Laughin Out Loud ! Poems for Fun

By Tom Leftwich

Clean and fun humor. Over 100 original humorous enjoyable Poems from All walks of life, Animal and dumb object poetic stories, What kids say and do. What adults do and don't do. All poetry designed for a laugh to make your day. Prepare yourself for laughter you can share.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 18, 2018
• ISBN: 9781387464296

Book preview

Laughin Out Loud ! Poems for Fun

Laughin Out Loud !

Poems for Fun

By  Tom Leftwich

© 2018 by Author Tom Leftwich

All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-1-387-46429-6

LCCN 22304155

Printed in the United States of America.

Introduction

I am a lifetime believer in using the power of poetry  as a means of inspiring  an emotional connection to people. Most of my writing has been designed to bring laughter and enjoyment  to all readers. I am however ; an entertainer,a sentamentalist , and compassionate individual that reacts to emotions all around me. It’s understandable, then that I write to a feeling. Love, sympathy. compassion, pride, humor, and faith in God are some of the strong feelings I have and try to convey in my writing. Have I been successful? Some folks think so. Somewhere in this work I’m certain You’ll find laughter, fun and something to brighten your day. Like the man with the suit says, I guarentee it.

Acknowledgements

All of the poetry written in this collection is of my own conception. Some of the humorous stories are compilations and derivatives residing in Public Domain and I have paraphrased some of those to generate enjoyable poetry. All of my poetic work is original in expression and rhyming development. Only for that, do I claim Copywrite protection.

Dedication:

This work is dedicated to my family my wife Fran and children ,Lee, Lyndy, Loi, and Loreea Leftwich. For many years they have enjoyed the antics and life style of myself, their Father. I wouldn’t want them to think I’ve changed.

Summary of poetic humor

As an eBook permits  no page numbers as such; this Summary is a listing  of the poems in alphabetical order. Chapter titles define the listing content for that  Chapter. A listing of Titles is included in this Summary.

Ch 1  A thru C4

A Doctor -- A Fly Swat-- A Jim Ralph Thing-- A Job for Bob-- A Little Bull—A Sister Mary Jane-- A Slip Up-- A New Years Resolution-- Ain’t that a Coincidence—Alligators-- Apartment Singing-- Arm Exercise-- Baby’s Truck— Bad Boy-- Bathroom Scales—Bats-- Bird Dog-- Black Mojave-- Buying a Sport’s car—Buzzards—By Good Luck??--  Cat-- Check for Anna-- Christmas Barbie--  Come-Telegraph Message—

Ch. 2  C5 thru Ji

Como Esta-- Cowboy??-- Curley,-- Dalmatian Dog-- Dirty Frog—Doctoring-- Dog Whistle—Drinking-- Duck Hunting—Firemen—Fishy Fishin---Floyd’s Problem-- Flying Dog—Frog-- Get Me a Coke-- Get Your Goat-- GI insurance-- Gimme a Break-- God’s missing-- Going for Help—Goose—Gorilla--, Hey Huntings Great, They Got all Eight!—Hey! a Wayward Hen-- Her Name ?—Hidden—Humiliation-- I Missed It-- Jury Duty—

Ch. 3   J2 thru T6

Just Call it Oops!-- Kids Talk-- Lady’s Gold Mine-- Married  Maybe??-- Milkman’s letter,-- Missing Bull--- Mosquitoes-- No Country Singer--- Old Fisherman-- One for Two-- Psalms  52-- RainAnyone?—The Rattlesnake---Résumé--- Remembering-- Runaway Elephant-- Snake!-- So You Wanna Go Fishin-- Simon’s Streetcar-- Sweet Albert-- The Trade-- Thanks for the Help-- The Artist-- The Bad Homecoming--- The Do It Yourselfer—

Ch4   T 7 thru V

The Fig Leaf-- The Good Luck Café’-- The Hamburger.. The Hammer-- The  Johnny Hole Story-- The Microwave-- The Old Lady Driver,-- The Parrot-- The Plane Ride--- The Professionals--- The Ragged Edge-- The Diary of a Shopping Cart-- The Train-- The Trap-- The Ventriloquist--- The Wheelbarrow—Thirteen-- Three Brothers---  Three Nickles--Three Year Old,-- The Hand Tractor-- True or False-- Weight Loss-- Wishful Thinking-- Valentine Beware---

Chapter 1     A  thru C-4

A Doctor

The doctor said Yes ma’am , you think your daughter’s ill?

I’ll tell you for her situation , I have no magic pill,

Don’t tell me you don’t recognize all the signs and such

She’s six months along and pregnant, you ought to know that much,"

The Mother yelled it can’t be, she’s pure and oh so grand,

You’ve got to be mistaken she’s never been with a man !

The daughter put in saying, I’ve never even kissed a guy

And for anything like sex, I’m  away too shy,"

I think the daughter’s holding out was the doctor’s plight,

How do I Tell her mother, or make her see the light?

The Doc hurried to his window and stared up at the sky,

For a long time he just stood there , and didn’t bat an eye,

The Mother became quite worried, he never said a word,

Franticly she asked, what is it Doctor, are you looking at a bird,?

Doc said "No the last time that this happened, a new star came to be ,

Three wise men came on camels;  and this I’ve got to see!"

A Fly Swat

Hey! There Mister Henry, What’s that noise in there?

Almost sounds like gunshots , who you tryin to scare?

I’m killing off mosquitoes, not tryin to scare no one,

This fly flap’s kinda noisy, but I think I’m done,

Good,  the TV sound is bad and you ain’t helpin any

If you’re already done, there couldn’t be that many,

Only five , three females and two males , I think I got’em all,

I almost missed the last one, but I saw her fall,

Henry you’re gittin looney, you’ve lost half your deck,

There’s no way that you could tell a mosquitoe’s sex,

My Dear, my reason tells me that’s where you’re clearly wrong,

I’ve been killin mosquitoes way before you came along,

It’s kinda red neck science that I learned all alone,

The two males were on the beer cans, the three females on the phone!

Taken from a true story

A Jim Ralph Thing

Gold Gittin Machine

Now a good gold diggin ol’ buddy of mine,

Swore he’d built the greatest one of a kind,

Gold processing and best kinda  machine ,

That any  gold miner had ever seen,

So with the best of honest intention,

I went to feast my eyes on his latest invention,

An amazing sight  I hoped to see,

Jim didn’t disappoint  and laid his pitch on me,

Complex it was , there was little doubt,

But he was happy to spell it all out,

Look at these features, cheap and light weight,

Easy to assemble  and the set up is great,

All of the latest and best of design,

Engineered to perfection it’s one of a kind,

Rocker boxes , sluices and every kinda pan,

Nothing holds a candle to the Gold Gittin Can,

There’s nothing out there on the market today,

At a hundred and fifty , I’m giving it away,

Cost and assembly can’t help but  please,

Every gold miner oughta have one of these,

In sheer admiration, I really had to say,

Jim your machine  just blows me away,

Jim said yeah it’s a really great unit ,

Just got one problem, that really might ruin it,

I said What’s That