Misunderstood Soul: A Lost Cause

By Sandra M. Dorazil and Samantha House

It's not easy to express true pain, and suffering to others. Being a teenager and making your way up to young adult life has its share of obstacles. Along the way there are many lessons learned, and many deep feelings that don't have the needed closure. Understanding and acceptance is what can make everything better. These are a collection of poems that were written from the hardest memories of High School until the last year of college. This book has been illustrated by Samantha House.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Mar 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781483446905

Book preview

MISUNDERSTOOD

SOUL:

A Lost Cause

SANDRA M. DORAZIL

Copyright © 2016 Sandra M. Dorazil.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-4691-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-4690-5 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 02/23/2016

CONTENTS

Preface

Curse Of Love

Stolen Heart

Me And You

Don’t You

Emos

C.O.U.N.T.R.Y M.U.S.I.C.

We’re The Same

Your True Friend

Every Time

Invisible To You

Understand Us

Smile

Beauty

Going Crazy

My Dear Childhood

Friends?

My Time To Shine

I’m Not

My Sky

What’s Wrong With Me?

Misunderstood Soul

You

Stop

Green Beauty

My Memory

The Truth

My Happiness

Autumn Moods

Everything To Me

Hope

Don’t Play Me

My Death

Can’t Believe

Always

Even Though

My Not So True Friend

Beauty I Don’t Have

How Do You Think I Feel?

Thank You

Nature Eyes

My Love

Lost

This World

Like My Brother

Positive But Negative

My Pain

Cold Moments

Let Go

Every Day

So Done

Where Am I?

Ready To…

No, No, No More

Held By You

Waiting For My First Kiss

Control

You Don’t Know

What Do I Do?

Understanding You

My Loneliness

Change For Me

My Day

Holding On

Here

I Am One

Help Others

Need Your Help

What Is…

That Love I Want

Once Again

Never Give Up

My Turn

A Child

Know Your Secret

So Sick

What About Me?

What Can I Do?

This Past

Trust You, Lie To Me

Sweet Edward

You’re Bitter, I’m Sweet

Hurts Me Inside

So Now What?

Boys My Age

First Kiss

Kiss Me

You Are Gone

Born Alone, Die Alone

How We See Life

My Black Shadow

1% To A 99% Society

Never Realized

Left Confused

Chances

My Real Side

Wasting My Time

How Dare You

What Am I Now?

Grown Up

Memories Of You

Told

Honest Heart

Letter To Dad

Set On Love

Men Think

Don’t Realize

Family’s Hatred

Fair Weather Friends

A Crumbling Family

Sacrifice

Your Penny

About The Author

PREFACE

Generally speaking when the word depression is looked up in the dictionary it will most likely mention the state of feeling sad, or something to that fact. That definition can work for those individuals that don’t know what it is to actually be in that state. For people like me, it means something else. To me depression is a part of who I am, and it will continue to be there no matter how much I grow as a person. After all, being this way is something I know how to be since I have lived in it for many years growing up. It is a very sad thing to say, but it is the reality of my life no matter how much I love or hate it.

The original poems that I have written in this book started a few months after I turned 16 and a sophomore in High School until months after I graduated from college. Within these seven years of my young adult years a lot of dramatic changes have taken place. There have been many things I have learned, and things that are taking longer for me to understand. It is hard to pin point each little lesson I have learned. I think it will be clearer to you as the reader when you start in the beginning, and continue the journey until the last poem on these pages

There is a pretty involved and complicated storyline to why these poems were written in the first place. I can’t say every reason why, but I can give a little synopsis to give a better understanding. For starters ever since I was about five years old my parents decided to get a divorce from each other. This divorce confused me a great deal during my childhood. One of my parents worked super hard to keep everything working normally, and the other parent insulted the other one, and made me feel guilty for being born by showing me their paystub and blaming me for stealing money from them. As a child I loved and cared for both of my parents, and I just wanted their approval. No matter how much I worked hard at my relationships with them only one of my parents accepted me for who I was.

Despite my parent’s divorce I had another complication with another relationship. During this whole childhood I was blessed with having an older brother. Growing up we had a close-nit relationship. My brother had so much praise growing up by being so generous to others, and by having an outstanding intelligence when it came to book work. So naturally I wanted to be just like my brother. I dressed like a boy, I liked the same things he did, and even acted disrespectfully to my hardworking parent in order to keep my relationship with my brother. After all, ever since my brother started becoming a teenager his attitude started changing for the worse, and morphed into something I didn’t recognize by the time he entered High School.

So much happened for me growing up with my family life, and when I entered High School it got worse. I was name called for how I dressed, and I was ridiculed for my depressing demeanor. My own peers could see that I was in pain, and instead of trying to understand what I was going through I was the main target for everyone to make fun of. My peers weren’t the only people who brought my confidence down. There were a handful of the teachers who had my brother as a student, and asked me why I couldn’t be like my brother. I also was compared to my brother by the guidance counselor and the Vice Principal at our school. Of course being in this situation from everyone I came across, and not having too many friends I can trust at the time I listened only to my suicidal thoughts, and committed suicidal actions to have a sense of release from the pain.

Trust me I have given a lot of thought when it comes to sharing these deep thoughts to the world. There have been times were I was hesitant on sharing something so deep and emotional. I have to admit there are still areas where I am still hesitant, but if I don’t share it now it will never be shared. When it comes to my life it needs to be shared, because there are plenty of people out there that don’t understand what it is like to feel depressed. This is one story that people need to know about to fully understand what it is like to have suicidal actions and thoughts. Having these actions and thoughts are not something to laugh about or think of as a joke, and lately that is what it has come to. I am here to share my story, and let those depressed people know they are not alone in this world.

October 21, 2007

CURSE OF LOVE

Why is my life hard?

Was my life born with a curse?

A curse no one can stop,

A life that feels broken, like my heart,

I know love, but does it really help me?

Is it really there for me?

I find myself dark, and cold,

Is loneliness my destiny or my pity?

Is life supposed to be this way?

Will my curse get better or worse?

Will my heart come back together again?

Can love find me again?

Can I once again trust it?

I want to know, is love out there for me?

I want to feel the want, and warmness,

Of a loving heart again,

My love is great,

It is too special for any man or woman,

So why do you want to hurt a delicate heart?

A heart that always loved you.

November 27, 2014

Edited Version

CURSE OF LOVE

Why is my life hard?

Was my life born with a curse?

A curse no one can stop.

A life that feels broken.

I find myself alone and cold.

Is loneliness my destiny or my pity?

Is my life supposed to be this way?

Will my heart come back together again?

I want to feel the want and warmness,

Of a loving heart.

So why do you hurt a delicate heart?

This heart of mine has loved you.

I want to know, is love out there for me?

If it’s out there can it find me?

Can I trust it?

I know my love for you is great.

It is too great for any man or woman.

This is my curse,

My curse of love.

October 22, 2007

STOLEN HEART

For Mom

My life will never be the same,

I can’t live the life,

The life that is mine,

Why can’t I have it back?

The greatest gift,

The gift God has given me,

My heart, my stolen heart,

All the love and care,

Is gone away forever,

My worthiness and peace,

Has vanished out of my hands,

The warmth and comfort from you,

I need to live a new life,

So, come back to me, so I can see you,

Do you still love, and care for me?

My heart was taken away,

Have you forgotten it?

Or lost it?

November 30, 2014

Edited Version

STOLEN HEART

My life will never be the same.

I can’t live the life,

The life that is mine.

Why can’t I have it back?

The greatest gift,

The gift God has given me,

My heart my stolen heart.

My stolen heart,

That has helped me live to this point.

My stolen heart,

That needs oxygen and blood