I'm a Commuter and I Hate Everybody: ( A Survival Guide for the Poor Bastard)

By Mario DiBartolo and Cheryl Gross

"I'm a commuter And I Hate Everybody" is a diary of actual passenger behavior encountered by a 20 year train commuter to and from New York City, referred to as the "Poor Bastard". Over time he has developed a method to anticipate, recognize and act accordingly to avoid or confront fellow passenger's bizarre, selfish, ignorant and at times aggressive behavior while confined to a commuter transit train. Basically a guide to recognize the "Asshole" and act accordingly to maintain your sanity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jan 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9781483548333

Book preview

ACCEPTANCE

I am not a writer. I don’t have a degree in journalism and have never taken any classes to enhance whatever writing skills I might have. The extent of my writing abilities is basically writing emails and or office memos. My grasp of the English language is at best average; however, there has been a noticeable increase in my usage of profanity over the past 20 years. Maybe a HUGE increase. I am clearly more verbally aggressive than I ever have been in the past. I don’t have the patience I used to have. And without a doubt, I am much more cynical than ever before, particularly when it comes to people. I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. My philosophy was that everyone is basically a good guy, if you will. Even in the worst situations where people would be rude, arrogant or aggressive, I would prefer to think it was an isolated incident and that they are probably a good guy but that today was just an unusual set of circumstances that led them to act like that. I always wanted to believe that somewhere under the repulsive exterior of some people there was a better, kinder guy trying to get out. I almost found myself making excuses for their behavior even when I didn’t even know them. I just don’t feel that way anymore and haven’t for some time- ever since I became a commuter. A daily train commuter.

After almost 20 years of trying to make excuses for some of the biggest assholes you can imagine, frankly I give up. For almost two decades I have been forced into witnessing people acting at their worst in a confined area called a commuter train. Everyday. Back and forth for 90 minutes each way. So now, I firmly believe, without a doubt in my mind, that that type of behavior isn’t isolated or discriminate. I think when your behavior is rude, arrogant and selfish, you’re basically a rude, arrogant and selfish person, regardless of the circumstances and /or excuse. I don’t defend them anymore or in my mind excuse their behavior based on some imaginary unique set of circumstances that for only this instant they turned into an asshole, where otherwise they were kind, unselfish, compassionate people. My new philosophy is that all of my past feeble attempts at understanding and imaginary excuses for other people’s indescribably rude behavior is pure bullshit. If you act like that, you are an asshole, period. Again, I am not a writer or a philosopher or a psychologist. I already confessed to having an at-best grasp of the English language. The only word that I feel describes the essence of that behavior is….ASSHOLE. Agree or not, but that’s how I feel. I think I have a unique insight into people and their behavior because I am in a unique position to observe it.

Like I said, I am a daily train commuter. One of thousands and thousands of non-descript, brief-case-carrying, coffee-juggling, just-trying-to-make-a- living commuters. It cost several hundred dollars a month at least, not even including parking, to get sandwiched into a train car with thousands of other brief-case-carrying, coffee-juggling people of all ages, sizes, ethnicities, etc. I am forced to observe behavior. I think I am much more qualified to make a statement regarding people’s behavior than most, unless you, too, are forced every day, three hours on average, to be squeezed in the middle of people of all walks of life. I, like thousands of other commuters, am forced to witness the most inconsiderate, selfish and bizarre human behavior imaginable, every day. It’s made me tired, quick to judge, at times short tempered and mostly suspect of others. I know that most people I encounter every day are actually good, considerate and basically unselfish commuters just trying to make a living. However, the asshole I am referring to makes me suspect of the good guy too, or at least until the good guy proves himself otherwise; sort of a guilty until proven innocent philosophy. This philosophy can actually be good at times, but I know that in the long run, my new attitude can’t possibly be healthy. I guess that’s what vacations are for. Peace and quiet. A short, scheduled, stress-free stretch of sun and sand, if you’re lucky, a few time times of year. Personally, I find it almost impossible to decompress in such a short period of time, and I hate to travel anyway, so what’s the point. And while I’m away, within a few days I’m already thinking about all the work that is piling up while I’m gone. Anyway, after years of being tortured, forced to sit and watch moronic behavior every day without a chance of escape, I felt that I needed to make a decision for my own health and sanity. Getting off the train at any price was one strategy. I thought very hard about this option for a long time. Another job, another career, another anything for that matter to not have to subject myself to this shit anymore. Once I realized that wasn’t going to work, I had to think of other possibilities. When I finally came to grips with the fact that I really had no other options, I had an epiphany. I simply just had to let it go. I had to relax, take a deep breath, sit back and just find a way to enjoy the stupidity I am forced to witness each day. Over time, I found the latter to actually work. I thought that before my blood pressure gets any higher, I better learn to embrace and accept the situation I am in. Once I accepted my situation, it became almost enjoyable at times and certainly more tolerable. Perversely, I was looking forward to it. I started thinking while driving to the train station each morning, what stupid moron will I encounter today? How big of an asshole will I watch in action today? What all-time, record-breaking degree of inconsiderate behavior can I be fortunate enough to witness for the next 90 minutes to or from work? I actually started enjoying my commute for a change.

What started me writing down what I consider to be absolute gems of human stupidity and ignorant behavior is probably two fold. Number one, my family and friends don’t believe me when I tell them what happens on my way to work while on the train. I thought that maybe I should start writing these scenarios down so that I don’t forget the most bizarre, selfish and arrogant behavior I have ever seen. Secondly, and most important, it became therapeutic for me to write it all down while it is actually happening. I will only write this while I am on the train. It’s fresh in my mind and gives me something to do for an hour and a half. I look at it as a way to maintain my composure and, most importantly, it keeps me from becoming one of these assholes because I think as much as I hate the asshole on the train, under those circumstances, it’s easy to become one. Some days you just have to be an asshole to deal with the asshole, especially if he or she is squeezed right up against you for over an hour.

Like the majority of daily commuters I encounter every day, I consider myself an average common or normal guy with a family, house in the suburbs, mortgage payments, car payments, college tuitions, etc…nothing out of the ordinary. Just like most average, normal guys, I assume. When I talk to my friends and neighbors, it usually ends up being the same conversation. Basically, things that we relate to and share in common: what the kids are doing, repairs to the house, great new restaurant, new movie, who got a new car, where do you go for vacation, how are your parents, etc. Nothing really unusual or out of the ordinary. For the most part, they are genuinely nice, considerate and understanding people