Mizundasthood: The Conversation

By P. Cameron

MIZundastHOOD is a compilation of poems both past and present influenced by everyday life. Not only will these poems touch several different topics, it will elaborate on each one and its purpose for being written as well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781483556314

Book preview

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LIFE

Life may not always go the way you want it

but that’s no excuse to give up.

Before you’re able to understand life you must first be able

to understand yourself

At times it may seem totally pointless

but it doesn’t mean stop trying

there may be things or people you feel

without it you can’t live

but everything you want is not

and probably never will be at your fingertips

Everything that looks good, is not good for you

However, something could take the place

of that which is lost or not rightfully gained

Believe that those things will often make you

forget to miss what you never really had.

While life does not come with instructions or hints

It is to be fairly enjoyed.

It’s what you make it and can only be

put into action by you.

It is not a game, nor is it simple but live it to the fullest

because you only get to live one

Life.

This is self-explanatory. I’ve spent many years trying to figure out this thing called life but that’s something you can’t do, you can only learn to live it. You are about to experience life through my eyes. I do not claim to have had the worst but damn, this has really been a hell of a one. Good things come to those who wait. I have been waiting patiently for many years to get it under control. Until I found out I was only waiting on myself that is. At the end of the day regardless of what the issue is, you are your biggest hindrance! Stop pointing fingers. Who the heck are they? Them? Who is she? He? Why are you always blaming your mistakes and downfalls on someone else? Get up out the maneuver pile, shake that crap off and try some different. Apparently the choice you made the first time was the wrong one. Why are you made she slashed your tires? You shouldn’t have chose to deal with her. Why are you mad he slept with your cousin? You knew he was a cheat, that’s how you met him. Why are you upset you failed that test? Yes, you studued very hard, in between commercial breaks. Why are you fuming because you got fired? You were always late and playing on the job. I could go on and on but I hope you already understand.

SPACE

This area, so void and vacant

A place with no owner, no caretaker

Not always empty this room was once taken

That was before I became a heartbreaker

Dark, lonely, quiet and cold

This empty opening, no longer a home

I will live to be feeble, gray and old

Knowing the emptiness is no one’s fault but my own

I’ve tried to get past it I’ve tried to forget it

But the hurt just won’t go away

It’s some crazy painful shit and I think it’s here to stay

I still have a heart, I sill have feelings

I still have things to say

Maybe I can express my thoughts

Yes maybe, just one good day.

4/17/2003

I wrote this poem the day before my birthday during my senior year. True enough at the time Goosie and I were only really good friends but I treated him like he was mine. It wasn’t on purpose but over the course of our friendship I had grown some mad feelings for him. I’m not going to lie and say I was in love and this was my last stop but my feelings were genuine…Lol, I’m seriously laughing though. It was highschool. How much love could it have been really? The only reason I cared about him so much is because he took the time to get to know me for me. He could have played games with me just like he did them other girls but instead I knew about all of them. It was kind of funny. See, back then I had just begun to feel myself; for so long I was like an outcast at McAdory High. If you weren’t in any classes or homeroom with me my first two years then nine times out of ten you either thought I was a nerd, in Special Ed or gay. I was very shy and introverted at first. My junior year I kind of came out my shell so to speak and I expressed more of my personality openly. Not because I was no longer shy but rather my cousin Cara pulling me out in about with her senior friends or my more popular friends asking me to sit on the side of the gym or lunchroom I normally wouldn’t have sat. Let’s not mention the fact that by the time Goosie had settled in good as The new boy we had already become friends. People couldn’t understand our friendship at first. He turned heads his age, younger and older but he was cool with the tall, skinny, quiet Olive Oyl looking girl with the glasses. Most of McAdory hadn’t been able to see me for me. He was one who did. Our senior year we were more open about how close we were. He was like my brother. I know a lot of you are like Yeah right I know what it meant to have a brother or sister in high school, they were probably throttling. Well I’m here to tell you that it is possible to have a brother or sister without screwing I.E. Teezy, Mike Green, Juice, Chris, Big Mario, My lil brah Tre holding it down in the pen, Lil David and Lil Mike. Its truly possible. In the case of Gossie and I, that lie will not be told. Lmao, He was my brother to begin with, and then we became best friends and after the probationary period came the benefits. Since we were so close we had grown a mutual respect. We never lied to each other. Whenever we did take someone else down or find a new so called boyfriend or girlfriend we always informed each other on it. This one particular time, and you guys I’m just going to keep it real in this book so some of the stuff I tell ya’ll might make you blink twice or go back and read the line again but trust it will say the same. I know I may be questioned about a lot of things but so; that’s a risk I’m willing to take to tell my story. I will put it like this; you wouldn’t know if I didn’t tell you. You probably heard so let me clear the air, I don’t want you to hear anything about me from someone else. There is nothing like the truth from the truth ya feel me. Lol. Anyway, back to the story, this one time I and one of my close friends (Thickumz) made a bet on this guy to see who could bag him first. He was like some of every girl’s favorite because he played basketball, football and playa’s ball. He was cool with me but I wasn’t on his jock. The bet went into play and when it was a done deal I went back to my daily routine. There was one problem though; I felt bad because I didn’t tell Goosie. I didn’t really want to because it wasn’t something I did for pleasure it was something I did for gain and on top of that it was one of those girl to girl things. Guys do it all the time (just like a broad to want to point fingers huh? Lol). Although Goosie and I told each other everything I knew it was some stuff I didn’t want to hear, but the basics, as long as I knew the basics I was cool. I didn’t want to cross the girlfriend/boyfriend line but guilt was eating away at me on this one. This bet was placed on someone he saw everyday, had a class with and everything. I couldn’t let an outsider have the upper hand on him. When I admitted what I had done it broke my lil friend apart lol. He didn’t talk to me for a couple of days, the day before my birthday included, and I was a nervous wreck. I remember sitting in the bleachers on the football field. He called me down to him and when I got close he scooped me up like we were about to hop the broom and hung me over the fence all gentle and ish talking ‘bout he was gone drop me on the other side. He didn’t smile one bit but I was weak. Boy, stop playing, you know you forgive me because even though you feel like I stepped on your toes we have an understanding right? He was just upset because he knew he was the only one in the school lucky enough to jig with me and the bet ruined that. I didn’t play that close to home.

BENEFIT

A daily grind is what I’m on but mine is legal though

Gotta keep a steady hustle

Working for the dough

I got some bills and a car note

You know that it’s ‘bout due

Can’t keep waiting on no help

From not a nann dude,

a fool is what I’ll be if

I sit here listening

to that baby back bullshit he kicking

comparing me to them hoes

who known to dig for gold

but see my 1k gone always come after 4-0

I don’t trust these dudes

Known to stick just close enough for his benefit

I just want everyone to know that guys can be gold diggers too. Word to the wise, please don’t underestimate every woman you dig on. Some of them are already up on game. They’re just trying to see how long you think you’ll get away with whatever it is you think you’re doing. If you really want to know how to keep a woman at your side, rather you’re a dog or not, and not have to hear her bitch about every little thing then all you have to do is KEEP IT REAL, MEN. Keep it one hundred. If you don’t believe me, ask Tank now or never, its up to you (the album is banging by the way). Forget about the pimping and playa bullshit. I’ve been listening to that mess my whole life and basically it’s a bunch of crap. You do what people allow you to do. Don’t make it seem like you all that cause the only ones you pimping is the dumb ones who letting you treat them any kind of way. Don’t call that a pimp, call that a manipulator. Good at being a bad influence, Lol. Since you have some dummies following I suppose you can be nominated for the leadership award. Please note that if you’re really pimping you getting the top notch to drop their credits and home training to come to your level, whatever it may be. When you can get that nurse to sell some butt… you on then! Oh my bad that wont happen because she wouldn’t need you. She’s making her own bread. I guess all you can afford is the low life nothings to auction off that ran through, beat up, flesh womb. A real woman, a strong woman, rather brought up in the hood or not, is going to be able to peep when a snake is after her funds. Why? Because she spent most of the time stacking those dollars on her own so she know what it hit like. What she normally spend and rather it increases or decreases with a new relationship. If you know why your money is missing that’s one thing, but if you cannot quite add it up, then you are being pimped, Lol. I am so sorry if I crashed anybody’s ride with that one but usually, the truth hurts. It will also set you free…

DERANGED

I got some twisted thoughts

I never thought I would have thought of

Got me tripping, slipping, zoning, freaking out like powdered dust

My life’s been nothing but a disaster ride from hell

I need some help, I need a prayer

Ain’t really worried ‘bout no sales

It can’t buy my granny strength

see she in pain ‘cause she done fell

can’t buy Eric his freedom

he in prison with no bail

And since Greg got out of jail he ain’t in this part right here

But it can’t even buy him from 6 feet up under there

I really miss my cousin Mike

Hoping it wasn’t a race

Against the hour, lost time

Can’t rewind to pull ‘em out that vase.

Can’t buy the natural seed I want so badly to produce

Can’t buy a true man to put a wedding band on my hand

Can’t buy a relationship with my father

I’ve known him all my life

Can’t buy the desire for everyone in this world

To simply want to do what’s