#Dare – to Change: Unstick Yourself

By Angie Tenace and Tanya Thistleton

Are you sick of your job? Desperate to leave a toxic relationship? Just received bad news? Or lost a loved one? Often we stay stuck in a bad situation because you we are afraid of change. Well, you don’t need to be scared anymore.

#Dare – to change, provides easy to understand information about change, to make you aware of what to expect on the rocky road of change. It also shows you how to stop limiting self beliefs, mindsets and behaviours, how to reorient ourselves with new habits, and how to successfully navigate ourselves through difficult transitions.

With concrete examples of how to unstick yourself from life’s challenges such as unrelenting self-talk, the book guides you through awareness and support strategies, and offers practical ways to align your values, purpose and goals to the type of change that you are seeking to make. It provides easy to understand theory so you are aware of what to expect on the rocky road of change.

Learn how to:

Recognise unhelpful thoughts and beliefs that are sticking you to your current life – what to do when you experience set-backs and how to stick to your change.

Break habits with the SOS technique and build resilience with the 1-2-3 model.

Help others to practise awareness and presence to manage their change challenges.

Make a change that sticks like glue to paper.

Read it now to make change easier for you. Do it. Now.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tanya Thistleton
• Release date: Dec 11, 2019

Book preview

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Introduction

Hello, and welcome.

If you’ve read our previous book #Dare – to be you, we hope you enjoyed it, if you haven’t, don’t worry, these books don’t have to be read in order. But, you may find it helpful as you embark on the rocky road of change.

Anyway, enough background babbling, let’s get to the nitty gritty. We can hear you ask the question already. Why read this book? What can it offer to you? Do you really need to change? And what does it mean to change? Isn’t it too hard to change? There are probably more – but you get the idea.

Loads of very valid questions.

Let us start with the ‘do you really need to change question first.’

Most people, not everyone, but most, have at least one, if not several areas in their lives they would like to change. There’s the ‘change my weight’, ‘change my job’, ‘change my diet,’ ‘change my exercise routine,’ and so on.

And yet, many of us struggle to start, let alone stick with any steps, small or large, of making a change.

Change seems to imply something big, something unachievable, something you only talk about and never do. Negative self talk, and negative talk from others, are the most limiting factors.

Yet, change is important to all of us, and often we do make changes without realising it. We live in a changing world. It is not only about keeping up with the change, it’s about becoming the person we want to be, have the job we want to have, and live the life we want to live.

This book is written in easy to understand language, equipping you with simple steps to start change today.

Need more convincing?

Okay, think of stagnant water in a pond. If it stays exactly the way it is, day in day out, no rain falling on it, no air being breathed into it, no life stirring up the bottom, it becomes foul and starts to smell. It no longer is a healthy water way, but an unhealthy, unproductive one.

You don’t want your life to be like that.

So, to stop you from becoming the foul pond, let’s look together at the concept of change, and how you take control of it, to make sure you change things you want to change, at your pace, to make sure the change is a long term change, not a short term one.

Read on.

1

Change

‘Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be.’ – John Wooden

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What is Change?

Good question.

Change is a word, or concept many people find frightening? Why? Possibly because it is a little misunderstood. People hear ‘you’ve got to change...’ and instantly fear of failure takes hold. And it’s easy to see why.

‘I can’t change,’ is the immediate, mostly non verbal response. It’s too hard. Hundreds of thoughts of why change is not possible push into the mind, and based on those false, misleading thoughts, people either give up, start and fail shortly thereafter, or cogitate about making change.

There are many who can’t see the point of change. Let’s face it, they’ve been going along quite nicely just the way things are. So what, if they are fatigued at the end of the day, possibly drink a little too much, and reach for the chocolate when the going gets tough. What’s the point of living if you cannot even enjoy an over indulgence in chocolate?

Valid points, valid points. Yet, that kind of attitude can be attributed to fear of failure (more on that a little later), and those nasty thoughts and pre-conceived ideas floating around your head like annoying flies around a dead carcass.

Not to mention the fact, many are afraid to change for fear of the unknown. We stay in dead end jobs that make us miserable because we are afraid of what we don’t know. A bit like the saying, ‘better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t.’ Things could be worse after the change instead of better. Again, valid counter arguments your head will mount to stop you from changing or making things different.

Don’t worry, in time you’ll learn which thoughts to listen to and which not.

Some of you might even have tried to change and found it impossible. Fear of failure holds many back. Fact of life is, we don’t like to fail. It sets us back and stops us from trying again. Failure is seen as, well, a bad thing. We don’t take it as a learning experience. Instead, we consider it a fault, something to be avoided at all costs, even if it means we don’t try a new challenge, new job, or new way to look at life.

Then there’s motivation. Many of us aren’t motivated enough to put the work into change. Why should we? Life’s okay without change. Hundreds of reasons are given why change is not needed, reasons that examined microscopically may not be very valid. And yet, if the motivation is not there, change is going to be difficult.

Perhaps before we delve deeply into the whole concept of change, let’s start with the basic. Let’s look at the definition of the word. Why? By defining the word, we take the scary factor out of it; sometimes. Defining, demystifies.

Change can be both a verb and a noun, and, according to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word change can be traced back all the way to c.1200, referring to ‘to alter,’ ‘make different.’ And as early as c.1300 it meant ‘to substitute one for another’, and in late c1300 it became ‘to become different, be altered,’ from the latin cambiare ‘to barter, or exchange.’

What does all this mean?

It means, there are different ways to look at change. If the idea of change is too intimidating, you could think of it in terms of altering, making different. Often, people associate change with a complete make over, too many things need to be done, therefore it becomes unachievable.

If you break it down, think of it as making something, namely yourself, different, it takes the big picture image out of the concept. Big picture, or big change, can be the most intimidating factor about trying to change. People assume they have to go from a to z in one giant leap.

Think about a person who needs, or wants, to lose twenty kilos. A sure way to fail is to only have the one big goal, namely ‘I want to lose twenty kilos.’ The change in such a case is huge. However, as you will discover later, the way to start would be to make this your end goal, and then start on a much smaller change. Depending on individual circumstance the first change to make the weight loss possible might be to park the car further from