This Wedding Sucks!

By Robin Sanford

Real life wedding tales from a female wedding DJ with over 20 years of formal banquet entertainment experience. Hilarious, head-shaking, almost unbelievable situations at weddings thanks to Brides & Grooms, their families, friends and even so-called professional vendors that have made this experience anything but ordinary.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Aug 6, 2014
• ISBN: 9781312415416

Book preview

This Wedding Sucks!

This Wedding Sucks!

How to Ruin Yours – As Seen From The DJ Booth

by Robin Sanford

Copyright © 2014 by Robin Sanford

All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means – whether auditory, graphic, mechanical or electronic – without written permission of both publisher and author.  Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

Printed in the United States of America.

Cover design by Robin Sanford.

Cover image: Copyright © 2014 by Robin Sanford

While this is a work of non-fiction, names, dates and locations have been intentionally omitted and/or simply forgotten to protect the anonymity of anyone with whom these experiences ring familiar.  While these stories are actual products of the author’s experience, none may be deemed unique and therefore, any resemblance must be considered entirely coincidental.

ISBN: 978-1-312-41541-6

INTRODUCTION

As an award-winning family-owned banquet center event DJ who has been providing a variety of event soundtracks for over twenty years, I have been given an unique birds-eye view of the inner workings of different event situations.  My job is to remain polite, professional, emotionally disconnected, but empathic towards all sensitivities, and to uphold a sense of balance between humility and confidence when providing my service.  I consider being a female DJ and emcee a rare gift, but one that doesn’t come without it’s own occasional set-backs: it is an occupation dominated primarily by males and can be sometimes challenging when convincing prospective clients that gender shouldn’t matter.  Sometimes it does matter, but I don’t let that stop me from providing the best service I possibly can.

This book is based solely on my own personal experiences.  Some are tackier and more tasteless than others, while others are more unbelievable, yet real.  Many of these situations are fairly common anywhere you go, while others are in that no way in hell did that really, seriously happen category.  I’ve kept notes of all these occurrences…many after I stopped shaking my own head in disbelief.

The intent of this diary is to be presented in an entertaining manner incorporating a variety of dry, witty and sarcastic tones, while at the same time, educating future brides, grooms, in-laws, and other service vendors, the realities of the catering and banquet life.  It’s kind of an opportunity for me to vent here and keep everyone involved anonymous; I’ve had to swallow large chunks of ego and humiliation in some situations where I had to take one for the team and not argue, rebutt, redirect responsibility or blame.  So…

Enjoy! Cheers!  Salud! Mazel Tov!

AWKWARD MOMENTS:

BRIDE & GROOM!

1

Since this is your big day, you should utilize this opportunity to debut your original recordings.  Everyone knows you’re an aspiring hard rock musician so why not break up the monotony of the usual current pop/jazz/rat pack mix of hits during cocktail hour and dinner by throwing in your own creations?  Many things are conceived in the bedroom, and your personal masterpieces should not be an exception.

2

Make a point to drink heavily at your wedding & reception.  So much, in fact, that you lose your wedding ring.  Make sure it’s a size or two too large from the get-go, polish off a bottle or more of some mid-grade quality whiskey and then watch it disappear.

3

If you’re having a