For the Love of Marriage

By SK Bell

Whether you’re newly engaged, enjoying your empty-nest golden years, or somewhere in the middle, your marriage (or marriage-to-be) is something beautiful.
In a world that views marriage so negatively, For the Love of Marriage reaches a little deeper. This collection of essays celebrates the beauty of marriage, a bond like no other.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781329998841

Book preview

For the Love of Marriage

For the Love of Marriage

Copyright © 2016 by SK Bell

Cover and detail art copyright © 2016 by McKenzie LW Whiting

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or used in any way without the express written permission of the author.

Some names, dates, locations or identifying details have been changed to protect identities and privacy of those mentioned in this book.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

First Printing: 2016

ISBN 978-1-329-99884-1

To every bride-to-be who seeks a more positive view on her upcoming marriage: May your wedding day be magical and may your marriage be absolutely beautiful.

Acknowledgements

Writing a book is a lot of work, and not just on the author’s part.

Thanks of course goes first and foremost to God for my feelings and words, and of course for the beautiful and sacred bond of marriage.

Thank you to my wonderful husband. Without him there would be no stories… and without his patience, encouragement, and willingness to take over all parenting duties during so many phases of book writing, there would be no book to put the stories into.

Thank you for your love and for our beautiful life together. I love you!

Thank you to the many couples who have shown me examples of strong, healthy, and beautiful marriages throughout my life.

Thank you to everyone who let me poll and interview them or their children… special thanks to Ada, Amanda, Anne, Barbara, Bob, Deanna, Grandma, Grandma Sue, Julee, LeVonne, Mom, Rebecca, Renee, Sabrina, Stacia, and Steffani.

Thanks to McKenzie for her beautiful cover artwork and suggestions.

Thank you to the wonderful team of family and friends who helped select titles, edit, design and choose covers, set marketing plans and schedules, promote, and above all encourage me: Barbara, Mom, Natasha, Renee, Ryan, Sabrina, Steffani, Tabitha, Tammy.

Finally, thank you to you. Thank you for your belief in marriage and your desire to see it portrayed positively. Thank you for recognizing what a beautiful gift from God it is and for choosing to surround yourself with a confidently optimistic view of it.

Introduction

When I married my husband in 2010 I had the same hopes and dreams as any other bride.

I wanted my marriage to be a happy place. I wanted us to enjoy a prolonged honeymoon stage and to be each other’s best friends. I wanted to enjoy a long and happy life together. I wanted a life full of smiles, happy tears, hand-holding, living room slow dances, love letters, adventures, and long talks.

We had our share of arguments and frustrations. We had to find balance in our financial goals and systems. We had to define our roles within our marriage and figure out how to work with and complement each other’s quirks. We had to learn how to communicate kindly and effectively.

Even still, my marriage was a happy place. I liked being married. I loved being married. I loved being Ryan’s wife.

I found myself confused by the way marriage seemed to be portrayed by the media and by everyone around me.

If I turned on the TV I saw marriage portrayed as frustrating and stifling. I saw cruel and angry wives, immature and irresponsible husbands, disrespect, lying, and manipulation… all set to a laugh track.

If I sat down to write in a coffee shop I could overhear a group of friends chatting about their husbands nearby. I could hear complaints about things that seemed so silly and insignificant to me. I would hear harsh and hateful tones talk about how a husband was a bad dresser, picked out the worst gifts, had horrible taste in music, was embarrassing on the dance floor, was generally annoying...

When I went to lunch with my husband we’d hear men laugh about their ball-and-chain as they proceeded to share details of a private argument and then laugh about it with their friend. We’d hear names ranging from nag to things I wouldn’t want to put in print.

I read fiction novels in which adultery was justified because a marriage was lackluster or one of the spouses had a prominent character flaw. 

I saw celebrity divorces glamorized all over grocery store checkout lines. I heard jokes made on the radio and songs filled with negativity towards marriage.

I didn’t get it then and I don’t get it now.

I think marriage is one God’s most beautiful, intensely intelligent creations. I love that He has designed such a powerful union and that every marriage is somehow both universal and completely unique.

As a highly reflective person I marvel over the beauty of marriage—both my own and the ones I see all around me—on an almost daily basis.

I sometimes wonder, am I the only one who sees it this way? Am I the only person who thinks marriage is a divine blessing instead of a frustration young people won’t enter into if they know what’s good for them? Am I the only person who isn’t running around telling 20-year-olds, "Marriage is work!" when they bring up hopes and dreams for the future?

Surely not. Surely there are others out there who see marriage the way I do. There must be. There must be women scattered all over the place who love being wives. There must be women out there who are hopeless romantics and who know what I am talking about when I bring up Titus chapter two. This book is for them.

This is a book for the young woman with a sparkly new ring on her left hand who wonders, why is everyone so negative about marriage?

This book is for the women who have been married for a few years and still think it’s wonderful.

This is a book for the women who have seen some things but still find marriage to be overall beautiful. You know who you are. This is for you women who have held tight to your marriage while contending with premature babies, health scares, military deployment.

This is for all of you who have moved across the country or experienced deep financial stress but continued to hang onto the one you love. This is for those of you who have run yourself into the ground trying to keep up with your home and your family, for all of you who feel like you could sleep for a year straight and still not be caught up.

This is a book for the women who are sad to see their nest emptying but are excited to imagine a renewal of couple time.

This book is for the women in their golden years.

This book is for the women who suffered a painful divorce but hold tight to their belief in the institution of marriage.

This book is for anyone who once loved marriage and has recently forgotten what that feels like.

This book is for a different view of an aspect of life that should be revered rather than scoffed at. This book is for celebration. This book is for smiles, tears, reflection, encouragement, nostalgia, hope, inspiration.

This book is for the love of marriage.

Hope for All

I finished a year-long devotional in the middle of December. I couldn’t bring myself to start a new one in the middle of the month so I decided to instead enjoy an inspiring Christian living book before starting a new devotional January 1st.

I found it so refreshing, and so enjoyable to start a day that way, that I ended up sticking with that and enjoying one chapter every morning along with my daily devotional. When I finish one book, I start another.

I’m committed to this routine. I like the way it makes me feel. Some mornings pregnancy wakes me up before my children and I enjoy an early morning to myself, but most mornings I set my babies up with breakfast and then sit down at the table with them to start in on my own daily ritual.

I write a line or two in my line-a-day happiness journal, pray, read my morning devotional and my one chapter, and then go over my list for the day.

I have many books on my list. I’m currently in a very stressful season with some health concerns and a few intentionally chosen things we have going on for our family right now. I love my life and my family, but I’m a bit overwhelmed most days. I’m reading a whole book about this and I’m loving just how much it’s speaking to me.

Also on my list are varying books about motherhood, books on finances from a Christian perspective, books about adoption, Heaven, and replacing other habits and addictions with God… and of course, books on marriage.

Right now, today, my marriage is in a great place. We’re happy. We’re confident. We’re holding hands and working together, supporting each other through frustrations and seeking joy outside of them. Even still, I think it’s important to work on it.

I believe that what you put into your marriage is very personal and can’t be taught. I think this is something you have to discover for yourself in the early stages. Every marriage is different because every marriage is formed by two very different people.

I put work and effort into my marriage in several areas, but one of these many areas is by reading inspiring books. I am a word person so reading happy words about marriage makes me feel happy feelings about marriage. This in turn makes me want to put more focus on my marriage. I read an inspiring chapter and it makes me want to do something nice for my husband, send him a sweet text message to read on his lunch break, or plan a special date night. 

I enjoy reading positive books about marriage. I often have trouble finding very many of them, but I do enjoy them when I do find one. I’ve listed a few favorites in the back of this book if you’re interested in checking them out for yourself.

I find that there are, in general, two kinds of marriage books.

There are books that tell you to keep doing what you’re doing with a few minor tweaks… and there are books that promise you will be okay and will get through this, that there is still joy to be had if you can fix some of the many problems you’re experiencing.

There are books written for people with good marriages. There are books written for people with