straight from the horse's mouth! But who is this mysterious horse and why does he ask so many questions? Can Chandler handle the truth, or perhaps more importantly, can you?

This is not the easiest read and is not recommended for those afraid to face their fears. This is a book for the pure of heart and the strong of mind. The innocent who have been hurt like me. It is an inspirational story of how I was healed by the truth that only a unicorn, who's name is Honesty, can provide.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chastity White Rose
• Release date: Jan 17, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005063290

Chastity White Rose

My birth/legal name is Chandler Klebs but for all personal and professional purposes I use the name Chastity White Rose. This is completely explained in my different books I have published. I have many books on Amazon and I am recently getting started with Smashwords. My older books are under my old name and some are under my new name. I am transgender and have vowed celibacy and this had led to some strange inspiration in my writing.I consider the book titled: "Chandler's Honesty" to be the best of all my books. It provides the most information about my journey. However I also republished my very first book "Confessions of a Confused Virgin" on Smashwords as well. The difference between my beliefs has changed a lot in the 8 year difference between these books but I am the same confused virgin I was back then, except perhaps more confused after I talked to Honesty the unicorn.

Book preview

Chapter 0: Something is Missing

Chandler Klebs was an old man. At least he felt old. He was 31 years old and had a good job and was involved in dance classes and played video games with his friend who lived nearby. He also occasionally did digital art and loved to walk and ride his bike. Some people were impressed with Chandler because he seemed highly intelligent and had so many things he could do very well. He was a good employee and his mother was proud of him.

However Chandler did not feel very good about himself and he did not feel purpose in his life. Although he was doing quite well compared to others his age, he felt that he was not where he wanted to be in life and that he was never good enough for himself or others. He also had many secrets that he dared not talk about because he was afraid that people would hate him and make his life difficult. His greatest fears were losing approval from his mother or losing his job. He was afraid and didn't know why.

Some of Chandler's secrets were so secret that even he didn't know what was wrong with him. He didn't know it at the time but something was missing. Each night when he went to bed, Chandler cried about the things that bothered him. Humans could be very terrible animals and Chandler knew it. He was hopeless because he felt powerless to change other people and he felt that his happiness depended on others.

Although Chandler was depressed, he preferred inconvenient truth over convenient lies that most people rely on to make themselves feel better. He may have had an understanding of the kinds of dangers that could happen in life but he had also forgotten something that everyone needs to know. He had forgotten how to dream.

Chapter 1: The Unicorn of Dreams

One night Chandler Klebs had a dream. He was in a field full of horses, watermelons, flowers, cashew trees and everything he loved.

He was confused and wondering if what he was seeing was real or simply a dream. Before he had time to think much about it, a large horse with a silver horn walked towards him and started speaking in English.

H: Hello Chandler. I've been waiting a long time to talk to you!

C: Who are you? What is this place?

H: This is the land of your dreams. You are sleeping and have many thoughts going on in your head.

C: Yes it's true. I'm on a journey of self discovery and have been trying to figure out who I am and priorities in life. But how did you know this?

H: Because I live in your head and I know all your thoughts. Even your deepest darkest secrets are known to me.

C: Tell me, why do you come to me now after all these years?

H: Because you were not ready to face your greatest fears. But I see your emotional state has improved and I am here to help you if you are willing.

C: I need all the help I can get but what makes you think you can help me if my mother and my therapist can't?

H: Because you keep secrets from them because you fear being judged and rejected. I already know everything about you and there is no need to explain yourself or justify anything you feel or have done.

C: But you are a figment of my imagination. What can you tell me that I don't already know?

H: The secrets you've kept even from yourself. Sometimes you need to hear the truth straight from the horse's mouth. You won't trust humans because they have hurt you badly.

C: And not just any horse, I see. A unicorn. Tell me about the silver horn on your head. I can see my reflection in it.

H: My horn is the mirror of truth. It shows things as they really are.

C: I value truth highly but I've come to believe that some things are better not mentioned. People cannot know how I really am or I will lose even the things I have and the people I depend on.

H: I know you are afraid but the truth cannot be hidden forever no matter how much you would like it to be.

C: I know this is true but what can I do? What good can come from talking about my past with an imaginary unicorn?

H: Much, as you will soon understand. All fictional things come from the things which are real. This is a dream but it contains much truth.

C: I can see that this place has the things I've dreamed about. My favorite foods and horses running around. But what good are my dreams? I cannot make most of what I dream a reality.

H: You misunderstand. Just as dreams are the mess of thoughts from the real world, the things people do start as dreams from their strongest desires. You know this to be true from your art and computer programming. You see it first in your imagination long before anyone else can. You must first look at your dreams if you want to change your life.

C: I understand what you mean. But what is the meaning of this dream and how is it that you can help me?

H: I can explain what you desire and what keeps you from it.

C: And what is that exactly?

H: You want to be understood and accepted for who you are and not feel the need to keep secrets.

C: Yes I do but how is that possible?

H: Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because something isn't possible doesn't mean that you don't wish it were so. This is the land of your dreams. As you said, most of your dreams can't become a reality but you must dream anyway and face your true desires and memories.

C: But if I think about what I wish, I only become angry that I cannot attain it. And if I face my memories, all that will come from that is that I'll cry and get really depressed and attempt to hurt or kill myself.

H: Just like you did before. You tried to avoid the things that triggered you but it never worked.

C: Then tell me, what solution do you suggest? What wisdom do you have when you're just a dream?

H: I'm more than a dream but I'll have to explain that later. For now I'm only asking you to trust me. If you think I'm just a dream then why are you so afraid of me?

C: Because I cannot trust anything or anyone anymore. Not even my own mind. Any fool who thinks they have answers for me is just a liar. Nothing can fix me. I'm broken beyond repair. I just want to make a positive difference in the world for others before I die. There is no time to dwell on the past. If I haven't healed by now from all that has happened to me, then surely I'll be dead anyway before I get my act together!

H: But what is your alternative? To cry everyday about what happened to you. To have it interfere with your job, art, and games. You haven't been able to focus your attention and you've only gotten worse.

C: But I can't talk to anyone who I can really trust. My mother can't handle what's happening to me. She'll only worry and freak out. Besides she has her own problems enough in life. My therapist is only meeting with me because he gets paid for it. If my medicaid ends and I can't get another insurance to cover my therapy then I lose him anyway.

H: That's why you need me. As sad as it is. I'm all you've got left.

C: I don't believe this. I'm talking to a unicorn in my dreams who claims to be the one friend I can trust.

H: Yes, you don't believe me now, but you will!

Chapter 2: The Anger of Chandler

C: What is your plan and how can you help me?

H: Correction, you mean how can you help yourself! I am after all a dream of yours. You have the answers but you refuse to talk about what happened to you when you were two years old. You need to start there because that was when you lost something you don't even remember anymore.

C: But no good can come from talking about it. I only told my therapist because my mom suggested it. I would rather not talk about it. It's not as if I have the power to go back and stop it from happening nor will telling people about it prevent it from happening to other children.

H: What you need to learn is that sometimes you need to talk about it not because you can undo it or prevent it but because you need to talk about it. You want to understand why you act the way you do but you haven't looked at the most obvious reason.

C: Fine, you annoying horse. If you insist then I'll tell you what happened. Sure you already know this but I was raped in the butt and it hurt. I still remember the pain and confusion. But it's hardly a big deal. Others have suffered far worse. Every animal in factory farms experiences far more abuse than I ever did. I have to help them and nothing else matters anymore.

H: But if you cannot manage your life without crying over what happened to you, then maybe it's a bigger deal than you thought. If you cannot heal from this, then what hope is there for the others?

C: I don't know what healing is. This isn't like some minor injury that is completely forgotten. I'll always remember as long as I live. I often wonder if death is the only true cure. There are some things that cannot be undone. Maybe all hope is lost. Sooner or later it will be over for me.

H: But what about before death. What will you do with your time until then?

C: I imagine I'll be working and taking dance classes and at least have some form of happiness.

H: That's good and you can enjoy what you do best. But is there anything beyond that that you'd like?

C: I try not to think about it. I can't change other people and I'm kept from my true desires by this stupid human society I have to live in.

H: Suppose there were no other humans. What would you do?

C: I would go to a place that is warm all year and grow every kind of fruit tree and grow all my favorite fruits and vegetables. I would basically have all the land to myself and have an abundance of food to give to all the animals around. I so wish that the human race could go extinct.

H: And yet you yourself would like to live forever in peace without them.

C: Yes, if I had that kind of ideal environment and could theoretically live forever happy and healthy I would. But I know I will die eventually anyway. Even if all humans were extinct, including me, at least they could no longer hurt and kill the other animals. The cows, chickens, pigs, turkeys, goats, sheep, horses, and everything else would finally be free to walk wherever they wish and have nobody fence them in or put them in a cage. Humanity is merely a cancer on this planet. Humans destroy everything.

H: But you don't.

C: I'm hardly an example of a human. I do not think