Unbridled to Conquer the World

By Sbu Ngubane

To be unbridled is to be unrestrained and uncontrolled. It is to be emancipated. This is my desire for everyone who is trapped in a dark hole of perpetual despair, sadness, grief and shame. This book has perspectives that will completely transform your life.

The book focuses strongly on depression, providing an in-depth analysis of the factors that cause, trigger and prolong depression. It further explores ways in which those who are suffering can cope; the first being rejecting the victim mentality and daring to heed the cries of a trapped soul desperate to break free.

About the author

S’bu Ngubane is a pastor, life coach, leadership development consultant and a senior government executive. He is also the author of popular books “Yesterday I cried” and “We are all here”.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sbu Ngubane
• Release date: Nov 5, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005089504

Book preview

Unbridled

S’bu Ngubane

Copyright © 2020 S’bu Ngubane

Published by S’bu Ngubane Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by S’bu Ngubane using Reach Publishers’ services,

Edited by Laura Grey for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

Contents

Introduction

It is true?

I am Not a Victim

I Won’t Let Anxiety Control Me

The bait of pressure

Will be there for you

Celebrating life for it is truly a wonder

Epilogue - Rising again

References

Chapter 1

Introduction

Imagine a room illuminated by the vibrant flames of well-positioned candles. Spectacular to behold, the candle-light seems to fill the room with positive energy and exuberance.

Before long, the first candle starts flickering until its flame dies. In no time, the second candle follows suit. Slowly, the flames of all candles burn out until the last one remains. It survives for a while, only to suffer the same fate.

When a child is born into this world, as she grows, she embodies various hopes and dreams. The candles represent such promises. She hopes for a bright future and dreams of accomplishments at various ages. Notwithstanding any current challenges, she believes that with determination, there are great possibilities ahead and that it is just a matter of time. She has her ideal world figured out. She has good intentions. She reckons: one day is one day!

Then she suffers her first major setback in life. The first candle in the room dies out. Her hope is shaken but she is still upbeat about the future, thinking that all is not lost. The other candles are still shining bright after all. As she continues the journey of life, she encounters various other setbacks. These involve disappointments and betrayal by those she trusted dearly; being rejected, misunderstood, taken advantage of and abused; and becoming entangled in vicious life cycles. Each of these setbacks extinguishes a candle that once radiated light in the room.

As she continues to suffer different types of setbacks, her hope is gradually eroded. The light in the room keeps dwindling until the last candle goes out, and the room is completely dark.

In most cases, depression creeps in after a series of events leave us bewildered. We keep hoping that things will turn out for the better until another negative incident befalls us. At times, it is as if each step we take is followed by three steps backwards. Our path becomes a journey of cul-de-sacs, where we constantly come across dead ends. Every move we make is met by a brick wall. Every promise for a better tomorrow is shattered by yet another overwhelming experience. Contradictions characterise our journey of life, and moments of joy are short-lived. We wait in vain for a breakthrough of some sort.

Depending on our resilience levels, we keep fighting and fighting until we are completely exhausted, until we are physically and emotionally drained, until the zest we once had for life is gone, until the passion we had for our goals fades away.

When the flames of all the candles have died, all we have left to do is wander in the darkness. We live life in a dark hollow chasm where there is no hope for tomorrow. Such is the life of depression! It is a life where flames that once represented hope are extinguished. At times it may not even take a series of events to extinguish those flames. It could take just one harrowing experience to quench the flames of all the candles at once.

According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), depression comes in different forms, of which the most common are; major depression, persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia) and bipolar disorder. Major depression is characterised by persistent sadness that lingers throughout the day, loss of interest in leisure activities, decreased appetite, guilt, suicidal thoughts and a general feeling of worthlessness. This type of depression interferes with the ability to perform everyday activities and may occur once or recur several times in a lifetime. Persistent depressive disorder is a less severe form of depression which lasts for up to two years. This form of depression has similar symptoms to major depression such as low energy and loss of interest in hobbies and poor appetite. It normally manifests as stress, irritability and withdrawal. Bipolar disorder is a less common type of depression which is characterized by fluctuations from severe highs (mania) to severe lows (depression). The highs and lows in bipolar disorder can be distinct episodes or they can take place at once, in a mixed state. Symptoms of bipolar disorder tend to be extreme, and may manifest through very high energy levels, extreme irritability, unrealistic views of one’s abilities, increased sexual drive, drug abuse as well as provocative and aggressive behaviour. On the opposite end, the depressive period is characterized by symptoms of major depression. People who come from a family with a history of depression may be predisposed to suffer from it.

This book aims to rekindle the lights that once radiated so bright. The nuggets contained in the book seek to inspire hope in readers. It is meant to dismantle the strongholds of depression and replace them with fundamental truths that will surely liberate the lives of all the readers of this book.

Chapter 2

It is true?

Depression is not so much caused by what we go through, but by what we tell ourselves about what we go through, and how we interpret events in our lives. When we are young, we tend to quickly forget or move on from painful experiences. This is because we have not developed the defences to fight them nor the capacity to come up with solutions. Hence, they sink into the subconscious mind and we ‘forget’ about them. One psychologist made an illustration of how depression develops over time. The illustration was about a golf ball which is hit against a wall many times. Since a golf ball is hard it will take a while for it to show signs of trauma but when it does you will notice that its surface becomes smooth and eventually a crack will form. Similarly, when we have been exposed to trauma for extended periods of time, a ‘crack’ begins to form between our conscious and subconscious minds, where the things we thought we had forgotten about periodically surface due to various triggers. As we get older, our tolerance begins to dwindle and we start having anger issues, eating disorders, manic episodes, bipolar disorder and severe depression. Some people may have a combination of these conditions as a result of pain and trauma over an extended period, or due to a single devastating incident they never recovered from.

It is said that your mind is your greatest weapon. If you can change your thinking, you can change the world. Truth be told, most of the stuff we tell ourselves is not true or is just pure exaggeration. We will feel better not when our circumstances change but when we change what we tell ourselves.

Most battles are fought and won in the mind. Unfortunately, the human mind has many limitations. The lies it feeds us are mostly untrue. I’ve often heard the brightest people tell themselves: I’m so dumb. No one loves me, I can’t do anything right, I’ll never amount to anything significant.

Many relationships have been ruined by misconceptions that people have about each other. Only when others say, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I hurt your feelings, do people realise they misinterpreted the behaviour of others towards them and made the wrong conclusions.

Todd Mitchem, describing how he felt when he took the decision to delve into a new career and face many uncertainties, says he had to contend with a barrage of negative thoughts and doubts. I stopped and asked myself aloud, is it true?’ ‘Is it true that my idea is stupid?’ My answer was, absolutely not! ‘Is it true that I am scared? Yes, but that’s okay; fear is always here and I can manage it. ‘Is it true that I have the power and potential to succeed?’ Yes, a thousand times yes. I realised in that moment that my success lay in my willpower and strength to keep moving forward. To this day, the simple question Is it true helps me pull myself out of the worst situations. That day in the car, I told myself I can’t do this, and then I followed it up with, Is that true? The answers showed me the way and dissipated