#Dare to – not parent: Staying Sane During Insane Times

By Angie Tenace and Tanya Thistleton

Are you a parent ready to throttle the goldfish (which you don’t own)?

Then this book is for you. It’s a wisdom filled support guide for parents or carers seeking simple and practical advice to raise healthy children of all ages.

It has been described as an ‘inspiring book for parents that reminds everyone of so many things they care about, but have simply forgotten.’

Get help to reset your day with plenty of insights based on research from global experts, as well as over One Hundred play ideas to get the FUN back into your life.

Backed by science, this book also offers mindfulness meditations to help you and your children grow self-compassion and emotional regulation, two key qualities that can create greater ease during difficult times and slow us down to nurture both ourselves and the people we love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tanya Thistleton
• Release date: Sep 1, 2020

Book preview

#dare to – not parent

Staying Sane During Insane Times

Angie Tenace

Tanya Thistleton

Copyright © 2020 by Angie Tenace and Tanya Thistleton

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

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Contents

Foreword by Dr Kate Reid, Clinical Psychologist

Introduction

1. What if kids were in charge?

2. Being Aware

3. Letting go

4. Know your child

5. What does your child like to do

6. No one shoe fits all

7. The greatest gift

8. Focus on what you have

9. Give up social media to playing games with your kids

10. Lead by example

11. How to not drive each other insane while stuck at home

12. Putting ideas into action

13. Lighten Up

14. Mindfulness

Final Words

Ideas for fun things to do with your kids

Reference List

Acknowledgments

About Angie Tenace

About Tanya Thistleton

Also by Angie Tenace and Tanya Thistleton

Foreword by Dr Kate Reid, Clinical Psychologist

As a Clinical Psychologist, I have noticed that many individuals and families are experiencing additional stress, anxiety, and loneliness while living through lockdown due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. This provides us with both the challenge and the opportunity to do things a bit differently. We are all becoming more aware that we need to take more care of our mental health, and to promote emotional wellbeing in our families and the people around us.

The organisation RuOK recently revealed that 60% of Australians say they are lonely, which is a huge concern for our collective wellbeing. Both of these epidemics present a call to action for families, friends, and colleagues to be better connected to each other and to nurture their relationship with themselves and others.

‘#Dare to – Not Parent’ is a wisdom-filled support guide for parents or carers who are seeking simple and practical ways to grow healthy children of all ages, particularly during challenging times like these. It is the perfect time to have this type of handbook at your fingertips, with over 100 play ideas and games that you can use with children of any age!

I love the way Angie and Tanya weave their light-hearted perspectives into the tapestry of this book. I’m personally grateful for the reminder to ‘not’ take myself so seriously; to find greater ease in self-compassion; and to hold myself lightly on this journey of growing a healthy family. There’s even insight into tricky situations and a long list of references for more specific needs that children may have.

The mindful parenting strategies and meditations are inspired by a depth of research and review of world leaders in this field. This book is a must-have addition to your library and a compelling support tool for all families.

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Dr Kate Reid MAPS, FCCLP, Clinical Child Adolescent & Family Psychologist and Director, Sevens Creek Psychology

Introduction

Where to start?

Hundreds, no, thousands of thoughts are racing through our head as we gather our combined information to put together a book for every parent to turn to during these challenging times.

What a year 2020 has turned out to be so far. Full of tragedy, sadness, and disaster.

At least, so it seems.

During these stressful times, it can be easy to drown in the negative news bombarded at us through every social media channel, not to mention news channel.

Many parents have been in lockdown, are coming out of it, or going back into one.

Many are tearing their hair out, wondering how the heck they're going to get through the year.

Let us assure you, you and your kids will come out of this as better individuals.

We decided to write this book to offer guidance, positivity, and fun activities for you to do with your kids to help you – not to parent.

This may sound utterly counterintuitive to you.

After all, for years you've been reading about parenting children.

Well, we want to challenge this concept and offer you a different way of helping your kids and yourself through this time.

How is this possible you ask, not to parent a child?

It is when you let go of preconceived ideas and beliefs to embrace new ones.

To let go or let be or let in, can create ease in your life and nurture your most treasured relationships.

Please take a look at your kids and notice how wonderful they are. Think of them as clay that needs moulding into shape, not steel you have to hammer into shape with force and determination.

Ready to join us?

Well, let's go and explore the idea of – not to parent.

Before we go, here's a quick note on the book. We've tried to write it so you can turn to the chapter that appeals to you most. We accept everyone reads things differently. And, if you're not keen on starting at chapter 1 and going through to chapter 14, you don't have to. Flick to the part in the book that speaks to you first.

Follow your intuition.

Be kind, compassionate, loving, and caring.

Happy reading.

1

What if kids were in charge?

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. –Dr. Seuss

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Children

Children are awesome.

They’re a bundle of energy, enthusiasm, and enspiration (yeah, we know it’s spelled inspiration).

Despite their abundance of positive characteristics, we adults can hinder these unique qualities children bring with them.

How often do we tell kids, ‘not now,’ ‘can you keep the noise down,’ ‘that’s silly,’ ‘that’s never going to work,’ ‘no,’ and so on? Probably too many times. Instead of listening, really listening, and doing what they suggest and or leave them to do as they suggest.

Instead of monitoring, ensuring there’s an element of safety in whatever it is they want to do, adults tend to dictate. Most situations are approached with the ‘we know best,’ attitude, born out of the idea that as parents, or adults, we bring experience to life.

This, of course, can be true in many instances; however, in others, we simply hold children back.

As adults, we tend to think our job is to ensure our children grow up the way we want them to. During stressful times this can be exacerbated like a hundred times (nothing wrong with a little exaggeration to get the point across). We know it’s not that bad, but to kids, it can feel like that, particularly younger children who see the world differently to us.

While human beings have come a long way to learn more about what makes children tick and how they should be treated, we could do more. How? By learning to let go of our preconceived ideas.

Parents continue to see children as things that need to be moulded into shape (or, in some cases whacked, for which we have zero tolerance), when the opposite is true.

Adults want to fill children with their interests, beliefs, and ideals instead of watching them grow into full bloom with gentle guidance from the sideline.

Confused as to how to do this? Read on.

Often children’s ideas are stifled, chopped off, or worse dismissed as silly. Our fears, worries, and anxieties about an uncertain future, for example, can manifest as parenting scenarios into the future. We’re too busy ‘preparing’ them for when they’re adults, leaving them and us missing out on being kids and living in the here and now.

To children, what matters is the ‘here and now,’ at least younger children. Even older kids should focus on the moment, not the future. The future will happen regardless of what we do. We cannot change the future. Before we share what we can change, let’s take this moment to share with you that being in the ‘here and now’ is a skill that everyone can access and train for, either through mindfulness techniques or any type of movement or sport where present moment awareness keeps you in the game.

What we can change is how we spend time with our kids. We can stop worrying about things we can’t control and start doing things we can control. We can stop being adults for five minutes, ten minutes, or an hour to get on our kids’ level and play with them.

We can listen to our children, talk to them, and find out what they want to do.

Many of us are stuck at home right now, tearing our hair out