Planning a Civil Ceremony Wedding: Everything you need to know

By Jodi Walker

Are you getting married? Do you plan on having a civil ceremony? Are you at a loss about where to begin? Well, help is at hand. Planning a Civil Ceremony Wedding will guide you through everything you need to know from the engagement to organising the big day itself. Weddings are happy events but arranging the day can be stressful and there is so much to think about that it can seem overwhelming, not to mention dealing with family and friends, all with their own opinions on how things should be done. This book tells you how to have the wedding that you want and the steps to take to get there with the least amount of fuss – all it takes is a little planning. Written by a wedding enthusiast who has recently organised her own special day, this book covers all aspects of planning a civil ceremony wedding from announcing the day to the marriage ceremony itself. Packed with helpful hints and suggestions, this book is all you need to help you plan your own perfect day.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Apex Publishing Limited
• Release date: Mar 22, 2016
• ISBN: 9780993337277

Book preview

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Introduction

Planning a wedding is one of the greatest stresses a girl could ever face. It’s your one perfect moment in time so you should have exactly what you want, with whatever budget you have. You just have to think creatively, be proactive and you can make your dreams come true. So if you want, you can have champagne tastes on a Lambrini budget. Besides, every girl deserves to be a princess for the day, right?

So where do you start?

Firstly, you need a boyfriend and for that boyfriend to be the man of your dreams, for him to get down on one knee and propose. I grew up with the theory that you can tell if the man is right for you by the ring he gives you and the way he pops the question. But as I got older I realised you can’t be that critical. Obviously, if you hate yellow gold jewellery and you are presented with a yellow gold ring, maybe you should ask yourself how well the potential Groom-to-be knows you! However, in my opinion, the proposal itself shouldn’t really matter. I had always thought I wanted a big proposal that would see me standing in front of hundreds of friends and strangers all clapping and cheering with delight. But seeing as my other half, Luke, and I had just moved to Suffolk, getting all my friends in one place would have been a major job and, to be honest, impossible as some live abroad. I like nice things - correction I love nice things! But when my fiancé got down on one knee in the kitchen of our new home, after we had already come back from a lovely meal (the perfect opportunity) and changed out of our nice clothes into comfy, unglamorous clothes - who am I to say no? In his head, the restaurant we had just come from wasn’t the ideal location and he’d been carrying the ring round with him the whole time so, in fairness, he probably just wanted to get it over and done with (in the nicest possible way, of course). It was our one year anniversary the day before so fretting for the right moment for a whole 24 hours can’t have been pleasant for him; so give your man a break. Although it was as clear as black is black that I would say ‘yes’ there’s always going to be that element of doubt, I guess. The sentiment was there and it was a time that I will never ever forget! My reaction was still priceless. One minute he’s standing behind me talking randomly about diamonds as I was making us a hot drink, the next minute I turn round and he’s on his knee holding a small box! I’d seen it before in movies when I guy gives a girl a box and she gushes ‘yes, yes, yes, I’ll marry you,’ only for her to open the box and see a pair of earrings inside. (How embarrassing) although I knew in my heart what it was, it still didn’t stop me developing a high pitch voice and sounding like I had just inhaled a balloon full of helium. I pointed at the box, threw my hands to my face Macaulay Culkin style and said, ‘What is it? What is it? Oh my God.’

Then he said the words a lady longs to hear as he opened the box, ‘Will you marry me?’

My voice went even higher as I replied, ‘Really? Oh my God...yes, yes.’

Now, it doesn’t matter if you have secretly practiced your acceptance face and reaction in the mirror, once you are in that moment you lose all control of your senses - my reaction was definitely not what I had hoped I’d say or do. So, ladies, just ease up. If you are lucky enough to have fireworks spell out ‘will you marry me’ and white doves flying up to you holding your engagement ring and gently placing it on your finger then good for you, but if not, it’s not a big deal - honestly. Your man loved you enough to ask you to spend the rest of your life with him and you can’t get more romantic than that.

Once you get that sparkler on your finger you then, of course, have to tell everyone. I know I did. There are some people who like to keep it to themself and use the element of surprise so they can flash their ring when they meet up with people they know. However, I think I had the ring on for only five minutes before I rang my parents, told close friends and changed my status on Facebook (the age of social media, eh?) and for my friends and family that weren’t on Facebook they all got a generic text with a photo of the ring on my finger. These things have to be done and rightly so. Isn’t getting married what literally every little girl dreams about?

But following the wave of congratulations you are going to be asked again and again when the big day is. That’s a very good question. When will you showcase the biggest event you are ever likely to be part of?

With me I always wanted a May or September wedding so that narrowed it down a bit and although we got engaged in March which made a September wedding possible (the May would have been too soon for me to have planned everything) we decided to wait a year to ensure there was enough time to organise everything correctly. It is getting more common for couples to have long engagements especially if they want to save up and pay for the wedding themselves. It can also take a while to decide if you want to get married in this country, abroad and what type of wedding you want; such as small and intimate or large and extravagant.

Deciding on a wedding date isn’t always an easy task. When choosing the date for the wedding you have to think about a lot of factors; do you or any family members have an operation or holiday booked that would mean they can’t attend, does anyone else have a wedding that day that would mean some people would have to choose whose to attend, are there any major sporting events taking place that day (annoyingly, I checked when the FA Cup Final was and it wasn’t on the date we had in mind then a few months after sending out the save the dates, the Football Association changed the date so it was on the same day). You may think that is an odd thing to consider but, trust me, some people do put sport before anything else and you don’t want guests sneaking in headphones so they can listen to the game on the radio - that does happen! You will also have to decide if you want a theme or seasonal wedding such as Easter, summer, Halloween or Christmas. It is also worth noting that after you have chosen your date it would be advisable to have a backup date in case you can’t get a venue on the day you want or there aren’t any registrars available to conduct the ceremony.

So, now you have your date pencilled in, what now? The fundamentals in my eyes are venue, Bride’s dress and Groom’s suit, marriage licence, rings and witnesses. As long as those are in place the rest is just down to how flashy you want to be.

Below is a checklist of all things that should be considered

Guest list;

Legalities (intent to marry and wedding licence);

Venue;

Rings;

Dresses (wedding dress and Bridesmaid dress);

Colour scheme;

Health and beauty (including hair and make-up trials, diet and exercise);

Groomsmen’s suits;

Time frames/deadlines;

What the families are responsible for;

Wedding cars and transport;

Entertainment (including DJ, background music, fun and games for children);

Gifts;

Children and pets;

Flower Girl and Page Boy;

Wedding stationery (including save the dates, invitations and inserts, table plan, menus);

Food;

Ceremony (including vows);

Photographer and videographer;

Favours;

Decorations (including flowers, table centrepieces, table names, place names);

Accessories (including jewellery, tiara, veil, shoes, garter, underwear).

I am going to run through each point and give my honest opinion on everything that I encountered whilst planning my own wedding, with suggestions on what can and won’t work as well as ways to cut costs.

Chapter 1

Guests and Who to Invite

It all depends on how many people you can afford to invite, want to invite and if you want to play the numbers game (meaning you invite everyone you have ever encountered in your lives to enable you to have a massive ‘aren’t we so popular’ wedding).

It’s all very good to start thinking of venues first but you can’t make any firm arrangements until you have a rough idea of guest numbers. Obviously, you can’t predict how many acceptances you will receive but you will be able to find out if any venues can be instantly ruled out after your initial phone call to them. Not all venues have the capacity to hold a large wedding and some venues require a minimum number of guests to attend. I’m sure everyone would love to think that no one will decline the invitation to their wedding but sadly that does happen.

The number of intended guests will also help the venue give you an estimation of price per head. If they quote you an unrealistic figure you will know there and then to cross them off your list. When writing your guest list you do have to be diplomatic.

So who is on your list?

The VIPs

(Considering you get on with them, of course) should be your immediate families and your closest friends. In other words, the ones who you would miss if they weren’t able to make it. The older you get the more likely it is that your friends, siblings and cousins will also have partners and children so you will need to invite them as well.

Your extended families

Think about any of your parents’ cousins and aunts/uncles who they still keep in contact with.

Your pretend family members

The ones who you grew up calling aunt and uncle, but weren’t actually related to.

Godparents

Work colleagues past and present

You may be lucky enough to get on with everyone you work with but just because you chat to a certain person every day whilst waiting for the kettle to boil doesn’t necessarily mean you should invite them to your wedding. Those who you socialise with outside the workplace and who you still keep in contact with after you, or they, have left can go on your list.

School/college/university friends

Again, as long as you still meet up with them, and don’t just have a Facebook relationship with them, they can also be considered for your list.

Troublemakers

Is there anyone from yours or your fiancé’s guest list who is a renowned troublemaker? If so, can they be trusted to be on their best behaviour on your big day or are they a liability? A wedding day is stressful enough without having to worry if a fight is going to break out. So think very long and hard about these people.

Basically my rule of thumb was if someone died would we go to their funeral? Do they mean a lot to us?

Evening reception

If there is a group of people who you really can’t decide between inviting and not inviting, these are the people who you could invite to the evening reception.

As a lot of our guests would have to travel a long way we decided not to have a separate list for day and evening guests and just invited everyone to the whole day. You do not have to have separate invites if you don’t want to.

Latecomers and guilty consciences

There may be people you become good friends with after you have sent out the wedding invitations, who know you are getting married and don’t think anything of it but after time may wonder why they haven’t been invited. This can be awkward. There is a reason you put an RSVP date on invitations, because you will need to give the venue the number of guests which will then allow them to do their calculations and give you a final cost for the event. It isn’t just the venue that needs to know the final numbers. You do as well. You will need to start planning how many favours you will need, how many place names you need, how many people per table there will be etc. So adding more people to the list at a late stage can be a nuisance and cause added expense and inconvenience. However, these new friends may start joking about not being invited or may even come out and ask for an invitation. If so, what do you do? That choice is entirely down to you and may depend on whether the venue has the capacity for extra people. If there isn’t enough space for the ceremony or wedding breakfast you could always just invite them to the evening reception and not to the whole day. In hindsight, I wish we had said no to our newcomers, but not everyone is unreliable, so we took a risk! Those who had literally begged to come ended up being the ones who didn’t even turn up at all. Car trouble and last minute work commitments...or so they said.

If it does happen that people, at the very last minute, can’t make your wedding for whatever reason make sure someone tells the venue as soon as possible. If you have opted for separate tables instead of one large one, they should be able to downsize the table so the remaining guests on that table aren’t surrounded by extra chairs of those who couldn’t make it. Please be aware that it is very unlikely you will get any money back for the meal that had been booked for ‘no show’ guests. But you may be able to save some money in the long run by not sending them a Christmas card ever again. If people haven’t planned a wedding, or been involved in the process, they really don’t understand all the little details that are involved. The time, effort and money you put into everything. So you should excuse their ignorance.

What do you do when someone takes offence at not being invited?

You can ignore them, react or invite them. There is bound to be the odd person who expects an invitation but, as mentioned earlier, you shouldn’t invite people you have the odd encounter with just for the sake of it. For us, the person who took it to heart that they hadn’t been invited was someone who I used to be fairly friendly with but who I hadn’t seen or spoken to for a few years. They never contacted me and I didn’t contact them. We had become more like acquaintances than anything else. I had thought of inviting them but was worried that they may think I was only doing so because our mutual friends had been invited. To save the grief, I wish I had just invited them but you can’t always predict a person’s reaction. Nonetheless, they didn’t get a ‘guilt’ invite. In some respects people need to earn an invitation.

The odd one out

Not everyone has a partner and not everyone will know other people who are attending the wedding or will be brave enough to attend on their own. So, depending on how considerate you are, and how much you want that guest to attend, it might be worth considering inviting them and a ‘plus one’, so at least they will have a friend at the wedding they can talk to and won’t feel like a spare part.

Chapter 2

Children And Dogs: To Allow or Not To Allow

Children

As