The Hunger Diaries, or: How to Lose Weight Fasting and Eating Well

By Andrew Mackay

Weight! He lost 17 lbs of it in fifteen days?

Yes, he did -- and you can, too.
Amazon best-selling author (and overweight yo-yo dieter) Andrew Mackay existed on fast food, processed meals, and gallons of soda. In between snacks, he made the mistake of checking his Body Mass Index...
The Result? OBESE!
Something inside this math-hating, science-shunning, exercise-averse author snapped – and it wasn’t his stomach sleeve (because he didn’t need one – yet!)
Devastated by the news, Mackay cooked up a plan to lose weight. To help, he kept a diary. Halfway through the adventure he stumbled across the only way to shed the pounds, and unearthed dozens of benefits for everyone to use:
• The correct way to lose weight – and why it works.
• The wrong way to lose weight – and why it never works.
• How to start, what to do, and the pros/cons to watch out for.
• Simplified explanations for the math and science even a two-year-old can understand.
• Mackay’s astonishing FOOL YOURSELF method to smash all obstacles in your path to success.
No one said it was going to be easy.
But… no one said it couldn’t be an insightful, snarky and hilarious document of one man's weight loss triumph - or: a non-fiction Bridget Jones's Diary meets all those Lose Weight Real Quick books you dumped in the trash because they didn't work.
Get your copy of this indispensable weight loss journal now -- it might just change your life forever.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chrome Valley Books
• Release date: Jul 19, 2019

Book preview

Author

THE HUNGER DIARIES (FINAL)

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Copyright © year dutch

All rights reserved.

ISBN:

ISBN-13:

Insert dedication here.

The Hunger Diaries, or:

How to Lose Weight Fasting and Eating Well

Copyright © 2019 Chrome Valley Books

All rights reserved.

Written by Andrew Mackay

Edited by Aly Quinn

Cover design by Vikki / Cover Illustration by Garylarts

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means

including information storage and retrieval systems,

without permission in writing from the author.

The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

This book is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health, and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention. Despite being a work of non-fiction, this work is designed purely for entertainment purposes only.

The author and publisher cannot be held liable for any injuries resulting in enactment of events in this book. Further, the author has tried to recreate events, locales, and conversations from memory. The author may have changed some identifying characteristics and details such as names, nicknames, physical properties, occupations, and places of residence to preserve anonymity.

~ Acknowledgments ~

My wonderful advance reader team.

Jennifer Long and Adele Embrey.

Dr. Jason Fung, Jimmy Moore, and Thomas DeLauer.

Everyone who wants to incinerate their body fat within a reasonable delay.

I love you all.

Introduction

"… unless you can find an eating program you can stay on

for the rest of your life, dieting is a waste of time."

- Roger Ebert, May 7th, 2004.

I’m going to make a prediction.

You are overweight or obese.

Am I right? I don’t know for sure because I can’t see you.

If you’re not overweight or obese then the odds are that you’re reading this book for fun, or you’re interested in the subject. That’s fine, too. This book has something for everyone (probably, I guess we’ll see when I’ve written it?).

In any event, let’s get back to you (yes, you!) - the person who’s either looking inside at Amazon to preview the book to see if you should buy it (answer: yes, you should) or, better yet, the kind soul who’s paid less than the price of a full-fat latte and bagel meal deal at Bean There, Done That - the fictitious version of Starbucks you’ll be hearing more about in the coming pages - in order to have acquired this masterpiece.

Either way, you’re interested in how to shred a few (or a truckload of) pounds.

I have some terrific news for you. I promise you’re going to love it. Over the past forty years of my life I’ve developed a psychological technique that smashes barriers to progress. Anyone can adopt it because, quite honestly, you’re probably already very good at it anyway and you just don’t realize it. Yet.

The phrase you’re about to digest (hoho!) is vital for your journey. It’s something I’ve developed, and it’s called (drum roll…)

FOOL YOURSELF

Here’s the thing.

If, like me, you are overweight or obese, then you’ve already mastered the art of Fool Yourself. I’m sure some of you are already way ahead of me, but allow me to explain.

You’ve spent the past few weeks / months/ years waddling around believing everyone thinks you’re not overweight because you:

1: Wear baggy clothes.

2: Sport a beard to hide your droopy chin / neck.

3: Avoid mirrors and reflective surfaces to prevent reminders of just how disgusting you are. Seriously, you are really good at this one, and don’t deny it.

4: Look in the mirror out of unavoidable necessity (i.e. application of make-up, shaving, brushing your teeth). You may not realize it, but you tilt your head / body to finally settle on an acceptable angle of yourself and decide you’re not that bad looking, after all.

How do I know this? Because, frankly, I do the same. Actually, scratch that. EVERYBODY DOES IT.

Isn’t it a relief to know you’re not alone?

Just accepting where you are - that’s one hurdle smashed before we’ve started. Only a few more to go…

However, before you get all depressed, allow me to introduce you to the good part. Because you’re such an expert at Fool Yourself, you possess precisely the mental skill and ability to make this fat-shredding exercise a resounding success.

Oh, believe me, we’re going to go into laser-sharp precision on why Fool Yourself is important. I won’t spoil it here, but it’s going to naturally ferment throughout the diary. If you’re old (like me) you may remember the days as a kid when Diet Soda didn’t exist. You only drank full-fat, regular Soda, and then Diet Soda came out, and most of us fatties began to drink it. We believed for a few weeks that we were drinking the real thing because - hey - it’s Diet, right? Some magical potion invented by the company that incinerates fat just by consuming it. Before long, we fooled ourselves that it was good for us (or at least better than the original) so much we began to believe it. Today, we’ve made Diet Soda the best-selling soda on the planet - bar none.

That’s just a sneak peek into the whole Fool Yourself mindset, which I’ll expand on very soon.

***

If you are not yet thin (mindset is everything, my portly friend lol) then I’m going to make a list of reasons why that is. You want to lose weight. Yeah, you and everyone else. But wait. Let me guess why you want to lose weight:

1: You want to be more attractive to the opposite / same sex (e.g. get someone into bed).

2: You’ve been dieting intermittently all your life - only to pile the pounds back on, you mischievous yo-yo-er, you.

3: You’ve had a health scare, or maybe (Heaven forbid) something worse. Your doctor demands you change your ways or risk injury and / or death.

You’ll notice the order of the above-mentioned list is important.

I’m generalizing, of course. Lots of you reading this work of genius will certainly be doing it for at least one of the above-mentioned reasons. But, for the majority of you, reason #1 is at the top of the list quite without chance. Now, I could tell you why being more attractive (despite your age) is at #1. However, I think it’s far more powerful if you arrive at the answer yourself.

Before we do that, I want to reintroduce you the word attractive. It doesn’t mean you want to sleep with someone. It means, quite simply, pleasant to be around.

Okay, I want you to close your eyes (not yet, keep reading the instructions) and cook up an image of a very obese person. Man or woman, or even a child. Let’s keep it easy for now and suggest it’s someone you don’t know. Make sure the image in your mind is big, like an IMAX screen.

Close your eyes now.

So, you’ve seen the image? All I’m going to ask you is one question:

Which ONE adjective springs to mind when you see that image?

Don’t over think it. I want the first word that popped into your mind.

Okay, so you have a word. My guess is you thought of one of the following:

Ugly, gross, disgusting, nasty, avoid, eurgh, yuck, no, death / die, or *fat*.

Was I right?

Meh. It doesn’t matter if I was. According to the Institute of Mackay Predictions, statistically, 92.2% of you thought of one of those words or very similar, and that leaves you remaining 7.3% of the population thinking the opposite. Something along the lines of Aww, bless their artery-clogged heart, I feel sorry for you, or, worse yet, I see this every damn day, so it’s no big deal.

Now imagine that very same person you conjured up in your mind’s eye approaches you to:

1 - Ask you on a date.

2 - Interview for a position at your company.

3 - Sit next to you in economy class on a budget airline.

Be brutally honest. How do you feel about them, now? The chances are that if you’re perfectly okay with any of those three, then… (drum roll)… you’re obese, yourself.

You won’t do this, and, frankly, I don’t advise it. But… if you were to ask a person of optimal weight for their height then their answer to the above is likely to cause offense.

Fear not, dear reader. Help is at hand…

… which I’ll get to in just a moment.

Now, see that Roger Ebert quote you read right at the top of the introduction?

I want you to remember it.

Actually, scratch that. Remembering it is good but it’s not enough. I want you to type the quote into a word processor in a big-ass font and print it out and stick it to your wall. Preferably just above your oven, or just out of eyeshot at your work station, or wherever you spend most of your time.

Heck, print five copies.

Because unless you read, absorb, comprehend, process, and finally, just apply the quote as gospel (thanks, Bloom’s Taxonomy!), then you may as well stop reading here. Go get a refund and ask for your money back, or pass this copy of the book to someone who will accept the quote and respect it.

Sorry to be so prescriptive and indelicate. It’s in my nature. I like to think that what you’re about to read is funny and somewhat yucky in places but, at the very least, informative. Food for thought, if you will.

There aren’t too many books out there that chronicle a diet journey of this nature. Day by day. With such brutal honesty. I’m about to bare my soul here, warts and all. There are some books like this, but not to put too fine a point on it, they’re not written by anyone as imaginative and stupid as I am.

Which leads me nicely onto…

Just Who Does is Andrew Mackay

Think he is, Anyway?

Funny you should ask that.

Who do I think I am?

I think I’m a bit like you; fat, and with a fast-food-to-healthy-eating ratio which will probably send my actuary tables crashing down.

Just to be sure, let’s back this up with evidence. At time of writing (Saturday, June 22nd) here’s the lowdown:

My height:

5’11" / 61.32 inches

My weight:

15.5 stone / 217 lbs / 98.4 kg

My waist size:

40" (UK)

My Body Mass Index (BMI):

29.99

(Patient.info)

30.2

(NHS UK)

It’s a well-known fact that a BMI of 30+ means you’re obese. The healthy, acceptable range is in the lower twenties, depending on your height.

Riiiight. This is interesting. According to the Americans, I’m teetering on the edge of obesity at a frightening 29.9 BMI. According to my geographical brethren at the National Health Service (NHS) I am obese; clocking in at an unfortunate 0.2 past the 30 BMI threshold of obesity.

What this tells me is that I definitely need a range of reputable sources reporting back to me when I’m fact-checking anything.

Damn, man. I’m technically obese. How the hell did that happen?

How Andrew Mackay Got Obese.

I was a chubby kid growing up - thanks in part to my mother’s home cooking - but also because school lunch was mostly soda, fries and cake. My mother isn’t to blame. Every mother cooked at home. McDonald’s was a treat. I am a child of the eighties, way before bulk buying and nutritional labels on every food was a thing. I don’t recall much (about anything, honestly) in the way of options for school meals. Certainly no fruit or vegetables. It was all-but impossible to avoid the ice cream van / candy store on the way home. I was never very sporty, either. And so it was that little Andrew Mackay wasn’t so little - at least horizontally. Never obese, but hardly the desire of others.

In 2006, I experienced my first bout of severe back pain. Since then I’ve thrown my back out about seven times doing the simplest of things; reaching up to grab something off the shelf being the first culprit. Even sneezing, washing my hands in the basin, and turning awkwardly in bed - the stupidest little movement, and it’s all over. Each time I’m in severe pain and of no use to man nor beast for about a week. Of course, this is weight-related.

Now that I’ve put the violin away, let’s see where I am on the official "Chub-o-Meter." I want to know where I should be at, according to two valid sources of health information, one British, the other American. For my height…

Target Weight Range:

9 stone, 6 lbs - 12 stone 11 lbs

(134.4 lbs - 168.54 lbs)

(61 kg - 76.9 kg)

Okay. I need to lose 50 lbs to reach my optimum / recommended weight. I need hit 12 stone on the nose, or 167 lbs, or 76 kg. If we’re rounding up the over / under, then this is the target I should be striving for.

Yippee! I now have my ONLY goal which I’ll refer to as Goal #1 or My Only Goal. One goal at a time. I can’t shed 50 lbs in two weeks. That’s just silly. I’ll figure out a reasonable deadline to reach for later, but first…

- Some Interesting Facts About Your New, Favorite Author -

Andrew Mackay Esq, Ba (Hons), PGCE

Before I became a self-published Amazon best-selling author, I used to be a teacher. The stress alone would kill me. I hardly slept or had any time for myself. The kids’ behavior got worse by the year. I rarely ate at work, and when I did, it was intermittent and mostly unhealthy. I was angry, confused, upset, and well into depression. Who knows what might have happened if I continued?

Since gouging the metaphorical malignant tumor that is teaching out of my life back in the summer of 2016, I put on weight due to the sedentary lifestyle of a typical author. I use my car a lot more, for one thing. After a number of best-sellers, the money was mostly spent on takeout food of some description. I love food and so does my wife. To protect her anonymity, I’ll refer to her as Amelia.

Our relationship is somewhat based on food - or at least it feels that way, sometimes.

She and I love it all - McDonald’s, KFC, Doner Kebabs (US version: Giros), French Fries, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Thai… I mean, the list goes on. Not that I kept a tally, but if I’m being brutally honest, I’d guesstimate that two out of every ten dinners we have eaten in our mid-to-late twenties and thirties has been takeout. Lots of Diet Soda (or variants) too.

It’s a small miracle that I haven’t developed an illness, gangrene, or gone blind by now at the tender age of forty. On that last point about blindness, I do wear spectacles, but it’s more for eyesight preservation because (shock, horror!) as an author, I’m at my computer screen more often than I’m not.

I also smoke approximately one pack of cigarettes a day, which - I gather - will actually help matters. They’re an appetite-suppressor. For Heaven’s sake, do not start smoking. I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve done in my life but taking up smoking was the worst decision ever. In any event, now isn’t the time to quit. Not yet, anyway.

There is a small history of Type 2 diabetes in my family. I refuse to let this happen to me. Obesity aside I’m in reasonably good health. I’m not on any medication of any kind. I think I have a shot at shedding the pounds. Unfortunately, I also have breasts (I’ll use the spoonerism Titch Bits for this) which is great if you’re a cross-dresser or juggling drag queen act, but not if you’re trying to achieve the unachievable levels of Adonis-properties I desire this week.

It’s nice to meet you, too, by the way.

Who This Book is For.

It’s really hard to tell right now. You see, I devised this plan today (Saturday, June 22nd) to lose weight. I just started typing an hour ago. I haven’t quite thought this through, if I’m honest. What I do know is that if I burn more calories than I take in then I’ll lose weight. That’s about as mathematical and scientific as these diaries will get.

Absolutely none of this was in my mind when I woke up this morning. None of it. The idea for this dangerous adventure popped into my head about three hours ago. It was an impulsive decision. My life is ruled by impulse decisions. I live in Chrome Valley, UK, and the decision to move here from London was impulsive. Quitting teaching was, essentially, an impulsive act. I met Amelia outside the college building one night by accident, and our first ever date was impulsive. Most of our decisions are. Also, we’re waiting for news of our impending house move. The decision to sell up and move was impulsive, too. My decisions always will be, and don’t get me started on last-minute decisions when I’m writing fiction. They’re some of the best storytelling decisions I‘ve ever made.

Much like you, I suspect, I’m not good at planning ahead or being organized. But I am ruthlessly determined and on first-name terms with my will power.

And so, without further delay, this book is for:

1: Serious weight-loss wannabes who have tried absolutely everything else and failed.

2: Someone hungry (sorry) for a no-holds-barred and unflinching account of a near-insane author putting his body and mind through the mincer - all without medical advice or supervision. Honestly, this idea is so stupid and dangerous, of that I am well aware, thanks. But I want to start now and not in another two months’ time before I can get an appointment with my GP on the already-stretched NHS and gorge fifty-eight more half-pounders with bacon and cheese in the interim.

3: Someone who understands humor and a joke when they see it, doesn’t take everything they read too literally, and does not trigger easily. I’m sure the topics of fat shaming, eating disorders, and other controversial themes will rear their heads at some point. Despite the inevitable use of PG-rated curse words, there will be jokes that