The People of the Shade: A Satire of America In the Future

By Regina

The author has some promise as a pamphleteer although I would recommend that he keep his daytime job.” –New Delhi Gazette

“I would like to say it was idealistic and exhilarating with careful craft and something like a moral code but I found myself, instead, candidly hoping it would end sooner.” –Mickey R. Hokie

“This is, without doubt, the worst first novel I have ever read and that includes Barbra’s Boxer Shorts and The Teahouse Of The August Moron” –Ellen O. Gaskell

“His grammar and syntax are more than adequate with an exemplary vocabulary. The author even provides a few moments of interest and excitement for the reader. Any beginning student of English Composition might do worse than study this work.”
--Professor Ingot Dombrowski, Professor Emeritus, Strawberry Fields University

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Dec 30, 2014
• ISBN: 9781483420363

Book preview

about.

1.   the Nietzsche Mall

Meanwhile, Ned plunges along, hunched over, his head low in his coat collar, looking stealthy, murmuring to himself.

Respectable-looking Roger appears down the street, about to enter a car.

Ned calls out, Howdyado! excuse me for interrupting— I don’ mean to be presumptuous…

That’s alright, but I am in a bit of a hurry to get to the mall.

Oh, you have some shopping to do?

No no, I just got off work. And I like to take in the ambience— you know, peruse the display windows, have a fastburger, watch the cars in the parking lot…is it a lift you need? I see you’re walking…

As a matter of fact, that’s my car you’re getting into.

Well, I’ll be— so it is— they look so much alike…

If you notice, I have a flat.

Say no more, there’s my car over there. Hop in and we’ll zip over together.

They get in and drive off.

Respectable-looking Roger’s a buoyant soul. …I have a doctorate in philosophy. I’m selling cars temporarily. I’m especially taken with Nietzsche. Apropos of that, it occurred to me that the names of malls tend to be a bit on the banal side— you know— Northside, Southside, Shady Acres, Green Valley— my heavens, they sound like the names of cemeteries. Well, I happen to be on the Town Planning Board and I’m going to recommend something a bit more original for the next one, which is in the offing— the Nietzsche Mall. Now don’t you think that’ll be simply fabulous? oh, I’m sure he’d love it were he here now!

I’m not much on philosophy but wasn’t he the one that was always putting down ordinary people as ‘the herd’?

"Oh, my heavens— what misconceptions! it’s the constant revisions and the translations, I’m afraid— no no, my dear man, you can’t take literally half of what he wrote. The man was a comic genius, a master of parody and self-parody. It’s all tongue-in-cheek. He loved the common people and really was a great humanitarian. What he meant by ‘the herd’ was the growing masses of raucous, rowdy English soccer fans disrupting his favorite recreation. What’s more, he was pro-business, which was the gist of my thesis on him. I just hope we can add his statue to the front entrance of the mall— it does get a bit redundant having only soldiers’ statues in parks.

"Ah, here we are!…you don’t mind…I’m sure you don’t…if I just pause here for an instant to get the full vantage of the esplanade of the parking lot— I always do— isn’t man’s work an awesome thing to behold? we often look but don’t see, and take it for granted.

Just look— look at the choicely wrought alignment of parking spaces, including even consideration for the handicapped. It seems so natural that one doesn’t imagine that an architect planned this. The clean massive pavement trellised with bright white lines for as far as the eye can see. And shopping-carts trolling about, this way and that, like earth kites— oh, pardon me, my friend, I’m afraid I’m waxing a bit poetic. It’s this view! over there the food chain-store, the department chain-store, the book chain-store, chain electronics, chain fast-food…think of the stupendous cultural achievement— the Germans and Japanese have nothing on us— just think of it, friend: you can actually go anywhere in the country to any mall and find the same chain outlets everywhere, often in the same clustered arrangement, often the same mix of people. You can leave home and never feel nostalgia, never feel lonely, as though you never left. And yet you have the sensation of traveling. Who knows, it may be one day that an exciting travel experience will simply consist of parking in front of one particular mall constructed on one huge revolving platform that shows some different facet of itself with each turn— my heavens, when you think of what we’ve achieved!

Oh, forgive me, I really shouldn’t have passed here today, this particular view… when I think of the thousand of centuries, all the man-hours, the wasted humanity of the many dark ages, man’s perpetual pursuit of his own highest excellence…and then I see this!…I’m afraid I—

Is there anything I can do?

Would you mind very much walking in from here? I’m afraid I’m not fit to drive in yet, and I’d like to linger a moment or two longer. You will pardon me, won’t you?

Sure…

It’ll be something to remember when I’m back on my hook. Goodbye.

2.   Clones

Inside the mall Ned meets a nattily-dressed man seated near him on a bench.

Lovely, isn’t it? he confides to Ned. The mall? and the people? they’re lovely. You can tell that— can’t you?— without even talking to them or their talking to you. Life is lovely. Don’t you agree?…you know, sometimes when I sit out here during my work break and relax and have a smokeless cigarette, well…you just can’t help thinking how lucky you are. Don’t you feel that way? with all the trouble in the world Outside and famines and wars and violence and rebellion and such, how comfortable and cozy and warmly regulated we are?…oh, that’s my travel agency over there…

Is that right? those two guys your brothers? they look like you.

Oh, no, those ’re my clones— we take turns taking breaks. It’s really great. Here comes one of them, Rodney— I’ll introduce you…Rodney, I’d like you to meet somebody—

Ned.

Say hello to Ned. Ned…Rodney.

Hello.

Ned and I were conversing during my break— well, actually, I guess I’ve been doing most of the talking, all of it, in fact. You don’t talk much, do you, Ned?

I just don’t have much to say…

Well, I’m sure you’re good at other things— listen, I’m gonna leave you with Rodney and get back to work now. Nice meeting you. So long now.

Nice guy— oh, I didn’t get his name—

Wendell. The other one’s Hector.

Who?— oh, the one inside.

Yes, my other clone.

"Yours?"

Oh, yes— you see the resemblance?

Yeah— er— perfect.

That’s nice too, isn’t it? also convenient.

"But…I don’t understand…he— er— Wendell said you were his clone."

Ho? really? again? oh, well, it makes him happy. Actually, I suppose it doesn’t really matter. We’re all one, after all. Except, in a way, for Hector.

Why, what’s the matter with him?

Oh, didn’t Wendell tell you?— Hector’s gay.

Ned pauses a bit to digest this. Oh, you’ve a gay clone…

Yes, some problem in the lab. But he’s really quite nice and agreeable. It’s just that it bothers Wendell.

Oh, doesn’t bother you?

No no. I’m a man of the world— you know, travel agency or, suffice it to say, I’m natural-born. I suppose it wouldn’t bother Wendell so much— he’d be happy doing his work, he’s that way, if it weren’t that Hector is hot for him.

Oh, one clone is hot for the other…

Yes, isn’t that strange? something inherent in clones, I suspect. Other cases I’ve heard of too, a tendency toward loose sexuality, often unpredictable. I suppose I shouldn’t take it lightly— it could be a problem of terrifying proportions. When you consider, for instance, that the President has clones— think of the implications— foreign policy, war strategy. Likewise, the premiers of China and Russia. I’m sure they’ve had to devise new protocol when they all come together with their clones. Just think of the potential horrors of loose sexuality if one of them were gay and were turned on to one of the other guy’s clones. Then what? national security and top secret right through the bed sheets—

Hey, what’s going on in there between your clones?

Oh, it’s always this way as soon as I leave— Hector’s badgering Wendell. He has no sense of timing or decorum— now Wendell’s trying to preach to him a little to settle him down—

Preaching?

Oh, about the lovely world, how lucky we all are— in that vein, temporizing— oops!

Hector’s grabbed him—

This is embarrassing— right through the agency window— thank God, people ’re too busy to notice—

He’s pulling his shirt off—

Well, I know what’s coming next—

Wendell belted him— he’s down—

That’s it— I suppose I might as well go in and cool things down— I better get Hector out of there— nice meeting you, take care…

Hector comes out, shirt awry, hair tousled, and sporting a cut on the cheek, which he is dabbing with his hanky. Hi…

Are you alright?

Yeah, I guess…oh, I’m Hector.

Hello.

They’re just gonna have to go back!

I don’t understand…

Wendell and Rodney. I can’t put up with it any more!— hate to throw them on the scrap heap, but they’re ganging up on me—

"Well, it’s just that they’re straight. One has to get control of oneself—"

What ’re you jabbering about? whadya mean— ‘straight’? I’d hardly call them that—

"Straight as opposed to gay."

What! so who’s gay?

"Well, according to Rodney, you are."

Oh, my God! my God!— this is too much— they’re going back!

I take it there’s some discrepancy in his account?

His account of what! what did he tell you?

Well, when you were pulling Wendell’s shirt off Rodney said— understandably I thought— it was because you had the hots for Wendell and couldn’t wait.

"Aah! aah! aah! he told you that!"

Control yourself, man, people are turning— no one loses control here at the mall. It’s just not done. Rodney certainly didn’t.

You’re right, absolutely. I apologize…you don’t have clones of your own, eh?…no, I didn’t think so. When you do you’ll understand—

"They’re the clones? my heavens, Rodney said you and Wendell were his clones and…!"

I— can’t— take— it— any more…

There, there, old man, now don’t get depressed on me…

There’s something hopelessly wrong with them. Rodney’s always telling these monstrous tales about me and…I think they’re working together. The other one’s stealing me blind, Wendell. I was just trying to get the shirt back because it’s mine and I just bought it, and he just took it! eh? that’s clones for you. He’s also raiding the register, threatening me with my client list, says he’s gonna open his own agency with it.

I guess you will have to send them back.

You don’t understand— it’s not that simple. The lab isn’t inclined that way, they don’t like to admit mistakes, bad publicity. They prefer to make you out a pscho. Gotta take it to court and that’s kind of humiliating, having to testify against yourself— twice. Don’t think they don’t know that…of course, they can be generous too…

Who?

Wendell and Rodney. They give me presents and things. In many ways they’re more thoughtful that way than I am. Of course, it comes out of the till— look at them in there. Look how well they get along. And, I admit, they handle the business well…sometimes I wonder…maybe I’m just in the way…

3.   a Friendly Tavern

Ned’s car was not ready. He brought it in to have the flat fixed. The garage told him it did not pay for them to fix flats but, upon examination, discovered that the car needed a whole new transmission.

He’s back at the mall now, marking time, meandering down its long promenade, past the manicured plants at its skylight center and its artificial fountains and waterfalls, feeling himself somehow unsavory amidst hygienic brightness.

Ned is hunching over again when he spots Respectable-looking Roger holding his head high and waving it ecstatically like a wild beast cantering along a desert plateau—

"Oh, it’s you, the fellow without a car— say, isn’t it great to be able to drive or shop whenever you want? that’s freedom, democracy for you. Just give me a car and the mall and let me get my temperature regulated and one good stiff sani-drink and I’m in heaven. You look like you could use a drink— c’mon into this bar here with me, friend, and let me buy you a drink."

Okay by me, answers Ned as he pushes his way through the swinging doors, his mouth expanding into its widest possible grin to cover his stealthiness

Bartender, two iced sani-teas, please.

Like to but I’m on my hook— have to help yourselves.

Well, I thought you were kind of high— ha ha— you like that? a high bartender!

On the wall behind the bar, well above the floor, the bartender is suspended by his service jacket, the back collar of which is impaled on a sharp hook. On the wall opposite, on a row of coat hooks, are suspended a line of customers in coats or shirtsleeves, holding mugs of beer.

That sure is funny, ain’t that right, Jack?

Sure is, Ike, never heard one funnier from a respectable-looking person. Wouldn’ ya say so, Hank?

Oh, yeah, dis guy’s hilarious. Ah tell ya whut— de iced teas is on me.

With instructions from the bartender, Roger goes behind the counter, takes a pitcher of iced sani-tea from the refrigerator, pours two drinks, and returns to the customer side of it.

Say, gents, whut’s yer names?

I’m Roger.

Uhuh. Dis ’ere is Jack. Whut about dis udder guy?

I’m Ned Nayhook.

Uhuh. Well, I’m Hank. Dat dere is Jack…an’ Ike, the bartender…down dere is Solly…nex’ ta ’im is Tommy…an’ furder down is Balthazar…dis ’ere respectable-lookin’ guy is Roger…an’ de udder one is Ned.

Hi, Respectable.

Hi, Solly.

Hi.

Hi, Tommy.

Hi.

Hi, Balthazar…and Ike, the bartender.

Hi.

Whut about yer friend?

Oh, Ned? we just met.

Dat so? dink he’d like ta say hello?

Sure would— hello, Hank.

Hi.

Solly.

Hi.

Tommy.

Hi.

Balthazar.

Hi.

And—

And Ike, the bartender.

Ike, the bartender— of course— sure-- hi.

Hi, udder one.

An’ let’s not ferget Jack ’ere…

Hi, Jack.

Hi.

There is a natural enough pause for eying and feeling one another out before conversation can begin:

Well, you sure look comfortable up there on your hooks.

Yeah, Respectable-looking Roger, it’s awright.

As long as we get ta drive once in a while—

Yeah—

That’s da big thing—

Jes so we gets ta see the mall now an’ then—

Amen to dat—

"Right on,