Belly Rubs and Butt Scratches: How My Dogs’ Love Saved My Life

By N. G. Menton

In 2009 I began having suicidal and homicidal thoughts. Unsure of what was going on, I went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and OCD. This book details my journey with mental illnesses and how my dogs have helped me cope. This book will provide a firsthand experience with mental illness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Apr 3, 2018
• ISBN: 9781973620549

N. G. Menton

Nicole Menton is an independent author who has suffered from mental illnesses since 2009. She wrote "Belly Rubs and Butt Scratches" to help people understand mental illness better by providing a first hand experience.

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Copyright © 2018 N. G. Menton.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-2055-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-2054-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018902266

WestBow Press rev. date: 04/02/2018

CONTENTS

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1: MY DARKNESS

CHAPTER 2: THE BEGINNING, 2009

CHAPTER 3: DANA, 2010

CHAPTER 4: LUKE AND SHREK, 2011

CHAPTER 5: JANE, 2012

CHAPTER 6: RUNNING JOURNEY, 2013

CHAPTER 7: HEWIE, 2014

CHAPTER 8: A HOUSE AND HARASSMENT, 2015

CHAPTER 9: THE RELAPSE, 2016

CHAPTER 10: SIX BAD THINGS, 2017

CHAPTER 11: MOVING FORWARD

EPILOGUE

REFERENCES

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I have omitted names and places to protect the identities of people who may not have known the damage they were causing. This book presents thoughts and actions in graphic detail, so if you are easily disturbed or suffer from mental illness please take caution.

This

book is dedicated to my dogs—Dana, Shrek, Luke, Jane, and Hewie—and to my husband, James, and my mom and dad, Donna and Jeff. Without their love and support, I don’t know if I would be here today.

PROLOGUE

I t took me a long time to decide to write this book. People who know me will tell you I am obsessed with my five dogs, and no doubt this is true. I hope that after reading my story you and the people closest to me will understand why these dogs mean so much to me. To me they are more than just dogs. They have been beacons of light in a world of darkness where I have been trapped for too long. They are angels who have relieved my hopelessness and who have helped me through some of the darkest times in my life.

I struggled over whether I should share my story with the world or keep it between me and my family and close friends. The first thing I want everyone to know is that each person’s struggle with mental illness is different. This book is about my experience with mental illnesses and about how my dogs have rescued me from danger. My family and friends played a big part in managing my mental illnesses, but as you read this book you will see how my dogs helped save my life on multiple occasions. My mental illness diagnoses include major depressive disorder-recurrent, obsessive compulsive disorder with emphasis on obsessive thoughts, and generalized anxiety disorder. I feel it is important you know what mental illnesses I live with, and I will detail how I got each diagnosis.

Until about 2015, I was ashamed of my mental illnesses. Family and a few close friends knew that I suffered almost daily with thoughts I was unable to control, that I had been taking antidepressants for years, and that I had been in and out of therapy. Society made me feel like a monster, and I thought that if I wanted to live a normal life I would need to hide my mental illnesses. I smiled and laughed and acted like everything was okay. The dark reality was that everything was not okay; I was wearing a mask to protect family and friends from what was going on inside my head. Unfortunately, I learned that people who appeared to accept me and who said they wanted to help me with my mental illnesses were in reality using them against me, portraying me as a psycho or a monster. By late 2015 I had reached a point where I believed this, and I started seeing a counselor again to help me process these feelings. He recommended writing to get my thoughts down and to help me feel better. As a result, I began this book and soon realized my dogs have helped me through many of my darkest moments.

I have always referred to my mental illnesses as my darkness. This is a part of me I do not want anyone to see, the part that tells me I will never be good enough, that I will fail at everything I do, and that life is not worth living. I began writing this book to help myself and others in similar situations realize that mental illness does not define who people are and that they can live their lives and manage mental illness. Being more open about my diagnoses, my medications, my psychiatrist, and my counselor was beneficial because I believed people were rallying around me. They offered encouragement, love, and support.

However, in 2016 I learned there was a dark side to opening up about mental illness: people judged me, thought I was not fit to do my job, or told me I was faking it, even claiming I enjoyed playing the victim. Accusations like these are harmful to people with mental illness. They are also patently false; no one wants to struggle daily with his or her own mind. I decided to share my story to help end the stigma attached to mental illnesses. Having major depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia