Life of a Throwed Off Homosexual

By Regina Cole

This book is based on my life and what I have been through. From verbal abuse growing up, to prison and after. I have been through things and done things that the world should know. Writing this book has helped me change and I hope that no one has to go through what I have been through.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 2, 2018
• ISBN: 9781387714520

Book preview

Life of a Throwed Off Homosexual

Life of a Throwed Off Homosexual

WARNING:

This book contains an explicit nature, foul language, and NOT intended for a younger audience. So enjoy!

Introduction

You have decided to read this book and learn a little about who I am and who I once was. This is not a journey of blame onto others, but a life lesson. People take many paths in their life and how they follow the road is an understanding of the person’s nature. A warning though, this book can be graphic at times and brutally honest. You will learn about some of my heartache and pain. You will also learn I had to live a hard life to be the better person I am today. The people portrayed in this book are not to blame for who I am, in the end we are only responsible for ourselves. This is a life lesson hard earned and do not want anyone else to make the same mistakes that I did. So enjoy, but be warned you will learn my deepest secrets and see what kind of monster I use to be and how I found redemption for my evil acts. And if my family and friends are going to read this, let me apologize now. I was a slut and a very bad person. Let me apologize now.

Thank you,

Regina Cole

Chapter One

Growing Up

Here is the beginning. This is a short chapter of my childhood. I don’t remember much about growing up because I have blocked a lot of that old life out. So you know this book jumps around some due to having flashbacks of my life. My life has never been easy or normal. From conception to now I have had a hard road to follow. Maybe from reading this book, you might not make the choices I made or you might have a better tolerance and understanding for others. You might have a better understanding and tolerance for gay people. You will come to find out; well homosexuals are kind of throwed off. And throwed off is just a new term of saying, Not Right. We have the capacity to love more than others, but when it comes down to it we will fuck some shit up when we are wronged.

Growing up I remember stories that my old man use to tell me, and there were so many of them. He was a good story teller. That’s all he use to do was tell stories, he wasn’t much about being open about anything else. My father told me that while I was being conceived, the dogs he owned were barking at the door and acting irate. He said that’s because they knew evil was being created. It took me a while to realize he was talking about me. I'm like really? I did not want to know the details of my conception, and what kind of crap is that to tell your own son? Besides you don't tell your kid about their own conception or give graphic details. Eww.

During my life my parents should have taken things as a sign of the unfortunate events that occurred. When I was around the age of five, the screen door slammed closed and shattered the glass. Of course I happened to be standing right there and a shard of glass pierced my right temple, just missing my eye. Not soon after, my sister was melting a pot of wax in the kitchen when she accidently dropped the pot of boiling wax on me. Till this day she says it was an accident, but I feel different otherwise about that. When I was about seven years old, I found rat poison in the house and thought that it was candy. Yeah, events that make me wonder if God had hired a spiritual hit man to take me out.

As I got older, I never knew I was different. I thought the things I would do was normal. I remember once when I was five years old, I had taken one of my mother’s empty purses and my cap gun, I pretended I was Cagney and Lacy. My father use to take me to job sites with him when he worked construction, and I would run around pretending to shoot the bad guys. My old man would just sigh and shake his head. I never knew I would grow into being a disappointment to him. I never knew I would grow into a big flaming queer either, but such is life.

I knew when I was very young that I liked the same sex and I thought it was just something that was normal to me. I remember the very first boy I kissed, we were in kindergarten. My slut years started out early. If the boys wanted to play with my wooden blocks, they had to kiss me for it. It was all downhill from there. My old man began to put two and two together and figured out I am gay. But he never talked about it. I would just hear hateful comments like, You don't like girls do you boy?, or You a faggot boy? Well with questions like that, who would open up to their father? I couldn’t trust him enough to talk about who I really am. Once I tried to spend some quality time with him when I was younger, and out of the blue he said, Boy when I was stationed in San Diego my friends and I use to go out beating faggots and robbing them. You don't tell your teenage son some fucked up shit like that. Come on, that scared me for life. Another way he scared me, he told me not to sleep on my stomach or bugs would crawl into my ass. Till this day I don’t sleep on my stomach. From that point on, I never wanted to discuss my sexuality with him. Who would? If you are a parent and reading this and you tell your gay son some bull like that, you need some serious help. You will screw up a kid like that.

As I got older I learned to hide who I am. I didn't have many friends in school and I kept to myself except for a couple girls I would talk too. I felt like a freak because I liked what the girls liked. I hated the bullies. Even though I tried to hide and didn't talk to anyone, there were still rumors. There were things being said like I was blowing football players behind the bleachers. Maybe some of it was true from what you will soon read. And a side note to someone that’s young and gay and reading this, the biggest bullies turn out to be the biggest closet cases. Just watch, when you get out of school and start going to clubs you will see them there. Or you might see them at the park blowing guys for dime bags of pot. People hate others for what they are, and they are too scared to be open with themselves. I should know, I spent most my life hating people like me because they were comfortable to be open about their sexuality. Deep down and a lot of soul searching, I was really jealous of them. I hid from my family until I was around the age of eighteen and I discussed that with my closest sister. I couldn’t discuss things with my old man because I felt ashamed and didn’t want to hurt him. I also couldn’t let a lot of people know due to hurting my father’s business. He would lose clients if the town knew my sexuality.

When I was sixteen that’s when my alcoholic phase kicked in. I remember going to my sisters-in-law house and finding a case of beer on the porch that had been there for days in the heat. I drank the whole case and was sick for a few days. You never forget the first time you drank or how sick you got from drinking. You never forget puking your guts up and the excruciating hang over that followed the next day.

When I started my junior year, things began to change. Growing up I was always heavy. As in heavy, I mean lard ass. I weighed about three hundred and thirty pounds, and thanks to my father and my major depression I lost one hundred fifty pounds after my sophomore year. I was thin, young and horny. The rumors of the previous year began to come true. Some of the jocks and bullies that would harass me were trying to buddy me up on the down low. When we were supposed to be in drafting class, the dudes that were calling me faggot in the hallway between classes