Abandoned Property

By Kai Mann

Kori, Jerard, Darius, Jay, Layla, Karina, and CoCo all have something in common; they’ve been abandoned. Even though their issues of abandonment stem from some of the same situations, how they play out is different in nature. Whether it’s Kori’s guilt and shame, Jerard’s revolving door of relationships, Darius’ daddy issues, Karina’s attention seeking, Layla’s insecurities and self doubt, Jay’s fear of being abandoned, or Coco’s trust issues; they all allow their issues to manifest negatively in all of their relationships.

Will the cycles of physical or emotional abandonment like being left with strangers or relatives, placed in foster care, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or even death determine their futures? Or will they go to the extreme opposite to ensure that the cycle ends with them? Or maybe they’ll realize the blessing in being abandoned by people who never knew how to care for them in the first place?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kai Mann
• Release date: Jun 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9780984828135

Kai Mann

Her writing is both positive and purposeful. Her keen ability to provoke thought, trigger change and enlighten the lives of others has catapulted her to a literary success. Whether it’s in the form of a blog post or article, Facebook status or tweet, Kai Mann strives to empower and educate followers around the world about the nature of love, the importance of relationships and how these two play a vital role in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (LGBT) community. While her passion for writing was birthed at a young age, her literary experience did not fully blossom until 2009, when she started writing her first novel. In addition, Mann also became a writer for Examiner.com, holding the title of Detroit’s Best Friend Examiner. Through her articles for the Examiner, she offers an innovative perspective on the topic on friendship. In 2011, she published her debut novel, 30 Day Notice under her own publishing company, Scriblical Vibez Publishing, LLC. Through Scriblical Vibez, she not only scribes biblically while creating a powerful message with a unique vibe, but she helps publish and market other authors’ content that creates vibrational change across the nation and even the world. Her sophomore literary project, Abandoned Property, released in 2013, the same year that Mann helped produce a document series, Out Loud in the D. The documentary highlights the daily lives of African-Americans in the LGBT community. As a proud member of the Motown Writers Network, she currently serves as Media Content Publisher, often assisting with conferences, monthly meetings and web content updates. Mann also hosts her own internet talk radio show, LGBT Radio Nation, where she educates listeners on the LGBT community and those who are making great strides and contributions toward change in and around it. Although the weekly topics may change, the message does not—the LGBT community is no different than any other community. Her literary works are best described as colorful, insightful and concise. Provoking deeper thought and greater understanding of individuality across racial and social barriers, Mann leaves readers pondering her words long after the final page has been turned. As part of the Pen to Paper series, her third project, Pen to Paper: A Walk Into Destiny is set to release in October of 2014. The two previous books in the series were published in March and June of 2014. Living on Lafayette Street, a collection of poetic prose, will be released in the spring of 2015. All of the pieces speak to spiritual transformation into a higher level of self. For more information, please visit www.kai-mann.com or email [e-mail].

Book preview

ABANDONED PROPERTY

THE EVICTION CHRONICLES

PART 2

By

Kai Mann

SMASHWORDS EDITION

*****

Published By

Kai Mann on Smashwords

Abandoned Property

Copyright © 2013 by Kai Mann

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author

Your support and respect for the property of this author is appreciated

Abandoned Property is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

*****

Kai Mann

Visit my website at http://kai-mann.com

Also By Kai Mann

30 Day Notice

*****

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

*****

This book is dedicated to all those who have been left and abandoned, but have done more

than just survived.

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A WORD FROM THE AUTHOR

You could tell a person’s worth by the amount of property they owned in Biblical times. Value was placed on the number of wives, children, cattle, and property a man owned and how well they were treated. We are all property and belong to God, but most of us have not conceived it as of yet. Our physical and mental issues keep us in bondage to one thing or another, and it reflects in how we treat one another and the God we so claim to love.

Childhood, although shorter than any other period in our life, is the most influential. What happens during that pivotal point shapes and often formats the future. Unresolved issues of being left behind or abandoned due to the lack of value in the REAL estate which are our family and friends can turn our world upside down. Although it is not possible to know everyone’s story, we have to agree that we all have one. Then and only then can we begin to understand there is a reason that people act the way that they do. That’s not to give them an excuse but to give them some understanding. There’s a difference. Read about the stories of seven characters who have dealt with their share of abandonment and how their lives turn out. I implore you to open your mind while asking you to challenge your perception of the traumas of being abandoned and to recognize the blessings in it. If you allow this to happen, you will heal yourselves by changing your outlook on what has happened in your own life.

*****

Left behind

By death or by design

Abandoned in words, deeds, or actions

No soul satisfaction

Left like objects no longer needed

Discarded and left deep-seated

Never taught to see the blessing

Never perceiving the lesson

Going too far from the left or to the right

No spiritual vision in sight

Either doing the same that was done

Or straying so far that you think you’ve won

Guilty actions brought on by shame

Not knowing the destiny game

The Book of Life has already been told

The strength from it makes you whole

Left Behind

By death or by design

All things done in God’s time

*****

Table of Contents

Prologue

KORI Counting Down

JERARD I Can’t Let You Go

LAYLA-----Shame

DARIUS----Unprotected

JAY----Rejected

KARINA----Adult Supervision

COCO----Commitment

LAYLA----Starting Over

DARIUS----Daddy Issues

JAY----Relation Ships

KORI----Cycles

JERARD----Everybody Leaves

COCO----Left Alone

KORI----The Big Talk

KARINA----I’m the Boss Now

COCO----She’s a Friend

JAY----Spirits Collide

DARIUS----Life

LAYLA----Choices

KORI----Spirit vs Flesh

COCO----Moving On

JAY----High and Dry

DARIUS----Dishonored

KARINA----Ignored

KORI----Left for Good

*****

PROLOGUE

I was two years old when I heard the sound of a balled-up fist make contact with flesh and bone as I walked into the living room from playing in my bedroom. Just as I turned the corner, I saw my mother fly across the room holding her bloody mouth while trying not to cry or make a noise. As fast as my little legs could go, I ran to her. As soon as she saw me, she jumped up off of the floor, scooping me up with the hand she held her keys in while still holding her mouth with the other hand. As we did many times before, we sought refuge at my maternal grandmother’s house. When we walked into my grandmother’s house, my older cousin saw my mother’s face and like a whirlwind walked passed us both with focus and drive without so much as a hi or hello. That day my mother would lose an incisor, a cuspid, and a molar. Later she would gain a bridge that would replace the teeth missing from her beautiful smile.

Neither my mother nor I knew that my father was approaching fast behind us, but my twenty-four-year-old cousin did. When he got close to my father, his huge fist from his six-foot-four frame connected to my father’s jaw. My father was a little guy, standing five foot five with a big attitude but nothing else to match. That day his attitude got readjusted as well as a couple of other things. I loved my father like nobody’s business, and when I saw him fall to the ground, I forgot what had transpired earlier with my mother and tried to wiggle out of my mother’s arms, but my aunt caught me just before I could run to my father’s aid. My mother, my grandmother, and my aunt hid me under the bed in my grandmother’s spare bedroom. They knew that my father was on his way in to try to get me. He never allowed my mother to take me when they got in-to an argument or a fight. My cousin, however, had other plans and that day was the last day I ever saw my father until I was 25.

I never remembered the actual events from this incident, but I was told this story for most of my life. It was almost like it was fed to me religiously as a testament to the beginning of the journey that was my life. The latter part of the story was mainly told to me without the part about my mother getting beat until I was old enough to understand what had really transpired. I always heard how my father loved me though. As I got older, I began to wonder if he never wanted my mother to take me because he truly loved me that much or was it his way of keeping my mother in line. Men knew that women didn’t usually leave their babies.

Years later, that would be the same trick that would be done to me, but I wouldn’t fall for it.

You can keep them. I believe that boys should be with their father anyway. You won’t hurt them. You’ll make sure that they have food in the refrigerator, lights on, and I’ll be sure they have clothes. That was what I said before I left.

KORI

Counting Down

The room was still. Naked, I sat in the closet, holding his gun. Quiet but controlled breaths entered and left my body as I breathed them as slowly and deeply as possible. My finger and hand were shaking as I tried to hold on to the trigger. I began to mentally count my life down, three . . . two . . .

Kori, what the hell are you doing?

Entering into the room just in time, Jerard knelt down into the closet with great force, yanking the gun away from my head just as I was about to count down to one.

What in the hell are you doing? he yelled again, shocked to find me, his wife of ten years and the mother of three of his children, sitting in a closet, naked, with a loaded gun. Jerard didn’t even know that I knew how to use the 9mm Glock, let alone considered killing myself. When he walked in the room, he saw my leg just shy of the closet, so he knew I was sitting in our spacious walk-in. Later, he would tell me that he’d been calling me from the moment he entered the house. I hadn’t heard at all. I was too involved with carrying out my mission.

So, you’re going to kill yourself now? screamed Jerard, not waiting to hear the answer. Oh my God, are you serious?

I couldn’t say anything. I just sat there with so much shame on the inside of me that it had begun to eat at my psyche.

Is this what you want to leave for our kids to find?

They weren’t home yet. I knew Jerard would make it home before the kids got out of school, so he’d be the one to find me and not them. I was thinking straight enough to know that, but everything else was a question. I was so horribly screwed. All I knew was that I wanted to end the battle I had been fighting against myself all of my life. Trying to convince myself that I wasn’t the person I felt most disgusted by. Never comfortable in my own skin, I thought for my children’s sake I’d be better off dead. Who wants to live with knowing their mother is gay? My thoughts were starting to get louder with each day. The fear of someone finding out who I was began to eat at me. I tried hard, but I couldn’t evade everything that I had ever heard in church and from others about homosexuality. The bondage was getting to be too tight. I didn’t want to abandon my children, they were my world, but even still they weren’t enough to take my mind off of the torment going on inside my head. How do I abandon them like my father abandoned me? I of all people knew what that felt like. Even still, I questioned myself daily, do I stay or do I go? Is it better that I killed myself now rather than live like this later? What would happen if my children found out? Would they hate me? How would they feel having a mother that is gay? I couldn’t let that happen.

Every day I tried to be a happy, straight woman. I even slept with a couple of different men before getting married. I tried to tell myself that I liked dick just as much as the next woman. I lied to myself every time. My body would not allow me to deceive my mind though. Every single time afterwards I’d get sick. I just have to get used to it – that’s what I would tell myself for a long time. I knew I could never get used to it. Who could get used to wanting to vomit every time they had sex with someone of the opposite sex? I didn’t even have to be entered; the whole man on top of me thing was sickening to me.

Daily I prayed to be straight like the majority of the world. But I wasn’t. I was so far from it. I knew that even if I never had sex with another woman as an adult, I was still a lesbian. I just had a propensity to be drawn to women no matter what the situation was or how I restrained myself trying to keep it from everyone that I knew.

Tired of living like this, Jerard, I said in a voice barely audible. I just can’t imagine continuing to live like this. I love my kids, I do, but I am not happy. I can’t even lie to you anymore. I love you but not like a woman is supposed to love her husband. I didn’t really have to say the words because Jerard already knew that, and even though he was having his share of affairs, too, he wasn’t ready to give up on me.

Even after what happened just two days before.

I was sleeping, weary from the day and in no mood to do anything other than sleep.

Bay, Jerard said after I felt him give me a soft kiss on my neck. I didn’t move, thinking if I didn’t move he’d roll over. But then I felt his hand between my legs. I threw his hand off of me and rolled over and said, Not tonight, Jerard. I’m tired.

You’re always tired, Kori, he said with bitterness in his voice.

Well, tonight I’m extra tired, and I don’t want you flopping all over me, I snapped and rolled right back over into the position I was.

Flopping? Flopping all over you? You act like I’m a fish or something.

I huffed. Jerard, please leave me alone and let me go back to sleep.

Just give me five minutes, bay. I promise I won’t take longer than that, he whispered, trying to sound sexy.

I lay there as if I was already sleep, not saying a word, hoping that he would leave me alone.

Come on, Kori, he pleaded a number of times.

I could tell he was getting frustrated. Oh my God! Why would you even want it if you gotta beg for it? I knew he was trying to wear me down, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. Come on damn it! I pulled off my pajama bottoms, showing bare skin. I’m watching you. I don’t need all that foreplay shit because you only have five minutes and five minutes only."

Jerard slid on top of me rock hard, and I could feel myself getting sick. I wasn’t even wet, so he spit on the head of his penis, and I thought, How fucking gross is that and gagged in my mouth. Jerard began pumping, and I lay there like a dead fish staring at the clock. Two minutes, three minutes, and then four minutes went by.

You’ve got one more minute.

Come on, bay, Jerard said. At least act like you like it, and I can finish up. He continued to pump and sweat all over me.

Times up! I grunted and pushed him back onto his side of the bed.

Jerard caught himself before he could fall off the bed. He dove back on top of me and grabbed me by my neck. I’m sick of this counting me down bullshit, Kori.

I tried with both hands to stop him from choking me, but he wouldn’t. I punched him as hard as I could and caught him on the side of his head. We scuffled, both hitting each wherever we could. Eventually, we both fell off of the bed, quietly fighting so we wouldn’t wake the children – something we did quite often.

We had been high-school sweethearts even though Jerard already had a child on the way with another young girl when we first started dating. Jerard for some reason picked up on my sexuality long before but never said anything about it. He knew from the times that he’d have to beg me to make love to him. When I gave in, I’d feel sick afterwards and told him as much. It didn’t take time for him to put two and two together. He felt it when we’d watch movies together. He knew that I never minded when he said some woman in the movie was fine or beautiful. I’d just concur. He knew that most of the women around him would’ve gotten offended in some way, but I never did. He watched how I watched women. Even though I didn’t realize that I did. He saw me when I didn’t even see myself. Jerard loved me because I was not only his wife but his friend. When were young newlyweds, we were always wrestling, acting silly, and could just be playful together. He loved that about me. He would tell me that he loved my deep chocolate skin and that’s probably why I was so sweet.

Still in the closet, more confused than ever, I looked up into Jerard’s sad and confused eyes; he lifted me out of the closet

What are we going to do about this, bay? Do you want to go see someone? When I didn’t respond, he asked, What’s wrong?

I began to cry uncontrollably and couldn’t say a word. The knots in my throat felt as if someone’s hands were squeezing the life out of me. Jerard pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me while I cried. I cried until I allowed the comfort of his hold to relax my body, and I could gain control once again over my breathing.

When I felt okay, I pulled away from his grip, wiping the tears away from my eyes and face with both hands. I scanned the room for my robe, and when I found it, I put it on and went about the remainder of the day as if nothing had ever happened.

Weeks turned into months, and I continued to act as if Jerard had never found me in the closet with his government-issued gun.

Monday through Friday, I went to work with a smile painted so big on my face that no one including my best friend even knew the pain in my heart.

Girl, you remember Jennifer Thomas? Patrice yelled across the table. Patrice and I had been friends since we were eight years old. We played together as children, went to high-school together, got married around the same time, and even had our children around the same time. We were the best of friends who always found the way to work at the same jobs. Needless to say, they were always some temp jobs until we both got hired on at the hospital.

Yeah, I replied, Why?

She is now J.T.

What do you mean, she is now J.T.?

I just ran into her in the bathroom right before we went on lunch. Girl, she no longer looks like Jennifer but John. She should’ve been in the men’s bathroom looking all out of place! Patrice started laughing hysterically. Girl, you know she is that way. Patrice started shaking her hand left to right. You know, funny.

I didn’t know how to respond for a minute. I didn’t want to give myself away. Actually, I began to hope that I could run into Jennifer who was now John and ask her about her life and how she came to her decision. Not wanting to alarm Patrice by my silence, I let out a wail and began laughing as hard as I could.

While I laughed, Patrice said Girl, you should see her. All of her hair is cut short just like my husband’s. I ain’t going to lie, she looks cute as a boy, but um . . . I’m not sure if I want her to be around me. I don’t want anyone to think I think that shit is okay. I know we all used to be cool in high school, but we are grown now.

I stopped laughing and began to listen intently to Patrice’s words. Her words let me know that I could never share my secret with her. Deep down that made me feel sad. I couldn’t confide in the one friend that I’d known for almost all of my life. And here it was the only person that I knew was that way, and I couldn’t even talk to her because I’d be guilty by association.

Patrice and I worked in different departments. I thought I wouldn’t have to be subjected to more of Patrice’s homophobic comments after lunch; I was wrong.

She called me on our work phones, still talking mess. Girl, a sandwich just ain’t a sandwich without meat. Bread is just plain ole boring.

I almost said, Clearly everyone doesn’t need meat that’s why some people are vegetarians. But instead, I just laughed and said, You are stupid and hung up the phone.

Patrice expressing her negative thoughts about homosexuality didn’t deter me from wanting to explore my own feelings. I knew I needed to talk to someone who wouldn’t be judgmental, but I couldn’t think of anyone that I could talk to about it.

I tried not thinking about it anymore for the rest of the day, but right after clocking out from work, I thought, Hold on . . . I know someone I can talk to.

My family didn’t really talk about it, but when I was younger, I overheard them talking in code about my brother. They’d never use full sentences, just a couple of words when speaking of him. I think they didn’t want me to know who they were talking about, but I always knew. I remember walking in on a cousin saying He’s different. Her eyes were wide and eyebrows rose when she said it. Or another time hearing the word flamboyant being used. The one thing that really stuck with me was overhearing my aunt say, His body has betrayed him. It wasn’t like they didn’t love him. I just think that they dealt with his lifestyle the best way they knew how.

If anyone knew about being different, my brother would. Maybe I could talk with him. I picked up my cell phone, looked in my contact list for his number, and hit send.

Hello, he said, answering on the first ring.

Hi Brother! How are you? I was glad he had answered so quickly before I had chickened out.

I’m doing good, Little Sis. I was waiting on a call from my agent, he said rather quickly.

I don’t want to hold you up. I just had a question for you. My voice shook from embarrassment and nervousness.

What’s that?

How did you know that you were gay? I said it so fast I thought maybe he didn’t hear me, and I’d have to repeat my question.

But he heard it.

I’m not gay! he snapped at me as if he were mad I could even think such a thought.

Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I thought that. Well, that’s all I wanted. Good luck on the call with your agent.

I hung up before he could even say bye. I didn’t want him to associate why I was even asking the question in the first place.

I got even sadder and said to myself, Now I really have no one.

When I finally got home from work, I walked in the house to find two of my boys, Jerard Jr. and Javian sitting at the dining room table doing homework and my youngest sitting on the couch with his legs crossed Indian style, engrossed in cartoons.

What Jaylon, you’re not doing your homework?

Jaylon, only being three years old, said to me, Mommy, you know I don’t go to cool. Jaylon couldn’t pronounce school yet. I picked him up, rubbed his head, and then gave him a big squeeze while he peeked over my shoulder to continue watching his cartoons.

Jaylon, cartoons are not that serious! Can’t you hug me back?

Jaylon hugged me back as he laughed because this was our daily ritual Monday through Friday. I’d come in from work and act like he’s supposed to be doing homework, and he’d pretend he didn’t care about my hugs. One day just to see if he would miss it, I walked in the house and just said hi to all of the boys and proceeded to walk into Jericka’s room to say hi to her, and Jaylon came running down the hall into Jericka’s room to remind me that I didn’t ask him about his homework and hug him.

Immediately, I asked him with a big smile on my face and hugged him tight. I knew you would miss my hugs!

I walked down to the end of the hallway into Jericka’s room. Jericka was the princess of the family and had everything that a twelve-year-old girl could ever want and more. Even though she was not mine by blood, she was mine in my heart. When Jericka was a little over a year, although I was young, I realized that you didn’t have to have a baby to love it as if you did have it yourself. I loved that little girl. It never mattered to me that she belonged to someone else. I would take her shopping, buy her all kinds of clothes and shoes, and I’ve done that since the day she came into the world. I was only sixteen when Jericka was born, but I was prepared to be a stepmother and step into my role with honor.

What’s up, Ms. Jericka?

Nothing Mommy, just doing homework.

Jericka was with us during the school year and was with her mother during the summer. Her mother and I knew who Jericka spoke of when she said Ma or Mommy, and neither of us made any qualms about it. Even though Jericka wasn’t mine, you couldn’t tell because all of Jerard’s children looked just alike, the only difference was age or sex. Jerard would always pride himself on his genes. I’d tease him, telling him that when Jericka was with her mother, Jericka and her other siblings looked just alike as well to get under his skin. He’d get mad and say, No, they don’t. They all have different dads.

I’d just laugh at him and shake my head because he’d stoop so low.

What type of homework do you have today, little lady?

Math and science, and I hate them both.

You need any help?

No, I got this, Jericka said with a little flavor in her voice

.

I laughed. Okay, Miss I got this. If you need help, let me know. I was glad she didn’t need any help because her homework always made me feel like I wasn’t smarter than a fifth grader. When I went back into the dining room, the boys were putting their homework away.

Uh uh, you know better than that. Let me see it. After looking through their finished homework, I asked, You guys have anything else you’re supposed to do?

Jerard Jr. replied, Yep, go outside and play. Eight-year-old Jerard Jr. was always being flip at the mouth like me when I was his age, so I knew where he got it from.

It’s not going to be any outside until your chores are done, Mister. You know the rules, homework first, and then your chores, and then you can go outside.

Javian, being six years old, began to pout. I hate chores.

How else is your room supposed to get cleaned? Do I look like a maid to you?

Javian shook his head. No.

I did my chores already, Mommy, said Jaylon. Jaylon’s chore was to make up his toddler bed as best as he could.

Okay, let me go see. Walking into the boy’s room, which was the biggest bedroom of the two other bedrooms besides the master bedroom, I looked down at Jaylon’s toddler bed and was surprised that he seemed to be getting better at making it up.

Good job, man, give me five.

Jaylon slapped my hand five and sat on his bed to wait for his brothers. The boys’ room was decorated with Disney